Stephen King's Dracula

 

Me: How is the vampyre book?

Ben: I am on page 169.

Me: lol 69

Ben: I don't think that DRACULA took this many pages to reveal that the story involves vampires.

Me: Which is better?

Me: Also it's right on the cover

Ben: Man, DRACULA is a pretty fucking good book

Me: right in front of your damn eyes.

Ben: from what I remember when I was young.

Me: I thought you said it was boring as shit except for the parts with Dracula, which was like one fifth of the book.

Ben: You must be thinking of someone else.

Me: Yeah, I must be thinking of one of my other friends who's read DRACULA.

Ben: So like all of them.

Me: Oh wait, I am.

Ben: So far it is okay.

Ben: I'm still trying to figure out which child in the town is supposed to be the child from the beginning of the book.

Ben: My bet so far is on that kid who beats up the bully.

Me: But who is the man from the beginning of the book?

Ben: It could be any of the characters in this book who are authors.

Ben: That narrows it down to 90% of Stephen King's main characters.

Me: It's actually the clown from IT.

Ben: Have you finished IT yet?

Me: No.

Ben: Damn you.

Me: IT is so depressing, I can't bring myself to marathon it.

Ben: I thought we were in this together.

Me: In what?

Ben: Stephen King buddies.

Me: I've already read all his primary DT works, you need to keep reading them so I have someone to talk about that world with.

Me: What has happened in Dracula so far?

Me: Isn't it like 600 pages?

Ben: Yeah.

Me: Excuse me?

Ben: Yeah.

Ben: As in

Ben: yeah, it's like 600 pages

Ben: so far

Ben: Hmm.

Ben: So far, the author has gotten to the town and eaten dinner at the female love interest's house twice and the vampires just opened up their shop and have already sacrificed one little boy to Satan.

Ben: Their coffins were just delivered.

Me: That is a spooky scene.

Ben: Yeah.

Ben: With like the ambiguous bundle of clothes in the corner.

Ben: Which, if they really are the little boy's clothes, means the vampires are retarded.

Me: Hahaha.

Ben: Maybe the twist is that they were really just creepy old dudes, and the author was the demons all along.

Me: Does anyone know that they are vampires yet?

Ben: No.

Ben: The word "vampire" hasn't been mentioned outside of the introduction by Stephen King.

Me: It's a pretty good book.

Ben: I like his description of the town.

Me: It starts out slow but he has to get you acquainted with the town because it's like an analogy of the evils of Smalltown America and vampires.

Me: Has Father Callahan even shown up yet?

Ben: Nope.

Ben: He is too busy climbing the Dark Tower, I suppose.

Me: Spoiler alert.

Ben: Wait is he the old guy from the beginning of the book, the Mexican preacher dude?

Me: No, he's the priest in 'Salem's Lot.

Me: There's a newspaper excerpt at the beginning that lists the names of a bunch of people from the town who are missing and he's one of them.

Ben: Because just as he was about to be eaten by vampires a two-dimensional doorway appeared and he vanished through it.

Ben: Also what "evils" of Smalltown America are we talking here, aside from the abrupt and short scene where a random character repeatedly punches a baby the only evils are an abundance of gossip and a resistance to change.

Me: That's like one of King's top themes across his books, how these quaint little towns can hide these terrible people and things.

Me: IT is all about that.

Ben: As far as you know.

Me: Shut up.

Ben: I can't tell you what IT is really about, because you've never read to the end.

Me: Shhhh.

Me: Like there's the teenage girl who got knocked up and she had to marry the guy because that's conventional morality and he abuses her and she abuses the baby and their lives are miserable.

Ben: Yeah that was a pretty good scene, but it's the only instance of evil in this town that is not directly perpetrated by vampires.

Ben: Well.

Ben: The real estate guy is kind of sleazy.

Me: It's mostly about the vampires.

Ben: Haha.

Me: But it's a definite analogy.

