Showing posts with label IMHO. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IMHO. Show all posts

Saturday, June 6, 2026

"Cruel Choices": Thoughts on the Endings of Clair Obscur: Expedition 33

Expedition 33: The French JRPG is a phenomenal turn-based roleplaying video game developed by Sandfall Interactive and released in 2025. As is common of the genre, the game offers two possible endings to its complex story, determined by player choice. I had my issues with both of them, but the game has a lot to offer overall, and it's best played knowing as little about it as possible. If you haven't played it and there's any possibility you ever will, I'd ask you to stop reading now. 
 
For games you play after.
 

I. A Life to Love

 
Setting aside any personal preferences for which ending is best, Verso's is pretty straightforward, I think. The Canvas is erased. All the painted beings within it die. Maelle returns to the real world and becomes Alicia again. No longer having a fantasy world in which they can escape from their grief, the Dessendres are left to face it head-on. Reunited as a family, they may finally have the strength to overcome it. And at the end, Alicia must say goodbye not just to everyone she lost in both worlds, but to the life she might have had as Maelle. Her vision of her friends and her other self fades away, leaving her alone and facing an open path.

As a conclusion to the narrative we've just watched play out, Verso's ending is neat, clean, and thematically satisfying. So much of the game is about death and grief and the way people deal with them. All the conflict in the story happens because Verso's mother couldn't deal with her son's death in an emotionally healthy way. She ran away from her grief and hid in a dollhouse of her own design. Alicia wanted to stay in that same dollhouse and live as Maelle, even though it would have killed her. Verso was willing to betray and condemn everyone who cared about him in order to rescue his sister from that fate. By driving her out of the Canvas and then destroying it, he forced her to see the world as it is, not as she wanted it to be. Now she can let go, move on, and make of her future whatever she can. She doesn't get the life she wanted, but no one ever does.

Fin.
 
 

The problem with the dollhouse metaphor, of course, is that in the Canvas, the dolls are people. This is why, despite loving its bittersweet thematic denouement, I can't countenance Verso's ending to the story. It's not a matter of wanting a happy ending or being upset that my favorite characters didn't survive, it's that by making everything come down to a binary choice between Verso and Maelle, we completely lose touch with the characters who held our primary emotional investment for much if not most of the game. This is also an issue in Maelle's ending, but I'll get to that in a moment.

I know that some players see the painted inhabitants of the Canvas as false people, nothing more than NPCs in a game of Sims played by the Painters, but I honestly find this such a blatantly deliberate misreading of the text that it scarcely bears discussion. The game never seriously suggests it, and spends a great deal of time convincing the player of the opposite. There is never any ontological discussion of what it means to be alive, no existential crisis from painted characters questioning their own reality. The only Painter who doesn't see the people of Lumière as sapient, autonomous beings is Clea, and the casual cruelty of her disregard makes complete sense for her cold, pragmatic personality. By contrast, the faded shade of young Verso says that "everything in this Canvas is as much alive as what is outside," while Aline sends Lumière a sign every year to warn them of who she can no longer protect from the Gommage. 

Even Renoir, who spends the entire game trying to destroy the Canvas and everyone in it, treats them as real people. He apologizes to Verso for the tortured life he was painted to lead. He commiserates with Sciel over the loss of her husband and unborn child. He acknowledges that Maelle's friends' arguments for their own existence are sound. He's still going to destroy them, but not because he doesn't see them as real; he simply values his family's lives over anyone else's.

"Burn the whole city," Majesty muses, shaking his head in slow disbelief. "That's pretty extreme for the life of one woman."

"Fuck the city," I tell him. "I'd burn the world to save her."

— Matthew Stover, Heroes Die

Perhaps even more significantly, for the first two acts of the game we are invested exclusively in painted characters. The prologue makes us fall in love with Sophie and acquaints us with the people of Lumière, only to break our hearts with the existential horror of the Gommage. We spend Act I as Gustave, watching our in-game avatar grapple with the trauma of losing the woman he loves, witnessing the violent deaths of all his friends, and almost ending his own life, only for his story, too, to end in tragedy. Then we become Verso, but not really; our Verso is no more real and no less fake than all the other denizens of this world where life is made of chroma. Even Maelle, arguably the central character of the entire game, is a painted construct; she doesn't become "real" until her memories of her life as Alicia return in Act III, though they coexist alongside the memories of her life in the Canvas as Maelle. Both sets of experiences are equally real to her. Lune, Sciel, Monoco, Esquie: every character we can befriend and develop a relationship with is made from paint.

I fundamentally don't understand how someone could experience the vast majority of this story, then argue in good faith that the eleventh-hour reveal means that the game wants us to think that nothing we went through mattered, none of it was real, we were just wasting our time getting emotionally invested in soulless simulacra acting out preprogrammed behaviors, and the correct decision now is to burn down the Canvas and everyone in it.

To me it's a justification to avoid having to weigh one family's emotional well-being against the genocide of the Gestrals, the Grandis, the white Nevrons, Esquie and Francois, and the people of Lumière, but that's the choice the game is asking you to make. You can't reason your way out of it without intentionally missing the point. If Mass Effect 3's Destroy ending didn't require the deaths of EDI and the geth in exchange for destroying the Reapers, everyone would pick it. If Verso's ending didn't require the destruction of the Canvas in exchange for Maelle healthily processing her grief, everyone would pick it. Life keeps forcing cruel choices.

II. A Life to Paint

 
At the end of my game, I sided with Verso, not realizing that doing so would entail destroying the Canvas. My main intention was to save Maelle by getting her to leave the painting, but after seeing Lune's look of total betrayal and melancholic resignation, I knew I must have picked the bad ending. Somehow, though, watching the alternative on YouTube didn't feel any better. 
 
Mfw when he destroys the world after we banged in the woods because he promised he wouldn't try to destroy the world anymore.
 
In contrast to the clear-cut nature of Verso's ending, Maelle's feels asymmetrically vague and ambiguous. It raises many more questions than it answers, some of which have no apparent reason for being asked. 
 

Nobody Likes You When You’re 33

 
Some players insist that there must have been a considerable time skip between Verso's duel with Maelle and his recital before the resurrected population of Lumière, because in the epilogue he looks so much older. Ten or fifteen years easily could have passed, because Verso just looks so darn old!
 

