Duel with the Dark Side!

Knights of the Old Republic #32–35: Vindication

Author: John Jackson Miller

Artist: Brian Ching (issues 32, 34-35), Bong Dazo (issue 33)

Medium: Comic

Publication Date: August – November 2008

Timeline Placement: 3,963 BBY (with flashbacks to 4,006, 3,996, and 3,969 BBY)

Series: Knights of the Old Republic

We open with Xamar taking Zayne and Gryph to the Draay Estate. Malak, Shel, and Jedi Masters Vandar and Vrook don’t appear in this comic at all, so despite Turnabout‘s cliffhanger ending I guess they all had something better to do during the final confrontation (note: according to Wookieepedia Vrook does appear in issue 33 but he’s drawn so horribly I can’t tell if it’s really supposed to be him or not). Zayne’s wearing red contact lenses and a perfect replica of the Muur Talisman, hollowed out to conceal his lightsaber. It’s pretty lucky they just had one of those lying around and were able to get it on such short notice. Maybe they just 3D-printed it.

Possibly Vrook Lamar, or a time-displaced Doc Brown.

Xamar has cut a deal with the Jedi to spare Krynda Draay’s life. Once she comes down to see Zayne, Xamar will take her outside outside while a Jedi SWAT team swoops down on the compound and arrests everyone else in the Covenant. Things don’t go according to plan, however, as Lucien Draay refuses to let Zayne near his mother and wants to cut him down right in the foyer. He is prevented by Haazen, the Draays’ butler, who I think I’ve mentioned like once before in these reviews but has remained a steady minor presence throughout the comics.

Haazen, too, refuses to disturb Krynda, so Xamar’s like “BRB, gotta pick up some more Sith artifacts I found on their ship that I forgot about until just this second.” While he goes to open the door for the Jedi, Haazen investigates the alleged Sith of the Jedi Covenant’s prophecy. He explains that Zayne has a unique and unconscious Force ability: sudden reversals of fortune. I guess that explains how he’s survived everything in this series so far. Haazen tears the false talisman from Zayne’s throat, telling him that he knows he is no Sith. Lucien and Q’Anilia are dumbfounded.

Xamar has gotten the door open by now and outside the compound the Jedi are fighting Krynda’s Covenant guards. Haazen transmits a command to all agents of the Covenant across Coruscant, put in place through Lucien’s position on the Jedi Council, and sets them to work cutting all communications with the Jedi Temple and retrieving the Sith artifacts stored there. Once they have returned to defend the compound, Haazen will destroy the temple and the Jedi Council using the Republic fleet still stationed in orbit.

Lucien can’t believe his sketchy, evil-looking butler has betrayed him. He falls to his knees, lamenting this sudden reversal of fortune and protesting that he never wanted this to happen. “Of course you did,” says Haazen. “I’ve always given you what you wanted—and what you didn’t want, I made you want. Knighthood. The Covenant. The High Council. Even Q’Anilia—though that was more amusing than anything else.”

Haazen reveals that the military computer program controlling the fleet is actually owned by the Draay Trust, and using his robotic right arm he now orders it to open fire on the Jedi attacking the compound. Admiral Karath is unable to control his own ship’s systems (“How many ups and downs can one career have?” he grumbles) and the fleet obliterates everyone outside the Draay Estate, including Xamar.

Lucien, Zayne, and Gryph all simultaneously say, “Holy shit.” They turn around to find Haazen holding a red lightsaber and decked out in Sith battle armor and medallions. “Lucien—what’s going on?” asks Zayne. “Who is that guy?” “Haazen—my family steward,” says Lucien. “A retainer. A flunky. You two should have a lot in common—he’s a failure, too!”

We then jump 43 years into the past, when Haazen and Lucien’s parents, Barrison Draay and Krynda Hulis, were still apprentices on the planet Arkania, studying under Tales of the Jedi‘s very own Master Arca Jeth! We see that Haazen is an incompetent dweeb in perpetual pursuit of a Nautolan smuggler named Dossa, much as Zayne once Tom-and-Jerryed around with Gryph. The Haazen family has long served the aristocratic Draays, but when Barrison decided to forsake his wealth for a life of service, he was able to bribe the Jedi into accepting Haazen for training as well.

Lucien’s smoking hot mom has just returned from Ossus, where she interviewed with Master Vodo and will be going to study after the Knighting ceremony. That night, Arca Jeth confers Knighthood on both Krynda and Barrison, but calls Haazen an awkward loser who sucks at the Force. “Even a rich man may have merit—and even a poor man may fail.” I really like how, no matter who’s writing him, Master Arca is still a sanctimonious douche. Now that’s continuity.

It’s pretty clear that Haazen worships Barrison and has the hots for Krynda, so when Barrison finds him crying after the ceremony and explains that it wouldn’t have been right to use his money to influence the Jedi’s decision, Haazen takes a swing at him. “You wanted me in the Jedi—once. Until we met her. Well, I’m out of your way now! You bought your way into the Jedi—the same way you bought Krynda!” Barrison punches him in the face and tells him that out of gratitude to his parents he’ll find Haazen a servant job as his personal pilot “or something.” “Yes, milord . . .” says Haazen quietly.

Dude, that chick’s a MILF!