Me: This is only the second book he wrote so it's not as pronounced as it will be.

Ben: We'll have to compare book reports after this is through.

Ben: What was his first book?

Me: Carrie.

Ben: O rly.

Ben: And his last female protagonist.

Me: I think Rose Madder is about a woman.

Me: But apparently that's one of his worse books.

Ben: And maybe that one with the author.

Ben: lol

Me: lol

Ben: I mean the one with the author that gets his legs broken.

Me: Isn't the author the main character?

Me: Whatevs.

Ben: I don't know.

Ben: I've only ever seen the FAMILY GUY spoof.

Me: King isn't very good at writing women most of the time so I don't care.

Me: The girl in 'Salem's Lot is one of his better female characters I think.

Ben: Yeah so far she is not bad.

Ben: Of course she probably gets horribly killed.

Me: There's another domestic abuse with another couple in the book I think, I don't know if you got there yet.

Me: But anyway, shit like domestic abuse, homophobia, racism, violence begetting violence, the sins of the father, etc. show up a lot in his "Smalltown America" stories.

Me: Then these kinds of settings of mundane evil attract a more visible, supernatural evil, like the vampires or the clown or the demon in Storm of the Century.

Ben: Spoiler alert.

Ben: But yeah that is cool.

Into the Lot

 

Ben: Jegus Christ, exactly what proportion of Stephen King’s main characters are writers? Also the back cover of ’SALEM’S LOT already gave away its relation to DARTOWER

Me: It also spoiled that the book is about vampires :(

Facing High School Fears

 

Ben: lol I used to love Seinfeld, one of the few memories that I retain from high school involves me loudly professing my love for Seinfeld just before biology class at which point a girl made fun of my enthusiasm.

Ben: In reality I had never seen that many episodes of Seinfeld, I just liked it because my parents said it was funny.

Me: Hahahahaha.

Me: What did she say?

Ben: To paraphrase what I remember of the exchange:

Ben: [something is said about television or something amongst the two friends that I had in biology class]
BEN: "Omg Seinfeld is the greatest show ever. The greatest!"
GIRL: "Seriously? Is it the greatest?"
BEN: "Yeah!!" [spoken with sincerity, it is not until later that I realize that I was being made the fool]

Me: What a cunt.

Ben: I know right.

Me: Is it too much to ask that if someone makes fun of you they at least say something funny?

Ben: Are you more mad at that or mad that she made an oblique insult towards Seinfeld fans?

Me: It doesn't sound like she was belittling Seinfeld so much as she was belittling you for being enthusiastic.

Ben: I had always imagined that the thrust of her possibly misremembered point was not only to belittle enthusiasm, but specifically enthusiasm toward Seinfeld.

Me: That's even worse.

Me: Who was she?

Me: Are you fb friends?

Ben: I don't even rember anymore.

Ben: Probably not, I am not as loose on Facebook as thou.

Me: You are like the kids from IT.

Ben: How far are you?

Ben: My retort depends on your answer.

Me: ~Halfway.

Me: My progress has slowed to a crawl.

Me: It's so depressing.

Ben: Okay so I can't tell you why exactly we are not like the kids from IT.

Me: Well I was referring specifically to how after they leave their childhood hometown they somehow completely forget about that part of their lives until called upon to face evil once again.

Ben: Stephen King needs to rewrite IT for the Facebook generation.

Me: Well he did write that book where people were being killed by their cell phones or something.

Me: Are you reading anything right now?

Ben: No, I have yet to open SALEM'S LOT.

Me: Too spooky?

Ben: Is it one of his spooky novels?

Me: There are a couple spooky scenes.

Me: More than in any other ones you have, I think.

Ben: I thought that the disease book was supposed to be spooky throughout.

Me: THE STAND?

Me: There are some spooky parts but it's like when you're exploring subways tunnels in Fallout 3 and ghouls attack you.