Am I crazy or does he not, like at all? His scar has healed, and he's no longer dying his hair, which we know is naturally white. And those are the only differences I see. The "wrinkles" people talk about just look like the normal facial lines of a mature adult to me. The grayscale filter makes them stand out more, and I feel like there's a good chance the game uses higher resolution textures in cinematics like this one than it does in gameplay, because that's a common thing games do. Maybe he's supposed to be older, but if so, why wouldn't they have made him significantly older to avoid any confusion over whether or not he's aged? 
 
And what about the other characters in the scene? Unless Maelle unpainted Verso's immortality and replaced it with rapid aging (why would she do that?), shouldn't Lune, Sciel, Gustave, and Maelle herself all look older too? Well, some people say that they do. 
 

Am I going insane? 
 

The Boy

 
The primary reason people think there was a lengthy time jump, other than Verso's gray hairs, seems to have to do with the kid Maelle brings to Verso's piano recital at the Lumière opera house. Who is this kid?
 
 
He must be important because the developers put him in the final scene of the game, where he's the only NPC shown directly interacting with the main characters. But who the hell is he, and why is he hanging out with our heroes? The same small handful of fan theories usually come up in answer to these questions.
 
1. "He's Gustave's apprentice, Guillaume." 
 
No he isn't.
 
 
2. "He's Lune and Verso's son."
 
I find this slightly more plausible, but it still doesn't feel right. He does look kind of like Verso, and Lune is the only character besides Maelle who interacts with him, displaying affection and familiarity as he sits between them in the opera house. I know that Verso can briefly be seen wearing a wedding ring in this scene, but the fact that the camera never focuses on it suggests to me that the suit Verso wears for a few seconds at the recital is just a re-textured version of his Renoir's Suit outfit, which includes the ring. Notably, Lune is not wearing a matching ring in this scene.
 
More significantly, Verso and Lune getting married and having a kid doesn't feel like an adequately telegraphed outcome for those characters. She is a romanceable party member, but so is Sciel, and following either path is completely optional. If you didn't romance her, the two of them suddenly being married in the epilogue would come out of nowhere. And even if you did, how many times is she going to forgive him for trying to kill her?
 
The final clue people point to for this theory is the lyrics to "Maelle," the song that plays over the credits following Maelle's epilogue (Verso's gets a different song):
 
Verso dans la nuit 
Lune près de lui 
 
These lyrics are generally translated as "Verso in the night, Lune close to him." Versune ship confirmed canon?
 
Well, the same lyrics appear in "Alicia," the track that plays over the title screen. That's always the same regardless of the ending you eventually get or the romance you eventually pursue, if any. I'd be wary of trying to arrive at any definitive interpretation of the plot based on translated soundtrack lyrics. Who knows which was even written first, the song or the ending? 
 
3. "He's the Young/Faceless Boy, repainted by Maelle as a normal human child."
 
This was the impression I got when I first watched the epilogue, if only because of the cinematic language of the scene transition. We fade to black on Maelle center-frame with her back to the camera, the Faceless Boy—young Verso's soul shard—painting on the right. We then jump ahead an indeterminate amount of time. The shot tracks through the opera house before stopping on Maelle center-frame, her back to the camera, the unknown boy standing on her right. The visual connection is clear, but the narrative logic doesn't follow.
 
When a Painter creates a world in a Canvas, they leave a part of their soul inside it. This is the engine that powers the world, a literalization of the idea of an artist "putting their soul into their art." Verso created his Canvas as a child, so the game visualizes the "sliver" (Clea's word) or "piece" (Renoir's word) of his soul as a small boy continuously painting within a pocket dimension to maintain the existence of the Canvas.
 
I've seen this idea likened to "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas," but the comparison doesn't hold water. In that story, Omelas is a utopian city whose people live in perfect luxury and bliss, but that state can only be maintained by the perpetual torture of a child. It's an ethical thought experiment: would you stay in paradise despite knowing the cost, even if it's paid by someone you'll never meet, or would you be one of the few who walk away from Omelas?
 
The inhabitants of the Canvas have no ability to walk away. The Faceless Boy doesn't sustain a perfect city in an imperfect world, he sustains the world entire. If he stops painting, the Canvas and everyone in it will be destroyed.
 
It's also inaccurate to view him as a true human child. He is a piece of the soul of a dead man; what exactly that means or entails is never explained. He manifests in the shape of a child, but he has been painting for thousands of years, and appears to lack the basic human autonomy to stop of his own free will. No one is forcing him to paint, but he doesn't stop until Verso—our Verso, the painted Verso—tells him to. From what we know, every painted Canvas in the Clair Obscur universe has a similar soul fragment powering it. Is the very act of creating a Canvas an immoral act perpetuating eternal slavery? The game never raises this as a conundrum or suggests it to be the case.
 
It's not clear exactly what the connection is between the soul shard you meet at the end of the game and the manifestations of the Faceless Boy you have encountered throughout it. His counterparts of the Fading Man and Fading Woman seem to be psychic or spiritual "echoes" of Renoir and Clea, respectively, left behind from their acts of creation within Verso's Canvas. The Faceless Boy, or Young Boy, looks like the soul shard, but the former can carry on a lucid conversation while the latter is mute; the former appears in various locations across the Canvas, but the latter can never stop painting in his pocket dimension or the Canvas will die.
 
If they aren't exactly the same, though, what they represent is similar enough: lingering aspects of Verso left behind in the Canvas long after his death. As such, I think we can take them both as truthful expressions of the same soul. Painted Verso asks the soul shard if he's tired of painting, to which he assents by nodding his head. People take this as evidence that he is being eternally tormented by maintaining the Canvas and he wants it destroyed so he can stop, justifying Verso's ending. 
 
But this complex interpretation of a simple action is not in agreement with what the Young Boy says when you encounter him in the overworld. There, he shows a more conflicted perspective. He's saddened by the disharmony in the Canvas and repeatedly asks you to stop his sister Clea's various creations from killing people. "Maybe I should continue," he says. "If that were a choice." In most of his encounters, he talks almost exclusively about Clea, and his main source of discontent seems to be how she has soured on the world they painted together as children and now has her Nevrons running around it wreaking havoc. "Stop her paintings from erasing any more," he pleads. If he wanted the whole Canvas erased, why does he only ask you to stop the Nevrons? Is it possible the discordance caused by the Dessendres' family drama playing out in his childhood fantasy world is the source of his tiredness, rather than a weariness of perpetually painting the world in general? Verso never asks.
 
