Monday, March 20, 2023

Golden

Me:

 
Me:
 


Paul: Hahaha

Paul: What's up with that second image?

Paul: I don't remember that.

Paul: I'm surprised you liked something so anime, even so.

Me: I loved it.

Me: Also made me incurably sad so

Me: Six of one, half dozen of the other.

Me: Like all games are fantasy, right?

Me: Being a badass space marine flying around the galaxy banging blue space babes and punching machine gods, pretty obvious.

Me: What’s the fantasy here, having friends who’ll hang out at the mall with you?

Me: Yet both seem equally fantastical now.

Me: Do you ever feel too old to play high school slice of life dating simulators? After a certain point, there's no way that the Persona games were meant to appeal to you. This game came out in 2008, so like 12 and a half years already. That's more than three times the amount of time it takes to finish high school. Even if you were around high school age in 2008, there's no way you still are now. Does the high school aspect ever feel juvenile to you as you grow older? Do certain aspects seem rather childish and not like something you should consume if you've already been out of high school for over a decade? I don't mean to be overly self-conscious, but playing as teenagers who are going through teen drama seems out of place for middle-aged adults.

Paul: Nope. I'm thirty-eight, and Persona 4 remains one of my all-time favorites. Just went through a couple months ago, in fact.

Paul: Most persona fans are pedos anyway.

Me:


Me: Did you play the vanilla version? The Golden rerelease for the PS Vita has an epilogue cutscene where you go back to visit like six months later and retake the photo.

Me: That’s the only version you can get on Xbox, Switch, and PS Whatever Number They’re On Now.

Paul: Oh woooow! Feelings for anime.

Paul: Yeah I got it for the PS2.

Paul: P3 is good but I haven't finished it so if you play it, no spoilers.

Paul: But it takes place in an Elite Private High School that is on an island for some reason IIRC...so what it really lacks is that feeling of the postindustrial boonies, the laziness and open spaces of a mid-sized town full of normal people in an out-of-the-way part of a country.

Paul: Yeah childhood was something else.

Paul: That being said I hated the mall and just stayed inside reading.

Paul: It has an Animorphs feel, yeah.

Me: Can high schoolers even appreciate games that are largely about living your youth to the fullest? They're too busy stumbling through and wasting it, like we all did.

Me: Jake and Marco would have only grudgingly befriended you after finding your head in a toilet.

Paul: Roadkill is delicious.

Paul: Umm so in the Golden version there's bikes?? and bikins??

Paul: Sounds totally worth it.

Me: Idk what all was not in the original version but there are social links for Adachi and a new character called Marie who is revealed to be the embodiment of an ancient Japanese deity in the body of a teenage goth girl.

Me: You can ride scooters to new areas and explore Okina City and the beach on foot when I guess they were only in cutscenes before.

Paul: Oh damn you got a beach!! Congrats.

Me: Postgame you go on a ski trip!!!

Me:



Paul: What a fascist.

Me: I can’t believe Chie decided to become a cop.

Me: Just like Harvey Potter.

Me: It was a pre-ACAB world.

Me: Good thing I didn’t follow that romance path, I guess you could say I “dodged a bullet”!!!

Paul: A hot cop.

Paul: Dude whatever that's hot.

Paul: So what, did you used to hang out at the mall?

Paul: I was basically a hermit as a teenager.

Me: No, that’s why it’s a fantasy lol.

Me: She was cool but every time I’d try to compliment her she’d blow me off like “Oh Roger-kun, you’re so funny, I know you don’t mean that” so I went for the Instagram influencer who couldn’t shut up about how much she wanted to blow me.

Paul: She was a lil minx.

Paul: No mixed signals there.

Paul: The other girls were a little scared of how open she was to romance and sex, like, they were nervous teenagers and a little prudish (makes sense!)
 
Paul: But she was dtf like a 30-something single mother.

Paul: IMO she was the most sexually mature of those teenage girls.

Paul: "Most persona fans are pedos anyway."

Me:
 

Paul: I liked how shy Chie was, and how hard-working and straightforward.

Me: They were all good characters.

Me: Well Yukiko was a little boring.

Me: My heart went out to Rise’s story about being shy and awkward at school and her only goal in becoming famous was to make people like her, but even then they only liked her celebrity PersonaTM.

