Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Saga of Nomi Sunrider

Tales of the Jedi #3–5: The Saga of Nomi Sunrider

Author: Tom Veitch
Artist: Janine Johnston (Issue 3), David Roach (Issues 4-5)
Medium: Comic
Publication Date: December 1993 – February 1994
Timeline Placement: 3,999 BBY
Series: Tales of the Jedi

Nomi Sunrider is the wife of Jedi Knight Andur Sunrider and the mother of little Vima, but more importantly she is a hot redhead with “blue-green” eyes so add another hash mark to that tally. Actually in the first issue of this comic she looks like a living skeleton losing a battle with male pattern baldness, but Janine Johnston’s art is so poor that I assume the author’s intention was for her to look like the MILF she becomes in David Roach’s issues.

That’s right, honeypie, work that business.

Now that we’ve spent the opening paragraph of this review degrading women, let’s jump into the plot.

Andur Sunrider is taking his family to the planet Ambria to learn from the great Jedi Master Thon. As a gift for his new teacher, Andur has brought a box of Adegan crystals for manufacturing lightsabers. While the Sunrider family stops for food at a nearby spaceport, however, some thugs in the employ of Bogga the Hutt overhear Andur running his mouth about the crystals.

Bogga orders them to obtain these precious gems and the goons move against the Sunriders by threatening their androgynous protocol droid, A-3DO. When Andur draws his lightsaber to defend the droid, one of the thugs, Gudb, sends his pet gorm-worm Skritch to attack him from behind. The small reptile-like creature sinks its fangs into Andur’s neck, killing him almost instantly.

As Nomi weeps over her husband’s dead body, Andur’s ghost appears, telling her to take up his lightsaber and defend herself against the gangsters. Prior to The Phantom Menace, in which Liam Neeson’s body did not disappear into the Force when he died, most EU stories featuring Jedi ghosts took their cue from A New Hope and Return of the Jedi and had the Jedi’s bodies fade away upon death. I think this is the only time it didn’t happen and I have no idea why. Maybe Janine Johnston had never seen a Star Wars movie.

Nomi cuts down two of her husband’s murderers with the lightsaber (“She halved Quanto!” Gudb exclaims realistically), but Gudb and Skritch escape. Andur’s ghost appears again and tells Nomi to go to the Ambria system, where she will meet Thon, the Jedi Master who would have instructed him. This sounds awfully familiar. Nomi and A-3DO pilot their ship, the Lightside Explorer, to Ambria, arriving to find that the planet is a desolate wasteland. Leaving Threedee to practice the mandolin (what the hell?), Nomi takes Vima and goes in search of Master Thon. On the way she passes an evil lake filled with voices that shout mean things at her.

Nomi and Vima come across a yellow man with weird tentacle hair riding what is clearly a Triceratops with a beard. Nomi knows instinctively that the man is a Jedi. He takes them back to his home and Nomi tells him about what happened to her husband and why she has come to meet him, but they are interrupted by Bogga the Hutt and his men stealing the Jedi’s herd of green sheep-things. The Jedi tries to fight them off but gets his ass kicked, and Nomi is shocked to see the dinosaur he’d been riding drive off their attackers with the Force. The yellow dude was just some schmuck named Oss Wilum; the dumb beast of burden was Master Thon all along! Boy this whole plot sounds awfully familiar!

“Judge me by my quadrupedalism, do you?”

Months pass as Master Thon trains Nomi in the ways of the Jedi, but she continually refuses to construct a lightsaber, forswearing the weapon as penance for killing two of her husband’s killers. Baby Vima is playing near the evil lake where Thon banished the dark energies on the planet (what?) when she is attacked by two hssiss, also known as “dark side dragons” or “basically iguanas.” Nomi uses the Force to turn them against one another, revealing her innate talent for Jedi Battle Meditation.

Meanwhile, Bogga the Hutt strong-arms pirate captain Finhead Stonebone into retrieving Nomi’s Adegan crystals for him as retribution for ripping off ore transports under Hutt protection. The only things noteworthy about this subplot are Bogga’s adorable pet hssiss lizard, Ktriss, and the fact that the ships Finhead Stonebone has been robbing are made from the hollowed-out corpses of kilometer-long Ithullian colossus wasps.

This seems wholly unnecessary in every way.

Back on Ambria, the Twi’lek Jedi Tott Doneeta (yes, he is still referred to as such in this story) pays Master Thon a visit, looking for Jedi to return to Onderon with him to help quell the Freedon Nadd Uprising, whatever that is. Master Thon is too busy training Nomi and Vima to waste his time on this nonsense, so he sends the utterly useless Oss Wilum in his place.

Thon shows Nomi a Jedi holocron with the gatekeeper avatar of Master Ood Bnar, a talking tree who is Thon’s BFF. Ood Bnar reveals to Nomi the history of the dark side in the most unspecific terms imaginable. “Sometimes people fall to the dark side and do bad things! It’s happened a lot!”

[Continuity Note: The holocron displays a succession of images of nameless dark-side conquerors, concluding with a figure in black armor hefting a red lightsaber as Ood laments that some of history’s fallen warlords were Jedi. Naturally, later EU adopted this character as King Adas, the monarch of the Sith species in a time before they ever encountered the Jedi or had lightsaber technology. One of the few things we actually knew about Adas prior to his visual depiction was that he was renowned for fighting with a giant battle ax. It’s like why even bother? Were fans clamoring that much for an identity for this one-panel flashback character from a 20-year-old comic?]