Regardless, the point is that the real Verso's fragment of soul that powers the Canvas must keep painting in his pocket dimension or else the Canvas will be destroyed, as we seen in Painted Verso's ending when he tells the soul sliver to stop. So in Maelle's ending, how could he be at the opera house watching the piano recital?
 
4. "He's just some random kid from Lumière, it doesn't matter."
 
If it doesn't matter then why would the developers put him in the most important scene in the game?

It's frustrating trying to understand what happens in Maelle's ending when this new character is front and center for it and we have no idea who he's supposed to be. 
 

Dead Is Dead

 
Besides the boy, the second most notable attendee of Verso's recital is the long-departed Gustave. 
 
I love Gustave. Gustave is my favorite character in the game. His death was the most shocking thing I've ever experienced in a video game, and when he died it changed the course of the story. But he did die. I watched him die. I mourned for him and watched the other characters mourn for him. I saw how his loss affected Maelle and altered her journey's trajectory. I missed him for a long time, and while I eventually got over it, the game never felt quite the same without him. Then in Maelle's ending he's just there, smiling and laughing and joking like nothing happened, like he never tried to kill himself, like he never died. 

I could live with the ambiguity of Maelle's and Verso's ultimate fates. Is he a puppet being forced to perform against his will? Has she gone mad with power and turned all of Lumière into her reanimated thralls? Anything's possible, but there's room for doubt. But watching Gustave and Sophie stroll into the concert hall, brought back from the dead off-screen without a word, casually nullifying the two moments that defined the tone of the entire game—that felt wrong in a way I can't live with. 

To reiterate, Gustave is my favorite character. I did not want him to die. But he did die, and it meant something. If he can come back just as easily, what does that mean?

What does it mean for Sciel, another character defined by grief, to have her years-dead husband restored to life as if by rubbing a magic lamp? Pierre wasn't killed by Nevrons, Gommaged by Renoir, or murdered by Renoir's painted duplicate. He drowned in an accident. It's sad, but tragedy is a part of life. What kind of life can the people of Maelle's Lumière expect in a world where even natural death is subject to erasure?

As for Sciel, she was so badly devastated by her husband's death she tried to drown herself, only to heap trauma upon trauma when the only one who died was the unborn baby she hadn't known she was carrying. The character we meet and watch develop throughout the game is a product of all that trauma, loss, grief, and guilt. When we, as Verso, help her overcome her fear of swimming, we're helping her forgive herself. Who is Sciel if all the pain that made her who she is can be undone so easily? Who are any of us?

"You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with the wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away. I need my pain."
 
— Captain James Kirk

The Avengers could restore everyone dematerialized by the Snap, but they couldn't bring back Loki, Gamora, or Vision (they eventually came back anyway, but, you know, whatever). The story could have been written to allow Maelle to save the people of Lumière who were Gommaged after the defeat of the Paintress while being unable to resurrect the characters who died before that, whose deaths had emotional weight and significance to the narrative. The answer was right there, when Maelle explains why she could restore Lune and Sciel from their freshly Gommaged chroma but could only raise the past expeditioners as a shambling army of undead: "It's old chroma, not pure. It won't be like bringing the two of you back." 

The only way I can see this extensive resurrection following organically from the narrative is if we’re meant to infer that Maelle is repainting the Canvas as Heaven on Earth. Literally, everyone who Gommaged is reborn and reunited with their lost loved ones in a paradise world where they no longer have to experience suffering or death. Personally, I find that idea dramatically inert and uninteresting, but at least it is an idea.

It isn’t the one I think the game was going for, though. The transition to grayscale when Verso comes on-stage, the harsh musical sting and jump-cut to Maelle's disfigured face, Verso's visible discomfort at the piano and the cut to black before he starts to play all suggest something more sinister and disquieting.

My initial read was that Maelle had become the "It's a Good Life"-esque puppet master of Lumière and was using her Paintress powers to force Verso to perform as an unwilling participant in her make-believe perfect world. I've seen it correctly pointed out, however, that exercising such direct control over a person is never shown to be among the Painters' abilities. If it was possible, surely Expedition 33's battles with Aline and Renoir would have gone very differently.

The closest possibility the game shows us is when Clea paints over her chromatic counterpart, a feat that Maelle remarks only Clea is talented enough to have accomplished. But even then, the final product is something that is Clea-rly no longer human.
 
I'd still suck on her toes, though.
 
So what is actually going on in this scene? Is everyone here to watch Verso perform of their own free will? They all just decided to forgive him for pretending to be their friend while secretly plotting to erase the Canvas and kill them all not just once, but twice? Everyone looks so happy but it feels unnatural, performative. Is that just because it's in contrast with the dour tone of the rest of the game, or is it intentionally indicative of something else happening in this scene, something we can't see undulating beneath the surface? 
 
At the end of their duel, Maelle asks Verso, "If you could grow old, would you find a reason to smile?" Like most players, I take this to indicate that she used her Paintress powers to remove the eternal life Aline bestowed on Verso, and when he appears in this last scene he's now a mortal man. So even though Maelle refused to let him die, he still got what he wanted, after a fashion. Maybe his unhappiness at the recital isn't due to Maelle forcing him to perform, but because he was unable to save her from remaining inside the Canvas while her body wastes away in the real world.
 
If Maelle isn't using her powers to control Verso in this scene, maybe the jumpscare shot of her face with the Paintress ink over her eyes isn't meant to be taken literally, but rather to represent how Verso sees her in that moment. From what we're shown earlier in the game, Painters only get those stains on their physical bodies while their minds are inside a Canvas. Maelle's Painted avatar actually looking like that wouldn't make any sense, especially since this shot also shows her missing the eye she lost in the fire (but curiously the accompanying facial burn scars are absent). When Aline was in the Canvas, Renoir said that every day he sees her ink-stained face as her health declines. Maybe that's what Verso's seeing now, and his final tragedy is that despite Lumière being saved, he's helpless to save the person who the real Verso gave his life to protect.
 