Paul: Ahahaha

Paul: It's the Great Gatsby once more.

Me: It’s masks all the way down, old sport-san

Me: But she was sweet and genuinely liked spending time with your personality-less blank-slate avatar, what more can you ask for?

 
Paul: The blank-slate avatar character in JP games has admittedly always been kind of creepy.

Paul: I'm not making fun of you, I genuinely like the parallel you found there.

Me: The character needs to be an empty vessel for you to inhabit, like when the Ellimist put an aspect of himself into a mindless clone body to bring thought-speak to the Andalites.

Me: It’s actually more offensive to me that they gave the P4 protagonist a “canon” name and voice so they could put him in spin-off media lol.

Me: Somebody is probably still mad that Gold and Silver named the RBY protagonist, but at least he still didn’t talk.

Paul: I haven't played any other games in the series much tbh.

Paul: P4 seems to have done the small town vibe really well, doesn't seem like P5 or P3 nail it.

Paul: I was thinking about P1 and P2 but they're hard to emulate and really annoyingly difficult it seems.

Paul: Dude we should play Terranigma, I own it on repro cart but I haven't played it.

Paul: I think it's about teenage boys on an adventure through time or whatever.

Paul: I love the other games the creators have made.

Me:


 
Me: How did 5 “jump the shark” in your words?

Me: Promotional web editorials say that it’s the best one!

Paul: The main villain is about as likeable as Adachi but he joins your party for a time and explains things, and you're supposed to sympathize with him.

Paul: Main plot doesn't make sense.

Paul: Then again the music and visuals are incredible.

Paul: Honestly

Paul: I want you to play it and tell me if and why you hate it.

Me: I’ll give it a shot!

Me: You didn’t sympathize with Adachi’s tale of being a studious and promising young person who became jaded and embittered by getting less out of life than he put in and was driven to villainy because it was the only way he could effect any control over his life?

Paul: I guess. Idk he just took it way too far. But it's true that high schoolers are spoiled shits who don't yet know how good they have it.

Me: Also being a misogynist creep who sexually harassed and murdered women with his magical powers?

Paul: well when you put it that way.....

Paul: Dude the soundtracks to 4 and 5 I have on my phone.

Paul: They're just incredible.

Paul: I should check out 1's and 2's.

Me: This is my fight song:


Paul: I had forgotten that one!

Me: YES TEDDIE I KNOW CHIE-CHAN IS HURT I’LL HEAL HER IN A MINUTE

Paul: So....did you beat the secret final boss and get the secret final ending?

Paul: Not that I myself would ever had known it existed if I hadn't seen it in a guide lol.

Me: I got the Golden Ending, which is the truer ending than the original True Ending.

Me: Yeah I had to follow a guide, it’s even more involved than the original ending. Besides choosing the correct sequence of dialogue options you also have to max Marie’s social links before fighting the final boss to unlock a new postgame dungeon with another secret boss which precedes the original secret postgame dungeon with the true secret final boss.

Me: Golden Ending = True Ending + new penultimate dungeon and epilogue
True Ending = secret final boss fight
Normal Ending = beat Adachi and go home
Bad Ending = push Nametame into TV, Nanako stays dead
Accomplice Ending = help Adachi get away with his crimes

Paul: I loved the music during that last boss fight.

Me: I DONT REMBER

Me: I liked Marie’s dungeon theme though

 
Me: I read the Battle Royale manga about a dozen years ago and the final battle lasted like 100 pages, they kept killing the villain and he’d just self-resurrect and keep coming after them despite being a normal high school student, there was like an extended car chase and fighting in all these different locations, it was absurd.

Me: I was like why is this taking so long, just get to the ending already.

Me: This game had like a 10-hour denouement though so maybe that’s just how the Japanese tell stories?

Me: Ah, we’re finally facing the villain who orchestrated the plot of this whole game, surely this is the final boss battle. But wait, it was really this giant eyeball god who was manipulating everything this whole time, now we have to fight him. But wait, now you have to fight yet another boss to prevent the fog from returning in spite of your accomplishments. But wait, now you have to fight the gas station attendant from the beginning of the game, who was actually the real puppet master behind everything! BUT WAIT, THIS ISN’T EVEN ITS FINAL FORM! Also here are like four different gameplay sequences where all you do is go around saying goodbye to your party.