Ten years later, the Sith War is raging in full force and looks nothing like it did in the comic that was actually called The Sith War. I sure don’t remember armies of Jedi and Sith meeting in hand-to-hand combat on the battlefield. Exar Kun only had like a dozen dudes following him. But anyway, it’s the aftermath of the Battle of Toprawa and Barrison is busy striking heroic glory poses while Haazen has to pull the bodies of the dead out of the mud. All of a sudden who should appear but his former nemesis Dossa, now wearing Sith tattoos and brandishing what I assume is some shittily drawn Force lightning.

She tells Haazen that the war is nearly over but there’s a way he can return as the victorious hero for a change, if he’ll just tell her what his deepest heart’s desire is. “I—I want—” says Haazen, and lackluster as the art is there’s still a cool panel when he finally stops stammering and decides what he wants, and his body is drawn as an extension of the flames still burning on the battlefield, “—I want his life. All of it.” So they concoct a scheme.

Haazen leads Barrison and the other Jedi into a subterranean cavern, claiming to have found the location of the planet’s last Sith base. Then he runs on off ahead, yelling at Dossa to detonate the bomb. She doesn’t wait for him to get fully out of the way, however, and Haazen is caught in the explosion that kills all of the Jedi. He awakens to find himself a mangled amalgam of melted flesh and robotic parts grafted to Sith power-ups. One in particular, the Yoke of Seeming, clouds his intentions in the Living Force, explaining how he was able to live among the Jedi for decades without them sensing his true designs. To show his gratitude, Haazen crushes Dossa’s head with his robot hand and vows that he will yet achieve the life she promised him.

We jump forward yet again, “much of a lifetime later,” to maybe my favorite scene in the whole series. Krynda, now an old woman, sits on the balcony of the Draay Estate while Haazen hovers at her elbow, reporting on various Covenant activities. Krynda thanks him for his years of faithful service, admitting that she never could or would have come up with the idea of the Covenant without him. In turn, Haazen thanks her for taking him in after the war, despite the pain he caused her as a constant reminder of her husband.

“I—I think about that time more and more as the years go by, milady,” says Haazen, momentarily taken aback by her uncharacteristic openness. “Before, at the academy. Do you ever think about who I—who we were then?”

“You overstep yourself, Haazen,” Krynda replies coldly. “Who you were, what you did, what you wanted—is irrelevant. That person is dead, if he ever lived. And I—I only ever think of the future.” She turns away, leaving Haazen alone on the balcony.

“Yes, milady,” he says, “I have only ever thought of the future, too.”

Now that he finally knows who the main villain is after 33 issues, Lucien attacks Haazen but is repelled by the artifact on Haazen’s robotic right arm, the Gauntlet of Kressh the Younger, which we’ve actually heard of before. Just like Ludo Kressh intended when he created it for his son, the gauntlet prevents its wearer from being harmed or touched unless the wearer wills it.

A bunch of Jedi burst in through the window and are like “You’re under arrest!” but Haazen just Force lightnings them all to death. Since we just saw him flunk out of Jedi High, I assume the reason he’s now such a badass is some amplifying effect of all the talismans, amulets, and relics he’s got strapped to his body. Which is a pretty good strategy when you think about it. Emperor Palpatine should have just done that.

Haazen goes into monologue mode, explaining to Zayne and Lucien that he is neither Jedi nor Sith, but he plans to use the two of them to train armies of both that he will command. He reveals that Krynda’s “Prophecy of the Five” has at last come to pass, marking the day of his ascension. The prophecy, if you remember, goes like this:

And in the time of tribulation to come, there will be five.

One for the darkness, and one for the light.

Another from the darkness stands in the light, while one from the light stands in the darkness.

The last one stands apart from all.

And between them, all that has been built will fall.

With the patience of an Internet fan theoretician, Haazen explains what this means. Lucien is the one for the darkness, because he was a willing patsy in Haazen’s scheme (and also maybe because he’s an unrepentant murderer). Zayne is the one for the light, because he’s just a nice guy. Gryph is the one from the darkness who stands in the light, because he was a petty criminal but then he became Zayne’s friend. Q’Anilia is the one from the light who stands in the darkness, because she’s a Jedi but also blind. And Haazen stands apart from all because he thinks it sounds the coolest.

I told you this wasn’t going to pay off.

Then the dumbest line in the series is said: “I am Haazen, dutiful retainer to Krynda’s Jedi Covenant. And I am also—were I to take a name like the Sith of old—Darth Hayze, for the clouds of deception I have created.”

Darth Hayze

Haazen then offers Lucien this only slightly less embarrassing choice: “You shall be . . . what? Something for the illusions under which you have lived. Darth Luzion, perhaps. Darth Sion?”

Which brings me to another point. I remember fan reactions to this series as it was coming out, and no small part of the discussion revolved around which characters from the comics were secretly which characters from the games. Is Alek going to be Darth Malak? Is the Revanchist going to be Darth Revan? Is Zayne going to be Darth Nihilus? Is Krynda going to be Kreia? Is Lucien going to be Darth Sion? There was a line in an earlier comic where someone called Lucien “the scion of an important family,” which could have been an unintentional connection, but here Lucien is offered the name “Darth Sion” directly. Then later in the comic Lucien says, “I saw a river leading to a dark world where I might embrace my destiny—as a Lord of Pain.” (“Lord of Pain,” as everyone who’s played Knights of the Old Republic II knows, is the name of Darth Sion’s metal band.)