Yeah just make it the same guy, why not?

Anyway then Finhead Stonebone (Tales of the Jedi Companion reassures us that this is just one of his many aliases, because “Finhead Stonebone” is too silly a name to exist alongside such classics as Ephant Mon, Yarael Poof, Sha’a Gi, Hannah Ding, Jedi Master Baytes, and Rick McCallum) and his posse arrive on Ambria to steal the crystals. Thon gives Nomi his own lightsaber and tells her to help him fight off the pirates, but she refuses. Why the hell does a giant four-legged dinosaur have a lightsaber? Even if there was a way for him to use it without trundling around awkwardly on three legs, how is Nomi supposed to use a weapon designed to be held by giant dinosaur claws?

In frustration, Thon tells Nomi to run away and save herself, and that at least her daughter will be a great Jedi one day (oh snap!). He lumbers over to the pirates to surrender and is handcuffed with Mandalorian manacles and led away. Forced to finally get over her issues, Nomi uses Battle Meditation to turn the pirates against one another. Somehow this convinces her that killing is okay and she wades into battle with Thon’s lightsaber. She frees him and together they drive the pirates from the planet. Having finally accepted her fate as a Jedi, Nomi surrenders to Thon’s tutelage, and the narrative textbox assures us that she will have a part to play against the looming darkness that threatens to destroy the Jedi. I just hope it destroys Arca Jeth.

Meditations

This was a step up from Ulic and the Beast Wars but, while not overtly terrible, still not that great. It’s rather slow-paced and boring, which is fine, but in Star Wars there should always be sufficient excitement and adventure to counterbalance the philosophy and introspection. On that front, all The Saga of Nomi Sunrider has to offer is a series of repetitive confrontations between the Sunriders and Bogga the Hutt’s boring henchmen. The art in the first issue is terrible but becomes quite lovely with the change in pencillers for issues 2 and 3. I think these are the only two issues David Roach drew for Star Wars, which is a shame.

It’s easy to make fun of Master Thon for being a stupid dinosaur with a beard, but as with Master Ooroo, the weird-alien-Jedi-Master character is one of my favorite parts of the story. The Tchuukthai are a cool-looking alien species and are no more ridiculous as Jedi Masters than jellyfish, trees, blobs, or disembodied heads with prehensile tongues. Thon is a much more enjoyable mentor character than Arca Jeth, because when he acts like a dick to his students it’s for the purpose of actually teaching them something, not just for the sake of being a dick. Unfortunately, his role in the series will only diminish from this point, while Arca’s continues to expand.

Nomi herself has the potential to be an interesting protagonist, but I can’t help feeling that allowing her to overcome her lightsaber-phobia so early was a missed opportunity. A lot more could have been done with a lead Jedi character who refuses to wield a lightsaber and must rely solely on the Force. Still a stronger female lead than stupid Shae Koda, however.

3/5 Death Stars.

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Tales of the Jedi

A Tale from the Dark Side

A female Jedi named Vara Nreem infiltrates an ancient Sith “library-temple” on the planet Krayiss Two. She tries to trick the Sith spirits guarding the temple into revealing their secrets by claiming she has come to augment her Jedi training with knowledge of the dark side, but they see through her ruse. She is immediately killed and her spirit will be tortured for the rest of eternity.

What the hell was the point of this?

1/5 Death Stars.

Tales of the Jedi #1–2: Ulic Qel-Droma and the Beast Wars of Onderon

Author: Tom Veitch
Artist: Chris Gossett
Medium: Comic
Publication Date: October – November 1993
Timeline Placement: 4,000 BBY
Series: Tales of the Jedi

We pick up with Tales of the Jedi again an even 1,000 years since the previous entry in the series (the EU loves setting major events and story arcs at nice round-numbered years relative to A New Hope). This was actually the first TotJ story written, years before Kevin J. Anderson became involved with the series. When published, it was by far the earliest Star Wars story ever told, so while it feels a bit dated and slow, it still deserves credit for trying something new and actually expanding the universe in huge ways, something that much of the modern EU had given up on.

The comic opens with an introduction to our main character, Ulic Qel-Droma, and his two fellow Jedi trainees: his brother, Cay Qel-Droma, and the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta. Everyone in this story refers to him as “the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta,” like they constantly feel the need to point out that he’s an inhuman freak with tails for hair. Arca Jeth, their Jedi Master, tells them that it’s time to stop dicking around with their training and go out into the galaxy and do Jedi stuff. Their first assignment is to end the 300-year Beast Wars in the Onderon system.

No, not those Beast Wars. I wish though.

In the distant past, the atmospheres of Onderon and its moon Dxun would periodically overlap. This allowed giant winged monsters to travel from the moon and prey on the planet’s indigenous human population. I’m not sure how scientifically feasible that is but it’s a cool idea. As a result of moon monster attacks, civilization on Onderon developed inside a single, massive, walled city called Iziz. Long ago, Iziz developed the practice of casting its criminals out into the wilderness, where they eventually banded together and learned to tame and ride the Dxun beasts. These Beast Riders have been at war with Iziz ever since. Master Arca has been assigned by the senior Jedi Masters to resolve this conflict, but out of sheer laziness he’s sending his three half-trained students instead.

