The Beast Wars End a Lot

EPISODE 11: THE PROBE

Paul: Okay so the Maximals are in a different time zone. Good.

Paul: The planet Cybertron FOUND THEM. they're going home. Episode 11 and the show is over. The rest will be the Autonimals waking up in their dorm rooms at 19 repeatedly.

Paul: "Transwarp signature" uuuuum Star Trek called, shut the fuck up.

Paul: Waspinator is adorably stupid I guess.

Paul: Ah, Dinobot and White black tiger are going native.

Paul: THE JUNGLE WILL CHANGE THEM

Paul: THEY'LL STAY IN VIETNAM FOREVER

Me: Even those who returned from Vietnam never really came home.

Paul: Okay so Star Trek TNG stole from Beast Wars despite coming out years earlier.

Paul: And so did Animorphs, despite being the exact same series anyways.

Paul: DinoBOOB.

Paul: Pretty sure that's an image tag on furaffinity.

Paul: Blackwhite Tiger's name is apparently Taiga-tron?

Paul: Like the Russian tundra? Nice double-entendre.

Me: The Russian character isn't introduced until season 2.

Paul: hahahahaha

Paul: I love America.

Paul: Is he a Predacon??

Me: He's a Predacon KGB agent.

Paul: hahhaha yess

Paul: The probe turns around at Uranus, foreshadowing Pluto's being deplanitized. Considering the size discrepancy, that's actually very scientific for a show about robot animals.

Me: How can it be Uranus if they aren't on Earth???

Paul: TIME ZONE ANUS

Paul: The two cat robots escape from their cages, into the lava pit below.

Paul: Peeeerrrfect.

Paul: Puuuurrfect.

Paul: Taigatron grabs Chita by the tail to save him and Cheetah says "I knew that was good for something other than swatting flies."

Paul: I don't think Cheetahs can swat flies?

Paul: With their tails?

Paul: Ask Cassie.

Me: Remember when they morphed cheetahs so they could outrun that new species of Controller that could run fast?

Me: What a bunch of shit.

Paul: Shit.

Paul: No I honestly swear-to-God don't remember that in the slightest.

Paul: Like, for real.

Paul: It must've been bad.

Paul: Also this fucking derobot beam gets ALL of them??

Paul: Somebody shoot it already!!

Paul: Optimus picks up a steel girder to play missile baseball!!

Paul: What a smart motherfucker.

Paul: Literally the only character in the show to pick an animal form that also has opposable thumbs.

Me: Hahaha

Paul: This is literally so stupid?!

Paul: Like I'm getting a little heated here.

Me: What happened?

Paul: He LETS RHONIX START PROGRAMMING THE ARRAY WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHINGNGNGJGGGJGJGGJGJGJ

Paul: ABOUT THE FUCKONG DEROBOT RAY

Paul: Like, open your retarded slack-jawed mouth you fucking dipshit, there's a tactical threat in the area that WIPED OUT your entire force and you don't mention it?

Paul: So annoying.

Paul: And then of course it fucking comes out of nowhere and shoots Rhinox and he says Noooo

Paul: and I'm like.

Paul: Duh,

Me: NOOOOO

Paul: fucker.

Paul: Have you

Paul: Have you recently watched the ending of episdoe 11?????????

Me: Not in over 10 years.

Paul: 30 straight seconds of Megatron blowing up the tower and laughing.

Paul: OMg dude.

Me: Hahahaha

Paul: It happens like 6 times.

Me: Beast Wars also inspired that internet meme that's multiple pictures of someone laughing overlaid on top of a tragedy.

Paul: Go to -2:40.

Paul: The timestamp counts down.

Me: Lmao

Me: You're not watching it on crunchy roll?

Me: Optimus also hits that missile like six times.

Me: Who edited this episode?

Paul: Yes I remember that!

Paul: I was like was that six missiles or a weird cut of one missile?

Paul: Why would I use crunchy roll when I can have cartoons AND malware?

Me: They would probably have the Japanese dub of BW in which Tigatron is a gay samurai.

EPISODE 12: VICTORY

Paul: Ep 12 starts off with the bad guy starting into a crystal under a laser, similar to Honey I Shrunk the Kids. Nice 90's reference!

Paul: Is that real?

Me: Yes they turned it into like a joke

Paul: hahahahhahaha!!!!!

Paul: Really??

Me: Apparently it was their parody of bad American dubs of anime.

Paul: hahaha those little shits!!!

Paul: Okay for we are 1:30 into the episode and everybody has blown up.

Paul: All preds ded.

Me: The Beast Wars end a lot.