And let’s not even speak of the fact that Knights of the Old Republic Campaign Guide, co-written by the same author and published two months earlier, had already retconned Sion to be like some 70-year-old dude who fought for Exar Kun during the Great Sith War, which was where he learned his trademark ability of not being able to die. This makes absolutely no sense based on what’s established about him in KotOR II, which suggests that he and Darth Nihilus only learned their ridiculously OP abilities (immortality and planet-eating, respectively) by studying at the Trayus Academy, a forgotten learning center of the ancient Sith Empire. What was the point of teasing that Lucien might become Darth Sion, then ruling out that theory in the same story? They have absolutely nothing to do with one another.

Darth Hayze

So anyway Q’Anilia, in a desperate attempt to remind readers that she’s still a character, runs up to Krynda’s chambers but finds her already dead inside a glass coffin. She claims that her vision has come true and Zayne has killed them all, but Gryph helpfully explains that he was actually responsible for Raana Tey’s and Feln’s deaths. He starts to claim Xamar’s too before Q’Anilia interrupts him, which is a good thing because he had nothing to do with that. Q’Anilia brings up the red spacesuit that their prophesied mystery villain wore in the vision, but Gryph tells her that half the cast has worn that costume by now and trying to divine the killer’s identity based on that clue was not too swift. Q’Anilia OD’s on pills and dies.

Gryph realizes that the glass coffin is actually another Sith oubliette like the one they found on Jebble, and Krynda is still alive. Poison, I see, hath been Q’Anilia’s timeless end. Gryph wakes Krynda up and helps her get downstairs. She scolds her son for disobeying her order not to kill the Padawans and generally being a dick. Lucien’s like “Drop dead, Mom!” and she does.

Lucien blames Gryph for his mother’s death and starts chasing him around with a lightsaber, but Zayne intervenes, telling his former teacher to take control of his life and stop playing the part his mother and Haazen have chosen for him. “Fine. Go ahead! Kill Gryph, kill me—kill everybody! Become Darth Whatever! Be someone else’s pawn! You’ve done it all your life—it’s what you’re best at!” So they concoct a scheme.

Haazen has gone outside to watch the Republic fleet continue to rain fire on Coruscant. Zayne and Lucien come running out and Lucien is apparently killed when a statue of his father falls over on him. Haazen allows Zayne to approach him, telling him that the system has failed them both, but together they will create a new one. Zayne kneels before the dark mirror-version of himself but suddenly claims to be having a vision of the future. Haazen is delighted and asks what he sees.

“You’re not in it,” says Zayne, and cuts off Haazen’s robotic right arm.

Darth Hayze

Zayne tosses the severed arm, along with the Gauntlet of Kressh the Younger, over to Lucien, who explains his survival by revealing that his father would never hurt him (what?). Lucien telekinetically flings Zayne and Gryph like a mile into the distance, then uses the control panel in Haazen’s arm to redirect the fleet’s targeting coordinates . . . onto the Draay Estate,

Famous Last Words: “The control device! No! I don’t have the Kressh Gauntlet! Don’t do it, Lucien! Don’t do it! NOOOOOOO!” – Haazen

Days later, Admiral Karath addresses the Coruscanti populace to take the credit for foiling a Mandalorian attack on the capital that tragically saw the loss of the Draay family. All of our characters are getting ready to move on with their lives. Alek is protesting the war by making everyone continue to call him Malak. Rohlan is continuing his search for some nebulous truth, and Jarael is going with him because she feels bad for him or something. Gryph and Slyssk are getting ready to con some new marks. The Moomos’ professional reputation has soared to new heights after bringing in the infamous Taris Padawan Killer. Elbee hasn’t appeared in about 15 issues and is probably dead. And Zayne, now cleared of all charges, has formally resigned from the Jedi Order and is going into business with his best friend, Gryph. It’s like high school graduation all over again!

Elsewhere in the galaxy, Lucien has survived the destruction of his estate thanks to the Sith gauntlet. Apparently the orbital bombardment only made him go blind somehow. He has restarted the Covenant on an unknown world, hidden from the affairs of the broader galaxy. Rather than trying to prevent the future, the new Covenant’s mission is . . . I’m not exactly sure. Just to hang out and do their own thing, I guess.

“We are few, but the Jedi ways will go on after the tribulations come,” muses Lucien’s internal monologue. “I know this—because I am the son of Krynda and Barrison Draay—and at last, I can see my future.”

The irony!

Next time, on Knights of the Old Republic: A NEW ERA BEGINS!

Meditations

This is a pretty great conclusion to the first 70% of the KotOR comic. Some parts feel a little perfunctory, like Xamar, Q’Anilia, Krynda, and Haazen all being killed off within about a page of one another, but Q’Anilia was barely even a character and Krynda had only been glimpsed in flashbacks before so it’s not like I’m upset about it. It’s funny, but despite all the time we’ve spent on this story and all the colorful characters we’ve met along the way, Vindication almost feels like a premature conclusion somehow. Maybe the pointless subplots about space slugs, zombies, and interstellar banking have something to do with that.

