CONGRATULATIONS!

 

* The Netflix descriptions of the last two episodes sound like some epistemological acid trip. 

 

* It seems impossible to comprehend the mythology as it has been laid out to this point because half the characters don't even know if what they're saying is true. 

 

* Humans are descended from Lillith, the lumpy white angel who everyone thought was Adam, and angels are descended from Adam, who is a Shrimp Baby in a briefcase. Is Lillith one of the angels descended from Adam or are only some angels descended from him? 

 

* "The god they were so excited about disappeared. Undeterred, they worked to resurrect their god themselves. That was Adam." 

 

* That makes it sound like Adam is distinct from the giant pink alien that blew up Antarctica. 

 

* Maybe it's just bad translation? I assume they're meant to be the same. 

 

* If everyone knew that Adam was the angel from Antarctica who caused the Second Impact, why did they later confuse him with Lillith? Where did Lillith even come from? The First Impact, which I don't think has ever even been mentioned? 

 

* So Adam blew up or something, and his soul was reincarnated as the Seventeenth Angel, who took the form of an anime boy? 

 

* But his "restored physical self has been embodied within Ganondorf"? 

 

* What the fuck does that mean? 

 

* I thought his physical self was a Shrimp Baby. 

 

* Did Ganon and Shrimp Baby merge? 

 

* Also one time Kaje said that he retrieved a piece or a part of Adam for Ganondorf. 

 

* Did Adam become multiple Shrimp Babies? 

 

* Is that why they thought he could be in a briefcase and also crucified in a broom closet in the basement? 

 

* Are there more Shrimp Baby Adams out there? 

 

* AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING THESE FUCKING QUESTIONS 

 

* Anime Angel was working with Seele. Did they lie to him about Lillith or did they themselves not know who it was? Also I guess they want the Third Impact to happen now since they helped an angel get inside NERV HQ? Were they also responsible for the sabotage that let the computer virus angel take over the Magi several episodes ago? 

 

* If they want the Third Impact to happen then why the fuck did they create an organization dedicated to preventing it? Is NERV killing angels only because Ganondorf went rogue and co-opted the program? If that's the case why did they wait so long to move against him? Did they just want the angels stopped until they'd achieved some nebulous goal in their obscure master plan? 

 

 * AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING TH 

 

* Shinji is still having an existential crisis over killing this fucking angel. 

 

* This would be much more interesting if they hadn't made him gay for Kaworu. 

 

* Now his emotional reaction doesn't seem genuine. 

 

* They already had him questioning the necessity of fighting the angels. 

 

* Did they think people wouldn't buy his hesitation to kill these things unless he wanted to fuck one of them? 

 

* So I guess Rei isn't a clone of anyone in particular, she was just grown in Ganon's lab. 

 

* The Human Instrumentality Project is like a high school play. 

 

* I don't understand what's happening. Is all this happening in Shinji's head or are all the characters really experiencing it? Is this happening because Koowuwu Nagasaki got into the basement? He never touched the lumpy angel tho. 

 

* In the final episode this will all be revealed to be the coma dream of Ash Ketchum's wasting mind after he was attacked by the flock of Spearow. 

 

 

Paul: Hahahaha

Paul: That’s not too far off.

Paul: Yes Ganondorf fucked Risotto for years, right after fucking Risotto’s mom for years.

Paul: That’s all self-explanatory, Evas are giant clone homonculi made in the image of the second angel Adam. They fight the angels. All the Evas have had human souls inside. Except for Rei’s.

Paul: As for the chamber of Guff, I’ve been researching this stupid bullshit for years and I still don’t know what that means.

Paul: Just the Eva equivalent of Star Trek’s phase-warp variance idk.

Me: The Chamber of Scruff McGuff.

Paul: Same I initially wanted to shoot Asuka but when I saw her burn out and go mad with jealousy and failure I started to root for her.

Me: Oh they literally have human souls? I thought the reason they needed pilots was the human in the piss tube acts as their soul and animates their lifeless bodies.

Paul: Oh idk.

Paul: Human souls, or human minds? Anyway everybody’s mom is a robot!

Paul: Japan so wacky.

Me: When an Eva comes online there is great rejoicing.

Paul: Yup.

Paul: Okay I think you’re right about the souls of the Eva. Makes sense to me anyways.

Paul: So Lilith is fundamentally different from Adam.

Paul: This entire show has been a war, Lilith’s offspring (humanity and its Eva clones) versus Adam’s (the angels). The black moon is the Geofront. It had been lying under Japan for like hundreds of thousands of years. A perfect sphere - the decayed remains of a spaceship, or like a great earthen womb? Idk. Lilith was just hanging out in there.

Paul: Idk what she was doing, fishing in that lake maybe.

Paul: Lying around.

Paul: At some point in the past she birthed us or fucked with monkeys a la 2001 or whatever.

Paul: Adam, the poor fuck, was in the black moon. He tried to do the same thing as Lilith but bad luck got him stuck under Antarctica and it’s hard to grow creepy sentient rings and cocksucking ribbon-dancers in that environment.

Paul: The third is interminable scene! Congrats you have collected all three and are an Eva master.

Paul: Adam was def the giant pink alien in the Antarctic.

Paul: Yes that’s why Gendo has eyeball hands.

Me: Look I once saw a horror movie on the Sci Fi Channel where they said that Lilith was the first wife of Adam before Eve and she was so pissed about being dumped that she became a horrible gargoyle or something.

Paul: She fucked demons.

Paul: That’s in the Bible, Adam’s ex fucked demons.

Paul: Metal.

