There's No Place Like Mejico

Ben: Well it's not like there's much of a rush now anyway, I finished the book weeks and weeks ago.

Ben: The morning of January 2nd, to be precise.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: I want to give my review of this book but it's not exactly at the fore of my mind.

Me: Dammit, Ben.

Ben: Damn yourself.

Ben: What have you been doing all month?

Me: We are always online at the same time.

Ben: You are never online.

Ben: I have been waiting with bated breath for your name to appear in my buddy list for a month now.

Ben: My breath is so bated you have no idea.

Me: Get all those rotting worms out of there.

Me: Now

Me: tell me

Me: the tale.

Ben: I don't even know where to begin.

Me: Good book or bad?

Ben: Overall I thought it was pretty good.

Ben: I am a sucker for obviously-doomed romances.

Me: Are you excited for TITANIC 3D?

Ben: It's like the iceberg is literally leaping out of the screen.

Me: Your reinforced hull only makes my iceberg harder!

Ben: Let's try and reel this in.

Ben: I'll start with the framing narrative

Ben: which was completely phoned in.

Ben: Literally composed over the phone.

Me: The Wizard of Oz

Me: Wizard Oz

Me: ZARDOZ

Ben: I love how it is evident that, in the course of writing this book, Stephen King looked at the plot threads that he had been handed and thought "what the FUCK was I thinking when I wrote this, seventeen years ago?"

Me: How do you mean?

Ben: Which, rather than my usual hyperbole, is in fact the span of time between these two novels.

Ben: Like the Ticktock Man.

Ben: Yeah, Darkman saves him.

Ben: For what?

Ben: To reenact The Wizard of Oz and then get shot unceremoniously.

Me: My life for you!

Ben: It was basically just Stephen King saying "yeah sorry, guys, I literally have no idea what I was thinking there."

Ben: Which is fair.

Ben: Seventeen years is a long time.

Me: August 1991

November 4, 1997

Me: Publication dates according to Wikipedia.

Ben: Dude, I read the intro.

Ben: It said seventeen years.

Ben: But I finished the book about fourteen months ago so perhaps my memory has faded.

Me: Were you excited to see how The Stand tied into the events of the story?

Ben: Not particularly.

Ben: I was angered that I was forced to remember it.

Me: But if you hadn't read The Stand you would be clueless about what was going on.

Ben: Right.

Me: With the plague and the note they found about the Walkin Dude.

Ben: I would have no context to interpret ZOT brand soda or BERONI brand automobiles.

Me: Were those even mentioned in The Stand?

Ben: No.

Me: Hahahahaha.

Me: What about the final confrontation with Flagg?

Me: Aka the wizard of the title.

Ben: You mean like when he shot him, but then didn't?

Ben: Let's back up.

Ben: The palace is pretty stupid.

Ben: The mental image he conjures of this place is just silly.

Ben: I really hope he does something more with the wizard rainbow thing.

Ben: Because it seems like that might have potential.

Ben: But other than that he was clearly just grasping in the dark for some sort of bullshit framing narrative to pad around the actual story.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: I am glad our plucky heroes are back on track

Ben: having found the beam and traveled an unknown distance towards their objective.

Me: You were a big fan of the talking train in the last book.

Me: How was the conclusion of that subplot?

Ben: Oh and it was a little bullshit of how they took down the train.

Ben: You see our minds converge.

Me: That's how Kirk outsmarted that android in "Mudd's Women."

Ben: The solution to stopping the train was just to shoot it in the face until it stopped.

Me: Trains don't have faces.

Ben: I am not quite that disappointed though because I really didn't know how he was going to write his way out of that one.

Me: Okay so what about the bulk of the story?

Me: The flashback.

Me: Oh wait.

Me: What about the eye?

Me: On the flags or whatever.

Me: Did they reveal whose pennant that is?

Ben: Something like

Ben: the Bulldozer King.

Me: Hahahaha.

Ben: I guess he was just foreshadowing.

Ben: Some character from a universe that is contemporary to THE STAND who we will meet out in here in the real world.

Me: So anyway

Me: the flashbacks.

Ben: I thought it was pretty good

Ben: perhaps even very good

Ben: for the most part.

Ben: There were a lot of good characters in the far-off and exotic land of Mejico.

Ben: There was actually one scene with one character that made me feel like Stephen King had actually experienced some sort of human emotion with some point.

Ben: It was the scene where the fat old wife of the mayor creeps into his bed as he sleeps and reminisces about their long-lost love.