Paul: Gratuitous.

Paul: I like how all the end bosses are gods from Japanese folklore.

Paul: The fucking eyeball mist god hahaha??

Paul: I found the gas station bullshit already really gratuitous, can't believe you had to fight Marie's mom or whatever as well.

Me: Those are completely optional postgame fights though.

Me: UNLESS YOU WANT TO SEE THE TRUE ENDING


Paul: Yes.

Me: I think you do have to do the Marie story to get the ski trip scene though.


Me: I wondered if they animated different cutscenes depending on how you played the game because it’s pretty Protag/Rise-heavy but I think it’s just that one.

Me: I take this as confirmation that my ship is canon.

Paul: lol probably.

Paul: In retrospect you're right, the fox is the best character.

Friday, March 17, 2023

True

Me: Almost through the post-game now so here is my final ranking:

1. Rise
2. Yosuke
3. Chie
4. Dojima-san
5. Marie
6. Kanji
7. Nanako-chan
8. Naoto
9. Fox
10. Teddie (bear)
11. Ai Ebinhara
12. Yukiko
13. Adachi
14. Saki Konishi’s brother
15. Yumi
16. Mrs. Robinson
17. Teddie (human?)
18. Death
19. Margaret
20. Daisuke
21. Stepmom of random kid at daycare
22. Daisuke’s friend

Me: That’s based on failing to finish most social links though. Maybe statutory rapist nurse becomes really interesting once you get her full backstory.

Me: I’ll do everything right in new game plus.

Me: Just like my life.

Paul: If you fuck her then she learns that racism is wrong.

Me: I fucked her so I wouldn’t have to RP as a sexual assault victim. Then the game wanted me to feel bad for her because the wife of some guy she slept with called her a whore or something so I stopped going to the haunted hospital.

Paul: I loved the little brother.

Paul: #14

Paul: Nanako ultimately became very annoying to me after she was kidnapped.

Me: After she was miraculously resurrected for no reason? She’s super kawaii, how could you not want to be her big bro?

Paul: Her resurrection infuriated me.

Paul: Especially after the weepy fucking Japanese spent like 5 minutes saying, "Ahh...Nanako-chan is dead!! N-no, n-n-not Nanako-chan! D-dead, sh-she's d-deaaaad."

Paul: God that scene was over the fucking top.

Me: They didn’t even try to resuscitate her, she just coded and the doctor was like “call it.” Then half an hour later the nurse runs in like “Come quick! Nanako-chan got better!” Did her heart just start beating again in the morgue?

Paul: Yosuke + Dojima are awesome, agree.

Paul: I think the stupid Japanese script was harsh on Yosuke, he was the asshole character, the dense over who says clownish shit for cheap laughs while making the PC look cool in comparison.

Paul: But his story was interesting and spoke to the economic reality of our times.

Me: I didn’t think I would like him because he started out as an assclown/raging homophobe but he turned out to be a real Brosuke.

Me: 


Paul: His parents' big box store ruining the town's business, and he has to go to school with everybody's kids...that was honestly pretty sad.

Me: Those mean girls working part-time at Junes kept making him change their schedule then made fun of him over the girl he liked dying lmao.

Me: Fortunately he didn’t yell at me when I tried to fight them like Chie and Naoto did.

Paul: Haha did they?

Paul: Naoto was cool! Best shadow boss fight.

Me: There’s a part in their social links where you can try to fight somebody for them and they get offended if you do lol.

Me: There’s a guy with a knife! What will you do?
> Protect Naoto
> Push Naoto in front of you

Me: “Senpai! I’m the world’s greatest detective, don’t try to protect me just because I’m a girl!”

Me: You ingrate!

Paul: I don't remember hanging out with death.

Me: There’s this old lady in a mourning dress who’s like “I AM DEATH… lol jk my husband just died.” Never saw her again though so she stayed at rank 1.

Paul: I loved that old woman!! She was a lonely old widow, it was sweet.

Paul: I completed her social link immediately lol I love fucking old people.

Me: “I love fucking old people.” - Paul ‘GILF Fucker’ Hendershot

Me: Idk I never saw her when running around town, idk where or when she spawns.