I’ve said before that I don’t care for Brian Ching’s art, but there really isn’t anything wrong with it when everyone’s not scowling all the time. The contrast between the first, third, and fourth issues and Bong Dazo’s work on the second makes it abundantly clear how good we still have it, even without Dustin Weaver. So flashback issue aside, no complaints in the art department.

This series has frequently utilized flashbacks as a narrative tool throughout its run so far, but devoting an entire issue to Haazen’s back story, let alone doing it within the structure of the first major story arc’s conclusion, feels rather braazen. Miller is mostly able to pull it off, but it’s kind of strange how weaselly and unlikable Haazen is in these flashbacks. You think he’s going to be a sympathetic figure who fell through the cracks in the Jedi’s system, just like Zayne and Ulic Qel-Droma, but mostly he’s just a pathetic loser. I’m not sure if that was the intention, because you do feel bad for him even though he’s a creep, but at the same time you’re sympathizing with him you still dislike him. Could this be nuanced characterization? In a Star Wars comic?

The fact that Haazen was such a minor character until now also works in favor of his late-game back story. He’s not some all-powerful, endgame, final-boss archetype whose villainy needs to be set up years in advance. He’s just a guy who caught a few rough breaks and didn’t deal with them in the most healthy manner and spent the rest of his life being friendzoned by the girl he liked in high school. He’d be a tragic figure if he weren’t such a prick.

Lucien, on the other hand, has been the central recurring antagonist for the series so far, but a sudden reversal of fortune sees him making an about-face at the last second and allying with Zayne, in the process achieving some measure of redemption. I’m not sure I completely buy how Lucien gets to where he is at the end. Haazen may have wanted to take over the galaxy and kill a bunch of people, but the things we actually see Lucien do are a lot more heinous than Haazen’s ill-fated chessmaster gambit.

I understand that Lucien only killed the Padawans because he wanted to save his mommy from dying like she did in the Covenant’s vision, but he could have been a little remorseful about it. He’s the only antagonist who walks away from the final confrontation, and he’s also the only one whose certainty in his own righteousness never wavered. For the whole series, he really, really wanted to murder Zayne; not just because of the prophecy, but because he really, really hated Zayne. Lucien could have been shown to be more conflicted as we went along, but at the same time that also might have weakened his character. Lucien’s interesting because he’s an unrepentant douchebag; it’s just that same trait that makes his redemption a little hard to swallow.

There’s a lot more to talk about in this comic but I feel like I’ve done it a disservice by talking about it at such length already. Highly recommended installment, a worthwhile follow-up to Flashpoint, Homecoming, Days of Fear, and Knights of Suffering.

4.5/5 Darth Hayzes.

Turnabout Intruder

Knights of the Old Republic #31: Turnabout

Author: John Jackson Miller

Artist: Alan Robinson

Medium: Comic

Publication Date: July 2008

Timeline Placement: 3,963 BBY

Series: Knights of the Old Republic

This single-issue comic opens with Lucien taking up residence in his new office in the Jedi Temple. Despite his success, he is plagued by a sense of  lack and inadequacy. He looks at a painting of his father, Barrison Draay, as a young man. Barrison was a great Jedi Knight who was killed during the Sith War 33 years ago, when Lucien was just a child. Lucien admits to himself that his father should be the one standing in this office today, instead of him.

After this scene, I was hoping that this issue was going to end up being a sequel to Homecoming, but what it actually is is pretty decent too, I guess.

Across town, Jedi Masters Ed Asner and Fake Yoda head down to the entertainment district to meet a mysterious informant called “Captain Malak.”

Oh god damn it.

Surprise, it’s Alek and Shel! Master Asner comically can’t pronounce Alek’s last name, which I’m not sure actually works as a joke because unless I’m mistaken we’ve never heard it before and can’t appreciate how difficult it is to say. The correct name isn’t even stated in this scene. His full name is Alek Squinquargesimus, except not really, because as “Captain Malak” explains, the people of Quelii don’t have surnames, they’re just identified by the name of their village. This explains Alek’s nickname “Squint” and why he previously called his last name “a mouthful”! This explains everything! I don’t care!

There’s more KotOR retcon wankery coming down the pipeline, but this, Alek’s final transition from Squint to Malak, seems as good a place as any to lay out some of the grievances I’ve had with Revan and Malak’s role in this series from the start. Let’s start with the fact that their names aren’t even Revan and Malak.

Like the classic Star Wars film trilogy, the 2003 videogame Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic begins in medias res, with the player character waking up in the middle of a galactic war and piecing together the back story of the conflict as he or she goes. And the two names most central to that back story that you hear over and over again are the Jedi Knights Revan and Malak. Everyone in the game who talks about them, including their Jedi teachers and people who knew them from before and during the Mandalorian Wars, calls them Revan and Malak. It’s pretty clear that that was actually what they were named, and then when they turned to the dark side and became Sith Lords they just prepended “Darth” to both their names.

In the spinoff comics that are supposed to fill in more of that back story, though, their birth names are Alek Squinquargesimus and [REDACTED]. “Revan” comes from an abbreviation of his public nom de guerre, the Revanchist, and “Malak” is . . . I guess just a more evil-sounding version of Alek’s name? I have no idea why John Jackson Miller added this wrinkle to the game’s background, other than to prevent readers from immediately knowing the characters’ identities when they first appeared in the comic. But Malak’s nickname and lack of baldness and everyone’s refusal to refer to Revan by name should have covered that. It’s not strictly a contradiction, but it was completely unnecessary and seems to work at cross-purposes with the comics’ status as ancillary material to the game.