Ben: I hereby declare that character whose name I do not remember to be the best character in any Stephen King book that I can remember at the moment

Ben: and likewise for that scene.

Me: So you didn't mind spending 600 pages on a book that advanced the main plot negligibly?

Ben: Not really.

Ben: In fact, when I could tell it was all coming to an end I was actively dreading having to cede control to the framing narrative.

Ben: It was just a good action movie/detective story/teenagers fucking story

Ben: /fantasy western.

Me: Did you enjoy getting to know Roland's dead ka-tet?

Ben: Not really Alain.

Ben: Cuthbert is cool.

Ben: I bet he dies in a horrible way.

Ben: Can't wait for all of book six to explain that one.

Me: What makes Wizard and Glass so painful is the focus of the story. Two stories are happening during the flashback: The War and The Town. One is about the huge shadow-war that is being fought between the armies of the Crimson King and the Gunslingers. This is the one about mythical battles and powerful artifacts being brought to bear against nightmarish demons and mechanical abominations as the world is quickly being brought to the cataclysm that framed the past three books. The other is about Roland's first girlfriend. Guess which gets the book and which gets the chapter.

Ben: What is this from?

Ben: Should I just defer to this review?

Me: That's all there is.

Ben: Man he just leaves us hanging.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: the story itself wasn't rock solid.

Ben: The motives of the antagonists were sometimes pretty questionable.

Ben: But it's doable if you can suspend disbelief far enough.

Me: The Big Coffin Hunters.

Ben: And learning the backdrop of the fall of Roland's world was pretty valuable from an expository standpoint.

Ben: As I said, I largely liked the characters.

Ben: Susan was mercifully not as bad as most of Stephen's female characters.

Me: Did you remember her from the first book?

Ben: Barely.

Ben: Although at the time I figured that she would have been a bit older

Ben: and that she would have known Roland for more than two months.

Ben: But that's basically as long as Romeo knew Juliet and Shakespeare's only slightly better at writing than Stephen King.

Ben: Which isn't even sarcasm, fuck Shakespeare.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: the ending was sort of disappointing.

Ben: About two hundred pages beforehand I was like "hmm I bet Susan gets burned alive on a bonfire."

Me: How did you know!

Ben: Because at the time I was actually invested in the story and was dreading the ultimate outcome.

Ben: The bonfire seemed both applicably grisly and thematically appropriate.

Ben: But then at the end I was successfully tricked into believing (somewhat skeptically) that Susan managed to escape and live the rest of her life doing whatever it is that people in Mejico do.

Ben: But then it was like lol no bonfire time.

Me: Why were they all Mexican?

Ben: I don't think Stephen King knows that other continents on the earth exist.

Ben: There are seven, in case you're reading this, Stephen.

Ben: Unless you're English, then there are six.

Ben: But he doesn't know what England is so w/e.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: the bonfire was actually disappointing.

Ben: I felt only slightly bad for Roland.

Ben: I would have felt worse if Susan didn't take being burned alive like such a fucking champ.

Ben: But actually since the point of a story such as this is to inspire emotion in the reader, Stephen King's failure to provoke such a reaction in me is a failure on his part.

Ben: Fuck you for not making me cry, Stephen King.

Me: Was she pregnant?

Me: I dont rember.

Ben: She thought she was.

Ben: She had no way of knowing.

Ben: I guess that's as specific as I can be.

Ben: The rest of the book just kind of fuzzes together.

Ben: Unless you have a specific scene you want me to recall.

Me: I like the scene where the Big Coffin Hunters meet Walter and he looks like different people they know who are dead.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: I found it enjoyable enough that I read for basically all of New Year's Day and the decided that I wasn't going to stop just two hundred pages from the end, not with all this sweet plot going on, so I powered through until the morning, filled with remorse.

Me: Like every day of your life.

Me: Now put all the books in order from best to worst.

Ben: 1) The middle 80% of book 4 and the last third of book 3

Ben: 2) The first half of book 2

Ben: 3) Book 1

Ben: 4) Everything else

Me: Everything louder than everything else.

Me: What are you most looking forward to in DARTOWER V: WOLVES OF THE CALLA?

Ben: I hear there are wolves in it.

Ben: That sounds cool.

Ben: I did not read the DARTOWER V blurb at the end of the book.

Me: Good.

Me: SPOILERS.

Ben: What is our approach to DARTOWER IV.V?