Me: It's more a story about life after the apocalypse than classic horror like 'Salem's Lot.

Ben: What about HEARTS IN ATLANTIS, is that a scary one?

Ben: Because I have no idea what to think.

Ben: It could be horror or it could be a chick flick.

Me: It's about growing up during Vietnam.

Me: Hearts is my favorite King book.

Me: Also pretty depressing, though.

Ben: That sounds pretty cool.

Ben: Although it's sad that the high point of my DARTOWER experience will be at the eighth book of the eighteen-book septology.

Me: If not for the Dark Tower tie-ins you woudn't know it was written by Stephen King, it's pretty much just a normal good book.

Me: Why will that be your high point?

Ben: Because you said it was King's best book, so unless some of the series was not written by King it is, in your opinion, the high point of the series.

Me: I said it was my favorite of his books that I have read.

Me: Popular opinion is that The Stand is his best book.

Me: Although there might be some confusion there between "best" and "longest."

The Eye of Dagron

Me: LOOK AT ME!!

Ben: HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!!

Me: THERE'S NO HOGWARTS WITHOUT YOU, HAGRID!!

Ben: What are you talking about?

Ben: Is this a fanfic?

Me: No.

Me: This is real life.

Ben: Real Hogwarts or real literature?

Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MQMh3t0LhI

Ben: I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying, and my roommate is gagging. I love you and your video.

Ben: This is awful, I'm not listening to the rest of this.

Me: CEDRIC?! CEDRIC?!

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Me: MEH BOIIIIIIIIII

Ben: That's not even the same movie.

Me: You just ruined the punchline of my Japanese golfer joke.

Ben: I know because I was at home this weekend and my mom never misses a chance to put on the Harry Potter marathon.

Ben: I ABANDONED MY SON. I ABANDONED MY BOIII!!

Me: Not bad, Potter.

Me: You'd make a fair beater.

Ben: Are you psyched for HP7p1?

Me: It's like trying to catch smoke.

Me: Trying to catch smoke with your bare 'ands.

Ben: I can't recall what that's from.

Ben: Is it ROLAND DARTOWER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN?

Me: Did you finish those books yet?

Ben: Every one.

Ben: Except for the latter five.

Ben: I figured those weren't important.

Me: How many did I give you?

Ben: Eight.

Ben: Just finished THE DRAWING OF THE THREE yesterday.

Me: How was it/Eyes of Dargons?

Ben: Eye of Dagron was okay.

Ben: The pseudo-framing narrative was weird, what with the storyteller intermittently referring to himself in the first person and breaking the fourth wall and whatnot.

Me: Did you realize that Flagg is the man in black?

Ben: No he isn't.

Ben: They say as much in THE DRAWING OF THE THREE.

Ben: At least, that's what Roland thinks.

Ben: I guess he could secretly be the man in black.

Me: Do you mean in the "argument" or when he remembers Flagg turning a guy into a dog?

Ben: That's what I figured until the main character contradicted me.

Ben: When he is talking about demons in general and then offhandedly mentions a demon named Flagg being pursued by two haggard fellows named Dennis and Thomas, a year before Gilead fell.

Me: Oh right.

Me: Well they are the same person, it is directly confirmed in later books.

Me: He changes his appearance via magic.

Ben: Okay.

Ben: The man in black seems less composed in I, DRAGON.

Ben: Also he has two eyes.

Ben: Like he is more chill in THE GUNSLINGER.

Me: Flight of Dragons happens first.

Ben: Is FLIGHT OF DRAGONS the sequel to EYE OF DRAGONS?

Me: No, it is the same book.

Ben: Stephen King has sunk to new lows.

Me: There is no sequel to Eye.

Ben: :( 

Ben: I felt like it could have been a better book if it wasn't standalone.

Ben: Like I might have liked the world better if I had known there was more to it.

Me: It is the same world as the Dark Tower books, just earlier in the history of that world.