Ulic, Cay, and the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta arrive in the Onderon system aboard their ship, the Nebulon Ranger. Upon entering the planet’s atmosphere they are immediately attacked by Beast Riders, who try to make their space pterodactyls bite through the hull of a spaceship. Following the least tense chase scene in history, in which our heroes are in absolutely no peril at any point, the Jedi land their ship safely inside the walls of Iziz. They disembark and introduce themselves to the Onderonian welcoming committee, and the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta is promptly brutalized by the police because of space racism.

The Jedi are summoned before Queen Amanoa, seventy-year-old wife of King Ommin, who does not appear in this story because he is practicing evil sorceries in the basement. The queen introduces her eighteen-year-old daughter, Galia, heir to the throne. Suddenly a giant monster flies through the window and Galia is kidnapped right in front of the Jedi by Beast Warrior Commandos (the comic is so excited to use this term that I assume it must be capitalized).

The Jedi leave the city in pursuit of the kidnappers but their ship is immediately shot down by a seeker-torpedo and crashes in the jungle. Upon attempting to exit the ship, they find themselves surrounded by fearsome, adorable boma beasts. Fortunately, the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta possesses the rare Force talent of Beast Language, and he communicates their mission to the ravenous monsters in a series of grunts and snarls. These bloodthirsty killing machines are easily swayed by a well-reasoned argument, and they make the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta an honorary member of their tribe and allow the Jedi to ride them to the Beast Riders’ lair.

He’s surprisingly erudite for a dumb animal.

The Jedi and bomas burst in to find Galia being wedded to Oron Kira, son of reigning Beast Lord Moron Kira. Ulic tries to re-kidnap her but she claims that she wants to marry Oron. The Jedi discover that the princess’s abduction was staged because she knew she would never be allowed to marry a Beast Lord. So instead of just running away, she arranged for an invasion of her own city in which several Iziz soldiers and Beast Riders were killed. It’s like that scene in Aladdin where instead of climbing over the palace wall Princess Jasmine just has her tiger maul all the guards so she can walk out the front gate.

Princess Galia explains that she dearly loves her sweet old parents but they also happen to be evil devil-worshipping practitioners of dark-side witchcraft. Ulic is shocked to hear that the dark side of the Force is active on a world that only recently developed space travel, because I guess he thought negative emotions needed a starship to get around. Moron Kira tells the tale of how, four centuries ago, Jedi Knight Freedon Nadd, the most ludicrously named Star Wars villain since Ludo Kressh, fell to the dark side and brought the evil of the Sith to Onderon. In an unforeseen twist, it turns out that all the so-called criminals banished from Iziz, rather than being rapists and murderers, were in fact just political dissidents trying to resist the dark side!

Moron Kira has united all the Beast Riders on the planet into a giant army under his command, but Ulic makes him promise not to attack the city unless the Jedi fail to fulfill their mission and negotiate peace. They return to the city with Galia and Oron but at the sight of the Beast Lord Queen Amanoa tries to kill them immediately. “It would seem . . . I have failed Master Arca,” Ulic admits to the Beast Riders. “Do what you must. We will fight beside you. Arca would want it.” I’m afraid I’ll have to disagree with you on that last part, Ulic, since it’s actually the exact opposite of what he told you he wanted.

A huge battle commences, with Queen Amanoa using the dark side to sap the Beast Riders of their will to fight. During the melee, Cay Qel-Droma gets his arm cut off at the shoulder. “Unnh— My ARM!” Cay screams, adding thoughtfully, “ULLIIIIICCC! They cut off my ARRRMM!” Which to be fair is what I think most people would say in that situation. Not to worry, though, because Cay just unscrews an arm off an old droid and gets busy attaching it to his cauterized shoulder. It’s not every day that you see the two dumbest things you’ve ever seen back to back.

At that moment, a new ship appears in the sky. Jedi Master Arca Jeth has gotten off his lazy ass at last and come to save the day. Using the Jedi Battle Meditation technique popularized by Odan-Urr in the previous comic, he gives the Beast Riders the confidence to win and they instantly do. He takes his three apprentices to task for failing to resolve this conflict without his aid. The way to win was through the method that he just employed, he says, to which Ulic protests that Arca never even taught them Battle Meditation. Arca admits that this is true; there was never any way the three of them could have done anything here and hundreds of people have died because he was too lazy to do his job earlier.

What an asshole.

Arca Jeth then leads Ulic, Cay, the Twi’lek Tott Doneeta, and Princess Galia into the queen’s inner sanctum, where they find Amanoa channeling the dark energies of Freedon Nadd’s sarcophagus. Arca projects an aura of light that dispels Nadd’s lingering darkness, cutting off the queen from the power sustaining her life. She immediately collapses and dies. “You killed her,” weeps Galia. “I don’t care how evil she was . . . she was my mother . . . I loved her.” Arca claims that he didn’t kill her, he merely removed the force keeping her alive . . . which means that he killed her.

What an asshole!

