* I'm 10 minutes into episode 2 and I've said "What?" out loud about three times.
* Episode opens with a flashback to the destruction of Mars, "14 years ago."
* Which unless they changed the date is two years before the Romulan supernova so the Romulans had years to evacuate their population onto any of the other worlds of their huge empire but they didn't for some reason.
* The androids who destroy the Utopia Planitia shipyards are creepy bald albino dudes with serial numbers tattooed on the backs of their heads.
* Another character says the word "dude."
* Also heard in this episode: "shit," "fuckers," "fucking."
* Finally I can take Star Trek seriously!
* Picard and his Romulan slave beam into Douche's apartment, which is something I didn't know anyone could just do from anywhere.
* They use the banned Romulan technology of "forensic molecular reconstruction" which is where your holographic iPhone shines a laser around the room and somehow that shows you a hologram of what happened in the room the day before????????
* But they're only able to see Douche and her boyfriend sitting on the couch; the hologram cuts out right before the Romulan attack because the room has been "scrubbed" with "anti-leptons."
* Picard's Romulans tell him there's only one group who could be responsible for this. He's heard of the Tal Shiar, the Romulan secret police? Well the Tal Shiar have their own even secreter police: the JACQUES VASH.
* The Jacques Vash have existed for thousands of years and are dedicated to one goal: destroying synthetic life!
* This is why the Romulans have never developed androids or AI.
* Meanwhile Douche's twin sister whose name I still don't know is fucking sexy British Romulan bedhead-and-stubble guy.
* The Borg cube they're on has suffered a "matrix failure" and whenever that happens the Borg cut all the Borg on that cube off from the collective.
* As we know from several episodes of Star Trek: Voyager, whenever a Borg is cut off from the collective they slowly regain their individuality but all the drones on the cube seem to just be comatose.
* Twin Sister is working with surgeons removing the drones' implants for some reason.
* "You're free!" she tells them.
* Meanwhile Picard and the Romulans trace Douche's phone records to find her sister. "Wherever this call originated from, it wasn't on Earth," the Romulan says dramatically as the music rises to signify the end of the scene and Picard looks fucking shocked.
* DID THEY FORGET WHAT SHOW THEY'RE ON OR
* Picard contacts a physician he served with on the Stargazer and asks for a physical so his Starfleet commission can be reactivated. The doctor says that Picard is in perfect health except for a minor abnormality in his parietal lobe, which makes it sound like nbd, but then the doctor is like "IF YOU'RE LUCKY THIS MISSION WILL KILL YOU FIRST" so idk what to think.
* Picard goes to Starfleet headquarters and asks to be reinstated so he can have a ship and try to find Data's other daughter who seemingly has no actual connection to Data besides possibly being imbued with his "essence."
* Picard says that he's been mourning Data for two decades. TNG Picard would have been over it by the end of the episode.
* Bitchy Starfleet Admiral yells at Picard for shitting on Starfleet during his Fox News interview in the last episode.
* She exposits that 14 species threatened to leave the Federation unless they let the Romulans die. Picard says the Federation doesn't have the right to decide if an entire species is killed. "We absolutely do!" says Bitchy Starfleet Admiral.
* She throws out Picard then calls Vulcan commodore and is like "Picard was just in here raving about androids and Romulan assassins, isn't that crazy?" and Vulcan commodore is like "haha yeah so craaazy" but actually she is secretly aligned with the Jacques Vash!!!
* Her assistant is a Jacques Vash agent surgically altered to appear human, and also the older sister of the Romulan fucking Douche's sister.
* Her actual name is like Dodge or Dash or something but it's so unmemorable and she's dead so it doesn't matter.
* Episode ends with Jacques Vash agent hologramming to sexy Romulan and asking if he's gotten the information from the android yet.
* "I'm on top of it" he says. She looks over at his unmade bed where he screwed whatshername and responds "I can see that!"
* Good joke, everybody laugh.
* Roll on snare drum.
* Curtain.
* Also I forgot but there was a scene where lady scientist from the last episode was reading Isaac Asimov and Picard said "I never really cared for science fiction. I guess I just didn't get it."
* That should be the tagline for Paramount+.
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