Paul: I love it!

Paul: It's a fun Saturday morning cartoon, with real characters representing diverse points of view and surprising endings to the conflicts.

Paul: Like, you know, I'm an old man and very skilled in watching anime so I wasn't SURPRISED at the bad ending last time.

Paul: But it was different. Would've been novel when the show came out. There are few shows that will allow an ending like that to an episode.

Paul: Honestly I think it's VERY good for kids to witness their heroes in defeat and dishonor, and to realize things don't always work out and that's just life.

Paul: Even so, I CANNOT FUCKING WRAP MY HEAD AROUND not destroying the derobot beam. If it shows up again, I'm going to be soooo pissed.

Me: All the Predacons are dead now so it can't.

Paul: Hopefully I can catch up to you. I'm like 15% done with BW and you're 45% done with Eva, though...

Paul: idk whatever, I won't watch so much that I destroy my enjoyment of the series. You know, I remember this show because once when I was like 6 it had a dramatic two-parter ending or whatever on TV and it took up Mighty Max's time slot.

Paul: So pissed.

Paul: I'm enjoying it though. Especially these last two episodes have been kind of original. Like, I wouldn't have expected that all bad guys die in the first five minutes.

Paul: I'm in the same state of mind I watch certain episodes of Star Trek in -- "How the fuck do they write themselves out of this one?"

Me: Alas, poor Tarantulas

Me: They go so fast that Optimus Primal turns into a lizard.

Paul: hahaha I swear to god, if that happens.

Paul: I'm thinking more like the TNG episodes where the dilemma facing them seems to present impossible options (or options too outside of what's acceptable on mainstream TV) and so I have no idea what they'll choose.

Paul: Like when the one alien asshole creepy space cloud man from early on in the series asks Picard if he thinks life continues after death, or if there's nothing.

Paul: I'm like Ummm this is too hot for TV, a ton of people will be pissed with whatever you say, it's impossible for a TV show to even ask something like this.

Paul: And then Picard said, "I think both of these options are a bit too simple." and it left it at that.

Paul: That was great moral writing. Like, rhetoric-wise, it was incredible that the show got out of that tight spot.

Paul: Smart show!

Paul: hahaha yes I did just see the part with Alas poor Tarantulus I knew him.

Paul: I loved it.

Me: Professional voice actors are fucking weirdos.

Me: If you ever see them in interviews they all look like they're on drugs.

Paul: Well they probably are.

Paul: Okay back to Beast Wars.

Paul: I am enjoying this episode! haha

Paul: The velociraptor is a wounded warrior whose spirit returns to the battlefield.

Paul: um

Paul: That rat died.

Paul: what.

Paul: They're in a box.

Paul: They're not dead.

Paul: They're in a box.

Me: We all end up in a tiny pine box.

Paul: I love that the Lone Female is just kind of a boring yet competent normie character.

Paul: That's neat.

Paul: òmg

Paul: Did the Predacons not consider that leaving their spaceship open to the Maximals would, like, allow the cannibalize parts?

Paul: Idk seems poorly planned. Whatever.

Paul: Any plot holes are more than made up for when T-Rex says I SHALL CRUSH YOU LIKE A RAT.........IN A TRAP.

Paul: Um okay OP saves the falling ship??

Paul: idk I thought like

Paul: he was weak recently.

Paul: Whatever.

Paul: Well, cool.

Paul: That episode wasn't as interesting as I'd hoped it would be.

Paul: No hail-mary rhetoric to save the day.

Paul: Just...everybody was in a box the whole time.

Paul: Good 4 kidz.

Paul: Like, if my son one day can't understand how Anne Frank hid, I'll show him this episode and he'll "get it."

Me: Her filters adjusted to rats.

Me: I forget what the Predacons' plan was, if Dinobot hadn't found them would it have succeeded or would the Maximals have left with no problem while they were still hiding in a box?

Paul: The latter.

Paul: Yeah that's literally great for the Maximals hahaha.

Me: That would have been a better ending, the Predacons are still hiding and they look up and see the Axalon flying away.

Me: "Oh..."

Paul: They should have written something like, the warp core is booby-trapped and the Maximal ship will blow up if they activate it.

Paul: Then Dinobots overhears it and running back.

Paul: And OP is like Abort, we have to save him. And everybody else is like No! But then they do it.

Paul: And so comradeliness and abandoning the repairs means that their ship won't blow up.

Me: Next episode is good though.

Me: It's about Rhinox!

Paul: Is this the farting one.

Me: No in this one he turns evil

Paul: From farting too much?

Me: Yes.

Me: Because he's soooo fat.