There’s also the matter of Revan and Malak’s relationship. The games make it clear that the two of them were peers; they went to Jedi school together and while Revan was always the leader, it was their close personal friendship that drove Malak to support his cause and follow him to war, not some formal allegiance. In his very first appearance in the comic, however, Malak identifies Revan as his “Master,” and even personally addresses him as such later on.

Revan calls Malak and the other Revanchist Jedi mere “learners” and seems to be more of a peer to Lucien Draay and the other Jedi Masters. Rather than being of a similar age, Revan comes across as somewhat older and higher-ranking than Malak, which doesn’t really jive with the games’ description of them as two young Knights who basically co-founded the Jedi war effort against the Mandalorians. The first game even states that the two of them battled for supremacy after they became Sith Lords, and it was only Revan’s victory that relegated Malak to the position of apprentice.

I also take issue with Alek/Malak’s physical appearance in the comics—yes, I’m really complaining about this. Not the fact that he starts off with hair or anything like that, but that he’s consistently drawn way too short. In the videogame, he looms over all the other characters. Every time you encounter him, he is presented as a formidable force to overcome, the Goliath to your character’s David. He commands a vast martial empire, has access to all the destructive powers of the dark side, and looks like he can easily kick your ass in a punching contest to boot. The old Databank feature on StarWars.com gave his official height as two meters, or over six and a half feet. Which still seems too short for how he appears in the game, but is at least better than the comic, where Alek is six-foot at best. He’s a decently sized bro, but there’s nothing physically memorable or remarkable about him.

KotOR writer John Jackson Miller was actually asked about this discrepancy by fans. “I think there’s some allowances for format,” he said. “He’s video-game-boss big.” This strikes me as needlessly reductive and dismissive and actually kind of pisses me off, but despite all these issues, Miller’s adherence to continuity was still practically second to none, especially in the EU’s twilight years when the Lucasfilm editors stopped pretending to do their job and canon became a Wild West free-for-all. Nevertheless, as enjoyable as this series is, it is to Knights of the Old Republic as the broader EU is to the movies: secondary material. I just wish it had followed its source more faithfully, because these games mean a great deal to me.

Oh, I guess I have to finish talking about this comic now. Admiral Karath’s fleet recognizes the Moomo Williwaw as it approaches Coruscant and a starfighter squadron led by Carth Onasi flies out to bring them in, so Jarael and the others draw the fleet’s attention by crashing the Williwaw in the docking bay of Karath’s flagship and Zayne, Gryph, and Slyssk steal a cargo hauler from the hangar and make a break for it, and I guess somehow no one noticed. Gryph gives Slyssk some money to go calm his nerves at a brothel “hotel” and they prepare to rendezvous with Alek and Shel to hand over their evidence against the Covenant, but Xamar had already snuck aboard their ship at some point before they stole it. He brings them to Ed Asner and Fake Yoda at lightsaber-point and declares that what happens next depends on what kind of deal he gets. TO BE CONTINUED…!

Meditations

This is mostly just buildup to the conclusion of the Covenant arc in the next story but despite my tangential bitching above, there’s some good stuff here. It’s nice to see Carth again and it’s cool to get a little sequence of Masters Vrook and Vandar actually out doing Jedi stuff instead of sitting around in the Council chamber complaining all day. Xamar’s and Lucien’s developing character arcs continue to make them the most interesting antagonists in the cast, and the Moomo Williwaw‘s kerfuffle with the Republic fleet is a fun little action sequence.

Also in one scene Rohlan says to Zayne, “The gambit has failed, human! We should do whatever we must to escape!” Gee, that’s funny; I thought Rohlan was human. Weird that Zayne doesn’t notice that little snafu. He does notice that Rohlan is acting conspicuously out of character, though. And how come he’s never taken off his helmet since Flashpoint? You don’t think there could be something a little suspect going on here . . . do you?

3/5 Death Stars.

Les Jedi Misérables

Knights of the Old Republic #29–30: Exalted

Author: John Jackson Miller

Artist: Bong Dazo

Medium: Comic

Publication Date: May – June 2008

Timeline Placement: 3,963 BBY

Series: Knights of the Old Republic

Zayne and the crew of the Moomo Williwaw arrive on the planet Odryn, adopted homeworld of the Feeorin, species of Feln, member of the Jedi Covenant, perpetrators of the Padawan Massacre of Taris. Donning whiteface and a crop top, Jarael impersonates a Celeste Morne cosplayer so the Feeorins will allow her into the Sanctum of the Exalted, their people’s holiest shrine, where they believe the spirits of their ancestors go to create the seasons. The Exalted is the title of the Feeorins’ king, the oldest and strongest member of their race. The current Exalted is Feln himself, which is how he’s been able to turn the Sanctum into a repository for the Sith artifacts collected by the Covenant’s agents. 