Paul: Riverbank.

Paul: Really you liked Rise? I know she turned it to be a pretty real person in the end, but idk I liked 1 Chie 2 Naoto 3 Yukiko 4 Rise of the main girls.

Me: I won’t accept this slander. Rise is best girl.

Me: She and Roger are going to get married and run a small tofu restaurant in the Japanese countryside.

Paul: Who is Roger?

Paul: Did you name your PC Roger hahaha

Paul: Rise was cool. honestly all the people you could date were chill in the end, once you got to know them. Even Ai Ebihara apparently, though I thought she was a nasty slut so I never did her link.

Me: Her social link is like Jack in ME2 where you get the option to bone her early but you have to turn her down to get her to realize her self-worth and stop being a slut.

Me: I just friendzoned all the girls once Rise joined the party.

Me: It was super awkward with Yukiko, she was like come to this shrine with me, I SAID A PRAYER TO BECOME A WOMAN WORTHY OF YOU.

“Oh….. we’re just friends.”

Paul: Nooo Yukiko, haha

Sunday, March 12, 2023

Normal

Me: I guess Adachi was the killer all along but I never found any clues because I never talked to him.

Me: It’s not easy being a teen detective.

Paul: Oh did you finish?

Paul: How was it?

Paul: Idk honestly it wasn't obvious to me either.

Me: No he just escaped into the TV after being confronted about his crimes by a gang of gender-confused children.

Paul: TBF gangs of gender-confused children have proven rather dangerous recently.

Me: OK Jordan Peterson.

Paul: Ummm I'm sorry, you're Catholic and you have to follow the Pope.

Me: They vote how the archbishop tells them, and who tells the archbishop? Their king in the pointy hat what sits on his throne in Rome.

Me:



Me: Incels at it again.

Paul: Hahahaha

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Look! The Burglar!



Me: Oh God let me out
Can you let me out
Can you set me free from this dark inner world

Paul: The fucking reporters

Paul: They were so over the top.

Paul: Remember the murderer/burglar guy in Death Note Live Action?

Me: The Japanese one or the terrible Netflix remake?

Paul: The Japanese one you, I, and Will watched.

Paul: The one you would quote: "There are ca-me-ras."

Me: I just remember you talking to a little girl on the bus who was wearing a Shinigami shirt or something.

Me: Hahaha

Me: That weird line reading is the only thing I remember from that movie.

Paul: At one point a guy stole something from Misa Misa's house and they saw him in the yard, and said, "Look! The burglar!"

Paul: And the burglar turned around, and stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes, like a complete maniac.

Paul: Then he scaled a tree like a monkey to escape.

Me: Like a true samurai.

Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Strange Student

Paul:

Paul: Hope you like this minigame from Persona 4.
 
Me: I’m in a dungeon that’s supposed to look like a video game, searching for the black-eyed high school student who is allegedly the killer.
 
Paul: Do you think it's him?

Paul: I mean it's a little too obvious lol.
 
Me: I remembered him as a suspect from when he harassed Yukiko at the beginning and then wasn’t seen again but I’m only 25 hours in and supposedly this is an 80+ hour game so...
 
Me:
 

Paul: All things have their anime. 
 
Me: To everything turn, turn, turn 
There is an anime turn, turn, turn 

Me: When I hear Star Wars, I think of the memories I have of the Special Edition changes, and playing video game demos as a kid on my PC. Yoda Stories. Star Warped. I think of the first books I ever read with the EU, Jedi Apprentice and the Journal entries, back in middle school. I think of that old dingy tape recorder we had to play the audiobooks of the movies. It takes me back to my old house on 1712 Laurel Street, in the little cul-de-sac looping around the swamp. I think of the Special Edition Jabba the Hutt toy I had, and the AT-AT walker, and the X-wing, and Kenner's Star Destroyer. I think of the 1990s, pure and raw and undiluted, high prospects, great economy, the best time alive to be a kid. And I just wish I could go back so much... I want to go back and be alive...

Me: People think going back to the '90s would be all fun and games, then it happens and they’re crushed under the moral obligation of trying to prevent 9/11.

Paul: Hahaha you should've based your nostalgia on the Nintendo.
 
Paul: Less can go wrong.
 
Me: Perhaps the same could be said of all religions.