Star Trek: Picard, Episode 10: "Et in Arcadia Ego II"

* AND NOW, THE CONCLUSION

* Rios and Raffi get back repair their ship with a magical device the androids gave them that looks like an ocarina.

* This scene is about ten minutes long and serves no other purpose in the narrative.

* After last week's episode there was a lot of speculation that Alton Inigo Soong (aka A.I. Soong omgwtf), Noonien Soong's never-before-mentioned biological son, was secretly Lore in disguise as a fat old Brent Spiner. 

* This is not the case.

* While they're preparing the robot body to receive Brent Spiner's brain Agnes tricks Brent Spiner into leaving the room, then she runs off to free Picard.

* In the next scene they're instantly back at their ship after a very tense escape sequence that presumably happened offscreen.

* Presumably they also missed Rios and Raffi, who left the ship and are on their way back to the android city in the company of Sexy Bedhead British Romulan Brother, who has joined forces with them to prevent the apocalypse.

* On the crashed Borg cube, Seven of Nine fistfights Romulan Sister, who was hiding aboard for some reason I guess. "Poor little Anika," says Sister Romulan. "Six years old and all she got for her birthday was assimilated." 

* Seven kicks her into a bottomless pit and Sister Romulan falls screaming to her death.

* "This is for Hugh!" shouts Seven.

* Hugh and Seven have never interacted on screen in any iteration of Star Trek.

* Maybe they knew each other from ex-Borg therapy.

* Meanwhile Brent Spiner has seen the memory of the android who got killed last episode and it turns out that she was actually killed not by Brother Romulan but by Sutra, the evil gold-skinned Soji doppelgänger. 

* Brent Spiner teams up with Rios and the gang and tases Sutra.

* She collapses, dead or unconscious, and is never seen or mentioned again.

* Not sure why they even bothered to introduce that character or why she was identical to Soji.

* Maybe they couldn't afford to hire any new actors.

* For some reason though no one explains to the other androids that they were duped and one of their own was the real murderer, so they continue building the transmitter that will summon the Reapers.

* The Romulan fleet arrives and Picard and Agnes fly up to stop them.

* I kind of zoned out for a little bit but apparently Agnes has some kind of device or technology that can create a thousand holographic (?) duplicates of a thing so they use that to create an illusory armada.

* I swear to God this was never mentioned or set up before.

* Picard contacts the planet and begs Soji to reconsider ending all life in the galaxy. "I have something to give you that I hope will change your mind: my life."

* But the Romulan fleet shoots them once and all the fake ships disappear like ten seconds after they were created.

* "No!" Soji screams on the planet below, horrified that Picard might be killed even though she is in the process of committing mass genocide of all organics in the galaxy, including Picard.

* She then immediately hits the button that shoots a laser into space and opens a portal.

* Giant robotic Cthulhu tentacles appear from the other side of the portal.

* Suddenly a huge Federation fleet emerges from warp!

* They are led by Acting Captain Will Riker, who hails Karen O aboard her warbird and says "I am on the meanest, toughest Federation ship ever created, and I would love any excuse to kick your traitorous Tal'Shiar ass!"

* For real though the dialogue is all wrong but Jonathan Frakes is the only returning actor who feels like he's still playing the same character. 

* Good on him I guess.

* Karen O gives the order to nuke the planet anyway.

* Picard calls Soji again and again asks her to reconsider releasing the Reapers. He says that the Federation will protect the synths from the Romulans.

* The Federation were the ones who banned us she protests but Picard points out how the Federation is now trying to stop the Romulans from killing them.

* "I trust you, Soji, I believe in you! I saved you so you could save us! That's what life is all about! Don't be the Destroyer they think you are!"

* Soji is like ok and hits the off button on the transmitter, closing the portal and leaving the Reapers trapped in dark space. 

* Karen O is so moved by this that she shakes off the training for her millennia-old death cult and the Jacques Vash fleet heads for home.