Jarael kicks one of the Feeorins in the balls, because that’s always fun, then has the Moomo brothers carry a large suitcase up to the Sanctum for her. Once they’re safe from prying alien eyes, then open the suitcase to reveal that they’ve smuggled in Zayne and Gryph in their laundry hamper. Jarael recaps what she was up to during her absence from the previous comic, cattily remarking that Shel, Zayne’s other prospective love interest, seems “nice.”

No one cares about that, though, so Zayne uses the key Celeste gave him to open the doors of the Sanctum, revealing the warehouse from the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. Thousands of Sith weapons, totems, and trinkets fill the room, encased in Gloopstik to preserve their collectors value. Jarael and the Moomos are like, “Well, seeya later,” and leave Zayne and Gryph behind to exhaustively catalog the Covenants’ collection with their Google Glass.

A day and a half later, they realize that they somehow didn’t notice that there’s a guy right in the next room doing science: “—to the attention of Haazen, on behalf of our Lady Krynda, the results from Session Nine-Four-Slash-Seven—testing of the Helm of Dathka Grausch [sic]. While no pernicious effects are observed when encased in grade three nullification resin—when released, the specimen projects D-class emanations through the Force, amplifying the wearer’s abilities on scales six and eight. Holocrons suggest the Helm strengthening the Sword of Ieldis, now quarantined by the Jedi Order on Coruscant. Ambient effects include atmospheric disturbances within radius of six kilometers of Site Odryn—” What a nerd!

Zayne decides they have enough evidence to expose the Covenant to the Jedi Council and they sneak out of the Sanctum, only to be immediately apprehended by a group of Feeorins. They are led by Borjak, the Feeorin elder who confronted Jarael earlier. His testicle retrieval operation has gone quite well, and now he wants answers. Why has Feln opened the Sanctum to outsiders when even the Feeorins themselves are not allowed to enter it? Zayne suggests that they team up to bring Feln to justice, but then the only cool panel in the story happens, because this art sucks.

Zayne and Gryph are taken prisoner—again—while Feln videoconferences with Lucien Draay. Lucien decides that Zayne must have killed Celeste, stolen her key, and been consumed by the evil of the Muur Talisman. He orders Feln to kill Zayne and, if necessary, destroy the Sanctum and all the evidence of their crimes therein. Borjak overhears this and is horrorstruck.

Then Haazen, whom you may remember from forever ago, hacks into the call and tells Feln that under no circumstances should he destroy that temple; their collection of Sith memorabilia is valued at over $40,000 in Beckett’s price guide. Tired of talking shop, Feln goes outside to bisect Zayne, but Borjak Horseman interjects that the Rime of the Ancient Feeorin prohibits the use of weapons against anyone who’s entered the Sanctum of the Exalted. Feln resigns himself to beating Zayne to death instead, but Zayne pulls his tentacle beard and runs away.

“What does your Rime Feeorin say about fighting dirty and running away?” asks Gryph.

“Nothing,” says Borjak.

Zayne leads Feln on a merry chase throughout the village, where Feln is confronted with the social and cultural decay his people have suffered as a result of the nearby repository of soul cancer. He finally catches Zayne and is about to step on him to death when he gets a call that the Moomo Williwaw is on its way back. Thinking they’ve come to raid the Sanctum, he bellows, “Not on my watch, do you hear me? Not on my watch!” and triggers the detonator.

The Sanctum of the Exalted explodes, but the evil artifacts inside it amplify the destruction, taking out most of the village. Horrified by what he’s done, Feln reaches for his lightsaber to revenge himself against Zayne, only to find that Gryph has lifted it off his spacehorse and replaced it with a small stick. Then Borjak and the other Feeorins gang up on him and stab him to death with knives.

Later that evening, Zayne and Gryph are lamenting the loss of their evidence against the Covenant, but Jarael reveals that Del and Dob Moomo hid several Sith artifacts in their hamper when they were in the Sanctum, so Zayne’s plan to bring legal action against a secret cabal operating inside an unaffiliated order of religious mystics is still on, I guess.

On Coruscant, Lucien, newly appointed to the Jedi Council, meets with Xamar and Q’Anilia to discuss the comic’s dwindling number of bad guys. Q’Anilia breaks down crying over how she wants to talk to Lucien’s mother and Xamar throws it in his face how stupid the whole let’s-murder-our-Padawans plan was from the beginning, so Lucien bitch slaps them both to the floor and informs them that he’s recruited Admiral Saul Karath to stop Zayne from landing on Coruscant. He appoints Xamar the Covenant’s liaison to the Republic Navy, which makes Xamar sad because in their apocalyptic vision he was killed by friendly fire while wearing a naval uniform. Q’Anilia pleads with him not to run towards his fate, but Xamar wonders if there is another way to go.

This story is definitely better than the last one, because it feels like an organic part of the series and not a tangent plotline forced in by editorial mandate. I wish the individual members of the Jedi Covenant had gotten more development before now, because aside from Lucien and maybe Raana Tey we hardly knew anything about them for most of this arc and now they’re starting to drop like flies. Feln’s comeuppance is a fitting one and narratively satisfying, but I imagine that it would have been even more so if we’d known anything at all about him as a character prior to the start of this chapter.

More interesting is the sudden development of Xamar. It started in Vector, with him passive-aggressively bitching out Lucien for prioritizing the murder of children over hunting for dangerous Sith artifacts, and ramps up in the final pages of this story with him questioning his whole part in this conspiracy. Xamar is reaching, but he falls, and the night is closing in as he stares into the void, to the whirlpool of his sin. He’ll escape now from that world, from the world of Xamar. Xamar is nothing now; another story must begin!