Paul: Canonically all ancient Judaism and associated semitic religions are mangled rememberings of humanity’s true origins. Idk why some fuckers in the Middle East are the only people who remember something that happened in Japan and Antarctica but okay.

Paul: Yeah I liked Kawuwu and the whole gay angle. AT LEAST SHINJI WON’T DIE A VIRGIN.

Me: Misato said in the previous episode that Shinji was afraid of women so canonically confirmed for gay.

Paul: But would it have been better to have Shinji upset over a friend instead of a random gay lover? Hmmm maybe. Still handled the 11th-hour gay better than Korra, though.

Paul: I mean

Paul: not like dyed-in-the-whole gay. Just opportunistically gay because women are terrifying.

Paul: There are no more Adams.
 

Paul: Just shrimp baby who has been surgically embedded in Gendo.

Paul: Talk about 11th-hour gay!

Me: Gendo more like Gay-do!

Paul: So third impact is: something born from Adam touches Lilith. Matter and antimatter. And all of humanity, sprung from Lilith, is “reset” according to the wishes and desires of the being who initiates contact.

Me: Maybe Kaje meant a piece of ADAM like from the sea slugs.

Paul: Like “last fragment” maybe.

Paul: Third impact is like Adam’s “Hey fuck you I get to make life too, bitch” switch.

Paul: If an angel had touched Lilith presumably all humanity would did and then a race of shitty eye-bleeding spiders would inherit the Earth.

Paul: So yeah it looks like ppl gonna try to do that third impact I guess, omg what'll happen!

Paul: She's grown along Yui's DNA I think, I think it IS his wife just...lots of clones.

Paul: At this point nobody's really explained what 3rd impact would be.

Paul: Except apparently they hinted that it was like a high school play.

Paul: Was that the next episode preview?

Paul: Man.

Paul: If you though the episodes up til now were weird...

Paul: It's resolved much better than LOST but still.

Me: They showed like stage lights and curtains and shit but I meant how it's just people sitting on a stool on a lighted stage delivering deep-sounding dialogue

Me: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten!

Paul: 91% of users liked that book.

Me: It could be good!

Paul: Is it?

Paul: Or is it, like, Jonathan Livingston Seagull?

Me: I didn't read that either.

Me: But I somehow have two copies of it.

Paul: Make them fight for supremacy.

Paul: A Japanese man once gave that book to his mother before running off to join the Aum Shin Rikyu death cult.

Me: It must be good then.

Me: Just like Catcher in the Rye inspired Mark David Chapman to shoot John Lennon.

Paul: John Lennon spoiled the plot of Evangelion.

Paul: He deserved to die.

Me: ONE EPISODE AND THE MOVIE TO GO.

Paul: Oh shit you watched ep 25?

Paul: Ep 26 is the same thing.

Me: Lmao

Paul: Yes it's all in his head.

Me: So Ganondorf did not really shoot Misato and Risotto off-screen?

Paul: Oh wait is that a thing in ep 25? It's been a while.

Paul: Like they show up shot?

Paul: Originally, the show was aired on children's time slots, but as the show became darker and more psychological, it was moved to a more mature time slot. Anno had insisted that there were no problems with his show, and that showing it on children’s time slots was fine. “I want to convey to children the information that there are frightening things in the world."

Me: Yes in episode 25 the subtitles say something and then Ganon appears and contradicts whatever the subtitles said and it shows them lying on the floor shot.

Paul: Well then you shall see in the Batshit Ending!

Me: I still have no idea how the last two episodes connect to anything that happened in the rest of the show but Episode 26 is my favorite episode of the series.

Me: I liked the early episodes where each new Angel felt like a real threat that Shinji had to struggle to overcome, then it started to drag in the middle when they got more into the mythology and the angel fights felt more perfunctory, then the conclusion was rad even though it was totally disconnected from the rest of the plot except in the vaguest thematic sense.

Me: Structurally in that sense it felt almost like Twin Peaks.

Me: I'm excited to watch the movie next but the Netflix summary says that Seele is trying to stop Ganondorf from creating the Third Impact.

Me: Oh teh noes lol.

Paul: Really?? You like the ending? That's awesome.

Paul: All the otaku in Japan sent Anno death threats for that ending.

Paul: Dang man you finished Eva the Depression Anime, congrats!  

The girls he was once attracted to have now turned to figures of dread.

 

* Katsuragi and Asuka are both mired in depression, the former because Kaje is dead and the latter because of her recent brain rape.
 

* Does she even know Mr. Kaji is dead?

 

* I guess not.

 

* She's living at the class of that girl who's the student council president or whatever.
 

* Did they even meet before?
 

* Was it ever established that they ever knew each other?
 

* Asuka has become a gamer girl, totally rad.
 

* This scene feels like these two characters should be bonding over the recent deaths of the men they had unrequited crushes on but Suzuhara's death was clumsily written around in post and Asuka doesn't even know that Kaje is dead apparently.

* Dr. Risotto's grandmother calls her crying because her cat died, eliciting the strongest emotional reaction this show had so far. 

 

* THE SPEAR OF LONGPENIS

 

* IT'S STUCK IN SPACE

 

* FUCK

 

* Why is the Seele council depicted as a ring of floating monoliths now?

 

* This angel is just a circle I guess.

 

* The designs are getting more abstract but also more lazy.

 

* "Is that angel aggressively attempting to make first contact with Unit 0???"

 

* What?

 

* I guess it's Rei's turn to get raped this ep.

 

* Rei vored the angel to death.

 

* Only one angel from the Dead Sea Squirrels remains!

 

* "I know he's feeling lonely, I wonder if he's afraid of women."

 

* Jesus.

 

* Rei's in the hospital with the same bandages she had in the first episode after Unit 0 blew up or whatever.
 

