Literotica

Ben: Here we go, STEPHEN KING, EPISODE IV 2: THE ROSE IN THE WINDHOLE

Me: Try to contain your ejaculation

Ben: It's too late for that. I'm not sure that you're going to want this book back

Me: Slide it right into that bookshelf... yeah that's right

Ben: It's too big. There's no way it's going to fit.

Me: I already took off the dust jacket!

Ben: Try turning it sideways

Me: Do you have any book lube?

Ben: No need, my bookshelf is self-lubricating

Me: Just be gentle with it. Its binding hasn't been broken.

Ben: Stop screwing around, hurry up and stick it in before my hardcover goes soft

Me: Will you be grossed out if the pages are uncut?

Ben: Not at all, but I won't abide recycled paper.

Me: How deep into the text are you?

Ben: The tip is breaching. We're takin it slow

Me: Don't be afraid to take control and plunge right in by force

Ben: College may have taught you how to analyze literature, but it failed to teach you how to show a book a good time. I, on the other hand, am a gentleman

Me: If you only take the text at face value you're not really reading it. You have to peel away the layers and penetrate the subtext, no matter how much the book screams or cries

Ben: I can't wait to read the comments on this blog post

Me: Did you come (to the end of the book) yet?

Ben: I can multiply ejaculate while maintaining an erection. The narrative arc has already reached its climax twice

Me: No one likes a showoff

Ben: My stamina is more epic than homer

Me: Too bad your charisma is so low it doesn't matter