(Am I close, Sandfall? Can I get some kind of hint? Who the fuck is that little kid?)
 
Like Verso's, Maelle's ending could have been a bittersweet resolution: some characters are saved but others can't be, Maelle gets what she wants but it will cost her in the long run, the Canvas survives but its future is uncertain. We didn't need to go down the path where maybe Maelle is now a power-drunk demigod exercising absolute control over life and death. 
 
It feels like a complete thematic betrayal. "If you're going to give someone flowers, you should probably do it before they wither and die." The opening line is such a brilliant thesis statement for this game, and Maelle's ending utterly disregards it. "Tomorrow comes"? Not anymore it doesn't. Now it's always Today.
 
I guess they're going to have to come up with a new motto.
  
Maybe that disparity between what the game was about and what Maelle wanted it to be about was the point, but if so, why cloak it in the epilogue's dream-like ambiguity? The issue isn't that Expedition 33 lost, it's that we don't even know if they did. Verso's ending is clear, but Maelle's remains obscure.
 
I'm not upset there wasn't a perfect ending, a good ending and a bad ending, or even a happy ending; I love a story that ends on a nice downer. But I do generally prefer a satisfying ending, even if the satisfaction can only be found in how profoundly unsatisfying it is. Both endings to Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 had things that I loved and things I disliked, but neither satisfied me as a conclusion to everything that had come before.  
 

III. A Life to Dream

 
So, what would my ideal ending have been? I don't mean a perfect ending, where everyone gets what they wanted and lives happily ever after, but an ending that would have been thematically, emotionally, and dramatically satisfying to me.

Maelle leaves the painting, either of her own volition or forced out by Verso. The Canvas may be more Neverland than Wonderland, but it's still a fantasy world, and all children who visit one of those eventually have to grow up and come back to reality. Before she goes, she undoes the last Gommage, restoring Emma, Gustave's apprentices, and the rest of Lumière from their freshly disembodied chroma the same way she did with Lune and Sciel. She's unable to bring back anyone who died before that, however; their chroma has been dispersed too long to retain the impression of their memories and souls. Or maybe she reverses the Gommage first, and then the duel with Verso occurs, expelling her from the Canvas before she can even try to repaint anyone else. 
 
Either way, the point is that Pierre, Gustave, and Sophie can't come back, and their loved ones who have learned to live without them have to go on living without them. At the same time, Maelle has to go on living in the real world, reconnecting with her family as they help one another through their grief and learning to see the world as it is, not as she wants it to be. I think that part of Verso's ending is pretty perfect and wouldn't want to change it.
 
The Canvas survives. The people of Lumière go on, finally getting the opportunity to lead full lives that they've been fighting for for fifty years. There are still Nevrons out there, and the world remains a mess from the Fracture, but at least they now have a chance to live.
 
In Paris, the Canvas is hidden to prevent the Dessendres from meddling with it further. I know Renoir said that Aline would always find it, but did he mean that literally, like it emits some kind of beacon she can always detect with her Paintress powers from anywhere in the world? What if he locked it in a waterproof box and had it sunk somewhere in the ocean? The Canvas survives in Maelle's ending and Aline returning to it never comes up as an issue, so I don't consider it a huge concern either. 

As for Verso, well… to be honest, I don't really care what happens to Verso. I understand why he did what he did, and I sympathize with him, the same as I sympathize with Renoir for prioritizing his desperate need to protect his family above basic morality. But Verso is a liar, manipulator, and betrayer many times over. He murdered Julie, he allowed Gustave to die when he could have saved him, he used Expedition 33 to save his mother and end his curse of immortality, knowing all the time that it would result in their destruction. Then, after apologizing for his treachery and potentially regaining enough of their trust to sleep with Lune or Sciel (or both! Sneaky Verso!), he backstabbed them again, consigning all his friends and lovers to oblivion for the sake of saving someone who didn't want to be saved.

That's what he says, at least, but his final plea should he lose the duel shows his truest motive: "Unpaint me. I don't want this life. Help me." 

He smelled alkali, bitter as tears. The desert beyond the door was white; blinding; waterless; without feature save for the faint, cloudy haze of the mountains which sketched themselves on the horizon. The smell beneath the alkali was that of the devil-grass which brought sweet dreams, nightmares, death.  
 
But not for you, gunslinger. Never for you. You darkle. You tinct. May I be brutally frank? You go on.
 
— Stephen King, The Dark Tower

He can dress it up as concern for his sister, but Verso's main concern, as usual, is for himself. To be unburdened of eternity, he's willing to sacrifice the world. Comparing our two player characters, we were told directly in the prologue: "Gustave is a good person." 
 
Verso is not.
 
He's a wonderful, complicated character, though, so even if I disapprove of his choices, I also can't hate him. If he's stripped of his immortality and left to find peace in a finite life as a normal man, I'm fine with it. If Maelle grants his wish for death and allows him to Gommage after their duel without repainting him, I'm fine with it. And if he has to spend the rest of eternity being forced to play piano for the new Paintress and her entourage of puppet-people, I'm fine with that too. That would never be my preferred conclusion, but I feel worse for Maelle potentially becoming a monster capable of that behavior than I do for Verso suffering the consequences of his own actions. 
 
I don't think any of these proposed changes are too radical of a departure from the endings as written. The game was great overall and I wouldn't want to ruin it by inserting my own stupid ideas into someone else's work. As of this writing, it's been a week since I finished and I'm still thinking about it. The only reservations I came away with, aside from the godawful platforming side quests, involve the endings, specifically Maelle's. I think I might have preferred not being given a choice at all and getting Verso's betrayal as the true, singular ending. I could have lived with that.
 
Allowing the player to choose, however, makes them feel complicit in Verso's genocide of the Canvas. This doesn't feel like it was by design, because making Verso and Maelle the focus of the ending the way the developers did removes all voice and agency from the other characters. They take a backseat to the conflict between the two leads, even though they're faced with the direst consequences of both endings. If Sandfall trusted the player enough to make that decision, I think they should have trusted them enough to fully understand it. In my mind, Maelle's ending is just too vague, its stakes insufficiently explained.
 