Galia seems to buy this however and they all have a big party to celebrate overthrowing the dark side. Ulic asks Arca how a Jedi like Freedon Nadd, trained in the light side, could ever fall to the dark. “It has happened more than once,” Arca replies. “Fortunately it does not happen often— Ulic, my son . . . pray that it never happens to you.” And then there is a close-up panel of half of Ulic’s face looking all sinister OH MY GOD I WONDER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

Meditations

Ulic Qel-Droma and the Beast Wars of Onderon is on the “meh” side of all right. It was drawn by Chris Gossett, the same guy who did The Golden Age of the Sith #0, but his artwork is much better here. Not as good as it will get by the end of the series, but the comic has a certain visual style to it that you can appreciate for actually being a visual style.

Tom Veitch is a better writer than KJA but that’s saying nothing; for the most part the writing is kind of boring and the plot is pretty basic and unmemorable, with the exception of giant monsters flying down from the moon. That detail aside, Onderon is just a boring planet with a boring culture and boring fashion. Even in Knights of the Old Republic II, the missions set there are some of the more tedious in the game.

The characters have the barest frameworks of personalities, but since Ulic is the main protagonist of this series I’m hoping he gets a little more development as we move along. The only character who really stands out so far is Arca Jeth, and that’s just because of what a colossal douche he is, but I don’t think that was the writer’s intention.

Overall, ho-hum. I don’t hate it but it’s just not that interesting. I could probably just copy that sentence and use it for 99% of these reviews.

2.5/5 Death Stars.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Lost Tribe of the Sith

Lost Tribe of the Sith: Precipice

Author: John Jackson Miller
Medium: Ebook novella
Publication Date: May 28, 2009 on StarWars.com
Timeline Placement: 5,000 BBY
Series: Lost Tribe of the Sith

Set during the Great Hyperspace War, this is the story of the Sith warship Omen and her crew, led by the intrepid Captain Yaru Korsin. The anthology edition of this series has a map of its setting, the continent of Keshtah, at the beginning. How cute, it thinks it’s a real fantasy novel!

In preparation for the invasion of the planet Kirrek, Dark Lord of the Sith Naga Sadow dispatched the Omen and her sister ship, the Harbinger, to mine Force-augmenting Lignan crystals on the planet Phaegon III. After retrieving the crystals, the twin ships were attacked by Jedi starfighters and collided with each other while escaping into hyperspace. We won’t see the Harbinger again for quite some time, but the Omen was knocked off course by the collision, and this is where our story picks up.

With its trajectory altered, the damaged Omen is yanked out of hyperspace by a gravity shadow and caught in the gravity well of an unknown planet. As it plummets to its doom, we are introduced to its crew: Captain Yaru Korsin and his half-brother, mineralogical officer Devore Korsin, both humans; Devore’s “woman,” Seelah, and their infant son, Jariad; gunnery officer Gloyd, a Houk; engineer Lohjoy, a Ho’Din (who dies immediately); navigator Boyle Marcom, another human; and quartermaster Ravilan, a Sith. Notice anything odd about these demographics?

In The Golden Age of the Sith and The Fall of the Sith Empire, every Sith we saw was actually a member of the Sith alien species. Then suddenly in this story, ostensibly in the same setting, there’s an entire warship crewed almost exclusively by humans, with a few non-Sith aliens thrown in for flavor. The text refers to Ravilan as a “Red Sith,” presumably to make it clear that he’s actually a Sith alien and not a member of another species just calling himself a Sith. The Sith Empire was isolated in an undiscovered region of space until like a week ago; where did all these other species come from?

To confuse the setting even further, all of these human Sith carry lightsabers. None of the Sith in the preceding stories used lightsabers, not even the Sith Lord bourgeoisie. They all carried enchanted Sith swords imbued with the dark side. Did someone think magic swords were too goofy for twenty-first-century readers? Yaru Korsin also mentions that the Harbinger’s captain is a fallen Jedi. When did this guy find the time to turn to the dark side, seek out the Sith before they’d even revealed themselves to the Republic, convince them to let him join them, and then get promoted to captain of a warship? The Great Hyperspace War lasted like a day if the comics’ depiction of it is anything to go by.

Anyway, the Omen crashes on this planet, coming to perch precariously at the edge of a mountaintop overlooking the ocean. The surviving crewmembers, including several Massassi, members of the Sith warrior caste, disembark and make their way down the mountain to set up a crude base camp. Something in the planet’s atmosphere is harmful to the Massassi and they all die off after a few days, while the non-Sith Sith all squabble among themselves and are more interested in casting blame than in finding a way out of their predicament.

Yaru’s brother, Devore, is a total douchehole and ends up killing Marcom, the elderly navigator, for bringing them here. I get that the Sith are supposed to be evil, power-hungry jerks and all that, but these guys are just dicks and I don’t know why their Red Sith overlords ever let them have lightsabers. Yaru Korsin is the only one interested in trying to figure out a solution, although really all he’s worried about is getting in trouble with Naga Sadow for losing the Lignan crystals.

Yaru hikes back up to the Omen alone to try to send a distress call to the Sith fleet. He finds that the ship’s communications array was destroyed in the crash and that his brother is already in the ship, sitting in the captain’s chair and getting high. Devore tries to convince Yaru that they have to stay on the planet. They’ve already been gone two days and Naga Sadow will think they stole the crystals for themselves. If they go back now, Devore thinks Sadow will blame him for what happened, because he lost his temper with the Dark Lord when Yaru was given command of the mission instead of him.