Me: I'm pretty sure.

Ben: But Roland met the dudes, it must be coterminous with Roland's era.

Ben: Or I guess time is weird or something.

Me: I think people mention events, characters, and locations from Eyes as if they're a part of history/geography, not extradimensional shit from another universe.

Me: Also Flagg still has two eyes because magic.

Ben: Wrong, you can't cure wounds imparted by weapons of fate.

Ben: This is Fantasy 101.

Me: Maybe a phoenix cried on him.

Ben: Phoenix tears only cure the wounds of the pure-hearted and righteous.

Me: How was DRAWING OF 3?

Ben: I liked the beginning part.

Ben: I enjoyed his comedic disorientation with our world and his experimentation to figure out these dimension door things.

Ben: I don't like crippled black racist bitch, she's like the BK Kids Club all rolled into one.

Ben: Which is to say, crippled black racist psychotic bitch.

Me: h8 Susannah

Me: Then again most of King's female characters are lousy.

Ben: Also I'm having a hard time believing how convenient it is that all of these doors are opening into our universe, or reasonable facsimiles thereof.

Ben: I liked the beginning with him getting his fingers bitten off and all his shit ruined.

Ben: I had forgotten that was foreshadowed in the first book.

Me: Did-a-chick?

Ben: Lobstrosity.

Me: <3 lobstrosities

Me: What was foreshadowed?

Ben: Right before he enters the dark cave to follow the MiB (or somewhere around there) he grasps something with his hand (or something like that) and says something about "the fingers that would soon be gone."

Me: Oh cool.

Me: I dont rember that.

Me: Maybe that was the foreshadowing your friend didn't like.

Ben: Maybe, although like I said I kind of forgot about it even though it made me really queasy at the time.

Ben: And then when it happened in like the first three pages it was pretty gut-wrenching.

Ben: I'm not accustomed to authors brutally maiming and crippling their characters, especially so early into a series.

Ben: I liked the ending of THE DRAWING OF THE THREE, although I feel like authors don't realize that readers are aware of the fact that "mort" is a latinate root for "death" and thus keep using it as names for characters related to death.

Me: He brought death to others before experiencing it himself!

Me: How ironic.

Me: How did it end?

Ben: With the death guy running naked and aflame through a subway station and leaping in front of a subway train

Me: Oh lol.

Ben: with Roland inside hoping that the black chick is watching this

Ben: and somehow the black chick sees herself and that fixes her but w/e it was sweet.

Ben: And there being new gunslingers and all was a cool idea.

Ben: Although I'm not sure how effective a wheelchair-bound gunslinger will be.

Me: You don't shoot with your feet, Ben!

Ben: Yeah but if you're getting shot at it helps to be able to dodge and such.

Ben: Like imagine that bitch in the shootout at Tull.

Ben: Where is she gonna go as the wave of townsfolk descends upon her?

Me: I guess she'd be stumped.

Me: Ba-dum-chhhhh.

Ben: Nice use of italics.

Me: So how is the series+related books overall so far?

Ben: I think SALEM'S LOT is next.

Ben: The one related book that I have read I thought was pretty meh.

Me: But the word penis only appears once and no one says fuck at all!

The Gunslinger

Ben: Finished THE GUNSLINGER. 

 

Ben: Currently on EYES OF THE DRAGON, chapter 4, page 11.

 

Me: How was it/how is it?

Ben: I liked The Gunslinger.

Ben: I liked it more as I got further in.

Me: I was gonna say, seems like you finished it a lot faster than you started it.

Ben: Well my reading speed isn't entirely correlated by how much I like it.

Ben: But yeah it seemed a lot less rambling once they started into the mountain.

Me: I like the part where he murders the whole town.

Ben: Also I was afraid when I began THE GUNSLINGER that the ending had been ruined due to my foreknowledge that the child died.

Ben: But fortunately it was foreshadowed.