That's why, whenever I replay the game, I suspect I'll take Verso's side again, as much as I feel it's an unfair choice. It's not how I would have written it, anyway, but it was never my story to write. As the philosopher Jagger once said, "You can't always get what you want."

Friday, July 11, 2025

Ranking the Films of Audrey Hepburn

 

Roman Holiday (1953) – #1

It had been at least a decade since I'd watched this, so I didn't remember just how good it is. Perhaps the most honestly, realistically sad ending to a romantic comedy that doesn't involve anyone dying of cancer. The age gap between leads, which somehow becomes only more exaggerated as Audrey's career goes on, is also at its least objectionable here; roughly a decade of difference isn't so dramatic, and feels right in line with the way the characters meet, fall for each other, and ultimately part. Of course this is how it happens: this was always how it was going to happen. One of my favorites of all time.
 
Rating: 5 out of 5 
 
Audrey's Look: Audrey spends the bulk of the movie dressed like Elizabeth from BioShock Infinite, which is fine by me, but the iconic haircut scene defines her vibe for the rest of the film.
 
The Age Gap 
Audrey Hepburn = 23
Gregory Peck = 36
 
 

Sabrina (1954) – #4

I've seen this a few times before but it never left much of an impression on me. I gained a newfound appreciation for it on this latest viewing, however. It's actually quite funny, and while the romance never exactly feels perfectly true, it isn't difficult to understand how walking corpse Humphrey Bogart could find himself in a lot of trouble. "I'm about to make an ass of myself with a girl of twenty-two. Look at me! Joe College with a touch of arthritis."
 
Rating: 4 out of 5 
 
Audrey's Look: The second time in two movies that Audrey gets a haircut to symbolize her maturation from girl to woman, but it just doesn't hit the same this time. She goes through a lot of wardrobe changes after graduating French finishing school, each more stylish than the last. 
 
The Age Gap 
Audrey Hepburn = 24
Humphrey Bogart = 53
 
 

War and Peace (1956) – #14

I can't even complain about this movie being three and a half hours long because it's War and Peace; there was a whole running joke in the Peanuts New Year's special about how long the book is. While the runtime did make it kind of a slog to get through, I can't say that I was actually bored watching it. But I had to stop about two hours in and didn't have an opportunity to finish watching it until a week later, by which point I had forgotten who most of the secondary characters were (except Napoleon Bonaparte, of course). Henry Fonda's weak-willed, indecisive male lead was an interesting choice for the romantic hero, but Audrey gets top billing and whenever she wasn't on screen I kept wondering "Where's Audrey?" I didn't hate it but I can't imagine ever wanting to watch it again.
 
Rating: 3 out of 5 
 
Audrey's Look: The first time you see her in the opening scene, sitting in that window wearing that yellow dress, you could have knocked me over with a feather.
 
The Age Gap 
Audrey Hepburn = 26
Henry Fonda = 50 
 
 

Funny Face (1957) – #11

"Oh, how could I be a model? I have no illusions about my looks; I think my face is funny." I have to imagine they didn't know they were writing for Audrey Hepburn when they turned in the script. After she was cast, maybe someone should have suggested not giving that line to the most beautiful woman who ever lived. They don't even try to She's All That her by giving her glasses or something, she just looks like Audrey Hepburn from scene one. If possible, she looks less attractive after the dramatic makeover scene. Otherwise, a bare-bones but inoffensive plot; only 103 minutes but it still feels overly long, because so much of that time is spent on pointless songs and dance sequences. That's what the people came for, I guess, but I just wanted to spend more time with Audrey working at the bookstore.
 
Rating: 3 out of 5 
 
Audrey's Look: She plays a fashion model so there are a lot of costume changes in this one, but the best is the shapeless potato sack she wears while working as a shop clerk. I love her hair in this scene, she's so cute I want to slit my throat. 
 
The Age Gap 
Audrey Hepburn = 27
Fred Astaire = 57 
 

Love in the Afternoon (1957) – #12

"He was gay, Gary Cooper?" Mixed feelings about this one. It started out strong enough; this was John McGiver's feature film debut and he's hilarious in this movie. But by around the seventy-minute mark, when Audrey runs into Gary Cooper at the opera a year after they last met and he doesn't remember her, I was ready for it to be over. Most of the remaining hour dragged until Gary Cooper hired private eye Maurice Chevalier to discover Audrey's identity, not knowing that Chevalier was her father. The scene where he recognizes the true nature of the man and pleads with Cooper to let her go was quite powerful and had me hopeful for a bittersweet downer ending where Cooper's character does the first decent thing of his life and leaves her at the train station. Alas, they chickened out and went with an unearned romantic ending that soured the whole film for me. 
 
Rating: 3 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Her hairstyle in this film is adorable, but her character feels so much younger even than Audrey herself actually was at the time that it's kind of gross seeing her with Cooper's lecherous playboy soda magnate. She looks like a high school girl on a date with her grandfather. They should have given Gary Cooper The Substance before filming his scenes. 
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 27
Gary Cooper = 56 
 
 

Green Mansions (1959) – #15

Strange film where Audrey plays a savage jungle girl with great hair and perfectly manicured nails. She spends so much of the middle part of the film aimlessly frolicking through a Hollywood soundstage real South American jungle with Norman Bates and a baby deer that I started wondering if this was going to be the rest of the movie. But eventually it becomes a confused retelling of the white man's lust for gold bringing ruin to paradise, except with the white man immediately abandoning his self-destructive plan to avenge his father's death when he meets a pretty girl, leaving the murderous natives to do all the ruining. Native American villain Kua-Ko is played by Spanish-Italian actor Henry Silva, who went on to play North Korean spy Chunjin in The Manchurian Candidate a few years later. What a range!
 
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: No costume changes this time as she spends the whole movie wearing a simple homespun muslin shift. Even dressed in rags, however, she's just too elegant and glamorous to be believable as a filthy jungle waif. This movie isn't horrible but with every decision evident on-screen you have to wonder what the hell they were thinking.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 29 
Anthony Perkins = 26 (What casting director was asleep at the wheel on this one? Didn't they know the rules???)
 