* See, it's just like a star trek!

* But then Picard collapses! 

* "It's his brain abnormality!" cries Agnes.

* I wonder if there's some legal reason they can't call it irumodic syndrome.

* Soji beams them both to the planet, where she, Raffi, Rios, Agnes, and Legolas gather around him as he lies sprawled on the pavement.

* "You were right, Raffi" Picard says. "About what, JL?" she asks. 

* But Picard is already gone.

* I too have no idea what she was right about though.

* Picard finds himself in a living room where everything is painted black. Data is there and they recap the ending of Star Trek Nemesis.

* "I always felt bad that I never told you..." says Picard, trailing off. "That you loved me?" asks Data. 

* "A not insignificant percentage of my memories are filled with the knowledge that you did."

* This is not Data's soul, it turns out, but rather a reconstruction of his consciousness made from the memories he downloaded into B4.

* Alton Soong reconstructed them at some point for some reason. Data asks Picard to do him a favor when he leaves this place and pull the plug on him.

* There are 10 minutes left in the episode and this is just coming up now for the first time.

* Picard has been dreaming about Data and trying to save Data's progeny for the whole season, might have been relevant to know that Data was basically still alive all this time.

* Picard's consciousness wakes up in the android body Soong had built for himself.                                

* Soji and Agnes are quick to assure him that they didn't make him immortal or give him super strength or any other enhanced abilities; his android body is identical to his original body except "the brain abnormality is gone for good." 

* He will now live however long he would have lived without it.

* If I was Picard I would be so fucking pissed.

* "Couldn't you have brought me back to life as like a 20-year-old or something instead of in this frail old man body with crippling arthritis and incontinence?"

* The episode ends with the new crew all together on Rios's ship, the La Serena: Picard, Rios, Soji, Raffi, Agnes, Legolas, and Seven of Nine. 

* The camera pans briskly across them all.

* Seven and Raffi intertwine their fingers and stare into each other's eyes so I guess they're lesbians now.

* They never shared any scenes or dialogue together but they're dating now. 

* I guess we're also just going to ignore how Agnes murdered a guy and Picard said they were going to turn her over to the cops.

* "Engage!" says Picard.

* Cue credits.

* Hahaha oh I forgot, after Picard comes back to life he goes over to a box with a lightbulb on the top of it and I guess this is Data's brain now and he starts pulling USB drives out of the side of it and when he pulls the last one out the light goes off and the simulation of Data in the black room ages into an old Data and evaporates into smoke.

* In his final moments he finally experienced the one part of humanity he could never have: the finite nature of life and the finality of death.

* Just like already happened in the 2002 hit film Star Trek Nemesis.

Star Trek: Picard, Episode 9: "Et in Arcadia Ego"

* Picard and friends come out of the transwarp conduit and arrive at the android planet, which Shoji Tabuchi informs them is called Compaelius because her android memories have magically been restored but only the ones convenient to the plot. 

* Brother Romulan immediately comes out of the conduit behind them in his starfighter. They wonder how he was able to track them since the tracker that was eaten by Agnes had been disabled when she tried to kill herself.

* "He must have extrapolated our destination based on our direction and last location," Soji explains.

* What the fuck

* They have a space dogfight and the Romulan fighter appears damaged. Picard orders that Brother Romulan be beamed to sickbay but it's a deception! 

* The damaged fighter was an illusion and the real one attacks from behind them. "He reversed his cloaking device and uses it as a projector!" Rios explains.

* What the fuck

* Suddenly a third ship emerges from the conduit. It's the Borg cube! 

* At the same time several giant flowers take off from the android planet and come to meet the ships.

* One closes its petals around Picard and friends, instantly draining their ship of all power.

* The Borg cube just smashes them aside however and plunges into the planet's atmosphere. 

* The flower holding Picard's ship is knocked out of control and they plummet to the planet below. Picard blacks out.

