The Social Man

Me: I've never eaten a gyro.

Ben: What the fuck.

Ben: Are you some kinda fuckin Neanderthal?

Ben: Sloped forehead and all.

Me: At least I've seen the Indiana Jones movies.

Ben: You've got me there.

Me: Did you finish that book yet?

Ben: 'Bout halfway done.

Ben: Amused that this is another book of short stories.

Ben: Even more amused that it is a story being told inside of a story being told.

Ben: Which itself is inside of a story being told since Stephen King is like the omnigod of this fictional universe or something.

Me: It's like those China dolls.

Ben: Um Russian dolls you fuck.

Ben: I am inside the innermost story.

Ben: So far it is more enjoyable than its parent.

Ben: More fantasy and fewer young girls having their limbs torn bodily from their body and then before they can bleed to death being split apart from head-to-bleeding-leg-stump as a result of being raped by a throbbing lycanthropic erection.

Me: Whaaat was that a thing that happened.

Ben: Quite possibly.

Ben: Perhaps I am embellishing.

Ben: But all the ingredients are there.

Me: Did dark man show up yet?

Ben: Is the dark man the skin man?

Me: No the tax collector.

Ben: Fuck.

Ben: You've ruined it.

Me: You asshole.

Me: How far are you?

Ben: The mom just remarried and the kid is working at the lumber mill.

Ben: Things are going okay.

Me: Not for long!

Ben: I sure hope not!

Ben: What a fucking boring story that would be.

Me: You know that Stephen loves punishing his characters.

Me: How was the STARKBLAST?

Ben: What are you even asking?

Me: I don't even know.

Me: Nothing has happened in the book so far for me to ask you about.

Ben: Is that an indictment of Dartower 4.5?

Ben: That halfway through the book there has yet to be anything worth talking about.

Me: No I liked it, it's just mostly uneventful for the main narrative.

Me: Once the kid leaves town it picks up.

Ben: kk

Me: kkk

Ben: Cut.

Ben: Print.

Ben: That's a wrap.

Ben: Wanna go out and get a gyro after this?

Me: Yeah sure-- [truck hit by rpg]

Ben: How thoughtful of Facebook chat to insert that notification.

Me: Mark Zuckerberg is using my own weapons against me.

Ben: brb suppressive fire

Me: TONY STARK BUILT THIS IN A CAVE.

Me: WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS.

Ben: What does Mark Zuckerberg have to do with this?

Me: He is the terrorists.

Ben: I think that you are conflating IRON MAN ONE and THE SOCIAL NETWORK.

Ben: THE SOCIAL MAN.

Me: Starring Robin Williams.

Ben: Strangely, despite top billing, nowhere in the film does Robin Williams make an appearance.

Ben: This was met with critical acclaim.

Ben: "At least it doesn't star Robin Williams." ~ Gene Roddenberry

Literotica

Ben: Here we go, STEPHEN KING, EPISODE IV 2: THE ROSE IN THE WINDHOLE

Me: Try to contain your ejaculation

Ben: It's too late for that. I'm not sure that you're going to want this book back

Me: Slide it right into that bookshelf... yeah that's right

Ben: It's too big. There's no way it's going to fit.

Me: I already took off the dust jacket!

Ben: Try turning it sideways

Me: Do you have any book lube?

Ben: No need, my bookshelf is self-lubricating

Me: Just be gentle with it. Its binding hasn't been broken.

Ben: Stop screwing around, hurry up and stick it in before my hardcover goes soft

Me: Will you be grossed out if the pages are uncut?

Ben: Not at all, but I won't abide recycled paper.

Me: How deep into the text are you?

Ben: The tip is breaching. We're takin it slow

Me: Don't be afraid to take control and plunge right in by force

Ben: College may have taught you how to analyze literature, but it failed to teach you how to show a book a good time. I, on the other hand, am a gentleman

Me: If you only take the text at face value you're not really reading it. You have to peel away the layers and penetrate the subtext, no matter how much the book screams or cries

Ben: I can't wait to read the comments on this blog post

Me: Did you come (to the end of the book) yet?

Ben: I can multiply ejaculate while maintaining an erection. The narrative arc has already reached its climax twice

Me: No one likes a showoff

Ben: My stamina is more epic than homer

Me: Too bad your charisma is so low it doesn't matter