Trigger Warning

EPISODE 16: THE TRIGGER, PART 1

Paul: Episode 16: The Trigger, part 1

Paul: If this triggers me you're going to college jail.

Paul: First scene: snowy mountains, clearly Antarctica. Taigatron looks at the scenery and says, SCIENCE IS WHAT MAKES MAN POWERFUL. YET IT IS THAT ARROGANCE WHICH LED TO THE THE DISASTER OF FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. TRULY CAN THE CHAMBER OF GUFF EVER OPEN?

Paul: Preds randomly appear as always.

Paul: Waspinator accidentally emphasizes how worthless he is at everything, as always.

Paul: Then Rhinobot discovers that one of the moons is hollow!

Paul: Is this the BLACK MOON OF ADAM or the WHITE MOON OF LILITH

Paul: Okay the PRADS blow up the comms array.

Paul: When the fuck did the Manimals build a comms array in Antarctica anyways?

Paul: Instead of moving out of the way, Blackwhite screams at the comms array as it crushes him.

Paul: Nice work bro.

Paul: Optimus turns on his jets indoors and blasts through the ceiling in panic.

Paul: They've been building new shit this whole time it would seem.

Paul: Then it turns out all that tension was meaningless and arbitrary because Taigatron just pushes the thing off of himself and keeps fighting.

Paul: Then um

Paul: Dinobird shoots a very (circumcised) phallic missile

Paul: which breaks and becomes smoke.

Paul: Okay.

Paul: There is also a cloud wandering around?

Paul: Are we going to fight an anti-machine cloud?

Paul: Ahahaha Jesus Waspinator is dumb.

Paul: Okay so Tiger falls into a cloud

Paul: and then Waspinator says "Waspinator wants his head."

Paul: Which is funny unless you, like me, have a great-uncle from the branch of your family in central Ohio who brought back a human skull from Iwo Jima

Paul: and even though you've asked them in a super non-threatening, I'm-not-judging-anybody manner whether anyone might know where it is so we can repatriate it according to a program the Japanese government has, they remain totally silent on this fact.

Paul: Meanwhile the hawk robot TURNS ITS PUPIL INTO A TERRIFYING SPHINCTER LENS.

Paul: Cool I guess.

Paul: Okay it's a flying island with a laser.

Paul: I liked that tension while it lasted.

Paul: Idk this is pretty cartoon, did the Japanese really ruin it that much?

Paul: Okay so um everybody is going to the flying island and Taigatron is there and a CG butterfly is clicked and dragged around him and he says autistically "Truly this is a land of wonder."

Paul: I love flying islands. Laputa, Vain in Lunar, Zeal in Chrono Trigger, I really dig them. I hope there's some civilization or whatever.

Paul: Like entombed or chillaxing on this flying island.

Paul: Awesome it's full of killer booby traps!!! This is great.

Paul: So anyways the island blows half of itself up trying to kill Taigatron.

Paul: Then he gets it and decides to sneak around.

Paul: Um Scorpiman scans the island: CYBERBEE LAUNCH

Paul: BLACK ARACHNIA, TERRORIZE killer guitar riff

Paul: I hate Scorponok's Spying Cyberbess!

Paul: Black Arachnia is pretty ambitious. What you said about all the Preds being morons checks out -- whenever they Predify a Maximal, the Maximal is super competent at taking over power.

Paul: Okay um I wish Taigatron's message would have told the Maximals not to shoot on the island.

Paul: After lunch, it's time for the second half! Which I already had spoiled for me by the preview!!

 

EPISODE 17: THE TRIGGER, PART 2

Me: It's like the Garden of Eden all over again, man! Would robots, too, risk paradise for power?

Paul: Ah yes icic these are the themes.

Paul: Oooh hmm.

Paul: The planet is clearly artificial.

Paul: Created as a garden world?

Me: Omg they're in a dollhouse!

Me:

Paul: I love Ibsen!

Paul: Especially his play Stop-over in a Quiet Town.

Paul: Okay is the Predacon ship in the volcano over a cracked semi-cooled lava dome a visual metaphor for their tenuous grasp over their own rage and danger of falling too fall?

Paul: And is the Maximal ship's balancing over a canyon a visual metaphor for the balance necessary to WARrior for peace? They must straddle both sides of the divide.

Paul: And is Dinobot's tail a visual metaphor for his angry barbed DINOCOCK?

Paul: Arachnia falls in a trap hole.

Paul: Have a nice....trip? Hahahahahahahahahaha!!

Paul: (I have counted the ha's in order to assure the accuracy of the above transcription.)

Paul: Sometimes it PAYS to be a SPIDER!

Paul: The lady shall ride a tiger! Daaamn.

Paul: And then she sits on him side-saddle?? Um can your chicken thighs keep you in place honey?

Paul: Rattrap is on OP's back; his crotch area is directly over OPs superheated jet.

Paul: Talk about heatplay!

Paul: Satrap, Price of Persia, is falling!!

Paul: Then he fucks over Pdactyl so good that Satrap is now riding him yes.

Paul: A lot of people are riding each other at this point.

Paul: No wonder this wasn't aired in Japan.

Paul: Fly, you featherless freak, our I'll toast your tachyons.

Paul: Rattrap's running animation looks like somebody's folding him in half.

Paul: Trannyauntula betrayed the everybody!!

Paul: She gets all the lasers and now there are lasers everywhere!

Paul: She has a countdown to destroy the Maximal base like in Star War!

Paul: Evacuating, Rhino grabs his potted plant. He's the Jet Black character.

Paul: Okay they blow up the flying island and um it crashes in Spectacular 3D Fashion! into a bunch of sand.

Paul: In French they call a bunch of sand a désert but idk what that is in English.

Paul: And then hahaha all the Manimals are just 3D-staring at the island and Rhinox asks, in the least hamfisted way to introduce to moral of the episode possible, WOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT BEAM WAS ABOUT?

Paul: I DON'T KNOW...A SIGNAL?

Paul: Spelling that out is sooo goofy.

Paul: Then Tigertron is like "We had Eden and ruined it."

Paul: Which is fine, I'm glad they spelled that out, it works. And Rattrap shows up and makes fun of them for a little,

Paul: aaaand everybody stares at the moon for five minutes straight while ominous music plays.

Paul: There seems to be a sizable section of the Boomer generation which is really upset at the "development" (read: destruction) of America's vast wildernesses from the 60's through the 90's.

Paul: George Carlin has that thing about ruining the whole country with gas stations and whatnot.

Paul: Cool to see this explored through the medium of children's toys' advertisements.

Paul: So okay.

Paul: The planet where they are stranded is either: (1) Heaven, sent them by robot space god and they need to treat it right but WAR so they can't.

Paul: Or the Garden of Eden, rather.

Paul: (2) Less religious/moral possibility: some space alien species' secret megacache of Energon and dinosaur bones which they really don't want fucked with. But I doubt it, the series seems to be hinting at something less sci-fi, less concrete

Paul: (3) a big metaphor for Americans who, upon rising to power in 1945, have horribly abused said power ever since while still really really wanting to be Good People.

Paul: And the Megatrons are the lust for power and its all-consuming corruption are contrasted with the Maximals' beleaguered noble intentions.

Paul: I'm honestly enjoying it, it's light so far.

Paul: I'm having FUN.

Paul: So is the planet the American soul?

Paul: Was is purgatory the whole time?

Me: It's a science fiction!