Ben: And by foreshadowed I mean it was repeatedly and clearly hammered into the reader's head that the kid was going to die.

Me: Oh how did you know that?

Ben: Gabrielle read THE GUNSLINGER years ago and told me.

Ben: She hasn't read any of the other books though so I don't have to worry about spoilers.

Me: Oh good.

Ben: Although your repeated insistence that KA IS A WHEEL has caused me to wonder whether the series will climax with Roland finding a big rusty wheel at the room at the top of the tower and lubricating it in order to fix the universe or something.

Me: Actually he turns a frozen donkey wheel and the tower disappears.

Ben: LOSTOWER

Ben: PRODUCED BY FRANK GRCE

Me: It's just a repeated phrase/theme that runs through a lot of his books.

Ben: Oh is KA not exclusive to THE DARK TOWER?

Me: I think it's mentioned in a few of his books whose stories intersect with TDT but otherwise it's like life or destiny or another word.

Ben: How directly do any of his other works intersect? Which is to say I got to the first page of EYES OF THE DRAGON and lol'd at King Roland.

Me: No relation, I guess he just liked the name a lot.

Me: I think Eyes of the Dragon actually takes place in the same world as The Dark Tower, just sometime in the past before the series proper starts.

Ben: Oh that is cool.

 

Ben: Hahahaha, oh my god, I'm sitting here because the internet at my house is dead and Oprah is like twenty feet away and the person sitting next to her just said "TONIGHT ON MYTHBUSTERS, TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY!" and she did that thing where she slaps her forehead.

Ben: Anyway, even though I knew what the eponymous Dark Tower was supposed to be I still really enjoyed his description of it.

Me: What was the description?

Ben: Like the whole part with the man in black telling the gunslinger about an infinity of infinities and worlds on a blade of grass and all that.

Me: Oh yeah.

Me: Pretty trippy imagery in that chapter.

Ben: One of my friends who has read both the original DARTOWER series and the new revised DARTOWER series says that the foreshadowing in the new THE GUNSLINGER is too obvious, but I'm not sure if he just meant the foreshadowing about Jake dying or the foreshadowing about the greater series.

Ben: If there was any foreshadowing about the rest of the series going on, I didn't really pick it up.

Me: I haven't read the original version but from the Wikipedia description of the changes, it doesn't seem like the revised one gives away future plot development so much as it sets up elements in advance that will become important later.

Me: Normally I don't approve of artists revising their work after the fact (via Star Wars special editions) but from the list on Wikipedia there are only two changes King made that I thought were for the worse.

Me: Don't read that article in advance, though

What

Ben: Have you finished STEPHEN KING'S IT yet because I have not yet finished STEPHEN KING'S DARTOWER AND BROADLY RELATED WORKS PART 1-1: THE GUNSLINGER FOLLOWED.

Me: I'm almost halfway through this 1090-page book, which I expect to finish before you have read the first fifth of your 300-pager.

Ben: I am long since past page 60

Ben: chronologically speaking.

Me: What does that mean?

On Sub-chapters

Me: Did you finish the first chapter of the first book of The Dark Tower yet?

Ben: I told you I am on like chapter fifteen.

Me: Those are sub-chapters.

Ben: You're a sub-chapter in a Stephen King book.

Me: You told me you'd read the first chapter and I thought "oh that's not too bad, he's moving right along," but in actuality you had read like ten pages.

Ben: Yes, exactly.

Ben: Stephen King had deceived me into thinking that he had ludicrously short chapters.

Ben: I was not about to question the most popular novelist of our century.

Me: That's the point, books with short chapters are easier to read because it doesn't feel like an effort to reach the next checkpoint, you skip ahead and go "oh, only five pages till the next break, I can just read that now," and then you keep doing that until you've finished the book in one sitting.

Ben: There is such a thing as sub-chapters that are too short.

Ben: One sub-chapter was two-thirds of a page.

Ben: That's a sub-page.