Devore attacks Yaru and they fight for a while on the precipice. Yaru finally defeats his brother and Devore begins to cry and begs for help as he starts to come down off his high. In response, Yaru vows that he will complete his mission and protect his crew and throws Devore over the side of the mountain.

Yaru returns to his people and explains that they’re going to be there a while so they need to make the planet their own, like true Sith. What he doesn’t tell them is that, as he fought his brother on top of the mountain, he spotted a winged beast carrying a rider, meaning that there is another intelligent race on this planet. Meanwhile, Seelah, knowing that Yaru has killed Devore, begins plotting her revenge.

This story is all right, I guess. The writing is okay, nothing spectacular but completely readable. I found certain descriptions very difficult to comprehend, however, such as exactly what is happening when the crew uses the Omen’s torpedo ports to slow the ship’s descent, and the position of the crashed ship relative to the continent’s geography. The descriptive language just didn’t make much sense to me, although that may have been due to how quickly I read through the story. The prose doesn’t really lend itself to lingering analysis; it’s fast and punchy and inspires a similar reading style.

Basically Gilligan’s Island in space, but with more fratricide. 2.5/5 Death Stars.

I don’t see King’s Landing anywhere on here.

Lost Tribe of the Sith: Skyborn

Author: John Jackson Miller
Medium: Ebook novella
Publication Date: July 2009 on StarWars.com
Timeline Placement: 5,000 BBY
Series: Lost Tribe of the Sith

The winged creature was an uvak (not a vacuum) and its rider was Adari Vaal, a female Keshiri. The Keshiri are the indigenous race on the continent of Keshtah on the planet Kesh. They look identical to humans except that they have purple skin. Aliens!

Adari is the widow of an uvak-rider whose surly mount, Nink, murdered him one day by flying out over the ocean and turning upside down. Adari is okay with this, however, because she never liked him anyway and she barely likes their two dim-witted children any better. She lives with her kids and her overbearing mother in her dead husband’s luxurious house; Nink stays in the backyard. Adari tries to socialize with her family as little as possible, however, and spends most of her time collecting rock samples and studying geology.

Her inquisitive, scientific nature has put her at odds with the rigid, faith-based society of her people. The Keshiri believe that Keshtah was created in ancient times from the blood of deities known as the Skyborn, and Adari has been labeled a heretic for suggesting that volcanic eruptions may be caused by something other than the Skyborn’s displeasure with their worshippers. So Purple Space Galileo is being publicly reprimanded for her heresy by the village elders on the day the Omen crashes, and the Keshiri witness its impact on a mountaintop in the distance.

Believing the Omen to be an omen of the Skyborn’s displeasure, the whole town turns up at Adari’s house that night to burn it down, but she escapes out the back door and flies away on Nink. It is illegal for a woman to ride an uvak, so she has no choice but to flee to the edge of the continent, heading towards the exploding mountain out of geologic curiosity. She arrives just in time to see Yaru Korsin throw his brother off the mountaintop. She and Nink are equally freaked out by this non-purple dude with a beam of light for a hand killing some guy next to a giant metal egg that fell from heaven, and the uvak hightails it out of there with Adari clinging to his back foot for dear life.

She steals back to the mountain later that night, however, after receiving a telepathic summons from Korsin. She tries to watch the Sith camp from a distance but they immediately sense her presence and overpower her. They telekinetically hurl her against a tree and force their language into her brain. She is unconscious for an entire day as a result of the trauma, but when she awakens, she is able to understand them.

She stays with the Sith for a few days as she recovers from her ordeal. Korsin treats her with kindness but Seelah, Devore’s widow (I guess they were married now even though in the previous story Korsin only thought of her derisively as “Devore’s woman”), acts like a psycho the whole time, yelling and glaring at her and treating her suspiciously. Dude threw the wrong person off that mountain, I’m telling you.

Korsin explains that his people are trapped on the mountain and they need her to fly them off so they can search for materials to repair their ship. Adari knows that Nink would never consent to that, though, and convinces Korsin to let her leave and bring back help. She returns a week later with several uvak-riders, who stop dead when they see 240 alien-colored strangers waiting for them with lightsabers drawn. (Seriously, everyone in the Sith Empire has a lightsaber now? The entire crew of this ship, even all the low-level schlubs? It’s like no one even read those terrible boring comics that no one should ever read.)

The Sith claim to be the Skyborn, returned from heaven to walk among their children for a while, and convince the village elders of this with a display of their Force powers. They kick the elders out of their opulent homes and move themselves in, dispatching uvak-riders to spread the word of their arrival to every village on the continent. Adari is by their side the whole time, her heresy forgotten, her name put into the history books as the Discoverer.

Unable to stop herself, Adari confesses to Korsin that she saw him kill Devore. She fears his reprisal, but he tells her that he knows she won’t tell the other Sith for the same reason he knows why she came back to the mountain after witnessing the murder. She is tired of being persecuted by society, and the Sith can make her powerful instead of a victim. Korsin sees her ambition and knows that she was glad when her husband died, because he was holding her back from becoming her true self. He promises that he will help her achieve that goal for however long the Sith remain on Kesh. The story ends with Adari musing that they may be stuck there longer than he thinks, and suddenly she is worried.

