June 11, 2014
Ben: Wtf is this phoned-in blogshit.
Ben: It’s like you don’t even care about KA IS A WHEEL at all.
September 1, 2014
Ben: Sry I am backpacking across the country and I just don’t have room in my pack for a seventeen-pound tome like THE STAND.
Ben: In Colorado as of this morning.
Ben: Boulder, actually.
Ben: Which is kinda funny
Ben: given my previous comment.
Ben: I submitted a link to it as a comment to KA IS A WHEEL didn't you see it?
Ben: I am still on that one about that boy.
Ben: THE [SOMETHING].
October 27, 2015
Ben: The gift of abject disappointment.
Ben: I was the Bulldozer King this whole time.
April 8, 2016
Ben: What's that exotic word for "desert" that Stephen King is really fond of?
Ben: Like "scrapple," but not quite.
Ben: Has it been ten years yet since you handed them to me?
April 15, 2016
Ben: Are you trying to trick me into reading the entire Star Wars EU as an intermission to Dartower?
Ben: Why haven't you uploaded our Ka is a Wheel logs to this site yet?
Me: WE HAVEN'T UPDATED IN TWO YEARS.
July 16, 2016
Ben: Wait hold up, if Roland De Chanel is a black dude then does that mean that Susannah just isn't in the movie at all? Because that would be so rad.
July 25, 2016
Me: I'm tired of killing.
Ben: This would be a really weird message to receive at 1 AM were it from anyone else.
Ben: Anyway it's okay, I'm sure he'll just deflect the bullets with his armor.
Ben: I had a long bus trip recently and I used it as an opportunity to get back into THE TALISMAN.
Ben: We have to skedaddle before DARTOWER: THE FILM is released.
Ben: God I hope you remember your Blogspot password.
Me: just give me the full review right noww and i'll upload it when i rember the word document that has the password in it
Ben: Oh I didn't finish it yet, in fact I'm not even to where I left off the last time I stopped reading it.
Ben: I don't remember exactly where I left off, is the problem so I can't just start wherever, obviously, but I think I'm getting close.
Ben: I can't have gotten far.
Ben: We'll find me, eventually.
Me: this is why they have invented hte boookmkar
Me: ben bengle do you remember when we played alan wake for 24 hours straight
Me: why haven't they made the sequel yet
Me: what the fuck
Ben: Why does it need a sequel?
Ben: Some things in life are just perfect.
Me: how does he get out of the lake
Me: HOW
Ben: It's not a lake.
Ben: IT'S AN OCEAN.
Me: FUCKKkkkk
Me: tbh though the combat got kind of tedious and repetitive after the fifth time you got stranded in the oods for no reason
Ben: Said the shared protagonist of every Stephen King novel.
Me: first comes smiles, then lies, last is gunfire
Ben: Second-to-last is a cheery waltz.
July 26, 2016
Ben: Ah yes, that familiar old feeling of vague unsettledness at Stephen King's perpetual fascination with beautiful young boys.
Ben: I can't help but feel like this entire book could have been reduced to a novella had Jack had the foresight to ask his millionaire mother to charter him a bus.
Me: Did you finish it?
Ben: I've just barely made it past where I originally left off.
Ben: We're forging new ground here.
Me: Are you able to discern any appreciable difference between King's solo writing and his work with a coauthor?
Ben: I think I stopped reading last time because of how stupid the part where he is working at the bar is.
Ben: And this time I was approaching that part like, "wait is this the book with that stupid unnecessarily-disjointed-in-time and utterly meaningless bar narrative, or am I thinking of one of those books about vampires."
Ben: King never writes alone, he's got Jesus as his co-pilot.
Ben: And Saint Peter as his editor.
Ben: And Mother Theresa as his sole female role model.
Me: Is this a line from the books because it seems like something Stephen King would say.
Ben: It's something Stephen King would say about Stephen King in a book written by and starring Stephen King.
Me: Aka SONG OF SUSANNAH.
Ben: King is a strong black woman who don't need no legs.
Me: Amputee Lives Matter.
Ben: Just as long as we're not talking about the film adaptation, anyway.
Ben: Destined to be the best Stephen King film adaptation since that one movie about a storm or something.
Ben: Stephen King's STORM FRONT by Jim Butcher.
Ben: Plot twist: before I can read book seven I must first read all three hundred DRESELDEN FILES books.
Me: It all comes together.
Ben: Jim Butcher was just a pseudonym for Peter Straub.
Me: Did your mom evict all your pumpkins yet?
Ben: I will endeavor to bring them to you soon as soon as I finish this saga.
Ben: The single longest work of fiction in literary history.
Me: According to Stephen King (unsubstantiated).
August 9, 2016
Ben: I'm at the part of the book where King is describing in graphic detail his 12-year-old protagonist's penis.
Me: Did Stephen King write that part or was it the other guy?
Ben: Has to be King, unless P. Straub is also widely renowned for his fascination with little boys.
Ben: Speaking of which, now the little boy has discovered that his super power is to be so beautiful that every older man in the world falls in love with him.
Ben: What the fuck is this book?
Me: I didn't read The Talisman but I remember having similar thoughts reading its sequel, Black House, which features Kirk as the antagonist.
Ben: Antihero.
Me: Regular hero.
Ben: Wait hold up back it up, are you telling me you did not read this book?
Me: I skipped it, I leapfrogged it.
Ben: God damn you, you son of a bitch, and the rest.
Ben: Right here's a passage where our young hero is being tortured by having his balls crushed.
Me: What does this have to do with the Dark Tower?
Ben: That's supposed to be my line.
Ben: Now they're burning his testicles with a lighter.
Ben: I'll never forgive you for this.
Ben: This book is nothing but six hundred pages of boy torture.
Me: In the sequel the boy has become a man so they have to introduce a new boy to torture.
Ben: Is that the final non-Dartower book in the box? I confess I don't have it here with me.
Me: Yes, after The Talisman it's Song of Susannah, Black House, and then the conclusion.
Ben: Then we have to watch the movie on opening night.
Me: Pre-ordering tickets now.
Ben: And then, at last, we get to start again from the beginning.
Ben: Ka is a wheel, as they say.
Ben: Morgan Sloat opened his mouth and screeched, revealing a row of square bloodstained teeth. "I'll hump your CORPSE!" ~ the primary antagonist of THE TALISMAN to the prepubescent protagonist
Ben: I have finished the book.
Ben: It was, pretty bad.
Ben: Some parts were okay.
Ben: Which is to say, some parts were not intolerable.
Ben: Was this like the first book that he ever wrote?
Ben: Is that why they credit his dumb pen name?
Ben: I will give a more thorough review over fabochat later.
Ben: This is merely my back-of-the-book blurb.
Ben: "Sometimes, it's not as horrible as it usually is." ~ Barn Beagle
Me: I think The Talisman was pre-Dartower but post-'Salem's Lot and The Stand. Two more classics.
Ben: He peaked early.