He’s still going to die, though.

3.5/5 Death Stars.

Vector Vol. 1: Knights of the Old Republic Vol. 5: Vector Chapter 1

Knights of the Old Republic #25–28: Vector

Author: John Jackson Miller

Artist: Scott Hepburn

Medium: Comic

Publication Date: January – May 2008

Timeline Placement: 3,963 BBY

Series: Knights of the Old Republic

When the first collected edition of this story arc is prefaced by a note from the editor of Dark Horse that begins, “Though it pains me to say it, I must admit that the story you’re about to read has its roots . . . in crass commercialism,” you know you’re in for a treat.

We open a month after the events of Knights of Suffering, with the remaining seers of the Jedi Covenant—Feln, Xamar, and Q’Anilia—having a vision of the galaxy in flames, overrun by an army of rakghouls. The rakghouls originated as an enemy type in the Knights of the Old Republic video game found exclusively in the Undercity on Taris, the game’s first major location. They were created by a virus that transformed NPCs into chthonic zombies and figured into a side quest where the player character could procure an antidote to the disease and either use it to help the impoverished Undercity residents or sell it to the highest bidder. Now in the comics we find out the disease was created by evil Sith magic or something.

Spectral visions of Zayne Carrick, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, and Cade Skywalker (Luke’s descendant from the comic Star Wars: Legacy) appear and inform the Jedi that the rakghoul outbreak is happening in each of their time periods. The art here is terrible, everyone has tiny pinheads and big bulky bodies and Darth Vader’s gauntlets look like claws. What a great way to chronologically introduce the definitive hero and villain of Star Wars into the saga.

Yes it does, Cade.

All of this chaos is presided over by an old guy that looks kind of like an elf but also kind of like a perverted old man. He’s wearing a bug-shaped necklace that the Jedi identify, after emerging from the vision, as the Muur Talisman, an ancient Sith amulet that went missing in the Taris Undercity millennia ago. Xamar had been on assignment hunting for it when he was pulled off to murder his apprentice, so he’s all like, “Real nice, guys, good call there.”

Fearing that Zayne will find the artifact and use it to unleash the rakghouls, the Covenant sends in one of their top agents, a Jedi Shadow named Celeste Morne. On her résumé she has listed “Destroyed the last copy of the Epistle of Marka Ragnos, retrieved Jori Daragon’s amulet and the Eye of Horak-Mul.”

[Continuity Note: Jedi Shadows originated as background lore established for Tales of the Jedi that never made it into the series. Which is a shame, because those comics needed all the help they could get. Shadows are Jedi who roam the galaxy with the sole objective of hunting down and destroying any and all relics, artifacts, or knowledge connected to the dark side. They are like the secret thought police of the Jedi, and unfortunately the only one we’ll meet for a while is a member of an even more secretive cabal that the Jedi leadership doesn’t even know about. Still, it’s cool this forgotten snippet of mid-nineties RPG lore was eventually reintroduced into a mainstream EU comic.]

Celeste makes her big entrance in the Undercity by lightsabering the Constable of Taris in the face. Thank god we had that subplot of her reuniting with her missing children in the last comic, otherwise we might not have cared when she got infected by the zombie virus. This sobering murderscene is abruptly interrupted by Zayne and Gryph comically blundering past while somebody plays “Yakety Sax” in the background. Gryph even shouts, “Gangway!” Zoinks!

They are pursued by a horde of rakghouls, which Celeste effortlessly slaughters. Abbott and Costello moronically use their real names in front of a Jedi, prompting Celeste to immediately arrest them for the murders of the Taris Padawans. But then she changes her mind because she has other shit to do, and because after listening to them talk for four pages she’s convinced they’re too incompetent to have killed anyone.

Suddenly a chasm opens up beneath them and they fall into a Mandalorian mining tunnel. A Mandalorian named Pulsipher has found the Muur Talisman. Apparently Zayne recognizes him from Flashpoint, proving that he has a better memory than I do. Celeste, Zayne, and Gryph stow away on Pulsipher’s ship (somehow), which takes them to the ice planet Jebble. Yes, another one.

For all his bluster about winning the war through knowledge (or magic—you know, whichever) rather than strength, Pulsipher is kind of a simpleton so Celeste tries the old Jedi mind trick on him: “You want to throw it out the airlock.” “I want— I want— No. I want this,” says Pulsipher. Then the amulet comes to life and gives him a full-body electric shock. One of his crewmen tries to help him so Pulsipher kills him in the chest.

Celeste goes off to do her Shadow thing, leaving Zayne and Gryph to blunder into a Mandalorian rally master. Fortunately, he mistakes them for new recruits from Taris and sends them off to pick up their new uniforms. There’s some slightly interesting worldbuilding as the rally master addresses the crowd of rookie mercenaries and instructs them in the Six Actions sacred to the Mandalorian people, but eh.