Me: That will be next after Hearts in Atlantis once it comes out in Abril.

Ben: Well you're reading it first, aren't you?

Me: Yes.

Me: Oh wait, it's coming out in February now.

Ben: Dude.

Ben: Better get in line.

Me: I'll send in cards to reserve copies for myself, Brandon, and Bob.

Ben: Oh, are Brandon and Bob also fans?

Me: They've never seen a rhinosaur in battle before.

Ben: That's because DARTOWER IV.V doesn't come out until next month.

Me: But when it does there'll be no limit.

Ben: Not even one.

Me: Are you excited for the next book

Me: in your quest?

Ben: You mean HEARTS IN ATLANTIS?

Me: Yes.

Ben: Yeah I am.

Ben: I couldn't begin until I got this book off my chest.

Me: Are you able to breathe again now?

Ben: Breath no longer bated.

Back to December

2011

 

Ben: It's pretty good.

Ben: I am enjoying myself.

Ben: Also Susannah hasn't really opened her mouth much so that's a plus.

Ben: He keeps doing his thing where he foreshadows something that's going to happen by just telling you what's going to happen

Ben: with the little train they find in the park

Ben: and he is like 'and then Jake turned the corner and got the shit scared out of him'

Ben: and then goes on to tell us how Jake got the shit scared out of him

Ben: and it's because he saw a train.

Ben: Dude like this is even the scariest train you've seen all day.

I am not very excited to read The Stand because it will probably take me a year

Ben: I had to go through and ensure all my dirty photos were protected.

Ben: Aren't you going to ask?

Me: What were your dirty photos?

Ben: No.

Ben: The other thing.

Ben: I'm sure you're burning with curiosity.

Me: The one of you passed out in another man's bed with a pair of panties clutched in your fist?

Ben: I don't know if 'passed out' is the correct description and no.

Ben: Keep guessing.

Ben: Why did you come here?

Me: I have not studied your photo catalogue diligently enough.

Ben: Think about it.

Ben: No this has nothing to do with photos.

Ben: Photos are tangential.

 

Ben: Oh speaking of did we ever upload that album?

Me: Not ever.

Ben: Should probably do that before everyone who we went to college with is dead.

Ben: We've already lost Bob.

Me: Did you remember all those captions yet?

Me: :'(

Ben: Goodnight sweet prince.

Me: Raped to death in a French bathroom.

Ben: We can't prove it was rape.

 

Me: I had a dream last night where I was visiting my old elementary school and Matt was there for a parent-teacher conference.

Ben: With his daughter?

Me: I think she was off-screen.

Me: Anyway tell me about the book.

Ben: How do I put this?

Ben: THE STAND totally sucked.

Me: Hahahahahaha.

Me: Elaborate.

Ben: Let me collect my thoughts.

Me: Remember you are judging the book as a whole.

Ben: Okay well first let's go over the ending.

Me: Ka is a wheel.

Ben: Okay so first of all

Ben: THE STAND must contain some sort of bizarre time/space dilation field.

Ben: Its girth must distort the fabric of spacetime.

Ben: Because every single time I gave you an estimate of the pages remaining I was always off by at least 100 pages.

Me: That must be why it took you eight months.

Me: It's like the Never-Ending Story.

Me: It is constantly adding to itself.

Ben: If I didn't know better I'd say Stephen King was sneaking into my house and writing more of it as I slept.

Me: Maybe in a few years he will come out with the ultimate director's cut edition, restoring 500 more pages of lost footage.

Ben: Maybe if I go back and look at it right now it will have grown a decent ending.

Ben: Really it's just too much bullshit to properly critique.

Ben: I could fill whole blogs on the failings of THE STAND.

Ben: No character received any sort of satisfying end.

Me: Ben, you must explain.

Ben: Sigh.

Me: These vagueries will not do.

Me: It is the most popular and best-loved novel of the most popular and best-loved American author of the 20th century.

Ben: Okay, so Harold just died like an asshole.

Ben: Which he was.

Ben: But he had so much potential.

Ben: He was the only interesting character left.

Ben: Then he died what basically amounted to an offscreen death and was mentioned in passing in maybe two sentences in the rest of the book.

Me: He betrayed his friends, Ben.

Me: He needed his comeuppance.

Ben: We've already gone over how fuckin make-her-own-biscuits bitch died without any sort of poignancy or meaning apart from providing a source of deus ex machina.

Me: The old black lady?

Ben: Yeah.

