* Trying to watch Star Trek Picard but the Paramount+ app is terrible.
* Thank goodness I'm not paying for it!
* Rated TV-14 for coarse language and violence.
* First shot of the episode and oh my god there are so many lens flares?
* Why are they doing this? JJ Abrams doesn't even work for Star Trek anymore.
* Seven's husband and his crew hold the Picard gang at gunpoint but Seven and Raffi just casually grab their phasers away from them because they are strong female characters.
* They then fucking disintegrate the bad guys and fly away.
* Q appears and tells Picard that this life of violence and fear is all he understands then he disappears again.
* There's a shitty holographic HUD floating in front of Rios's face and every time the actor turns his head or cranes his neck the whole giant holographic panel moves with him and it looks so stupid.
* The Borg queen warps the ship around the sun. "This is loco!" says Rios.
* Did you know that he's Spanish did you get that
* They safely arrive in the 21st century and the ship immediately crashes because that's exciting.
* The ship loses power and Raffi starts screaming because the medbay's bio-bed is the only thing keeping Legolas alive after he was shot.
* I literally laughed out loud. She is so overwrought and none of the other characters give a shit. Wasn't Picard like Legolas's adoptive father last season or something? I don't remember Raffi ever even interacting with him.
* Oh he's dead now I guess. I'm sure that's permanent.
* Seven and Raffi turn on Picard and start calling him a bad leader and a douchebag because he won't let them revenge-kill the Borg queen and strand them in the past.
* "You have spent decades screwing around with Q! You play little games and ruin people's lives!" Raffi accuses Picard. Remember all the episodes where that happened?
* Oh they establish right in this scene that fixing the timeline will resurrect Legolas for no reason. Now I'm really devastated that this character I loved is gone.
* "We have to be careful while we're in the past that their technology doesn't detect our VACCINATION CHIPS." What the shit.
* I guess COVID really never will go away.
* The Borg queen is in a coma. Someone needs to send their consciousness into her mind to wake her up but it can't be Picard because having been assimilated previously he would be easy prey, so Agnes decides that she will do it.
* Meanwhile Raffi is being emotional and jeopardizing their mission.
* Why does she care lmao. No one else gives a SHIT. They are completely indifferent to Legolas dying. It's hilarious.
* "The longer you're inside her the stronger she becomes." ~ Jean-Luc Picard
* Raffi, Seven, and Rios leave the ship to go find "the watcher" while Picard sits on the ship because he's the main character.
* There's a cute scene where Seven materializes in front of a little girl who asks if she's a superhero.
* I guess the transporter isn't working right or something because the three of them wind up in different places. Rios materializes on a fire escape and immediately falls off, landing on his head.
* A good Samaritan takes him the hospital but he tells them not to call the police.
* Lmao he's going to get deported isn't he.
* Raffi explores a trailer park and some white dude in a hoodie tries to mug her in broad daylight.
* "Give me your wallet!"
"What? Oh. Money. Right. Uh, no. Wow though."
* I guess they're back to not using money in Star Trek even though Raffi was shitting on Picard last season for living in a mansion while she was growing space pot in a shack.
* Raffi just grabs the gun away from him again and knocks the guy out, then disassembles the gun.
* How would she know how to do that? I don't even know how to do that and I'm from this century.
* Raffi robs the guy while he's unconscious for what she calls "the apocalypse fund." These are our heroes.
* Remember when Kirk and the gang needed money in the '80s and instead of robbing some homeless tweaker they just pawned Kirk's glasses?
* Seven walks up after the confrontation and finds her erstwhile lover picking the pockets of an unarmed man lying unconscious on the ground. "We just got here and you're already making friends," she jokes.
* "He started it," says Raffi. "A wonderful ambassador up against a backdrop of hope meets hopelessness. You're killing it, 2024."
* Pure cringe.
* Back on the ship Agnes's brain is hooked up to the Borg queen while Picard supervises.
* This scene is actually sort of interesting as Agnes is conscious and describes the process of assimilation as the Borg queen infiltrates her mind.
* I mean if I gave a shit about anything that was happening it would be interesting.
* Seven and Raffi need to go to the top of the tallest building in LA because for some reason their tricorders need to be up high to get a better reading. I get better reception on my iPhone!
* A security guard stops them but Seven says she and her girlfriend wanted to go to the top of the building and "capture an image."
* "Take a picture" Raffi translates into 21st century-ese. Why would she be any more likely to know that?
* Seven says that another guard named Kevin let them go up before so the guard assents.
* Meanwhile Spanish Rios talking to a Spanish doctor named Teresa.
* Once she leaves he notices that he has lost his comm badge! Some little kid is trying to play it like a video game.
* Fortunately he is sitting right outside Rios's room so Rios staggers out and confronts him.
* Teresa comes out and tells the little kid to finish his homework or he can't watch Rick & Morty. She is his mom but the dad is out of the picture. Make your move, Rios!
* On the ship Picard has disconnected Agnes from the computer. She is unconscious but now the Borg queen is awake again.
* "You have to help us find the watcher!" says Picard. "What can we give you?"
"Your ship!"
* Rios is preparing to leave the clinic when the cops pull up outside. "Immigration raid!" cries Teresa.
* I'm dying.
* The queen tries to extort Picard with the location of the watcher but Agnes wakes up and says "Aha! You don't even know it anymore because I stole that file from your brain!"
* "What you've done is more dangerous than you realize," the queen tells her. "You've impressed me."
* The cops demand to see Rios's ID then arrest both him and Teresa. Tragically his comm badge lies just out of reach on the desk!
* He's marched out the door just as Picard is calling.
* NEXT TIME: Picard goes on a rescue mission to the southern border???
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