* He comes to to find Agnes holding an "old-fashioned medical tricorder" over him.

* She explains that the ship is okay but it has no power and all its systems are offline.

* How is it okay then?

* She tells him that the tricorder detected a fatal abnormality in his brain so Picard gathers the crew around and explains that he is dying.

* No one ever says what's wrong with him though, they just say "brain abnormality."

* Is this supposed to be the irumodic syndrome from All Good Things or something different?

* Even Picard's personal doctor from the second episode of the show wouldn't give it a name.

* Anyway the crew sets out for the android city to warn them of the impending Romulan attack.

* On the way they notice smoke rising from behind a mountain range several miles in the distance.

* They immediately assume that this is the Borg cube. "Something that massive falling that fast couldn't have any survivors," says Raffi.

* Why would they assume it's the cube? The cube didn't take any damage, it entered the atmosphere of its own volition so why would it crash? Also Picard's ship fell from just as high and they're all fine.

* Why did the cube even enter the atmosphere in the first place? It doesn't make any sense and no answer is ever given.

* Picard is like "I know we're in a hurry but we should go see if Hugh and Legolas are all right."

* There's plenty to say about the show's AI apocalypse plot being ripped from Mass Effect but they're also really nailing the whole "ignoring the ticking clock of the main story to waste time on optional side quests" aspect of those games.

* Picard already wasted an entire episode recruiting this ninja dude who has been completely irrelevant to everything that's happened since, now he wants to do it again!

* They get to the cube and find Legolas and several ex-B's making repairs.

* WHY DID IT CRASH IN THE FIRST PLACE

* Seven of Nine is there and they tell Picard about Hugh being dead and Picard says "Hugh was such a gentle soul, I can't imagine what he could have endured that would turn him to such violence."

* Wtf are you talking about, old man?

* Picard asks Seven to get the cube's long-range scanners online and they reveal that a fleet of 218 Romulan Warbirds is on its way toward the planet.

* TWO HUNDRED EIGHTEEN

* If I remember correctly just one Warbird was a match for a Galaxy-class starship during TNG.

* And the Jacques Vash, the most secret society to ever exist, has more than 200 of them?

* How many did the whole Romulan Empire have?

* Or are the Jacques Vash being supported by the main empire now?

* Does the Romulan Star Empire still exist in any capacity?

* I predict that none of these questions will be answered.

* Again remember that this show is being written by a Hugo Award- and Pulitzer Prize-winning science fiction novelist.

* Legolas tells Picard that he needs his sword now more than ever but Picard says no stay and help the Borgs and then they're off again.

* They arrive at the android city which resembles a cross between an Ancient Greek acropolis and a community college campus, where gold-skinned yellow-eyed androids wear togas and play hackysack on the quad. 

* By gold-skinned I mean literally sparkling gold, not the yellowish hue Data had but who can even remember that?

* It's unclear how many androids there are but they must be few enough to all fit aboard Rios's small ship because that is Picard's plan to evacuate them.

* Only 3 characters in the city are of any importance however: Ro Khanna, the naive but good-intentioned spokeslady for the nameless citizens; Sutra, a gold reskin of Soji/Douche who is evil; and Brent Spiner, who plays Alton Inigo Soong, the son of Data's creator. 

* "I know what a shock it must be to see me, Captain Picard," says Brent Spiner. "I look like Data if he got old and soft." 

* Rios sees Sutra and says "omg it's Janna" who was the android that his former captain murdered in that first contact assassination he described last episode.

* But Brent Spiner says no no this is Sutra, Janna was her sister.

* So are they saying that all androids are created in twin pairs, not just the "fractal cloning" biological androids like Soji and Douche?

* Is that supposed to be a reference to Data and Lore?

* But weren't there three identical Data's? B4 already appeared in the first episode of this show.