This story is actually very good. I really enjoyed reading it and there isn’t much to make fun of. I wasn’t sold on the Sith as characters in Precipice because none of them are very interesting so far, but viewing them through the eyes of an outsider who doesn’t realize what she’s getting herself into added a lot of tension and urgency to the story. Since we’ll never get to see the story of the Dark Jedi exiles tricking the Sith into worshipping them as gods, this same premise playing out on Kesh will have to do.

Adari Vaal is a great character and very entertaining to read. She is quick-witted, funny, and likable despite her complete misanthropy. She cannot stand any of her own people and is constantly mocking them, either in her internal monologue or right to their faces. The only person from her own planet for whom she evinces a modicum of respect is Nink, because he killed her stupid boring husband. She maintains her cool even when facing the prospect of everything she has being taken from her, because nothing she has really matters, not even her children. The only thing she cares about is her quest for self-realization.

Overall Skyborn is a major step up from Precipice and I’m looking forward to seeing where this series goes next. 4/5 Death Stars.

Its name is Quetzalcoatl... just call it Q, that’s all you’ll have time to say before it tears you apart!

Lost Tribe of the Sith: Paragon

Author: John Jackson Miller
Medium: Ebook novella
Publication Date: February 2010 on StarWars.com
Timeline Placement: 4,985 BBY
Series: Lost Tribe of the Sith

The Sith have been stuck on Kesh for 15 years, hatching failed escape attempts and subjugating the Keshiri. Unable to breed with their willing subjects, the human Sith have been reproducing to increase their dominance over the planet, while the Red Sith have been unable to produce any surviving offspring. Korsin and Seelah are married now and have had a daughter together. This chapter in the series is told from Seelah’s point of view.

We open with Seelah standing naked in front of a mirror after a bath, musing on how fit she still looks for a woman in her forties. Her personal assistant, a male Keshiri, awkwardly stands nearby and tries not to look at her. Apparently this is like a daily ritual of theirs. Seelah then belittles him by ignoring the clothes he has laid out for her and picking out her own outfit instead. Seems kind of skeevy, but to be fair if I ever became a licensed Star Wars author I think the first thing I would do would be to canonize my softcore erotic fanfiction, too.

There’s disappointingly little Adari Vaal in this story. She just shows up briefly to talk with Korsin and we learn that the two of them have been taking long, daily walks in the wilderness together for almost as long as the Sith have been on the planet. Despite marrying Korsin, Seelah still hates him for killing her previous husband and is plotting his murder, but she is also insanely jealous of Adari, even though she knows Korsin isn’t actually cheating on her and she wouldn’t care if he was. Women are complex like that.

Korsin sends Ravilan, the spokesperson for the dwindling faction of non-human Sith, to some other Keshiri village in the south to investigate some fluorescent algae. Shortly after his arrival, the town’s entire Keshiri population drops dead from some unknown plague. At Ravilan’s urging, Korsin determines that the Sith will cut off all contact from the Keshiri in order to protect themselves from infection. All of the Sith are recalled to the Omen’s mountain crash site, but before they have all returned, several more villages on the Ragnos Lakes are wiped out as well.

Seelah draws Korsin’s attention to the fact that everywhere the plague has struck was a location being visited by Red Sith. Korsin deduces that Ravilan and his ilk must be spreading the plague on purpose in order to force the Sith to redouble their efforts to escape from the planet, where the Red Sith have proven unable to reproduce. With a heavy heart, Korsin orders the holocaust of every non-human Sith on Keshtah, excluding his friend Gloyd the Houk because he is a Muggle.

Ravilan is captured and Seelah has him tortured while his people are being murdered and having their severed heads mounted on pikes. In his despair, Ravilan confesses that he poisoned the water supply of the first infected village to try to make Korsin care more about getting off the planet, but he has no idea how it spread to the other outbreak sites. Seelah reveals that she was responsible for this, having caught on to what Ravilan was doing and sacrificing millions of innocent Keshiri to turn Korsin against the Red Sith.

Seeing how badly he’s been played, Ravilan realizes that Seelah, as the Sith’s chief medical administrator, also must have been responsible for ensuring none of the Red Sith’s children lived past infancy. He curses her for her treachery and is hacked to death with a vibroblade and lightsaber by Jariad Korsin, Seelah’s teenaged son from her first marrage. Jariad is unsatisfied with this grisly murder, lamenting that it wasn’t his stupid stepfather, who just doesn’t understand him. Seelah assures him that it will be soon enough.

Also now Adari Vaal feels bad about saving the Sith because of how they’ve subjugated the Keshiri and she has become the leader of an underground resistance movement plotting to overthrow them.

I don’t really know what the title of this story refers to, because I feel like everyone in it definitely racks up more Renegade points than Paragon, but this story is up there with the scant few good ones we’ve read so far. Almost as good as Skyborn, it succeeds in making Seelah, my most hated character from the previous two stories, actually interesting to read about, and not just because of the scene where she studies her naked body in the mirror for an awkwardly long time.

