Get in the Fucking Robot, Shinji

Paul: I think that's the first of three still shots that are particularly famous/frustrating.

 

Paul: Spot the other two! They're annoying!
 
Me: Um what else happened?
 
Me: Shinji pilots a Gundam so people will give him compliments.

Me: The Evas were made from the angel they found in Antarctica somehow.

Me: But somehow they're also human.

Me: Did Ganondorf kill Shinji's mom?

Me: Is this supposed to be clear?

Paul: What a wonderful question. No. The director literally said he was anxious so it made everything as unclear as possible.

Me: Given the emphasis they put on Shinji wondering why they're fighting the angels and Asuka saying they're just defending themselves I'm guessing that's not true.

Me: Humans attacked the angels first, the angels are just trying to save their friend!

Paul: Kaji told the truth when he was with his melons ("Though I'd rather be between Misato's melons!"). If an angel touches Lilith, the crucified white blob thing in the basement, the Third Impact will happen. So that's a big deal.

Paul: That's basically what most of the angels have been after the entire time.

Me: Do the angels want to cause the Third Impact though or is it an unintentional side effect of saving their friend who the show insists is Adam?

Paul: The show does insist that, but you'll only see Adam again in the end movie. This show is deliberately obscure and lies about its own lore haha

Paul: I remember this specifically because the show confusing Adam and Lilith on purpose confused the fuck out of me.

Paul: Honestly I don't think that's ever super clear. For the best look at the angels' motivations, probably episode 23 or 24 will talk about that.

Me: I'm sure the inevitable American live-action remake on Netflix will clarify it.

Paul: Big question. I thought this was one of the most interesting ideas in the series.

Paul: Like, I think the shows comes closest to saying what really happened out loud in episode 21.

Paul: If it isn't clear after that, ask me and I'll tell you.

Me: Was the creator inspired by the mythology of The X-Files?

Me: They seem similarly obscure.

* Oh snap, next episode has 6-minute extended runtime and cold opens without the theme song.

* This must be some serious shit.

* Ganondorf's bff is being interrogated by the 2001 obelisks.

* Unit 1 ate an angel's face so it's a god now I guess.

* Does "god" mean something different in Japanese?

* The "gods" in Princess Mononoke were just normal animals.

* Well I guess they could talk.

* I can't believe Ganon killed his wife and stole her last name.

* Seele is totally the Syndicate from The X-Files.

* He was aware that he was still a child.

* Remember when Unit 1 went crazy and ran off into the forest then in the next episode it was back in the geofront again covered in bandages?

* How did they catch it?

* Is Dr. Risotto a lesbian?

* OH.

* Shinji's mom is the Eva.

* She was the other incident they mentioned where someone vanished into the piss.

* Lol is Rei a clone of Shinji's mom?

* Kaje said that the Shrimp Baby is a "sample of Adam."

* But he also thinks that the crucified angel is Adam.

* Is he just an idiot?

* I don't understand what happened.

* Someone from Seele shot Kaje I guess?

* Why was he just hanging around waiting for it?

* The harshness of reality wore down my heart to shattered pieces.

 

* Asuka's mom killed herself and/or went crazy.
 

* Asuka's on her period so she can't fly her Gundam anymore.
 

* Asuka and Rei riding the elevator from Mass Effect.
 

* Lol Suzuhara's still in the hospital.
 

* Suzuhara went back to his home planet.
 

* The angel's primary weapon is playing Handel's Messiah so loud you can hear it from space.
 

* There's only one way to defeat a target in orbit: THE SPEAR OF LONGPENIS.
 

* Penetrate that AT field.
 

* "It was a lie! The Second Impact wasn't caused by contact with an angel!"
 

* I have no idea what's happening.
 

* The spear was impaling crucified angel/supposedly Adam this whole time?
 

* Didn't they show Rei's Eva carrying it around at the end of the episode where it was first mentioned?
 

* I thought it was an angel touching Adam that they thought would cause the Third Impact. Why did Katsuragi think humans touching Adam caused the Second Impact?
 

* Preview: "Next episode, Rei dies!"

 

 

Paul: And so like every time the robot goes crazy it's his mom trying to protect him
 

Paul: from the AT FIELDS.
 

Paul: Where the fuck did they get bandages that size?
 

Paul: THE TRUTH. he wants THE TRUTH.
 

Paul: TRUTH is hard.
 

Paul: Obnoxious scene #2, check.
 

Paul: This is the rape angel. "DON'T RAPE MY MIND."
 

Paul: So stupid I hate that angel.

Me: It's okay Risotto's mom already strangled her when she was a baby, Ganondorf can just clone her again.

Paul: OR DID SHE

Paul: WHAT DROVE HER TO CRAZY

Paul: No problem. Clones upon clones.

Paul: I think the fan theory is that the crazy "spirit" in Eva unit 00 is that child Rei.

Paul: Of all the people to put in your giant clone robot brain!

Me: Ganondorf always wanted a daughter named Rei!

Paul: That's why she tried to kill Dr. Akagi twice.

Paul: Punching the wall.

Paul: Risotto, sorry.

Me: Lol so if that's fan theory I assume it's never explained in canon.

Paul: Enjoy Eva!

Paul: I think they were trying some experiment and it went wrong. Idk, the TV show constantly contradicts its own canon. To get a straight, clear version of the story you have to read the man-gay.

Me: Was it a manga adapted to anime or did they make the manga to promote the anime?

Me: The Spear of Longpenis was preventing White Adam from growing his legs back but just a few episodes ago Ganon was telling Dr. Fukushima "we've sent Rei to retrieve the spear" and then it showed her Eva walking around with it

Me: Did they just stick it in the angel like a month ago for some reason?

Paul: It was a little after the show, after it blew up.

Me: Do-over!

Paul: Yes I think so.

Paul: I liked it better. It actually made sense.

Paul: Anyways you're along for the ride now, enjoy it!

Me: You son of a bitch, why didn't you just have me read the manga?

Paul: Hahahaha

Paul: its nice 2 watch things burn

Me: Since it didn't come up again I assume the childhood trauma that the angel made Asuka relive was her mother trying to kill her and the dialogue that made it sound like she was molested was just a bad coincidence.

Me: I hope they censored that part when it aired on Toonami!

Paul: I wish I could've sent you only the perfect animes and children's cartoons your heart desires. I wish Legend of Korra had been more than a mere sketch of a real show. I wish Evangelion made any sense whatsoever. But I can't. I failed you. 

Paul: It's almost as if TV cartoons are not a medium that traditionally attracts talented storytellers!