* If androids are created as twins and Soji/Douche were cloned from one of Data's positrons, why are the Soji/Douche clone pair identical to the Sutra/Janna clone pair?

* I predict that none of these questions will be answered.

* Just then two nameless androids drag in Brother Romulan who they have captured.

* I guess he also crashed? Maybe another flower for him? Whatever, he's here now too.

* They put him in jail and the group discusses their options. 218 Romulan Warbirds are on the way and the androids have only ten flowers remaining. They can construct more but it will take time.

* They also have no ships because they lost their only one when Janna and their ambassador were killed.

* A city full of hyper-intelligent androids can make spacefaring ship-killing giant flowers but they don't know how to build actual ships, I guess?

* Maybe they just never saw a reason to.

* Brent Spiner and the androids are upset with Agnes for murdering their fiend Bruce Maddox but Rios defends her because they had sex that one time so they are in love.

* Agnes tries to explain that the vision Karen O gave her made her crazy and made her do it.

* Sutra believes that the reason the Admonition drives people insane is because it isn't a warning about synthetics after all but a message intended FOR synthetics!

* Brent Spiner explains that Sutra has studied Vulcan culture extensively and even "taught herself the famous mindmeld."

* What the fuck

* They came up with that Karen O being half-Vulcan asspull to explain why she could mindmeld even though there's no reason Romulans shouldn't have the same psychic powers as Vulcans, but now a robot can do it because she read about it in a book.

* Sutra mindmelds with Agnes and learns that the message in the laser table with the eight suns wasn't left by the protheans but by the Reapers themselves.

* As organic life grows and evolves and strives toward perfection they will create synthetic life, but when they realize their creation doesn't age or die they will become jealous of its perfection and try to destroy it, and in doing so will destroy themselves.

* The message contains instructions for how synthetics can contact an ancient hyper-advanced race of synthetic life to come get them. 

* The group splits up, with Raffi and Rios going back to the ship to try to fix it and Picard trying to Starfleet.

* Brent Spiner shows Agnes an android body he's building for himself. Agnes is like "omg have you perfected the mind transfer?" and Brent Spiner is like not yet but if you help me you can make up for killing Maddox.

* Meanwhile Ro Khanna is guarding Brother Romulan but Sutra comes in and sends her out, then she releases Brother Romulan and says "Now you will help me with my evil plan."

* Soji talks to Picard about moral questions like "can the good of the few outweigh the good of the many?" and "maybe mass genocide is okay sometimes?" when they hear a scream and run outside to find Brent Spiner cradling Ro Khanna's body, except it's not Ro Khanna it's her twin Saga for some reason, so who cares.   

* Brother Romulan has apparently escaped and in doing so murdered Saga by stabbing her in the eye with a hummingbird pin she was wearing.

* "What did he do to your beautiful golden eyes?" Brent Spiner weeps, apparently much more upset about this than the fact that she's dead.

* Sutra is like this proves that the organics will destroy us all, we must call the Reapers and have them cleanse this galaxy of organic life.

* We also learn in this scene that the Reapers apparently have a federation that spans entire galaxies. Is this the first time we've heard of extra-galactic life in Star Trek?

* I feel like the Traveler might have sent them to another galaxy one time? Or was that another quantum realm or something?

* In any case they shouldn't be in any danger because I'm sure the writers will respect the galactic barrier established in the second TOS pilot. 

* Picard gives a Picard speech about how violence is not the way and he has a plan to fly everyone to safety aboard his ship and then he will become an advocate for them and lobby the Federation to respect android rights like he already did back in season 2 of TNG.

* But Brent Spiner declares that the Federation didn't listen to him after the Mars attack and they won't listen to him now.

* Look how the androids look at him, they've never known anyone like him before, someone willing to stand up for them and fight on their behalf.

* Everyone else wants them dead, so they have to lock up Picard in jail so he can't make them doubt themselves.

* "Don't do this, Soji," pleads Picard. "You will become the Destroyer they feared you to be all along."

