April is the Cruellest Month

Ben: I have resumed my interrupted quest for THE DARK TOWER.

Me: My first thought was, you lied in every word.

Ben: Still liking it for the most part.

Ben: I am now on SUBCHAPTER 2, CHAPTER 4, SUB-BOOK 2, BOOK 3, THE DARK TOWER.

Me: I don't understand what that means.

Ben: King is apparently quite fond of extensive numerical categorization.

Ben: Especially since chapters are independent of the sub-books that contain them.

Me: What percentage of the book have you surmounted?

Ben: 52.542372881355932203389830508475%

Me: Did they find the train yet?

Ben: No.

Ben: Jake was just born.

Me: How do you feel about that?

Ben: I think I'm seeing a theme here

Ben: where all of Stephen King's female characters are only good for histrionics, irrational behavior, and sex.

Me: He tries to make his stories true to life.

Ben: I'm trying my best to overlook the misogyny

Ben: but like, as far as I know, this is exactly all that the female character in STEPHEN KING'S IT turned out to be good for.

Ben: At least this character is not prepubescent.

Ben: Also

Ben: wtf is his deal with scary houses.

Me: He loves scary houses.

Me: There is one in 'Salem's Lot, The Waste Lands, Black House, It, Rose Red, and I'm sure other ones as well.

Ben: SHINING.

Me: That's a hotel.

Ben: These houses are mansions.

Ben: A hotel is basically a mansion.

Me: Good point.

Me: What happened to Susannah while they were pulling Jake out of the ground? I dont rember.

Ben: She was being raped by a demon.

Ben: Also

Ben: raping it.

Ben: Counter-rape.

Me: I mean

Me: was it a manta ray demon?

Ben: Yes.

Me: And then what happened to it?

Ben: With a hooked penis.

Me: Nice.

Ben: The gunslinger grabbed it and pushed it through the door and made the house monster eat it.

Ben: And the house monster's face turned purple while it choked.

Ben: Somehow.

Me: Hahaha.

Ben: I liked the house monster.

Ben: That was a cool scene.

Ben: Looking forward to watching it in 3D once THE DARTOWER PART 1 OF 3 comes out.

Me: Were you expecting Jake to come back to life?

Ben: No.

Ben: I thought he was going to stay and guard the rose or something.

Ben: I mean

Ben: this is probably too obvious to be true

Ben: but I wonder if the rose contains the gunslinger's universe.

Ben: Or maybe all universes.

Ben: Wtf is up with that rose.

Me: I could tell you, but then you wouldn't have to read the rest of the series!

Ben: The rose is Stephen King.

Me: The rose is me.

Me: ~ Brandon

Ben: Can't wait to read Brandon's first attempt at writing the longest fantasy epic of all time.

Me: I think we already have.

Ben: Maybe that's his rough outline.

Ben: The secret at the end of the Dark Tower is that the box is me.

Me: The Box is like his Childe Roland to the Dartower Came.

Ben: Should I read that poem or does it contain spoilers?

Ben: Did you include it in the second half of the Dark Tower decaoctology?

Me: The whole text is included in one of the later books.

Me: How do you write decimals in Roman numerals?

Ben: They have no such concept.

Me: Then how do I ask you if you're excited for Stephen King Presents THE DARK TOWER IV.V: THE WIND THROUGH THE KEYHOLE?

Ben: Is this a new book he is writing or is it a sub-book of book 4?

Me: Apparently it is set between books 4 and 5 and it is coming out next year.

Ben: Hahaha.

Ben: I guess we'll have to delay my readthrough then.

Me: If you keep going at your current pace I think you'll be all right.

Ben: We've already discussed this.

Me: You still have four or five books to go before you'd even get to book 5, one of which is The Stand, which I expect you to be reading for the next two years.

Ben: We can only hope.

Ben: I like the idea that Stephen King is so dead set on ensuring that THE DARK TOWER is the longest fantasy epic in history that anytime any other fantasy epic threatens its crown he will just write more midquels.

Ben: He will write whole books wherein he narrates every trippy dream that any of these characters have ever had.

Ben: Oh, I know.

Ben: He'll write whole books about minor characters from THE DARK TOWER living in 1980s New England, before they were sucked into Roland's world.

Ben: Or rather, every time any character has died in a Stephen King book, the man in black brought them back to life to live in this world.

Ben: THIS IS THEIR STORY.