One Night in the Dealer's Den
“Theron Shan sat shackled to a jukebox in one of the backrooms of the Dealer’s Den.” Oh boy, here we go.
Jonas Balkar, the Republic intelligence operative from a previous one of these shorts, has invited Theron Shan to go out drinking at a bar called the Dealer’s Den. While Jonas is passed out on the table, Theron is accused of cheating at cards by a Twi’lek woman named Lylos Tannon and hauled into the back room by the bouncer, a Houk named Bolgm. They tell him that they’re going to cut his cybernetic implants out of his face and sell them on the black market. The buyer, a man named Doctor Zeke (Zeke is a doctor, but doctor is spelled out in full every time he’s called Doctor Zeke, so I assume Doctor is his first name as well as his profession), comes in to inspect the merchandise, but Lylos reveals that she works for Coruscant Security and was working with Jonas to bring down this operation. Dr. Doctor Zeke is taken into custody, and Theron, Jonas, and Lylos go out drinking.
This reads a bit more like an actual story than most of these shorts, which have mostly just been slice-of-life vignettes. This one has an actual plot and structure. A pointless plot, sure, but less pointless than so much of the other crap we’ve read.
The most interesting thing about this story was this unremarked-on throwaway line: “Things were moving fast since Revan’s defeat on Yavin 4.” For a minute I was like “wait, what?” then I remembered that these stories have no meaning to anyone who hasn’t played the MMO and its expansions and there was a whole story arc where Revan escaped from the Sith Emperor’s Brain Jail and turned evil again but really he was physically split into like a good Revan and a bad Revan, then he died, and Jesus Christ, KotOR, I’m so sorry for what they’ve done to you. Two of the most popular and beloved Star Wars games of all time, and all the spinoffs and tie-ins go to an MMO no one wanted that undoes everything from those games and prevents them from ever getting a true sequel. Well I guess the sale of Lucasfilm and discontinuation of the Expanded Universe would have done that anyway. RIP, KotOR (2003–2004).
Anyway 2/5 Death Stars, no one cares.
Regrets
Jace Malcom and Theron Shan have an awkward father-son dinner together.
For some reason this is like the third part in the “Theron Shan Trilogy,” following The Lost Suns and Annihilation. Jace and Theron talk about when Satele Shan briefed Theron on the Ascendant Spear and he confesses that he’s still not over being abandoned by his mother, because he’s a “feels over reals” type of guy and Satele is like “fuck your feelings.” Jace tells him that Satele cares about him and Theron’s like “If you say so,” then it ends.
1.5/5 Death Stars.
Brothers
Thank God, finally something interesting.
This is the beginning of the Knights of the Fallen Empire sub-section of The Old Republic, when the 44-year conflict between the Republic and the Sith Empire is brushed aside by the emergence of a new threat, the Eternal Empire of Zakuul. A common complaint I’ve seen among TOR players is that this is the point where the game jumped the proverbial shark, dumping all that sweet, sweet Jedi-vs.-Sith Star Wars action that had characterized the previous four years of the MMO. Not having played these expansions, I can’t vouch for their execution, and it is a little silly to suddenly have another all-powerful empire emerge from the Unknown Regions and take the galaxy by storm following centuries of building its forces in secret after the Sith Empire started this era doing the same thing, but goddamn at least it’s not the fucking Sith again. I applaud BioWare for doing something different.
Thexan and Arcann are the twin sons of Emperor Valkorion, ruler of the Eternal Empire. Tasked by their father with conquering both the Sith Empire and the Republic, the princes are engaged with the forces of Darth Atroxa on Korriban, homeworld of the Sith and most evil planet in the galaxy. Thexan narrates the story, relating how an injury suffered by his brother cost him an arm and half of his face, replaced with cybernetic prostheses: “In an instant, it was the face of a stranger. And we were no longer twins.”
Thexan retires to his tent and receives a holographic transmission from the “Immortal Emperor Valkorion, Slayer of Izax.” Thexan reports on his brother’s injuries but Valkorion makes it clear that he’s uninterested and cares only about the mission, which Arcann went on only in defiance of their father’s command. Thexan reflects on how his brother’s impatience with their father grows with every interaction and the knowledge that Valkorion is only pushing them to become stronger does nothing to quell his anger, an anger that Thexan doesn’t share.