* But she's like "No we have to kill everyone."

* So basically the Jacques Vash had the right idea the whole time.

* Jesus Christ.

* Ro Khanna says lock up Agnes too but Agnes says no wait I can help you and Brent Spiner says yeah she's gonna put my brain in a robot body so they're all cool with her.

* Meanwhile Karen O and the fleet of Warbirds are on their way...

* TO BE CONCLUDED NEXT WEEK

* Something else I just thought of:  

* The whole reason they were able to find the android home planet was because of Soji's dream where she was on a planet with two moons and lightning storms, which is apparently unique to this one world.

* But when they get there it just looks like California.

* I expect better of this $50 billion prestige series than the 30-year-old shows where they had $45 to spend on cardboard sets and costumes from Spirit Halloween.  

* It's like this show was written by Gen Xers who watched TNG as kids and thought "this is pretty good but it would be even better if it was more like real life! why doesn't Picard call Q a motherfucker?"

* Not to harp on the swearing bc I swear like a fucking sailor but it's an easy example. It's not that swearing is anathema to Star Trek but 1) it's always been a PG franchise so it's weird that it's suddenly R now and 2) humans in Star Trek are supposed to be more thoughtful and enlightened than humans in real life. Like that's the point of the franchise I think?

* Swearing is fine but casually dropping f-bombs mid-conversation is how people talk today. Why do they still talk like that in a utopian future?   

* Pretty sure there's only one curse word in the entirety of TOS, when Kirk says "Let's get the hell out of here" after letting Edith Keeler die.

* That's like the tamest swear word there is but it packs more of a punch than any "fuck" said on Picard so far. 

Star Trek: Picard, Episode 8: "Broken Pieces"

* Last Picard episode before the two-part finale is all about the back story of Captain Rios and I cannot be assed to pay any attention

 * This is maybe the worst show I've ever seen in my life.

* I don't mean just in the context of being bad for a Star Trek show.

* The showrunner and head writer won a Pulitzer Prize.

* 200,000 years ago a hyper-advanced civilization dragged eight suns together to form an octenarian star system.

* At the center of the eight stars is a planet with a green laser table that contains a warning against creating artificial intelligence because insert Mass Effect plot here.

* The Jacques Vash were formed centuries ago because of this warning. New recruits have to touch the table in a ritual called the Admonition, in which visions of the apocalypse are injected into their brains.

* 14 years ago Karen O oversaw the Admonition of a group of Jacques Vash that included Sister Romulan and her aunt, Crazy Ex-Borg Romulan Lady Who Called Soji The Destroyer In Like The Second Episode.

* "Most of you will go mad," intones Karen O, "but the rest of you will understand why it's important to stop Armageddon."

* Sign me the fuck up!

* They all touch the table and every Jacques Vash but Sister Romulan starts shooting themselves in the head or pulling their hair out or ripping their faces open with their fingernails or bashing their heads in with rocks.

* "Now we will go to Mars and mastermind a conspiracy," says Karen O.

* In the present day Sister Romulan gives the order to purge the Borg cube and pull out all the Jacques Vash so they can go blow up the android planet.

* She's just back on the cube like it's business as usual despite being transported away during her fight with Legolas in the last episode. 

* I won't even try to guess what the writers intended to be happening there because it makes no sense in the context of either how transporters traditionally work or this dumb show.

* The Romulans find Legolas and fight him but then Seven of Nine shows up and shoots them all.

* I didn't mention it but at the end of the previous episode Legolas found a Fenris Rangers Life Alert hanging from the ceiling FOR NO REASON so we can assume he used this to call Seven.

* The two of them go to the Borg queen's chambers where Seven says that she can reactivate the dormant drones to fight the Romulans.

* "That sounds awesome, do that," says Legolas.

* Seven protests that they will assimilate everyone, including the ex-B's, but Legolas tells her they can just unassimilate them again once the Romulans are defeated. 