Ben: Then Nadine just got fuckin thrown off a building after all this bullshit about her being important or whatever.

Ben: So glad we spent so much time building to that conclusion.

Me: But she was carrying Flagg's child.

Ben: We presume.

Me: He would have been like the Antichrist or something

Me: if she hadn't sacrificed herself.

Ben: I'm not sure if it's possible to be pregnant from being raped the day before.

Ben: Let's find a Republican.

Me: Ask Shane.

Ben: No it wouldn't have.

Ben: Woulda just been blown to hell in the atomic fuckin blast.

Me: Yeah speaking of deus ex machina.

Ben: Wtf.

Ben: I held out hope that Larry would save the ending.

Ben: Figured he was a sleeper.

Ben: who would awaken some sort of hidden character development.

Ben: But no, he just goes Buddhist and dies like a bitch.

Ben: So much for not abandoning the people you knock up.

Ben: Coulda just sent Ralph.

Me: Ralph was a very important character presumably.

Ben: Who?

Ben: Anyway

Ben: so like

Ben: the whole point

Ben: of their little trek west

Ben: was to get put in a cage so that the Walkin Dude would use the occasion to demonstrate a heretofore unknown ability to conjure balls of lightning on a completely arbitrary person, and then lose control of it for no reason so that it could descend on a nuclear warhead thus blowing it up(?!).

Me: OH SHIT WE'RE ALL FUCKED.

Ben: LARRY

Ben: IT'S THE HAND OF GOD.

Ben: Well yeah I guess deus ex machina is technically the hand of God, almost.

Ben: That's the best that can be said about the ending, in that maybe it's Stephen King making some sort of meta-statement about deus ex machina.

Ben: But I doubt it.

Ben: To Stephen King, a metanarrative means making the author a character in the story.

Me: You have not gotten that far yet.

Me: Stop spoiling yourself.

Ben: I really hope Roland teaches Stephen how to shoot a gun.

Ben: Like a father figure.

Ben: And then they can both molest Jake, like the elder King would never do with his son.

Me: What about the falling action after the bomb?

Ben: That was actually sort of okay.

Ben: A little odyssey with Tom Cullen and East Texas.

Me: Then the Walkin Dude woke up in Polynesia.

Ben: That's the epilogue.

Ben: We still have to discuss the denouement.

Me: Oh right.

Ben: Also I like how we get back to town and see Larry's baby-mommy but the tribal primitive kid is never mentioned again.

Ben: Weren't you taking care of him?!?

Me: Wasn't there a scene from the dog's point of view for some reason?

Ben: Yeah.

Ben: I was planning on making fun of that ages ago but forgot.

Ben: Also

Ben: calling it now

Ben: the dog is totally going to get sucked into the search for the Dartower.

Ben: At least I'm hoping so, because there's no one left alive in this book who I want to endure any longer.

Me: Hahaha.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: East Texas reunites with Giggle Bitch.

Ben: They share an emotional scene where their baby does not die of the flu

Ben: then decide to get pregnant again and fuckin leave civilization behind.

Ben: I really don't want to bother making commentary on how stupid the morals are.

Ben: Just completely inane and self-contradictory.

Me: What was the moral?

Ben: Uh that humans should remember the actions that led to the superflu in the first place

Ben: or something.

Ben: But then the main characters strike off on their own and ensure that the nascent Boulder society is left to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Ben: I guess they really don't care.

Ben: Maybe that's really the moral, that humans are just too fucking stupid to not fuck everything up.

Ben: The main characters certainly exemplify this.

Me: Glenn Beck, professor of sociology, died a hero, Ben.

Ben: No he died like a bitch.

Ben: Literally no aspect of the story was ultimately fulfilling.

Ben: Stephen King has completely struck out on this one.

 

Me: What about that old lady Larry was sleeping with choking on her vomit?

Ben: Eight dozen characters and not a single one done right.

Ben: Fuck that old lady.

Me: What about Trashcan Man!

Ben: Trash deserved better.

Me: You probably don't remember but did you notice the reference to him at the end of Waste Lands?

Ben: It's like Stephen King wrote a handful of possibly-decent characters in this menagerie and then decided to focus all of his authorial focus on the least interesting ones.

Ben: No I don't remember, please remind me.

Me: Whenever Flagg shows up to recruit the Ticktock Man he obliquely mentions him.

Ben: Does he?

Ben: Fuck now I have to check.

Ben: I'd actually be sort of excited

Ben: at the idea that Stephen King was actually capable of identifying which of his characters would be interesting enough to reference.