Valkorion terminates the call and Thexan goes to visit his brother. “A man can have anything, if he’s willing to sacrifice,” Arcann says, ironically imitating their father’s favorite lesson. Thexan remembers how he and his twin once practically shared a single mind, able to communicate and strategize without speaking, but Arcann’s hatred of their father has poisoned him and Thexan feels his brother slipping away. Thexan pledges to fight for his twin, telling him “Your dreams are mine.” They clasp hands, and for a moment Thexan hopes that maybe they haven’t yet lost each other after all.
Really short, a bit simplistic, but compared to the disposable tie-in crap we’ve been reading, this is a revelation. I really like that line at the beginning, “we were no longer twins.” A weirdly understated and nuanced turn of phrase for this type of writing; Arcann’s face has been spoiled by war, so he’s no longer his brother’s twin in physical appearance, but it’s also reflective of a deeper change inside him, a change in attitude that is the real source of the crack in Thexan’s mirror. I like that. 3.5/5 Death Stars.
[Continuity Note: Btw Valkorion is actually the reincarnated spirit of Vitiate, aka Tenebrae, aka the Sith Emperor. Surprise!]
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| I HAVE SO MANY NAMES |
Sacrifice
“A man can have anything,” Valkorion piously intones, as Prince Arcann, yellow lightsaber ignited, flies toward his back, “if he’s willing to sacrifice.” We flash back to the birth of Arcann and Thexan. Valkorion turns away from them in the cradle, setting the tone for their lives of rejection and hardship as their father mercilessly pushes them to achieve their true potential. No matter their victories and accomplishments, nothing they do is good enough for him; the only love they know comes from one another.
We see their campaign against Darth Atroxa, a red-skinned Twi’lek woman with Darth Maul tattoos, on Korriban, homeworld of the Sith and most evil planet in the galaxy. She finally falls to Arcann’s blade, more than half his face now a robotic mask covering the wound he received in the previous story. The twin princes board a ship to return to their father, leaving the Valley of the Dark Lords to crumble into ruins behind them.
They kneel before Valkorion and each presents him with two lightsabers wrapped in the sigil of either the Galactic Republic or the Sith Empire. I realize this is visual shorthand to convey in one and a half seconds the idea that they’ve defeated both groups, but I’m curious what the significance is in-universe. Whose lightsabers are those, and is there any special meaning to those particular emblems or did Arcann and Thexan realize at the last minute that they didn’t have any wrapping paper?
Valkorion is probably wondering the same thing, because once again he turns his back on them without saying a word. This failure to acknowledge their greatest accomplishment pushes Arcann over the edge, and he lunges at Valkorion’s back with his lightsaber. Even-tempered and loyal, Thexan pulls him back with the Force, but Arcann is still lost to his rage, and he turns on his brother and cuts him down. Instantly his mind clears but it’s too late. He rushes to catch his brother as he falls and takes his hand for the last time.
He looks up to find Valkorion standing over him, his father finally proud of him.
This four-and-a-half-minute trailer for a video game is a better told and more emotionally resonant story than Star Wars: The Last Jedi. 4.5/5 Death Stars.
Vacation
It’s been 40+ years in-universe since we were introduced to Nico Okarr, the Han Solo ripoff who helped a teenage Satele Shan escape from Darth Malgus when the Sith retook Korriban. He hasn’t shown up since then . . . until now!
Nico Okarr is lounging in the back of some dive called the Sarlacc and Loaded when a rich nobleman named Seamus Kaldo approaches and offers to hire him to apprehend that no-good infamous smuggler Nico Okarr. Nico reveals his identity and asks for his payment. Seamus protests that Nico is too young to be a guy who should be in his seventies, because apparently he looks exactly the same as he did in the trailer that introduced him. I checked Wookieepedia and apparently it’s never explained why he doesn’t age, a line of dialogue in the MMO just gives some offhand reference to a Sith artifact he found. I guess they just really loved this character and wanted to put him into the game without being hampered by little details like “temporal consistency.”
Seamus and his manservant, Vhonu, fly into a rage and demand recompense for the engine schematics Nico stole from the Kaldo family. They try to capture him but Nico drops them both, then rifles through Seamus’s pockets and takes the money he was promised. “Sorry for the mess,” he tells the bartender, flipping him a coin, because they’re not even bothering to pretend he’s not Han Solo. Nico Okarr goes outside and says to no one, “Guess vacation’s over.”
Fuck this. 0.5/5 Death Stars.
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