* Just watched an episode of Voyager about Captain Janeway designing the perfect holographic boyfriend in 19th century Ireland.
* Dumb as hell and also the best Star Trek I've seen all month!
* Episode 6 of Picard begins with the Picard gang discussing Bruce Maddox's death.
* "I guess he was just too beat up to live, thoughts and prayers, Agnes."
* That night Agnes walks in in Rios playing shirtless solo racquetball and they start making out.
* I think this is the first time these characters have interacted.
* Before he died Bruce Maddox told Picard that Shoji Tabuchi was aboard the Borg cube that is the Romulan reclamation center but they need diplomatic clearance to go to there.
* Raffi calls a friend of hers in Starfleet and extorts her into giving Picard the proper ambassadorial paperwork for the Romulans to let them dock.
* Coincidentally happened to see a pre-9/11 episode of Law and Order SVU yesterday and Raffi was one of the lawyers.
* She was a much better actress in a court procedural than a science fiction show.
* Didn't see her fake-cry once.
* Meanwhile aboard the cube Bedhead Romulan Spy tells Soji that every time she calls her mother their outgoing call logs show that her transmission lasts exactly 70 seconds before cutting off.
* She tries calling her mom but this induces her to lose consciousness.
* After she comes to she uses an iPhone app that shines a green laser on a thing and tells you how old it is.
* All of her belongings, including childhood photos, and three years old.
* She uses the app on herself and discovers that she is also three years old.
* It's BioShock all over again.
* She goes to Hot Romulan and he tells her they will try a Romulan meditation technique to discover the truth about her.
* She enters a recurring dream of hers where she is a child and walks in on her father, who doesn't have a face, working on something on his science bench.
* Romulan walks her through it and for the first time she sees that he's building her!!!
* She looks out the window and sees two moons and lightning, which was the information Romulan Spy was looking for, because this will help them find her father's lab.
* There can only be so many planets that have those features right?
* He then locks her in the room with a box that starts emitting red CGI radiation.
* He stands outside the door and cries because he really did love her after all.
* Like Agnes though he'd rather stand there and watch the person he loves die a slow and agonizing death than just shoot her in the head.
* Not only more merciful, but also doesn't take 25 minutes and thus give all the time in the world for her android powers to activate, which they do.
* She starts punching a hole in the floor and escapes.
* Ok, I don't understand this.
* Shoji and Douche, despite being artificially created, are still biologically human, right?
* They're like Replicants or Cylons.
* They're not robots like Data was.
* So why is she able to punch through the floor without even bruising her knuckles?
* We'll just say it was adrenaline.
* Meanwhile Picard arrives on the cube and is beset with PTSD from his assimilation.
* A bunch of ex-B's close in around him and Picard starts freaking out but then Hugh appears and says they were just trying to prevent him from falling from the catwalk he almost stepped off of in his confusion.
* This scene is actually ok, if kind of redundant from Picard already dealing with his PTSD in that TNG episode with his brother and First Contact.
* Picard asks Hugh to help him find Soji and they track her down just as she falls through the ceiling.
* Picard is like I couldn't save your sister, please let me save you! and she's like ok.
* Hugh leads them to a hidden area of the cube equipped with a Stargate for the Borg queen's personal escape.
* This could have been a retcon for how she survived being on the Best of Both Worlds cube that was destroyed to show up in First Contact but Hugh explicitly says they added it after Picard left the collective.
* I guess the Borg queen gets killed all the time anyway though so whatever.
* Romulans show up but Legolas appears and kills them all with his sword.
* "I thought I told you to stay on the ship!" says Picard.
* "I didn't listen," says Legolas.
* Hugh activates the Stargate but instead of all four of them going through Hugh and Legolas decide to stay behind for some reason, which sucks because they are potentially the best characters on the show, leaving Picard to go on some terrible adventure with the worst character on the show.
* Legolas says that he will hold off the approaching Romulans. The picture cuts to black and he says: "Please, friends, choose to live."
* Next episode: Riker???!
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