Me: Hahaha.

Me: Roland met Denis and Thomas chasing the man in black through time.

Me: I HAVE ONLY DONE THIS ONCE BEFORE.

Ben: Fuck, who are those people.

Me: The dudes from Eye of the Dragon, man.

Ben: Oh right.

Me: Come on.

Me: You have to keep the dramatis persona straight.

Ben: Wtf sort of name is 'Dennis' for a fantasy setting.

Me: Jek Porkins.

Ben: Also am I imagining this or did Stephen King reference WATERSHIP DOWN in one of the Dartower books

Ben: before he referenced it in THE STAND?

Me: I don't remember.

Me: Sawyer read it on Lost one time.

Ben: Hit up the wiki.

Ben: Look for the category "References to Watership Down."

Me: Thank God for Wikia pedantry.

Me: Anyway continue your analysis.

Ben: I can't find where the dark man recruits Tick Tock Man.

Ben: Fuck.

Ben: You've ruined me.

Ben: I am ruined.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: so like

Ben: dark man

Ben: right before the bomb goes

Ben: disappears from his clothes.

Ben: You see his clothes fall to the ground.

Ben: So like he obviously went somewhere.

Ben: Not sure why

Ben: if Stephen was just going to go to the trouble of explicitly having one of the character say NO I DON'T THINK HE'S DEAD I THINK HE CAN NEVER DIE.

Ben: Coulda just had him been fuckin vaporized

Ben: and then he shows up in Papua New Guinea

Ben: and decides hey instead of tracking down one of the fledgling communities of civilized technocrats I'll just nurture this native fucking tribe from the brink of the iron age and then form them into an unstoppable empire.

Ben: Good luck, asshole.

Ben: END BOOK.

Ben: (mercifully)

Me: But doesn't he like turn into a demon or something for like one sentence?

Me: As he disappears.

Ben: Maybe.

Ben: Inexplicably.

Ben: Anyway

Ben: final synopsis.

Ben: THE STAND:

Ben: Great premise, promising start, tedious middle bits, fucking catastrophic ending.

 

Ben: A book written for people like my mom who would actually be afraid of Beelzebub speaking through a Ouija board to college students.

Me: Did that happen?

Ben: Yes.

Me: Wat.

Ben: Remember that flashback to when Nadine was in college?

Ben: Don't bother.

Ben: It was one of the dumbest scenes in the book.

Me: What was the dumbest scene in the book?

Ben: That's an unfair question.

Ben: There are so many to consider.

Ben: Was it the dog's flashback?

Me: Hahahaha.

Ben: Was it the old woman equating being fucked to corn?

Me: I loved that dog's flashback.

Ben: Was it ABSOLUTELY ANY SCENE involving the gigglebitch, including the interminable portions when she and East Texas bookended every single one of their scenes with dispassionate sex?

Ben: Or was it, in aggregate, the absolutely criminally unsatisfying ending to every character's story?

Ben: That's it.

Ben: The worst scene in THE STAND was every part of it.

Ben: The ending is like gangrene.

Ben: That's actually almost profound.

Ben: You might even say that the ending was so bad that it infected (lol) the good parts of the book.

Ben: Stephen King is Captain Trips.

Ben: We are the dead.

Ben: (No great loss.)

Me: Hahaha.

Me: That bitch.

Me: Why then do you think THE STAND is considered by conventional wisdom to be Stephen King's greatest book?

Ben: Sometimes I'd be reading THE STAND and my mom would walk in and announce (again) how much she loved the book.

Me: Aw.

Me: So you hated it just to spite her?

Ben: No.

Ben: I really felt bad in those moments

Ben: because it's so bad.

Me: :'(

Ben: ;_;

Me: It's not the destination, Ben, it's the journey.

Ben: Bullshit.

Ben: Both are important.

Ben: Let's not repeat tired aphorisms.

Me: lol

Me: You have the book, what do the critical reviews on the first page say?

Ben: "THE STAND, COMPLETE AND UNCUT...IS A BOOK THAT HAS EVERYTHING. Adventure, romance, prophecy, allegory, satire, fantasy, realism, apocalypse. Great!" ~ The New York Times Book Review

Ben: I swear to God I did not invent that quote.

Ben: This should have been my first warning.

Me: Hahaha.

Me: But it has apocalypse.

Ben: And realism, and allegory.

Ben: And, allegedly, satire.

Me: All key ingredients of any successful novel.

