Me: LOOK AT ME!!
Ben: HE WAS THEIR FRIEND!!
Me: THERE'S NO HOGWARTS WITHOUT YOU, HAGRID!!
Ben: What are you talking about?
Ben: Is this a fanfic?
Me: No.
Me: This is real life.
Ben: Real Hogwarts or real literature?
Ben: I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying, and my roommate is gagging. I love you and your video.
Ben: This is awful, I'm not listening to the rest of this.
Me: CEDRIC?! CEDRIC?!
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Me: MEH BOIIIIIIIIII
Ben: That's not even the same movie.
Me: You just ruined the punchline of my Japanese golfer joke.
Ben: I know because I was at home this weekend and my mom never misses a chance to put on the Harry Potter marathon.
Ben: I ABANDONED MY SON. I ABANDONED MY BOIII!!
Me: Not bad, Potter.
Me: You'd make a fair beater.
Ben: Are you psyched for HP7p1?
Me: It's like trying to catch smoke.
Me: Trying to catch smoke with your bare 'ands.
Ben: I can't recall what that's from.
Ben: Is it ROLAND DARTOWER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN?
Me: Did you finish those books yet?
Ben: Every one.
Ben: Except for the latter five.
Ben: I figured those weren't important.
Me: How many did I give you?
Ben: Eight.
Ben: Just finished THE DRAWING OF THE THREE yesterday.
Me: How was it/Eyes of Dargons?
Ben: Eye of Dagron was okay.
Ben:
The pseudo-framing narrative was weird, what with the storyteller
intermittently referring to himself in the first person and breaking the
fourth wall and whatnot.
Me: Did you realize that Flagg is the man in black?
Ben: No he isn't.
Ben: They say as much in THE DRAWING OF THE THREE.
Ben: At least, that's what Roland thinks.
Ben: I guess he could secretly be the man in black.
Me: Do you mean in the "argument" or when he remembers Flagg turning a guy into a dog?
Ben: That's what I figured until the main character contradicted me.
Ben:
When he is talking about demons in general and then offhandedly
mentions a demon named Flagg being pursued by two haggard fellows named
Dennis and Thomas, a year before Gilead fell.
Me: Oh right.
Me: Well they are the same person, it is directly confirmed in later books.
Me: He changes his appearance via magic.
Ben: Okay.
Ben: The man in black seems less composed in I, DRAGON.
Ben: Also he has two eyes.
Ben: Like he is more chill in THE GUNSLINGER.
Me: Flight of Dragons happens first.
Ben: Is FLIGHT OF DRAGONS the sequel to EYE OF DRAGONS?
Me: No, it is the same book.
Ben: Stephen King has sunk to new lows.
Me: There is no sequel to Eye.
Ben: :(
Ben: I felt like it could have been a better book if it wasn't standalone.
Ben: Like I might have liked the world better if I had known there was more to it.
Me: It is the same world as the Dark Tower books, just earlier in the history of that world.
Me: I'm pretty sure.
Ben: But Roland met the dudes, it must be coterminous with Roland's era.
Ben: Or I guess time is weird or something.
Me:
I think people mention events, characters, and locations from Eyes as
if they're a part of history/geography, not extradimensional shit from
another universe.
Me: Also Flagg still has two eyes because magic.
Ben: Wrong, you can't cure wounds imparted by weapons of fate.
Ben: This is Fantasy 101.
Me: Maybe a phoenix cried on him.
Ben: Phoenix tears only cure the wounds of the pure-hearted and righteous.
Me: How was DRAWING OF 3?
Ben: I liked the beginning part.
Ben: I enjoyed his comedic disorientation with our world and his experimentation to figure out these dimension door things.
Ben: I don't like crippled black racist bitch, she's like the BK Kids Club all rolled into one.
Ben: Which is to say, crippled black racist psychotic bitch.
Me: h8 Susannah
Me: Then again most of King's female characters are lousy.
Ben:
Also I'm having a hard time believing how convenient it is that all of
these doors are opening into our universe, or reasonable facsimiles
thereof.
Ben: I liked the beginning with him getting his fingers bitten off and all his shit ruined.
Ben: I had forgotten that was foreshadowed in the first book.
Me: Did-a-chick?
Ben: Lobstrosity.
Me: <3 lobstrosities
Me: What was foreshadowed?
Ben:
Right before he enters the dark cave to follow the MiB (or somewhere
around there) he grasps something with his hand (or something like that)
and says something about "the fingers that would soon be gone."
Me: Oh cool.
Me: I dont rember that.
Me: Maybe that was the foreshadowing your friend didn't like.
Ben: Maybe, although like I said I kind of forgot about it even though it made me really queasy at the time.
Ben: And then when it happened in like the first three pages it was pretty gut-wrenching.
Ben: I'm not accustomed to authors brutally maiming and crippling their characters, especially so early into a series.
Ben:
I liked the ending of THE DRAWING OF THE THREE, although I feel like
authors don't realize that readers are aware of the fact that "mort" is a
latinate root for "death" and thus keep using it as names for
characters related to death.
Me: He brought death to others before experiencing it himself!
Me: How ironic.
Me: How did it end?
Ben: With the death guy running naked and aflame through a subway station and leaping in front of a subway train
Me: Oh lol.
Ben: with Roland inside hoping that the black chick is watching this
Ben: and somehow the black chick sees herself and that fixes her but w/e it was sweet.
Ben: And there being new gunslingers and all was a cool idea.
Ben: Although I'm not sure how effective a wheelchair-bound gunslinger will be.
Me: You don't shoot with your feet, Ben!
Ben: Yeah but if you're getting shot at it helps to be able to dodge and such.
Ben: Like imagine that bitch in the shootout at Tull.
Ben: Where is she gonna go as the wave of townsfolk descends upon her?
Me: I guess she'd be stumped.
Me: Ba-dum-chhhhh.
Ben: Nice use of italics.
Me: So how is the series+related books overall so far?
Ben: I think SALEM'S LOT is next.
Ben: The one related book that I have read I thought was pretty meh.
Me: But the word penis only appears once and no one says fuck at all!
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