 

The Nun's Story (1959) – #5

Knowing nothing about this film before watching it, my biggest fear was that it was going to be a boring religious flick. It turned out to be more like a horror movie, some real Handmaid's Tale vibes. Being a nun is apparently some kind of living death. Audrey undergoes such dehumanization and depersonalization, the self-eradication of her ego, the loss of her name and voice, even the forfeiture of her own memories, that I wonder if Margaret Atwood didn't take a little inspiration from this movie when writing her book; even the titles are similar. Allowed to play a serious, dramatic role for once, Audrey gives one of her best performances. All you see of her for the whole movie is her face, and she's still luminous. And she doesn't even make out with a geriatric!
 
Rating: 4 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: She's dressed like a nun for two and a half hours, but none of the other nuns has eyelashes like that.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 28
God = ∞
 
 

The Unforgiven (1960) – #16

Extremely racist anti-racism movie, with a non sequitur incest subplot thrown in for good measure. Weird and mostly awful despite generally good performances.  
 
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 
 
Audrey's Look: I hate to say it but the frontier homesteader look just doesn't suit her. It's too bad she never did a real Western; I'm sure she would have nailed the cowgirl aesthetic. As it is, Audrey's a great actress but she cannot pass as Native American, no matter how much the other characters insist how "dark" she is.
 
The Age Gap 
Audrey Hepburn = 29
Burt Lancaster = 45
 
 

Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961) – #3

"There was once a very lovely, very frightened girl. She lived alone except for a nameless cat."
 
It's difficult to be objective about this movie when I've loved it as long as I've loved movies that weren't animated Disney VHS tapes in fat plastic clamshell cases. Truth be told, the book is better, both as a piece of art and as an iteration of this specific story, but that's okay; each is great in its own way and I love them both.
 
I would say that my affection for the film version peaked during my high school years. This makes sense to me, as it is in some ways a very high-school movie. I feel like a traitor saying that, but I don't mean it as a criticism. The movie strips out much of the raw pathos of the novel, not to mention its queer subtext and sexual subversiveness. In place of these are commercial melodrama and a comfortingly adolescent take on romance ("Is Holly Golightly a manic pixie dream girl?" Fuck you, who gives a shit?). 
 
The movie's wonderful, saccharine Hollywood ending plays like a cracked-mirror version of the novel's bittersweet denouement. The book leaves a knot in your stomach and a lump in your throat; the movie ends with true love conquering all, a fairy-tale kiss in the rain. It sounds trite and artificial described so simplistically, and maybe it is, but it's "a real phony," to quote O.J. Berman: it's earnest in its artificiality, if you're reductive enough to call it that.
 
Audrey steals the show, but I love the everyman earnestness of George Peppard's performance as well. His character in the novel is the unnamed narrator, a passive observer relating his experiences with a girl he once knew. He reads like a self-insert of Capote himself, a struggling writer trying to make ends meet as a gay man in 1940s New York. By contrast, Paul Varjak, now a named and active participant in the plot and definitely not gay, almost feels like a blank slate for the audience to project themselves on. I know that teenage me could hear himself in the sardonic musings of Paul's untested literary voice, could grasp the pointed deliberateness of Peppard's matter-of-fact, almost flat line delivery, his sober reticence a foil to Holly's manic energy and exaggerated diction.
 
 
Holly herself is 18 in the novel; Audrey Hepburn was 31 while playing her. The movie never gives her age, but its vague timeline suggests that she's around 20, an age that Audrey, although more beautiful than ever, clearly isn't. This discrepancy was never apparent to me while watching the movie as a teenager, but now that I'm 30 or 40 years old I can't help but notice. Audrey is wonderful in the film and I wouldn't want to see anyone else playing that role, even if the film's version of Holly reads very differently from the book's. But it's the role of a character who all signifiers indicate is very young. I can't untangle that Gordian knot, save to remember that Capote wanted Marilyn Monroe for the part and she was 34 at the time. 
 
Well, I guess it is just a movie, after all, but golly gee damn if I don't still love everything about it, apart from the horrible racist caricature.
 
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: The tiara is iconic but I think this soft-focus closeup is my favorite shot of her in the film:


Guys only want one thing, and it's to find a girl who looks at them the way Audrey Hepburn looks at George Peppard in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 31
George Peppard = 32

The Children's Hour (1961) – #9

The heaviest and most uncomfortable entry in Audrey's filmography, with the most hateable child villain since that episode of The Twilight Zone with Billy Mumy. The movie goes to some very dark places and is emotionally aggravating to the extent of becoming hard to watch in several scenes, but part of its uncomfortableness comes from its choice not to engage with its subject matter as fully as it might have. The injustice and unfairness of how Audrey Hepburn's and Shirley MacLaine's lives are overturned by a lie heard halfway around the world is well represented, but the substance of the lie, the allegation of a lesbian affair between the two leads, feels danced around and largely unexplored. Perhaps it's because the movie was based on a play written in the 1930s, or because of production restrictions in Hollywood, but despite the subversive topic at its heart, it never felt quite as subversive as I wanted it to; it’s more about the dangers of fake news than of bigotry or homophobia. The one scene toward the end where Shirley MacLaine drags the kernel of truth inside the lie kicking and screaming into the light is the best scene in the movie.
 
Both leads deliver great performances, but Audrey's character is the more reserved and put-together of the two, leaving MacLaine to handle the most emotional heavy-lifting. Both characters struggle externally against the community that has turned on them as well as internally, but Audrey's fight is to remain true under pressure to the person she knows herself to be, while Shirley MacLaine does whatever she can to avoid confronting the truth of herself. It's a very sad and powerful movie, I just wish it had been more explicit with the ugly truths it laid bare on screen instead of being quite so squeamish about the audience's sensibilities.
 
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Schoolmarmish and beside the point.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 32
James Garner = 33
 

Charade (1963) – #6

Another old favorite of mine, Charade is a Hitchcockian thriller crossed with a screwball romantic comedy. The resulting tone can be somewhat jumbled at times, with genuinely tense sequences like James Coburn lighting matches in Audrey Hepburn's lap in a phone booth oddly juxtaposed with the script's inopportune horniness, as Audrey spends the whole movie begging Cary Grant to have sex with her while they're running from murderers. Grant's performance ranges from hilarious to uncharacteristically flat, but the latter is likely due to his reported discomfort with the age gap between romantic leads. Overall, though, the end result is a very funny and clever film that is a great joy to watch.
 