* "They won't want to be unassimilated," says Seven, "and I'm not sure I'll want to let them go."

* So she's going to become the new Borg Queen, I guess?

* Some cables come out of the computer and plug into her spine and her eyes turn black and she says "WE ARE BORG."

* Here's something else I didn't mention before because I didn't think it would be important and lo and behold it wasn't: in like the second episode, during Borg cube orientation some dude explained that all the scientists working on the cube would be issued sensor cards that would turn black in warning if any dormant Borg technology was to reactivate.

* This is one Chekhov's phaser that will go unfired however because as soon as Seven starts to reactivate the Borg the Romulans jettison all of them into space.

* The sensor cards never come up again.

* Just like that the Borg are defeated, but the ex-B's start mobbing Romulan sister and tearing at her like a zombie horde.

* Dramatically speaking she should have just died here but she once again is transported out of harm's way at the last second, apparently by some third party who knew that she was in danger somehow but will be completely ignored in future episodes. 

* "Are you going to assimilate me now?" asks Legolas but Borg Queen Seven replies "Annika still has work to do" and the cables unplug from her spine and she becomes normal again.

* Meanwhile Raffi and Rios have figured out off-screen that Agnes is a Romulan spy and that she killed Bruce Maddox and they confide their theory to Picard.

* Rios sees Soji for the first time and runs away to hide in his room.

* Raffi gathers together all of his holographic doppelgangers who run different functions on the ship: medical, engineering, hospitality, weapons, and something else and they try to figure out what's wrong with Rios. 

* Rios reveals that nine years ago he was the first officer on a Federation starship during a first contact operation.                              

* The ambassador from the new planet came aboard with a girl who looked just like Soji, and his captain shot them both to death during dinner. 

* He explained to Rios that Starfleet had ordered him to assassinate them and threatened to destroy the entire ship with all hands aboard if he refused, then "he put the phaser in his mouth and pulled the trigger."

* Do phasers have triggers?

* Anyway Rios helped cover up what happened and jettisoned the bodies into space, reporting that his captain committed suicide for no apparent reason.

* Only when he saw Soji just now did he realize the truth: the people his captain killed were synths!!!

* Meanwhile Agnes comes out of her coma for no reason.

* Picard tells her that they're going to Deep Space 12 where she will turn herself in for killing Bruce Maddox.

* Agnes explains that she didn't want to do it but Karen O put a vision of the apocalypse in her head and also conveniently added a heretofore-unmentioned psychic block to prevent her from talking about it.

* Soji comes in and Agnes says "Noonien Soongh considered himself an artist when he made Data but you have three beauty marks on your cheek, you're the real work of art."

* "I know Karen O sent you to kill me," says Soji, but Agnes says "Now that I've met you I would never kill you, even though I already killed my boyfriend after his part in bringing about the apocalypse was already over."

* Picard reports to Admiral Bitch who swore at him in episode 2 and says he needs a squadron to meet them at the android planet.

* Admiral Bitch literally says "Shut the fuck up."

* The crew gathers together to discuss what they know for the audience's benefit.

* "I'm done murdering people, so that's good," Agnes jokes.

* Hilarious!

* Raffi says that Karen O is a half-Vulcan half-Romulan spy.

* No idea how the fuck she knows that but I suppose they just threw it in to explain why she could mindmeld with Agnes if she's a Romulan. 

* Anyway she infiltrated Starfleet years ago and worked her way up the ranks to become head of Starfleet security, a position she used to order Rios's captain to kill the ambassador from the android planet.

* Soji becomes distraught and exclaims that because of her the Jacques Vash finally know where that planet is.

* ...but if the Federation made first contact with them nine years ago, how did they no already know where it was...?

* No time!

* Karen O masterminded the synth attack on Mars because she knew something so horrible would force the Federation to outlaw androids!