* I guess that's a coincidence though or maybe reused animation? Because she says she's the third Rei but if the one we first met had just been decanted she'd be the fourth right? Because she also died when she got strangled as a child.
 

* Now Dr. Risotto is naked for some reason.

 

* Oh it's Kaje's spy capsule that he hid in Katsuragi's vagina.

 

* I guess it was a secret message after all.
 

* Seele needs 12 Evas for some reason.

 

* They're going to blow up Tokyo 3!

 

* Shinji, Risotto, and Katsuragi taking an elevator to the artificial evolution basement.

 

* An Eva graveyard!

 

* Lmao a whole piss tank full of Reis.

 

* Shinji: "Evas are human???"

 

* Keep up you dumb fuck.

 

* "Mankind came across a god and then tried to make it their own. Fifteen years ago, God inflicted his wrath. The god they were so excited about disappeared. Undeterred, they worked to resurrect their god themselves. That was Adam. Just like God, they made a human from Adam. That was Eva. Originally Evas didn't have human souls. Souls were embedded in them. They were all made of salvaged material. The only one with a soul was Rei. She was the only one that was born containing a soul. The chamber of Guff (???) was now empty."

 

* Whaaaaaaaatt

 

* I'm lost tbh.

 

* I guess Ganondorf was fucking Risotto, maybe? She breaks down crying because she has no respect for her body and Katsuragi says "This is the tragedy of those obsessed with the Evas." 

 

* Preview for next ep: "The girls he was once attracted to have now turned to figures of dread."

 

* 2meirl4meirl

* Baby Asuka comes home to find her mom hanging from the ceiling. Was her mom trying to kill her a false memory? Asuka has all sync rate with her Eva and is a total burnout fuckup now.

* I didn't like this character at first but she's had one of the most interesting arcs on the show.

* Shinji's friends all went back to their home planet off-screen.

* The Fifth Children is the most anime boy who ever animed.

* "We're very similar, Rei, it seems we've both come to assume the body type of the linen (?) who live here on this planet."

* Haha what the fuck.

* Shinji blushes every time he talks to this character.

* Now they're going to the shower together.

* Omg what is this

* Are they writing slash of their own show?

* Holy shit.

* Ganondorf has an eyeball growing out of his palm.

* Do the Japanese really sleep with one tiny blanket that only covers their stomach?

* Jesus another opaque lore dump.

* "We, humanity, the usurper-successors who arose from the Black Moon. Our progenitor is Lillith. And the angels, the true successors who arose from the now-lost White Moon, their progenitor is Adam. The soul which was salvaged from Adam has been embodied in you. However, Adam's restored physical self has been embodied within Gendo Ikari."

* Katsuragi, staring at the back of Kaworu's head: "He's too far away for me to read his lips."

* Kaworu Nagisa is the final angel! Talk about an anticlimax!

* He makes Asuka's Eva come to life and start trashing shit.

* Ganondorf: "Use any means necessary to prevent the target from entering the terminal dogma."

* Huh

* Shinji can't believe the yaoi who blew him in the bathtub was really an angel all along.

* "The AT fields are the inner walls everyone has inside themselves."

* I guess the eva pilots are the evas' souls?

* Now Kaworu is also calling the lumpy white crucified angel Adam.

* I THINK HE WOULD KNOW.

* Lmao I guess not.

* "I don't understand what you're trying to say to me! It doesn't make any sense!" ~ Shinji summarizes the plot

* This is the worst angel.

* Five-minute still shot of Unit 1 holding Kaworu in its fist.

* Millions of Japanese children fiddling with the rabbit ears on their TVs.

* Shinji feels sad that he killed the only boy who ever liked him.

* Why are they talking about him like he was a real person?

* Maybe the ribbon dancer Angel that Shinji ate alive would have blown him too if he'd asked.

Get in the Fucking Robot, Shinji

Paul: I think that's the first of three still shots that are particularly famous/frustrating.

 

Paul: Spot the other two! They're annoying!
 
Me: Um what else happened?
 
Me: Shinji pilots a Gundam so people will give him compliments.

Me: The Evas were made from the angel they found in Antarctica somehow.

Me: But somehow they're also human.

Me: Did Ganondorf kill Shinji's mom?

Me: Is this supposed to be clear?

Paul: What a wonderful question. No. The director literally said he was anxious so it made everything as unclear as possible.

Me: Given the emphasis they put on Shinji wondering why they're fighting the angels and Asuka saying they're just defending themselves I'm guessing that's not true.

Me: Humans attacked the angels first, the angels are just trying to save their friend!

Paul: Kaji told the truth when he was with his melons ("Though I'd rather be between Misato's melons!"). If an angel touches Lilith, the crucified white blob thing in the basement, the Third Impact will happen. So that's a big deal.

Paul: That's basically what most of the angels have been after the entire time.

Me: Do the angels want to cause the Third Impact though or is it an unintentional side effect of saving their friend who the show insists is Adam?

Paul: The show does insist that, but you'll only see Adam again in the end movie. This show is deliberately obscure and lies about its own lore haha

Paul: I remember this specifically because the show confusing Adam and Lilith on purpose confused the fuck out of me.

Paul: Honestly I don't think that's ever super clear. For the best look at the angels' motivations, probably episode 23 or 24 will talk about that.

Me: I'm sure the inevitable American live-action remake on Netflix will clarify it.

Paul: Big question. I thought this was one of the most interesting ideas in the series.

Paul: Like, I think the shows comes closest to saying what really happened out loud in episode 21.

Paul: If it isn't clear after that, ask me and I'll tell you.