Rating: 4 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Persistently lovely throughout a variety of wardrobe changes, though sadly none has really become iconic except maybe the kerchief-and-sunglasses disguise when she's "undercover," and her brand new leopard-skin pill-box hat. She plays it a lot sillier than is typical of her performances, with lots of cute bug-eyed mugging and cartoonishly exaggerated expressions of distress. Wish she had done more movies like this.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 33
Cary Grant = 58
 

Paris When It Sizzles (1964) – #13

One of those self-indulgent Hollywood movies about the making of self-indulgent Hollywood movies. Lightweight and insubstantial, this one at least has going for it a few good laughs delivered through random and bizarre comedic sequences, including a very funny performance by Tony Curtis. The scatter-brained plot of the movie-within-the-movie, while directly lampshaded in the film, never congeals into anything larger than the sum of its disjointed parts, save for William Holden's drunken confession of being a womanizing heel and a hack-fraud screenwriter. It makes one wonder if maybe the actual screenplay wasn't put together this way in real life, with the writer throwing everything he could think of against the wall until he hit 138 pages. Harmless but mostly unmemorable. "Did you ever realize that Frankenstein and My Fair Lady are the same story? One ends happily and the other one doesn't. Think about that next time you're in church."
 
Rating: 3 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Audrey rocks the Zooey Deschanel bangs better than Zooey Deschanel ever did, but her most interesting outfit in the film is the bomber pilot costume she wears during an imaginary aerial dogfight. I would have liked to see more genre-hopping like that instead of so many variations on the tiresome heist plot, but she does have those Big Magic Eyes™ everyone keeps talking about.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 33
William Holden = 44
 

My Fair Lady (1964) – #7

My Fair Lady has never been one of my favorite musicals so I was surprised to realize, fairly soon into the movie, how much I was enjoying it. The three-hour runtime seems formidable, but it has an intermission, as all socially acceptable movies of a certain length do, and avoids the feeling of being rushed or abridged that stage musicals compressed into two-hour films often have. Audrey is delightful as Eliza, essentially playing two completely different characters for the price of one, neither a clean match for her typical performances. Her acting in the transitional phase from foul-mouthed guttersnipe to elegant lady of high society is especially hilarious. A much better movie than I remembered or expected.
 
Rating: 4 out of 5
 
Audrey's Voice: Audrey Hepburn was a lady of many talents, but singing wasn't one of them, as you might have guessed after listening to her vocals in Funny Face and her husky, whispery performance of "Moon River" in Breakfast at Tiffany's. It's not even that she was a bad singer, just that she didn't have the vocal strength or range of a trained professional. Perhaps, then, she wasn't the best casting choice for the lead in a major Hollywood musical, but if they were willing to bank on her name, they should have let her do the singing. If there's a black eye on this movie, it's that they cast an actress with such a distinctive voice as Eliza Doolittle and then dubbed almost all of her sung lines with a vocalist who sounds nothing like her. Reportedly the studio had told her beforehand that she would be allowed to do her own singing for the part, so she was very upset when she found out that they'd dubbed her in secret. I don't blame her.
 
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 34
Rex Harrison = 55
 
Why that hat so big?

How to Steal a Million (1966) – #10

This one feels of a species with Funny Face, Love in the Afternoon, and Paris When It Sizzles: lightweight romantic comedies that are pleasant enough to watch but ultimately kind of disposable. Of those, Funny Face stands the most apart by virtue of being a musical (even if it doesn't have any good songs), but I'd put How to Steal a Million above the others as the one I feel I'd soonest rewatch. A heist movie, there's a certain cleverness to its construction, even if the specifics of the scheme aren't completely plausible. Audrey doesn't get much to do in this movie, blindly trusting in charming leading man Peter O'Toole, Lawrence of Arabia himself, to make the plot happen around her, but she looks gorgeous and hits all her comedic marks dead center. Their romance isn't one for the ages but feels the most believable (and least creepy) out of those in her "lesser" movies. A fun, breezy flick to put on when you have nothing better to do.
 
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Audrey does her best Suzanne Pleshette.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 36
Peter O'Toole = 33 
 
 

Two for the Road (1967) – #8

"We should have parted then."
 
"Why didn't we?"
 
"I didn't have the courage."
 
"You didn't have the courage? What courage did you need?"
 
"The courage to see that what was finished was finished."
 
A cousin to later dissolving-relationship dramas like The Way We Were and Blue Valentine, but unlike those movies, which tell a story about the beginning and end of a marriage, Two for the Road is more thematically a story about time: how it passes, how it repeats, how it changes and how it doesn't. It's the nonlinear forerunner to Richard Linklater's Before trilogy, a cinematic examination of a relationship's evolution throughout the span of a shared life.
 
It isn't necessarily Audrey's best performance, but it's certainly the most mature performance of her career. Having seen how she curated her image over her previous 14 films, even the one where she played a call girl, it was a shock to the system to suddenly see her openly talking about her sex life, having premarital sex and an extramarital affair, and getting called a bitch to her face, the latter of which was especially appalling. I wanted to punch Albert Finney on multiple occasions, not the least of which were the times I saw myself in him.
 
A very strong film, so maybe it's my own fault that I ultimately felt a little let down by it. It doesn't cut as deeply as a The Way We Were or a Blue Valentine, but it also doesn't offer the relief of an ending, even a sad one, even one you didn't want. Some things linger; some things go on; some things are never allowed to be finished, because we're too afraid of facing what comes after.
 
Rating: 4 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Still lovely but visibly in her late thirties, which made the scenes where she was playing an 18-year-old on a school trip a bit of an ask. Once she and Albert Finney separated from her distractingly younger peers, however, it was much easier to play the Hollywood game of make-believe.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 37
Albert Finney = 30
 
"They don't look very happy."
"Why should they? They just got married."
 

Wait Until Dark (1967) – #2

In the best performance of her career, her last before her nine-year retirement from Hollywood, Audrey plays a newly blind woman living in New York. Recently married to a photographer, she struggles with her reliance on her husband and a young neighbor girl while learning how to function after losing both her sight and her self-sufficiency. One day, the devil comes knocking on her door.
 
