Me: DARTOWER just updated.
Ben: Oh what.
Me: CHECK IT OUT.
Ben: An epic update.
Ben: Took me this long to read it.
Me: This is the one the fans have been waiting for.
Ben: How are we going to top this.
Me: Tell me what has happened since then.
Ben: Okay well
Ben: I texted that to you during the Trashcan Man chapter.
Ben: Like right as he was looking at the bug caught in the gas.
Ben: And I STAND by my implication that Ranflagg is assembling some horsemen.
Ben: Although they might not be traditional horsemen.
Ben: Like maybe that girl who fucked the deaf guy will be the horseman of being a bitch.
Ben: But Lloyd is mos def famine.
Ben: And thus far I am two chapters into BOOK TWO.
Ben: I was refreshed by how long they were, for Stephen King chapters.
Ben: None of this bullshit with combined chapter headings taking up more room on a page than the rest of the text.
Me: Hahaha
Me: That's not a thing that ever happened.
Ben: Maybe once.
Ben: Maybe he's saving that for DTVII.
Ben: Anyway
Ben: I am liking the first two chapters of the second book.
Ben: Larry has finally become a not-boring character.
Ben: But Stephen had to balance this by introducing Stupid Oracle Dame and Stupid Pygmy Boy.
Ben: But I did like the retarded guy.
Ben: And I really loved Trashcan Man, but that was from the previous book.
Ben: I hope Trashcan Man makes it to Roland's world.
Me: Why do you like Trash so much?
Ben: He's just cool.
Ben: I like his style.
Ben: Also Stephen is doing something with parallelism.
Ben: Either that or he's just really unimaginative.
Ben: Like little things.
Ben: I notice it with food a lot.
Ben: All the characters eat the same food at different points.
Me: What food?
Ben: Like Larry and Rita will go eat some steaks and french fries and strawberry rhubarb pie
Ben:
and then a chapter later the pregnant lady will be compelled by
pregnancy to stare fixedly at a strawberry pie with such intensity that
she lets her homemade french fries nearly burn the house down.
Ben: And then the Trashcan Man will sit at the car wash eating a peanut butter and jelly and tomato and mustard sandwich
Ben: and then Larry or Stu or whoever will be eating PB&J shortly thereafter.
Ben: Wait.
Ben: My new theory is that whenever Stephen King gets hungry, he writes six chapters about his characters eating what he's eating.
Ben: This parallels another theory of mine, which is that whenever Stephen King gets horny he introduces a new female character.
Me: How many new female characters has he introduced?
Ben: I don't have an exact figure.
Ben: But every time he introduces a character he cannot help but include one or more passages describing their breasts.
Ben: To Stephen King, the archetypal female is just an enormous pair of disembodied breasts, jiggling fetchingly.
Me: Hahahaha
Me: Where are all the characters at right now?
Me: Have they started meeting up yet?
Ben: They are all making their way towards Nebraska.
Ben: Although there is a typo in that at one point he writes "Colorado" rather than "Nebraska."
Ben: A little confused by that.
Ben: This upcoming chapter will be about the old black lady who makes her own biscuits.
Me: How can you tell?
Ben: Because I skimmed the first page of the next chapter.
Me: Has anyone died yet?
Ben: Just 97.5% of the human race.
Ben: No great loss.