Me: Was the creator inspired by the mythology of The X-Files?

Me: They seem similarly obscure.

* Oh snap, next episode has 6-minute extended runtime and cold opens without the theme song.

* This must be some serious shit.

* Ganondorf's bff is being interrogated by the 2001 obelisks.

* Unit 1 ate an angel's face so it's a god now I guess.

* Does "god" mean something different in Japanese?

* The "gods" in Princess Mononoke were just normal animals.

* Well I guess they could talk.

* I can't believe Ganon killed his wife and stole her last name.

* Seele is totally the Syndicate from The X-Files.

* He was aware that he was still a child.

* Remember when Unit 1 went crazy and ran off into the forest then in the next episode it was back in the geofront again covered in bandages?

* How did they catch it?

* Is Dr. Risotto a lesbian?

* OH.

* Shinji's mom is the Eva.

* She was the other incident they mentioned where someone vanished into the piss.

* Lol is Rei a clone of Shinji's mom?

* Kaje said that the Shrimp Baby is a "sample of Adam."

* But he also thinks that the crucified angel is Adam.

* Is he just an idiot?

* I don't understand what happened.

* Someone from Seele shot Kaje I guess?

* Why was he just hanging around waiting for it?

* The harshness of reality wore down my heart to shattered pieces.

 

* Asuka's mom killed herself and/or went crazy.
 

* Asuka's on her period so she can't fly her Gundam anymore.
 

* Asuka and Rei riding the elevator from Mass Effect.
 

* Lol Suzuhara's still in the hospital.
 

* Suzuhara went back to his home planet.
 

* The angel's primary weapon is playing Handel's Messiah so loud you can hear it from space.
 

* There's only one way to defeat a target in orbit: THE SPEAR OF LONGPENIS.
 

* Penetrate that AT field.
 

* "It was a lie! The Second Impact wasn't caused by contact with an angel!"
 

* I have no idea what's happening.
 

* The spear was impaling crucified angel/supposedly Adam this whole time?
 

* Didn't they show Rei's Eva carrying it around at the end of the episode where it was first mentioned?
 

* I thought it was an angel touching Adam that they thought would cause the Third Impact. Why did Katsuragi think humans touching Adam caused the Second Impact?
 

* Preview: "Next episode, Rei dies!"

 

 

Paul: And so like every time the robot goes crazy it's his mom trying to protect him
 

Paul: from the AT FIELDS.
 

Paul: Where the fuck did they get bandages that size?
 

Paul: THE TRUTH. he wants THE TRUTH.
 

Paul: TRUTH is hard.
 

Paul: Obnoxious scene #2, check.
 

Paul: This is the rape angel. "DON'T RAPE MY MIND."
 

Paul: So stupid I hate that angel.

Me: It's okay Risotto's mom already strangled her when she was a baby, Ganondorf can just clone her again.

Paul: OR DID SHE

Paul: WHAT DROVE HER TO CRAZY

Paul: No problem. Clones upon clones.

Paul: I think the fan theory is that the crazy "spirit" in Eva unit 00 is that child Rei.

Paul: Of all the people to put in your giant clone robot brain!

Me: Ganondorf always wanted a daughter named Rei!

Paul: That's why she tried to kill Dr. Akagi twice.

Paul: Punching the wall.

Paul: Risotto, sorry.

Me: Lol so if that's fan theory I assume it's never explained in canon.

Paul: Enjoy Eva!

Paul: I think they were trying some experiment and it went wrong. Idk, the TV show constantly contradicts its own canon. To get a straight, clear version of the story you have to read the man-gay.

Me: Was it a manga adapted to anime or did they make the manga to promote the anime?

Me: The Spear of Longpenis was preventing White Adam from growing his legs back but just a few episodes ago Ganon was telling Dr. Fukushima "we've sent Rei to retrieve the spear" and then it showed her Eva walking around with it

Me: Did they just stick it in the angel like a month ago for some reason?

Paul: It was a little after the show, after it blew up.

Me: Do-over!

Paul: Yes I think so.

Paul: I liked it better. It actually made sense.

Paul: Anyways you're along for the ride now, enjoy it!

Me: You son of a bitch, why didn't you just have me read the manga?

Paul: Hahahaha

Paul: its nice 2 watch things burn

Me: Since it didn't come up again I assume the childhood trauma that the angel made Asuka relive was her mother trying to kill her and the dialogue that made it sound like she was molested was just a bad coincidence.

Me: I hope they censored that part when it aired on Toonami!

Paul: I wish I could've sent you only the perfect animes and children's cartoons your heart desires. I wish Legend of Korra had been more than a mere sketch of a real show. I wish Evangelion made any sense whatsoever. But I can't. I failed you. 

Paul: It's almost as if TV cartoons are not a medium that traditionally attracts talented storytellers!

Of the Shape of Hearts and Humans

 

* Episode 20 is a PowerPoint slideshow.
 

* Shinji's body has dissolved into the piss and his mind is trapped in a loop of clips from old episodes and naked anime girls without nipples.
 

* I just watched it and I'm trying to remember what else happened.
 

* I don't think anything else happened.

* Oh wait Kaje stuffed a pill into Misato's vagina.

* They're fucking off-camera and she's like "hey what are you trying to put in me" and then her hand comes into frame and puts a small capsule on the nightstand.

* Unless she was talking about his dick and the pill was unrelated.

* What was that pill!!!

* He put a listening device in her pussy.

* It was an image of a glass on a nightstand and the liquid inside was in motion but it was just the one still frame.

The Spear of Longpenis

 

* I guess Episode 14 is the clipshow episode.

* Is this where all the angels' names come from?
 

* GREAT LORE!
 