Ben: I appreciate that it is a non-standard structure, but I hesitate to say it's superior to a book with just normal chapters.

Me: This is an entire normal-chapter in As I Lay Dying:

William Faulkner: My mother is a fish.

Ben: That's pretty great.

Ben: I enjoy that

Ben: and applaud it.

Me: Yeah, then that girl gets tricked into being raped in exchange for abortion pills that don't work, or something.

Me: How's your novel coming?

Ben: It's in the planning phase.

Ben: I'll have a lot of enforced free time this month because I have to take care of the house while my mom is recovering from her operation.

Me: Is it based on the murder of your student teacher?

Ben: Possibly.

Ben: It might just be a delirium of unrelated ideas.

Ben: Like, say, cowboys in the future who know magic and sing "Hey Jude."

Me: It's been done.

Ben: Fuck.

Me: Maybe you should read that instead, maybe it will inspire you.

Ben: See I told you, I have already absorbed Stephen King into myself.

Me: Maybe I should get started on my epic sci-fi/fantasy series.

Ben: Is it better than Animorphs?

Ben: Would somebody make a blog to review it a decade after it was written, is what I am asking.

Me: No.

Ben: So this is your Dark Tower.

Ben: The book that ties together all your disparate mythologies.

Ben: Am I in this book and am I a villain or a protagonist?

Ben: Or both?

Me: What the hell are you talking about?

Ben: I told you I am so tired.

Chapter 1

Ben: Is “walter ’o dim” an anagram for FRASH WOLFDAR

Me: How are you still on the first chapter?

Ben: This was chapter seven, it’s like you’ve never even read this series

Me: There aren’t even seven chapters in the book.

Ben: Then I’ve read up through XII so far, whatever the hell that means

Me: There are only five chapters, look at the table of contents

Ben: I’m like on page 56

Me: You have read half of one chapter

Ben: What the fuck are these numbers for if not chapter enumeration

Me: Sub-chapters. He uses them in almost all his books.

The Gunslinger Followed

Me: Did you start that book yet?

Ben: I finished chapter I.

Ben: I expect to be done before the next ice age.

Ben: At the very latest.

Me: No good?

Ben: No I liked it so far.

Ben: From reading one chapter I can already definitely tell what Gabrielle means when she says that he over-describes things.

Ben: Honestly, my biggest obstacle is that I have this tendency to absorb the writing styles of any author who I read extensively and I'm not sure how reading Stephen King will affect my ability to write.

Ben: What I am trying to say is that I am for whatever reason somewhat uncomfortable at the idea that I may subconsciously channel Stephen King into my own writing.

Ben: Nanowrimo is next month, we can't have any of that shit.

Ben: I'd like to do it this month if I have still not found a job/am not too depressed at having not found a job.

Ben: But I'm a pantywaist milquetoast so I probably won't.

Me: But anyway, there are worse writers you could assimilate than Stephen King.

Ben: True.

Ben: Shakespeare.

Me: Even his books that I dislike I would hesitate to call horrible, because his writing style is anything but.

Ben: Have you not read the foreword in any of his books?

Me: The Gunslinger and The Stand.

Ben: Oh okay.

Ben: So you are aware that he wrote the first book when he was 19 and today, hundreds of years in the future, he does not hold a high opinion of it.

Ben: Although I know you said you thought it was the best book.

Me: Pretty sure he didn't actually write it when he was 19.

Me: Maybe that's when he started percolating the idea.

Ben: He's been percolating it from birth. It is the culmination of his artistic career.

Ben: His opus.

Me: Okay whatever.

Me: Anyway that's why he revised it.

Me: I haven't read the original version.

Ben: How far are you in IT?

Me: ~300 pages.

Ben: What %?

Me: 25%-ish.

Me: More than that, I think the book's like 1090 pages.

Ben: Maybe you will discover that IT is inextricably intertwined with DARTOWER.