* Just like how America banned Muslims after 9/11!!!!

* Rios says they can take comfort in how it was really Karen O working behind the scenes to sabotage them this whole time and the Federation didn't really betray them.

* But Picard says the Federation did betray them, there was no excuse for the android ban, the Federation was undone by secrecy and fear.

* FEAR IS THE REAL DESTROYER

* BREXIT??!!

* Soji uses her android powers to take over the ship, proving that the Jacques Vash were right to fear her all along.

* But Rios sings a Spanish lullaby which is the code that allows him to regain control of the ship. 

* But then Picard tells him to go ahead and do what she wants anyway.

* He sits down at the holographic console and starts waving his hands around like he's setting a course for the android world but then he's like "I just remembered, I don't know how to work this thing."

* Soji suddenly knows where all the Borg transwarp conduits are and they fly into one.

* TO BE CONTINUED                               

Star Trek: Picard, Episode 7: "Nepenthe"

* Episode 7 is called "Nepenthe," which i'm pretty sure was a planet in Mass Effect.

* Which is appropriate because the first thing that happens is a flashback to when Karen O met with Agnes before she joined Picard's crew. 

* "Embrace eternity!" Karen O shouts as she does a Vulcan mindmeld. Agnes has a quick-cutting apocalyptic vision of destruction and people being killed by machines.

* She vomits (that's once) and Karen O says that she will have to something terrible to prevent this future.

* In present day Picard and Soji arrive at the other end of the Stargate on Nepenthe, where Riker and Troi live in an isolated cabin in the woods with their 12-year-old daughter Kestra.

* Kestra is Hunger Games cosplaying and appears out of the woods with an arrow drawn on Picard.

* "You may want to point that at my head instead of my heart because my heart is made of duranium (?)" Picard says.

* I assume she would recognize Picard on sight so it's weird that she would be pointing a deadly weapon at him, especially when, as she explains as she leads them to her parents' cabin, that the arrows are real but she would never use them on a person. 

* Riker is like "let's have pizza!" and starts baking one in his brick oven in the backyard.

* The camera cuts to Soji very conspicuously tilting her head to the side, an action she has never done before in any previous episode, and Riker deduces that she must be Data's daughter because of this dead-giveaway.

* I don't understand why they're still going with this "Data's daughter" thing when Bruce Maddox made her but ok.

* Soji says that she doesn't trust any of them and this could all be another deception. Picard cheerfully exclaims "You're right, it could be! Who knows!"

* Soji violently pushes past him and storms off. Riker yells after her but Picard says he's just glad she didn't break him in half with her android strength. Troi yells at Picard for being an asshole.

* We learn that Riker and Troi also had a son named Thaddeus who would have been 18, but he died of mendaxic neurosclerosis.

* This disease is easily curable by exposure to a positronic brain but since androids had already been outlawed there were none of those around so their kid died.

* Great!

* Troi tells Picard to treat their dinner table as his ready room on the Enterprise. They all gather around to eat and Soji describes her Romulan vision quest, where she saw the planet with two moons and lightning storms. 

* They're like "we've got to find out what planet this is" but Kestra holds up her phone and says "It's a planet in the Whatever system that has a number instead of a name, I asked Some Guy and he knew what it was immediately."

* Meanwhile on the Borg cube Hugh has been captured by the incestuous Romulan sister spy. Legolas is nowhere to be seen. Not sure how this happened since at the end of the previous episode they were still together but who cares I guess.

* Romulan lady (no idea what her name is) starts killing the unassimilated Borgs one by one to make Hugh tell her where Picard went but he refuses, so she has all the ex-B's executed while Hugh is forced to watch. 

* "I would kill you too," she tells him, "but that would violate our treaty with the Federation."

* Isn't she part of the SECRET secret police?

* Like two levels of secrecy?

* Why would she care about a treaty?

* Is Hugh even a Federation citizen?