* How do they know what their names are?

* They have to switch Evas for some reason and Unit 00 goes crazy again for some reason.

* "I hate this ceiling."
 

* THE SPEAR OF LONGPENIS.
 

* Oh now it's over.
 

* Weren't the Dead Sea Squirrels supposed to be in this episode?
 

* Nothing happened, now it's over.
 

* I guess the Eva wanted to kill the blonde doctor lady.
 

* As her friends start getting married one by one, Misato starts to feel the clock ticking.

* Can I just skip the next episode entirely?
 

* PEOPLE DON'T WANT THAT SHIT, PEOPLE WANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS.

Me: How old is Risotto Kysurga supposed to be?
 

Paul: Like, late thirties?

 

Paul: She's a little younger than Gendo Ikari.
 

Me: Wow what an old bag.

Me: But she's such a hottie.

Paul: Ancient auntie.
 

Me: GILF.
 

Paul: Waiiiitt.
 

Paul: I thought you meant Dr. Akagi.
 

Paul: "Risotto Kysurga" is this Misato?

 

Me: Who the fuck is that?
 

Paul: I literally can't tell who this is.
 

Me: Who's Dr. Akaraga?
 

Me: Is that the blonde lady?

 

Me: Wasn't she Kassurozo's college roommate
 

Paul: Yes and yes.
 

Paul: Rice-a-Rony is actually in her early thirties I think.
 

Me: Rickroll the sexy bounty hunter.

 

Me: Ok I found the part where Naked Chibi Rei flies at the camera.

Me: That was a visual representation of the Eva going insane?

 

Me: Shenji's like "Is this Rei's brain? ...Maybe not."
 

Paul: No, it's just
 

Paul: It scared me half to death when I was 13.

 

Me: Apparently his name is Shinji, I thought it was Shenji.
 

Paul: I thought you were joking hahaha.
 

Me: Ok so NERV works for the UN, and Seele is like the board of directors for NERV? And Kaji is investigating something called the Human Intelligence Committee? What is Marmaduke?
 

Paul: Yes yes and yes. What a mystery ooo!
 

Paul: Can't believe I know this, but the Marduk Commission chooses the pilots. It's a fake bureau that doesn't exist. Nerv is choosing pilots directly, based on creepy criteria.
 

Me: That's the Human Brain Council.
 

Me: Rei is like a mother because she wrung water out of a rag.
 

Me: "I'm glad we got to spend this time together, Father."
 

Me: "SON I AM DISAPPOINT."
 

Me: Those women longed for the touch of others' lips, and thus invited their kisses.
 

Me: Someone's raping a hobo in the subway tunnel.

 

Me: DO YOU FEEL GUILTY KISSING A GIRL ON THE ANNIVERSARY OF YOUR MOTHER'S DEATH
 

Me: Rei is in a pisstube with a giant spinal cord growing out of it.
 

Paul: The Human Instrumentality Project is Seele’s end game. It’s their evil scheme/overarching goal. Gendo is supposedly working with them to make it happen.

 

Me: They found Adam crucified in a closet!

 

Me: I thought he was in a briefcase.

 

Paul: They’re wrong. That’s not Adam, the original angel. It’s Lilith, angel #1, the original human.
 

Paul: They just keep it in the basement and use its blood as lube.
 

Paul: It bleeds LCL.
 

Paul: That’s where they get it all from.

 

 

Me: Do they not know that children is plural?

 

Paul: Um they’re like Italian Russians I guess? So I guess not? 

 

Paul: Hahahahaha, I’m sorry I chose such a weird and depressing anime. 

Me: ZEBRA ANGEL BALL

Paul: Yes. The angels are now sufficiently abstract.

Me: I want an angel who's like a musical note or the concept of loneliness.

Paul: Eva isn’t that high-brow.

Me: Lol Shinji got eaten.

Paul: Now he will explore the concept of loneliness.

Me: I want an angel that looks like the color inside dying.

Me: The angel's belly is an imaginary number space in another universe.

Me: The animation budget ran out again so they have to depict characters talking as vertical and horizontal lines.

Paul: 2 true.

Paul: In the last episode, when Katsuragi and Kaji were walking home the animation of their feet looped really poorly.

Me: Ganondorf killed his wife!

Me: Shinji's naked mom saved him

Me: Just like in Harry Potter

Me: Get Shinji out of the piss, quick, it's starting to stink!

Me: Oh no what is the secret of the Evas?
 

Paul: Like idk I’ll have to watch that ep again.

Paul: Creepy angel tho right?

Paul: Yes Shinji talks to his own self-conscious as a line.

Paul: They’re betting that the psycho babble will make up for zero animation.

Paul: I love these sequences.
    
Paul: The weird drum music sequences where Rei thinks about flowers and Shinji talks to himself.

Paul: Basically all the remaining angels aren’t even physical fights. Except for one, they all attack the characters through existential crises and emotions and talking.

Paul: It’s actually much more dangerous. Haha.

Paul: Yes Shinji’s mom died in an experiment.
 

Paul: But if Ganondorf killed her, it must just be the memory of his mother. OR IS IT.

Paul: Maybe we should eventually keep this to one ep/day, or you can give me more descriptions.

Paul: I got work to do.

Me: Liar it's the day the Lord rested.

Paul: Keep watching if you want! Just give me more details so I don't have to watch the whole episode again.

Paul: I have a project I should have been working on but, like your average 32-year-old man, I spent my free time on Eva and Beast Wars.

Me: Is it your masters thesis on Eva and Beast Wars?