Me: I already know it is, it has the little rose/keyhole symbol on the back.

Me: Plus there have already been a couple of references I've noticed.

Me: I know for a fact that no DARTOWER characters appear in it though so I didn't include it on your reading list.

Ben: What is the rose keyhole indicative of?

Me: I think that comes up in book three.

Me: It's just a little icon one publishing company put on one edition of his books that are most closely connected to the DT books.

Me: Anyway what do you mean about him over-describing things?

Ben: I will give you an instance.

Me: You are not folding, mutilating, and spindling these books too much are you?

Ben: I've already placed them in more orifices than you can count.

Ben: "Below the waterbag were his guns, finely weighted to his hand. The two belts crisscrossed above his crotch. The holsters were oiled too deeply for even this Philistine sun to crack. The stocks of the guns were sandalwood, yellow and finely grained. The holsters were tied down with rawhide cord, and they swung heavily against his hips. The brass casings of the cartridges looped into the gun belts twinkled and flashed and heliographed in the sun. The leather made subtle creaking noises. The guns themselves made no noise. They had spilled blood. There was no need to make noise in the sterility of the desert. His clothes were the no color of rain or dust. His shirt was open at the throat, with a rawhide thong dangling loosely in handpunched eyelets. His pants were seamstretched dungarees."

Me: Isn't that just a paragraph describing the physical appearance of the main character?

Ben: Yes, but it reads like an itemized list. I've never known any other author to leave so little to the imagination regarding the appearance of his main character. Also I am not bashing Stephen King, I am merely telling you that I understand where Gabrielle is coming from.

Ben: The first chapter actually reminds me of Dune, which is good.

Ben: It doesn't remind me of the first chapter of Dune or anything, it just has a similar flavor to the overall setting.

Me: The apotheosis of all deserts.

Ben: I confess I'm not sure I really grasp the notion of this desert that is hard earth covered with a fine layer of sand.

Me: DUNE

Me: ARRAKIS

Me: DESERT PLANET

Me: You can't use just one name, you have to say all three each time.

Ben: I do, actually.

Ben: Not even joking.

Ben: But not when I'm actually trying to make a point.

Ben: Only in casual conversation.

Me: Why did Brandon make us watch that terrible movie?

Ben: It was hilarious.

Ben: Remember when Patrick Stewart turned on his Tron belt?

Me: My name is a killing word.

Me: I'VE GOT YOUR GOM JABBAR.

Ben: There's no line like that

Ben: in any work of fiction or nonfiction.

Me: So what do you think of The Gunslinger so far?

Ben: I am liking the setting.

Ben: It is appropriately mysterious.

Ben: Don't know how I feel about the opening line, clearly I'm not crazy about it but it's not terrible.

Ben: I suppose it depends on how important this man in black is supposed to be.

Ben: (I am guessing he will be important.)

Me: Why did you focus on the opening line at all?

Ben: Because it was somewhat unimpressive for the opening line to what was intended to be the longest fantasy epic in history.

Me: Stephen King loves the shit out of that line.

Ben: Hahaha.

Ben: Does he keep using it?

Me: It is referred back to a couple times.

Ben: I'm not saying it couldn't grow on me, or that it's an inappropriate line to repeatedly reference, just if I was a new reader with no prior knowledge of Stephen King I would not be ultra-hooked by the opening line (but the first chapter itself is alluring enough).

Me: I think it's a great hook.

Me: It's what Kirk would call an "attack sentence."

Ben: Haha.

Ben: Tell me what an attack sentence

Ben: is.

Me: I don't know if he ever defined it, but from context clues I guess it's basically an opening sentence that not only hooks your attention but also immediately plunges you into the action and evokes some kind of emotional response.

Ben: Is it the best kind of opening sentence or is there a spectrum?

Me: I don't know.

Ben: Okay well are there any other notable varieties of opening sentence?

Me: I'm sure there must be but I don't know any.