* Why is this cube called the Romulan Reclamation Center in the first place? Why are Romulans unassimilating Borg in Federation space, or with Federation aid, or... what's happening here again?

* Oh shit I forgot an important thing from the opening.

* Karen O gave Agnes a tracking device so the Jacques Vash would be able to track her.

* For some reason Agnes immediately put it in her mouth without any prompting or indication that this was the correct thing to do.

* I would have just put it in my pocket.

* "It must be chewed" Karen O corrects her.

* So anyway Brother Romulan is tracking Picard's crew through Agnes, who keeps trying to discourage them from rendezvousing from Picard and says they should just go home instead.

* I guess she's feeling remorseful about betraying her friends, which shows that she is still a good person capable of redemption despite brutally murdering the man she loved for... no reason?

* Raffi synthesizes a cake to cheer her up. Agnes eats it, then vomits it up on camera (that's two).

* Rios approaches Agnes in private and confides in her that they're being tracked and he thinks Raffi is a traitor.

* Agnes bursts into tears and exclaims that it's not Raffi. Rios laughs this off. 

* Once he leaves Agnes injects herself with some toxic compound. Not sure if she is trying to disrupt the tracer or to commit suicide, but she collapses on the floor and starts vomiting up foam directly into the camera (that's three).

* The EMH appears and says "Please state the nature of the medical emer-- Oh snap!" I guess he was still working fine and just never told anyone about the murder he witnessed.

* Back on the Borg cube, Legolas emerges from the shadows and reunites with Hugh. Where was he all this time? How did they get separated? Not important!

* Hugh leads him back to the hidden Stargate, angrily explaining that they will use its power to drive the Romulans off the cube and avenge the murdered Borgs, but suddenly Sister Romulan and two guys emerge through a door!

* "Surprise, we were listening to you the whole time! Planning to attack us violates the treaty so now we can kill you!"

* This is like almost verbatim dialogue.

* Legolas draws his Hanzo sword and makes quick work of Sister Romulan's bodyguards after uttering his trademark saying that was kind of badass the first time he said it but is starting to wear thin: "Please, friends, choose to live."

* Sister Romulan says "This is not how Jacques Vash fights Kuat Mulat." She puts down her disruptor and Legolas puts down his sword and they kung fu fight each other while Hugh hides behind a box.

* Hugh pokes his head into the open to see what's going on and Sister Romulan throws a knife into his throat, then is randomly beamed off the cube by someone (?????) before Legolas can revenge-kill her.

* "You'll need an ex-B to help you," Hugh says as Legolas cradles his dying body. He says something like "You taught me to hope again. Thank you." and then he dies.

* That's three secondary characters they've brought back and immediately killed off for no reason.

* I love Star Trek!

* Remember how Geordi was the one who helped Hugh rediscover his individuality after the rescued him from the Borg? Not even mentioned!

* Rios gets in touch with Picard and tells him they're on the way to Nepenthe. As Picard prepares to leave, Kestra tells Soji: "I don't completely understand it, but something bad happened to you. Something bad happened to me too. You know what got me through it? My parents. I have my parents, and you have Picard."

* Then she gives her a broken compass as a remembrance. "You'll have to pretend it works."

* I will not be remotely surprised if the compass is never used or never comes up again.

* But by the same token I will not be remotely surprised if she does eventually use the compass and the power of her belief makes it work.

* Picard and Riker have a nice scene together where they sit by the lake and reconnect. Picard tells him about his new crew. "They seem to have much more baggage than you all ever had," he says, then turns to the camera and winks.

* They say their goodbyes, then Picard contacts Rios on the communicator: "Two to beam up." The TNG theme plays as the camera pans up to the distant mountains.

* Next episode: Seven of Nine returns! Vulcan seers rend the flesh of their own faces! "I saw a vision of hell," Agnes says, "and if we don't stop it--" "Hell is coming back," finishes Picard.