The best parts of Paragon didn’t even come up in the above summary. Each chapter begins with a brief flashback to Seelah’s early life as a slave in the Sith Empire. It turns out that she was the personal foot-care servant of our old friend Ludo Kressh. This particular passage may be the best in the entire canon so far:

“Do you know why I do this?” Kressh had asked one night. His drunken rage had touched the entire household, Seelah included. “I have seen the holocrons—I know what waits beyond. My son looks like me—and so does the future of the Sith.

“But only as long as we’re here. Out there,” he’d spat, between bloody punches, “out there, the future looks like you.”

Just before this, Seelah reflects on how Kressh spent all his free time trying to develop a magical device to protect his young son from harm. In a few short lines, John Jackson Miller takes one of the flattest, least memorable characters we’ve met so far and completely reinvents our whole perspective on him. Everything Ludo Kressh did in The Golden Age of the Sith and The Fall of the Sith Empire, he did out of love for his son. I mean sure, he was still an evil, murderous, power-hungry dick, but that was all he was when KJA wrote him. He gets more development in two lines of Paragon, long after his death, than he did in two entire story arcs of Tales of the Jedi.

At the same time, Miller also develops Seelah’s character and explains her deep-seated racism against the Sith species. She suffered for years in servitude to Kressh, and eventually saw her entire family executed on his orders because she couldn’t cure his twisted ankle. She ran away and defected to Naga Sadow’s fiefdom, where she met and married Devore Korsin. Sadow was apparently a huge equal rights advocate and believed that anyone could rise in prestige among the Sith regardless of their birthright. Bizarrely, this egalitarianism does have its roots in his original characterization, as a one-off line in a narrative textbox established that he was beloved by the Sith foot soldiers because he treated them with more respect than the other Sith Lords did.

Paragon also finally explains where all these non-Sith Sith came from in the first place. The worlds of the Sith Empire were secluded within the Stygian Caldera, a massive nebula that impeded hyperspace navigation. Ships that ventured in from the outside were rarely able to find their way back out and their crews ended up enslaved by the Sith. Apparently this happened so frequently that a significant chunk of the Sith Empire wasn’t even Sith. I’m not sure when or why this retcon came about because it doesn’t remotely match the empire’s visual depiction in Golden Age and Fall, but the Sith in the prequels were humans with red lightsabers so I guess they had to be that way in the EU too.

This story needed more Adari Vaal child neglect, but it made up for it with classic literary themes of eugenics, racial cleansing, and post-birth abortion. 4/5 Death Stars.

If there’s a place you got to go, I’m the one you need to know! 

Lost Tribe of the Sith: Savior

Author: John Jackson Miller
Medium: Ebook novella
Publication Date: April 2010 on StarWars.com
Timeline Placement: 4,975 BBY
Series: Lost Tribe of the Sith

Ten years later, the Sith have gotten used to the idea that the Omen is unsalvageable and they’re stuck on Kesh for the foreseeable future. The Sith have settled among the Keshiri permanently and used the memory of the plague from ten years earlier to quell unrest among the unfaithful. On the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Omen’s arrival, Yaru Korsin throws a huge party and announces to the Keshiri that his people will be staying forever! Hooray!

Meanwhile, two separate women are plotting his downfall. (Man, how many of my relationships have ended up that way?) Korsin’s wife, Seelah, still hates him for murdering his brother and her first husband, and has spent decades preparing her son, Jariad, to destroy him and take his place as Grand Lord of Kesh. We’re also helpfully told by Korsin’s inner monologue that, despite being in her fifties, Seelah doesn’t look a day over 35. Aaargh the author just wants to fuck her so bad.

Spinning her own independent conspiracy is Adari Vaal, who, while uncomfortable about how Korsin lusts after her purple flesh, doesn’t really bear a grudge against him personally but against the Sith as a whole. We find out that the reason she ultimately turned against the Sith was because, twelve years earlier (so two years before her resistance movement was revealed in Paragon), the elder of her two sons was killed in an accident while working on a Sith labor crew. She brought his broken body before Korsin immediately, and even though she knew that the Sith weren’t really gods, she still almost believed that Korsin would be able to bring her son back to life. But of course he couldn’t, and Adari can’t forgive him for that.

My favorite moment in this story comes here, at the final meeting between Korsin and Adari. He wants to bang her but knows he never will, and she has secretly soured on their friendship despite the affection he still has for her.

Adari turned back to Korsin. “I’m sorry, but I have business in town.”

“Will I see you again?”

“What, today?”

“No, I meant, ever?” Korsin laughed again. She’s uneasy, he thought. He wondered why. “Of course, today. We’re in the same city now, aren’t we?”

Adari rolled her eyes at the colossal building behind them. “That’s a lot of effort just to have me around more.” She managed a smile.

It’s a nicely bittersweet, human moment in a franchise that rarely seems concerned with saying anything about humanity.

The day after the celebration, Korsin and his friend Gloyd go up to the mountain crash site with Seelah to oversee the transfer of the last of her medical equipment to the village. While all the head Sith are isolated at the Omen, Seelah and Adari both decide to spring their traps. Jariad Korsin is the leader of the Sabers, his stepfather/uncle’s personal bodyguards, and all of them are on his mother’s payroll. They surround Korsin, Gloyd, and their other bodyguards when they arrive. Jariad moves in to gloat while Seelah shrieks about her revenge in the background, but Korsin and Gloyd just dis him and joke about the idea of him ever leading the Sith.