Paul: In both the 新世紀エヴァンゲリオン ("Shin Seiki Evangerion") and BEAST WARS ("Beast Wars") animated series, the main character sometimes fights and there are robots. Despite these trenchant commonalities, several key discrepancies divide the two series: 新世紀エヴァンゲリオン, for one, has more tittes.

Paul: Beast Wars, ultimately, grounds itself in an exploration of the concrete realities of combat through the medium of toy robots animated in DOS. All of the characters must overcome interpersonal issues that plague the modern soldier: trusting one's comrades, coordinating efforts within the team, scouting out new possibilities in the field. Even though deeper psychological themes are explored (finding a reason to fight, dealing with removal from combat), the framework is a simple tale of modern warfare that is primarily interested in how soldiers act, providing morally clear examples of "good" and "evil" comportment in wartime. Neon Genesis Evangelion, though nominally concerned with a kind of "war" and with "battle," portrays these in utterly unrealistic fashion, even by the standards of animated television series. Rather, the action on the screen serves to highlight the development (or sometimes lack thereof) of the main character, Shinji Ikari, and a few side characters. Shinji's confidence rises, falls, or is shattered depending on what happens in combat, and more screen time is devoted to the emotional and psychological fallout of battle on this one character than on the giant robot fights themselves. The Eva units are stand-ins for psychological phenomena, reminiscent in a vaguely Freudian way of the protective giants that parents seem to be in one's early childhood (at multiple points, Shinji or another characters notes that the Eva's insides "smell like blood" or feel like "the womb"). The real battle is in the sick and tormented mind of the main character.

Paul: Perhaps the greatest difference lies in each show's treatment of its characters. Though Japan is supposedly a more "collective" culture and the United States an "individualistic" one, Evangelion focuses (if loosely) on Shinji Ikari's development over the rest of the cast. It is almost as if the other members of the cast, although very fleshed out, exist to interact with and challenge or hurt Shinji. Ultimately, Neon Genesis Evangelion is the story of Shinji Ikari's journey through trauma, depression and neurosis. This is as unpleasant as it sounds. Beast Wars, on the other hand, concerns itself with teamwork and takes an egalitarian point of view as regards its Cybertronians. No one character, not even either of the leaders, is the "main" character. Rather, all have about equal screen time devoted to their crises. Rattrap is trapped (like a rat) in the enemy base and must escape using his rat moves, Optimus faces insurrection or a difficult leadership decision -- and then on to the next character. Though no psyche is explored in as much depth as Shinji's (i.e. ad nauseum), characters grow from their initial one-dimensional presentation through multiple story arcs and eventually become quite complex, without one of them ever taking precedence over the others. Everybody is important in Beast Wars and devotion to the team rather than to one's own problems is often stressed as morally "good"; perhaps this is due to the work's use as propaganda by the U.S. military, which requires soldiers to work together.

Paul: Now I've wasted more time. This is all your fault I swear.

Me: Sounds like you're already done!

Paul: Nope I just hope I'm right.

* Eva 4 has disappeared along with the entire second NERV base! Just like the Roanoke colony!

 

* Everyone thinks this is a disaster but Shinji's dad says as long as they have Tokyo-3 and Eva 1 they'll be fine.

* Kaje reveals that Marmaduke doesn't exist and it's really NERV who picks the Eva pilots, and the pilot chosen for Eva 3 is never revealed although all signs point to Suzuhara because he actually got screentime in this episode.

 

* Whoever it is, it's said that his identity will make Shinji sad, but what doesn't?
 

* Kaje grows watermelons because having a garden teaches you to look for unexpected developments.

 

* The Syndicate interrogates Katsuragi about Shinji being eaten by the shadow angel. It's established that they don't know if the angels are sentient and that they never work... until now!

 

* Shinji and Suzuhara drop off schoolwork at Rei's house because she keeps missing class for unspecified reasons.
 

* Shinji cleans up her mess and Rei is embarrassed/grateful.

 

* Dr. Risotto builds a dummy buttplug that has all of Rei's memories or something so they can trick an Eva into thinking it has a pilot without one actually being aboard.

 

* Next episode, everyone relaxes and has a good time before tragedy strikes!

 

* Did you know the Japanese character for girlfriend is the Chinese characters for woman and far away.

 

* Oh shit this episode is actually tense.
 

* Lmao did Shinji's Eva just murder Suzuhara?
 

* Rip
 

* Oh nvm.

 

* Talk about letting all the air out of the balloon.
 

* What a relief that that character I didn't care about survived.
 

* For a second I thought they killed off Katsuragi, Risotto, and Suzuhara all in the same explosion but I guess it's not that kind of anime.

 

 

* Angel 13 is the mightiest ribbon dancer in all the lands.
 

* They should have killed Suzuhara, Shinji just looks like a pussy for running away (again!) and almost getting everyone killed.
 

* They say that if the angel comes in contact with Adam it will create the Third Impact and wipe out all life on Earth.
 

* Is that what the angels are trying to do or is it just a coincidence?
 

* Adam wasn't even there when the first few were trying to get in.
 

* Or were they trying to get to the crucified angel in the broom closet?
 

* Unit 1 runs out of batteries but Shinji yells at it until it comes to life and uses the angel's ribbon to regenerate its own severed arm.
 

* Shinji and Unit 1 achieve 400% synchronization!!! and eat the angel's face.
 

* "Is it capable of ingesting the S2 drive?" someone wonders.
 

* What is that!

 

* The preview for the next episode says that Shinji and Unit 1 are now totally merged, presumably in the same matter as Rain and the Dark Gundam.

Paul: [Suzuhara] dies in the manga. Anyways, you’ll never see him again and he’s permanently out of the show.
 