Zayne and Gryph catch up to Celeste and they all infiltrate Pulsipher’s lab. Somehow, Gryph fires a rifle into the ceiling multiple times, causing a thousand tons of mountain ice to collapse on top of him. “He’ll be fine,” says Celeste. But the commotion brings a group of Mandalorians to investigate. The Jedi identify the leader as one of the warriors from the ship they came in on based on the distinctive markings on his armor. But if you go back and look at all the Mandalorians who were on the ship, none of them have that armor. Oh…

It’s okay though because then he turns into a rakghoul. Then suddenly all the Mandalorians start turning into rakghouls! Celeste and Zayne run for it, with Celeste explaining that these rakghouls have transformed unusually fast and show an uncharacteristic ability to organize and use tools.

Meanwhile, Gryph is alive and has somehow traversed space and time to appear in the Mandalorian data center, where he is trying to hack Hillary Clinton’s emails. He comes across a vlog by Lucien Draay, Zayne’s homicidal ex-teacher, where he describes the powers of the Murr Talisman and how Celeste Morne knows all about it. “Celeste Morne?!” cries Gryph. “Wonderful! The widget causes the plague—and Celeste works for Lucien!” Ow, my reading comprehension.

Elsewhere, Zayne waits outside in the snow while Celeste Snapchats Lucien inside an igloo. She warns him that the Mandalorians have turned Jebble into a staging area for their massive new army and that they’re planning to invade Alderaan, but Lucien’s like, “That’s great but really we just need you to kill Zayne Carrick, kthxbai.” Celeste can’t bring herself to do it, though, which gives Zayne time to contact the incoming Mandalorian fleet and warn Cassus Fett about the plague outbreak.

“Why would you warn us?” Fett demands. “We are Mandalorians!”

“You’re people,” Zayne explains.

Convinced that she did the right thing, Celeste lets Zayne leave to look for Gryph, but he is immediately punched out by rakghouls and brought to Pulsipher, who seems to be controlling the zombies with the Muur Talisman. Pulsipher demands that Zayne tell him everything he knows about the talisman, or else he will lock him inside another Sith artifact he found called the oubliette, which I guess is like a coffin that keeps you alive and conscious forever.

Suddenly, the talisman comes to life again. It abandons Pulsipher, leaving him to be devoured by his rakghoul guards, and makes a beeline for Zayne. It is intercepted by Celeste, however, and wraps itself around her throat. Also Gryph is there now. We are then treated to this excerpt from Naga Sadow’s translation of the codex of Karness Murr: “—and though the enemy brought great numbers to the field of battle—for every number, there is a negative. Their strength became my own. Their minds became my own. All flesh is my flesh. None move, save I will it. This is the rule the Sith were promised—and I have made it real!”

The ultimate weapon.

So now Celeste is sort of possessed, but not really or like not 100% possessed, by the ghost of an ancient Sith Lord who looks like a dirty old elf. Gryph demands that she admit her allegiance to the Jedi Covenant and she tells Zayne that Krynda, the woman he’s looking for, is Lucien Draay’s mother—and now she will complete her mission by killing Zayne!

But Zayne argues that her mission is to destroy the legacy of the Sith, which she is only strengthening with the army of rakghouls she now controls. Celeste falls to her knees in dismay and wonders how she could have been so blind. She asks Zayne to kill her before the spirit of Karness Muur forces her to spread the rakghoul plague across the galaxy, but Zayne has a better idea. It begins with the sentence “Here, get in this coffin,” which I think immediately disqualifies it from being better.

Celeste gives Zayne her key to the Jedi sanctum on Odryn, where she was supposed to take the talisman, then he locks her in the oubliette. “I won’t be long,” he promises. “I’ll see you later,” which of course we know means he will never see her again. With the amulet’s influence confined in the torture chamber, the rakghouls go nuts and start attacking everything. By some happy coincidence, however, the Moomo Williwaw shows up at just that second, bringing Alek, Jarael, Shel, Rohlan, Slyssk, and the Moomo brothers back into the story.

Zayne and Gryph hop on board and head for orbit, but before they can retrieve Celeste, the Mandalorian fleet comes out of hyperspace and nukes the planet right in front of them, eliminating the rakghouls and the Mandalorian forces that are still down there. “NOT AGAIN! Not again! Not again…,” says Zayne. Cassus Fett sends him a “thank you” emoji and lets them leave the system unmolested.

Satisfied that Celeste is dead, Zayne vows to honor her memory by following her last wish and going to Odryn, where he will stop his former Masters from using anyone else the way they used Celeste—by taking down the Covenant once and for all! Meanwhile on the planet, the oubliette lies on the bottom of the ocean, waiting for another story.

This would be a great picture if it didn’t fucking suck.

Meditations

The art in this is terrible. That’s my whole review.

Vector was Dark Horse’s first and only attempt at an inter-title Star Wars crossover, with the story of Celeste and Karness Muur continuing in the Dark Times, Rebellion, and Legacy comics. Hopefully those will be better, because coming off Knights of Suffering this story feels completely jarring and disconnected. Nothing happens to advance the KotOR story arc until the very last page of these four issues. It’s an unwanted, unnecessary diversion from a narrative that was just beginning to pick up steam. Suddenly half the cast is missing and we’re plunged into a random B-plot about zombies. If I want zombies in Star Wars I’ll read this crap. Why do we need zombies in Star Wars, again? I guess there are zombies though. Oh Jesus H. Christ.

Also the art is just terrible.

1.5/5 Death Stars.