Conveniently for Korsin, this is the exact moment that Adari puts her plan into motion. She has spent years maneuvering trustworthy Keshiri rebels into key positions, and at long last they are ready to act. Adari and her agents will steal all the uvak on Keshtah, relying on the species’ flocking instincts to draw them to follow the dominant males the Keshiri will be riding. Adari will then ride her dead husband’s uvak, Nink, into the thermal updraft above Keshtah’s largest volcano, which will blast them and all the hundreds of thousands of uvak following them way out over the ocean where they will never be able to find land again and eventually fall into the sea from exhaustion. With the uvak extinct, the Sith spread across Keshtah will be cut off from one another and unable to maintain control over their dominion.

As Jariad’s Sabers close in on Korsin and Gloyd, they are distracted by the sudden flight of stolen uvaks overhead. Korsin and Gloyd cut their way through the Sabers and escape, although without the uvaks they are trapped on the mountain. Eventually they are separated and Jariad forces Korsin to the edge of the precipice, the same place where Korsin killed his father. Seelah watches gleefully from the Sith’s observation post but her glee is interrupted when Gloyd, cornered in the next room, blows himself up, killing all the Sabers and collapsing the roof on her.

Korsin has been grievously injured and Jariad is about to finish him off when the one variable Seelah’s master plan didn’t account for shows up to save the day: Korsin and Seelah’s daughter, Nida, leading a flight of uvak-mounted Sith. It turns out that Adari’s remaining son, Tona, was in on his mother’s scheme, but he also had a thing for Korsin’s daughter. He spilled his guts to her about the Keshiri’s plan to steal the uvaks, and as soon as Nida had foiled it in the capital city, she went to save her father.

Seelah had tried to delegitimize Nida’s claim to the Sith throne by having her shipped around to different Keshiri towns throughout her childhood, ostensibly to show goodwill to the locals but really to prevent her from being trained as a Sith, while Jariad was molded into his stepfather’s heir. But Korsin had faked the deaths of several of his most loyal followers and entrusted them with his daughter’s tutelage, keeping her true abilities a secret from his murderous wife and holding her in reserve as his trump card.

Adari, meanwhile, realizes that the rest of the uvak aren’t coming and her plan has been effectively ruined. One of her agents arrives to confirm her fears and reveals her son’s role in their betrayal. Adari laments her poor dumb son’s stupidity and likely cruel fate, but, knowing she is out of options, she and Nink lead the uvak into the updraft anyway. They are blasted out over the sea and fall to their deaths one by one. Adari passes out and awakens to find that Nink has led the remaining uvaks and their riders to an inhospitable little piece of land with no vegetation in the middle of the ocean. Now stranded there, they have no choice but to attempt to settle it.

Back on the mountaintop, Seelah awakens in her own medical ward to find herself a paraplegic, having lost the use of her legs in Gloyd’s explosion. After taking such care to preserve her beauty, she has been scarred and marked by the falling debris, which is not an example of irony. Her daughter comes to her and explains that Korsin died of his wounds while attempting to telekinetically throw Jariad off the side of the mountain. After he failed, she did the job for him. Nida is now the Grand Lord of the Sith and ruler of Keshtah.

In accordance with her father’s wishes, the Sith will forever withdraw from the mountaintop, but Seelah will be left behind. Uvaks will fly overhead every so often to drop supplies, but the path down the mountain and up to the Omen will be blocked, leaving Seelah imprisoned in the Sith temple until the day she dies. Seelah pleads with Nida, reminding her that she is her daughter. Nida consoles her with the knowledge that she turned out to be the mother of the new Grand Lord after all, just not the one she wanted. Then she leaves.

These first four Lost Tribe of the Sith entries form basically a complete story arc in and of themselves; the next one jumps forward 1,000 years and features an all-new cast of characters. Precipice, Skyborn, Paragon, and Savior could easily have been reworked and fleshed out into a full-length novel and I think they would have been stronger this way. As standalone novellas, they boast two strong characters in Adari and Seelah, but the rest of the cast, including Korsin himself, are only fractionally as interesting as they had the potential to be. Writing this story as a novel would have allowed more time for character development and let us see the Sith society develop on Kesh firsthand instead of playing catch-up after every time jump.

Because there is a lot of telling rather than showing in Savior. We’re told through narrative exposition how Seelah had tried to negate her daughter as an heir, how Korsin had seen through her ploy and secretly trained Nida in the Sith ways, how Adari came to distrust and dislike the Sith after the death of her son, how the Keshiri came to resent those they’d once worshipped as gods when their uvaks were taken away from them to serve the Sith. We don’t actually get to see any of this, and it’s a shame; the conclusion of this first arc feels artificially abbreviated because of it.

Still, it’s unfair to judge Savior as a finale since it was neither intended nor written as such and the series continues afterward. In that light, it reads more like a transitional chapter, wrapping up conflicts and character arcs from the first three stories and setting up the status quo going forward. Due to how this impairs its narrative integrity, I can give it only 3/5 Death Stars.

Grand Lord Yaru Korsin, looking nothing like how he is described in the book.