Paul: It’s one of the frustrating and stupid inconsistencies, like confusing Adam and Lilith in the one episode. Anno is just clinically insane.
 

Paul: Why NOT kill him, why have him technically alive but never show up again? Only the first of many baffling decisions as the series goes off what few rails it had during the second half!

 

Paul: And so finally you know the plot! "Adam" (although it's actually Lilith and their calling it the wrong name pisses me off) contacting an angel = third impact. All human beings are reset.
 

Paul: Idk, I think Gendo is hiding Adam from Seele at this point? (Like Kaji, he's a double or triple agent with his own agenda.) So maybe calling the Lilith thing Adam is on purpose. God who cares. What a purposefully confusing nightmare.
 

Paul: It turns out, at the end, this was all just purgatory the entire time.

 

Paul: Idk, isn't that the episode where he almost kills his dad with the Eva? and then tries to punch him?
 

Paul: I really liked that moment. It redeemed Shinji somewhat for me.
 

Paul: It's the angel's limitless battery pack or something. But then they go all stupid and call it the FRUIT OF LIFE later, idk.
 

Paul: Yeah this show is stupid, the white blobby crucified thing is Lilith and Adam is (1) secretly still a shrimp baby and (2) not what the angels are after. They're after Lilith, who has been there the whole time.
 

Paul: If you think the show doesn't make sense now, wait for it lol
 

Paul: Yet ready for EVEN MORE LINES TALKING TO EACH OTHER!
 

Paul: Eva, the exciting anime!

Paul: I love that fucking fight though. With ribbonboi.

 

Paul: Okay I guess Shinji using the Eva to break into the command room and almost crush Gendo is actually from the manga as well. Jesus the manga makes so much more sense. The show's plot is like a first draft.
 

Me: Yeah he just threatened to use the Eva to smash up HQ but Ganondorf just turned up the piss pressure and Shinji was like "goddammit!" and blacked out like a bitch.
 

Paul: "Don't pass out, little bitch" mutters Gendo under his breath. 

 

Paul: Dude the part where the angel bursts through the wall and then fucking SHINJI bursts through THE OTHER WALL and PUNCHES IT IN THE FACE had me all

Paul:
 

 

Paul: It's fucking bad-ass.
 

Paul: Uuummmmmm holy shit

Paul: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO2SL36icv0

Me: Spoilersssssss!!!!!

Paul: lol that's not from the show!

Paul: Read the YouTube video description, it is an ASTOUNDING coincidence.

Me: But they actually do fuck in the show?

Paul: You'll have to wait and see, dick out!

Me: Unless the image in that video is somebody's Deviantart it sure looks like it!

Paul: Dick out!

The Three Aspects of Femininity

 

* Someone sabotages Tokyo-3's triple-redundant power system leaving the entire city and NERV HQ without any electricity when the spider angel attacks! He is covered in eyes that cry acid and starts burning his way through the ground to the geofront.
 
* The Eva pilots have to navigate their way through unmarked access corridors and ventilation shafts leading to HQ while some characters I've never seen before do laundry and drive around with a megaphone warning everyone about the angel.

* There's also a comedy B plot with Katsuragi stuck in an elevator with Kiyoshorijo.

* Shenji's father manually winches the piss capsules into place and the Evas have to crawl through suspiciously large tunnels to reach the surface.

* Fortunately they conveniently now have portable battery packs they can wear to extend their 24-second operating life.

* Shenji shoots the spider and it goes boom, then the preview voiceover begs you to make your friends watch the show.
 

 

Me: I forget how the AT fields work. In the first episode wasn't it a big deal when Unit 1 was able to like punch through the angel's field? Then with the floating cube they had to borrow a super-duper giant sniper rifle from an unrelated organization to kill it.

 

Me: Why do regular bullets work this time?
 

Me: Asuka had some line about neutralizing the AT field but she just used her Eva to block the acid from like hundreds of feet underground, none of them ever got close to the angel.

Paul: You son of a bitch. The battery packs have ALWAYS had five minutes of power.
 

Paul: If those five minutes last for three in some parts of the series, and for like what would realistically be at least a half-hour here....that's the angels dilating time.
 

Paul: I think this is the point where the angels become increasingly bizarre, to the point of absurdity for one or two. You're going to miss concrete things like snakes and spiders.

Paul: AT fields can be brought up or let down somewhat. Also, some angels have stronger AT fields than others. I agree with you, this dude's AT field was piss.

Paul: But the next angel's AT field is ridonk.
 

Paul: Variable AT field strength is like canon.

Paul: It depends on the angel. And on convenience to the plot.

Paul: I do legit think this is like the only time in the series where the AT field doesn't fucking matter at all.

 

Paul: Hey wait a moment, you've seen these characters before. They're the B-list that shout overexcitedly that SYNC RATIO IS BLAHBLAHBLAH and THE PILOT IS ON FIRE during every fight. (Tell, don't show.)

Me: My favorite characters!

 

Paul: They're v. deep milord.

 

Me: In the training episode when Shenji's friends come to see him some random girl from their class goes too and acts like she's an established character

 

Me: Who the hell was that?

 

Paul: The class rep...Hikari?

 

Paul: Yes.

 

Paul: Hikari

 

Paul: She becomes Asuka's friend.

 

Me: Never heard of her!!!

  

* FLASHBACK: 15 YEARS AGO.

 

* Oh man it's the first and/or second impact!

 

* Oh it's over already.

 

* Nvm

* The second impact turned the South Pole into an ocean of Kool-Aid.

* This is the best angel.

* Why is he in space?

* How did he get up there?

* This is like the third or fourth time there's been a 0.000001% chance of something.

* Rei is a vegetarian.