Ben: Now I have to read the preface again.

Me: Which one?

Ben: Both of them.

Me: Do you think Stephen King warned you?

Ben: How would that have helped?

Ben: It is my lot in life to endure whatever writings are thrust upon me from out of these shoeboxes.

Me: "Is that bothering you? It must be. Here!" Fannin seized the hanging flap and ripped it briskly off Quick's head, revealing a bleary swatch of skull. There was a noise like heavy cloth tearing. Quick shrieked.

"There, there, it only hurts for a second." The man was now squat­ting on his hunkers before Quick and speaking as an indulgent parent might speak to a child with a splinter in his finger. "Isn't that so?"

"Y-Y-Yes," Quick muttered. And it was. Already the pain was fading. And when Fannin reached toward him again, caressing the left side of his face, Quick's jerk backward was only a reflex, quickly mastered. As the lineless hand stroked, he felt strength flowing back into him. He looked up at the newcomer with dumb gratitude, lips quivering.

"Is that better, Andrew? It is, isn't it?"

"Yes! Yes!"

"If you want to thank me—as I'm sure you do—you must say some­thing an old acquaintance of mine used to say. He ended up betraying me, but he was a good friend for quite some time, anyway, and I still have a soft spot in my heart for him. Say, 'My life for you,' Andrew— can you say that?"

He could and he did; in fact, it seemed he couldn't stop saying it. "My life for you! My life for you! My life for you! My life—"

The stranger touched his cheek again, but this time a huge raw bolt of pain blasted across Andrew Quick's head. He screamed.

Ben: Wow, what an oblique reference.

Ben: Okay that's pretty good.

Ben: Are you sure that's not from the next book?

Ben: Who the fuck are these characters?

Me: Richard Fannin.

Ben: WHO

Me: Was the RF name Flagg used at the end of Waste Lands.

Me: BEN.

Me: This was your favorite book thus far.

Me: How can you have forgotten it all?

Ben: It's been like a year.

Ben: Fuck now I have to start this whole thing ever.

Ben: Ka really is a wheel.

Me: Me: Were you relieved that the Tick Tock Man survived?

Ben: I was more relieved that the man in black had returned.

Ben: And that it appeared that he was no longer completely in control of Roland's ka-tet.

Ben: There's finally some kind of conflict.

Ben: You have to strike a balance with this destiny bullshit.

Me: How did you know it was him?

Me: He changed his name again.

Ben: Yeah what a weirdo.

Ben: Just use your real name, dude, this guy doesn't know or care who you are.

Ben: Absolutely no recollection.

Ben: This is disconcerting.

Me: Have you been comping again?

Ben: For all I know, maybe.

 

Ben: Oh well.

Ben: I'll skim our blog archives as a refresher

Ben: and then

Ben: WIZARD AND GLASS.

Me: Are you excited to resume your quest?

Ben: Yeah.

Ben: We are still riding off of the crest of the last book.

Me: Which you have apparently totally forgotten.

Ben: I fully expect the first half to be enjoyable.

Me: Just the first half?

Ben: It seems like the Dartower books are good by halves.

Ben: So a book will have a good first half and then a boring second half.

Ben: Then the next will have a boring first half and a good second half.

Ben: Repeat.

Me: I see.

Me: When will you continue the odyssey?

Ben: Well it has to be soon.

Ben: What's our ETA for DARTOWER 4.5?

Me: April.

Ben: IV.V

Me: That looks like a dumb face.

Ben: You mean a cool guy wearing triangular sunglasses and gazing slightly to the side.

Me: YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Ben: I'm not sure what to do.

Ben: Do we go for it?

Ben: I still have two books before I'd even be able to read it if we wanted to do this thing according to the proper narrative progression.

Me: April 24, 2012.

Ben: And you'll have to read it first

Ben: to ensure there are no spoilers.

Me: Indeed.

Me: How long will it take you to finish the shoebox?

Ben: Almost certainly before April.

Me: We can go on hiatus.

Ben: Again.

Me: Use that break to read some non-Stephen literature.

Ben: We can call that blog HE DID NOT SO MUCH TO SCREAM.

Me: Our next project will be to read Keith's complete works.

Ben: *blam*

We Need Help, the Poet Reckoned

Ben: Okay so

Ben: THE STAND has been stood.

Me: OMG

Me: Can it be?

Ben: I'm not going to give a synopsis until tomorrow because I'm busy right now.

Ben: Just thought you ought to know.