Stephen King called Wait Until Dark the scariest movie ever made. I wouldn't want to oversell it, because it's a bit of a slow burn and more inducive of anxiety and dread than visceral terror, but it is the only non-supernatural horror movie I can think of, apart from maybe Psycho, where that feeling of dread stuck with me after the movie, and returns each time I rewatch it. 

Audrey's helpless heroine, trapped in her own home and imperiled by a sinister conspiracy, calls to mind Barbara Stanwyck in Sorry, Wrong Number. Unlike that picture, however, where the atmosphere of doom grows more and more oppressive as the film goes on, Wait Until Dark lures you into a false sense of security with the theatrical, overly elaborate workings of the villains' scheme. When Alan Arkin bumbles his way into Audrey's apartment, rambling in a funny voice and wearing old-man makeup and a fake mustache, you might almost think the movie is veering into comedy. Until you get to the third act, when it becomes a nightmare.
 
Audrey made 16 films during the main period of her Hollywood career, and she's a pleasure to watch in each of them: a talented actress, yes, and immeasurably beautiful, but also possessed of some indefinable charm and grace, a magnetic screen presence that thrills the eye. She was a true Movie Star, but even in her strongest dramatic performances in The Nun's Story and Two for the Road, you're still aware that you're watching An Audrey Hepburn Movie. 
 
Wait Until Dark is, in my opinion, the first time she really disappears into a role. Actors always have a hard time pretending to be blind, especially when they can't rely on sunglasses to hide their eyes, but Audrey is completely believable in this movie. The way she moves, gestures, reasons, and interacts with the other characters makes you forget that she's actually sighted. The movie treats her blindness as neither a superpower nor a simple plot inconvenience; it’s something she has to reason her way around, forced to rely on her wits as the only weapon she has against "the greatest evocation of screen villainy ever."
 
Alan Arkin's performance as Harry Roat, Jr., from Scarsdale is one of the most chilling in movie history. Looking like a cross between Doctor Octopus and The Corinthian, he oozes across the screen like some kind of secretion. Every time he touches Audrey you want to throw up.
 
The movie is very thematically concerned with sight: Audrey's famously expressive eyes fill the screen, now dulled and sightless, while the sighted Roat masks his own with dark glasses. He wears and discards many masks throughout the film, both through the theatrical characters he plays and the way he allows himself to be perceived, as a comic-book villain hatching cartoon schemes. Although she's blind, or perhaps because she is, Audrey alone can see through his disguises, but "not all the way. Even now, not all the way." 

The final moments of the film, when the last of his masks fall away, become almost a precursor to John Carpenter's Halloween: "A dark house. A woman alone. A man with a knife." For my money, Wait Until Dark is the more terrifying of the two.
 
 
 
Rating: 5 out of 5
 
Audrey's Look: Absurd and unfair.
 
The Age Gap
Audrey Hepburn = 37
Efrem Zimbalist Jr. = 48 
 
 
After her Academy Award-nominated performance in Wait Until Dark, Audrey Hepburn retired from acting for close to a decade in order to spend more time with her children. Eventually she returned to Hollywood to make five additional movies, but I didn't watch those.
 

Monday, November 22, 2021

Breaking Bad and Media Illiteracy

Is it ironic to complain about media illiteracy by defending media illiteracy? "The main character is likable and relatable but he does bad things, therefore it's reasonable to assume the author is saying those things are okay." This is like a child's understanding of literature.

This is how Walter White sees himself, not how anyone who consumes media with a remotely critical eye should see him. Walt is cowardly, weak, pathetic, and so full of himself he's incapable of recognizing his own limitations. He repeatedly bites off more than he can chew and only survives due to his intelligence and dumb luck. Along the way he loses his family, his best friend, his surrogate son, his dignity, and eventually the "money, power, and respect/fear" that he sacrificed everything for.

Darth Vader is maybe the coolest character in movie history. He looks awesome, he has an awesome voice, he dominates the scene every time he's on screen. Yet he's obviously fucking evil; clearly "looking cool" doesn't excuse any sin or personal suffering. Also like Darth Vader, Walter White gives his life to save his "son" by eliminating an evil even greater than himself. There is catharsis in seeing these Nazi bastards get what they deserve, but these are redemptive acts for fallen characters, not a glorification of their badassery.

Similarly this would be an inappropriate time to rub the audience's face in these characters' failures. They've already lost their power and dignity, reduced to cringing, pathetic figures barely able to walk, facing the end of their miserable lives.

It's also odd to complain about media tricking the audience into misinterpreting it as saying the protagonist is cool and good while misinterpreting the protagonist's victims as unsympathetic. You don't even have to like Skyler. What about the terrible paths down which Walt's actions send Hank and Jesse, the two most sympathetic characters on the show? What about the horrific domestic violence that plays out in front of Walt's children? What about the pathetic wretch Walt is reduced to at the end, having lost the money for which he sacrificed his family and the family for which he sacrificed his soul? This is all part of the story, not just the parts in the middle where Walt does something cool.

"I am the one who knocks" is a badass line but it's all bluster. Heisenberg is just the hat.

 

The humans win in Starship Troopers! They have cool spaceships and cool space guns and cool costumes (some of which look like Nazi SS officers, weird coincidence)! Therefore the humans are right and good! The bugs are ugly monsters, therefore they are bad!

Interpretations like this are a result of media illiteracy, not an excuse for it. There's no sin in misunderstanding a text, but such fundamental misunderstandings of such straightforward allegory indicate a flaw in reader analysis, not the author making their villains too cool.

"I agree that people are bad at understanding media, and here are some examples that confirm people are bad at understanding media, but it's the media's fault for not being stupid and obvious enough."

If straightforward narratives like Breaking Bad and Dune are too nuanced and complex for their own good, exactly what media can the reader ever be blamed for misinterpreting? Marvel movies? The fucking Star Wars sequels? Or maybe Star Trek: Picard, in which Pulitzer Prize- and Academy Award-winning writers took the humanist ethos of Gene Roddenberry’s vision for a utopian future free from bigotry and told a story about how it’s good to fear and hate people who are different from you? 

In today’s Golden Age of Media, anything’s possible!