* "Even if the Evas are destroyed the children are in no danger because the AT fields will protect them."

* Boy now I'm really on the edge of my seat.

* Enormous eyeball angel exploded right on top of them blowing a huge crater in the earth but they're all fine and only Unit 1 was damaged.

* Sure why not?

* They sure love ramen!

* Shenji reveals that he only pilots a Gundam so his father will love him!!!

* Haha wait so they're testing some new computer bullshit or whatever and for some reason it requires them to build life-size duplicates of the Evas, but then one of the duplicates that they themselves built is secretly an angel in disguise!

* The angels are doing espionage and cyberterrorism now.

 

* Are the angels looking for Shrimp Baby?

* Maybe not since Kasharaji only brought him in the suitcase a few episodes ago.

* The angels are made of light but also 99% human DNA and also this particular one is a computerized colony of nanobots.

* CASPER WILL REVERSE HACK ITSELF.

* I CAN'T BELIEVE THE MAGI WOULD BETRAY US.

* Her mother's brain is in the computer.

* The episode's over so I guess their antivirus program got rid of the angel.

* ARE COMMANDER IKARI'S ACTIONS MERELY THE REALIZATION OF THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS? STAY TUNED FOR LOTS MORE FANSERVICE!

Paul: The Dead Sea Scrolls, did that just come out of nowhere or did they preface it in the episode?
 

Me: They just mentioned it in the preview for the next episode.
 

Paul: Spoooooky.

Paul: It's funny, up to this point Eva has been a fairly happy show. I forgot how happy it was at the beginning. This is the point where the series starts to go insane.

Paul: How are you enjoying the weird psychological portraits of the Eva characters?
 

Paul: Perhaps cool, perhaps over the top?
 

Paul: I think the best criticism one could level at Eva would be that it's trying too hard.

Me: I think Shenji might be my favorite character by default which is sad because he sucks.

Me: Asuka and Misoto Kasurga seem too exaggerated to take seriously.

Me: Idg what Rei is about.

Me: The other characters are mostly undeveloped.

Paul: Misoto Kasurga: Great Khan.

Paul: Grandniece of Ogadai.

Paul: What about Shenji's friend who likes OTALKY THINGS LOL

Paul: I like Misato and Ritsuko, the doctor.

Paul: I think Ritsuko gets some more characterization.

Me: Her mother became a computer!

Paul: See? Character!
 

Paul: Rei is just lifeless and depressed.

Paul: What a great love interest!
 

Me: Because she got blown up that time before the show started?

Paul: What episode talked about this?
 

Me: She had like an eyepatch and a sling.

Paul: It goes over the top eventually in characterizing Shinji I think.
 

Paul: Well, whatever, it's fine.

Me: I'm not saying he's a bad character, his characterization is just that he sucks.
 

Me: Which is fine.
 

Paul: Oh that's right.

Paul: Rei fell down the stairs.

Me: Shunji's dad burned his hands getting her out of the piss tube.

Me: She was the child he wanted instead of his loser son.

Paul: Boy, the things I would do to get a 14-year-old clinically depressed Japanese girl out of my piss tube!

Me: Rember when they all had to be naked for no reason to test the fake Evas?

Paul: Hahaha
 

Paul: Shinji is like, idk. He seems really whiny and everybdy hates him for that. But after a few watches I jive with him. He's just going through a lot of shit.

Paul: What's funny is half of the stuff that would be "uwu yamate, hentai~!!!" in another series aren't in this.

Paul: Half the time the nakedness is more of a vulnerability thing than a embarrassing OMg sex thing.

Paul: Well maybe 30% of the time.

Paul: And remember when he fell on Rei's tit and she was just like "......get off." ?

Paul: Okay there is a rape angel and I think it's dumb.
 

Paul: Rather there is a line I think is over-the-top that implies a weird kind of rape? Pisses me off.
 

Paul: The whole series is over-the-top.
 

Paul: ANIME!
 

Me: No one got raped in DEATHNOTE.

Paul: If you say Deathnote > Eva I'll kill you.

 

Paul: ANTARCTICA: AN OCEAN OF DEATH
 

Me: I'D PREFER A WORLD RULED BY HUMANS EVEN IF THEY WERE SINFUL

Paul: CUT OFF ALL COMPUTERS FROM CENTRAL DOGMA

Me: The three biblical wisemen are the three aspects of femininity: motherhood, womanhood, and science.

Paul: Makes sense.
 

Paul: Which one gives you frankincense?
 

Me: Casper, Balthazar, and Melkor, the Dark Lord of Middle-earth.
 

Paul: The appropriation of Christian stuff with no understanding of where it comes from is adorable, kind of charming.

Me: Reverse cultural appropriation.

Paul: Alright where does tiny hacker virus angel fit in the angel hierarchy?

Paul: And big eye bomb guy.

Me: There are like nine levels of angels or some shit.

Me: You got the ones with four faces, the ones covered in wings, the ones that are burning chariot wheels.

Paul: There are ones that drop on you out of the sky like douchebags.

Paul: Shinji's having some character growth though?

Paul: At least it seems so for now.

Paul: Interesting.

Me: What was that guy's plan? They showed multiple craters he had already made. Did he just keep throwing himself out of the sky over and over?

Paul: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9GKQmG7etQ

Me: What a dick.

Me: Is Shinji Jesus? Is that why his Eva protected him without a pilot?

Me: Will he die and then rise again?

Me: Was this all foretold in the Dead Sea Squirrels?

Me: Is Rei going to become the new Borg queen?

Paul: The creators don't understand the Bible enough to turn Shinji into Jesus haha.

Paul: It's mostly iconography.

 

Me: Still not as good as Naruto.