Wolf in the Fold

Droids (1986) #3: The Scarlet Pirate!

Writer: David Manak

Penciler: John Romita Sr.

Medium: Comic

Publication date: May 1986

Timeline placement: 15 BBY

R2-D2 and C-3PO have been purchased by Ambassador Zell of the planet Majoor, who puts them to work babysitting his son Llez while he's away performing his diplomatic duties. Llez is a spoiled brat whose father doesn't love him enough and buys him expensive toys to compensate. 

 

Llez is a huge fan of the adventure show Space Pirates of the Galaxy, and imagines himself to be a swashbuckling buccaneer called the Scarlet Pirate. He also idolizes the real-life space pirate Redjac, a noncorporeal lifeform who travels from planet to planet, possessing people's bodies and committing serial murders to feed on the resulting garmonbozia (pain and sorrow). Just then, a news broadcast cuts into the program: Redjac has been captured and is, coincidentally, being brought to prison right here on Majoor! Llez takes one of the family landspeeders and rushes off to rescue his hero, with the droids in hot pursuit.

 

Llez uses a magno-neutralizer to deactivate the droid guards escorting Redjac to the prison and they steal the guards' police ship to escape the planet, with Artoo and Threepio arriving close behind and just managing to sneak onboard. Llez tells Redjac about how he feels neglected by his father and reveals that the ambassador is currently leading a convoy of ships on a peace mission to the planet Armath. "I AM WITHOUT ENDING. I HAVE EXISTED FROM THE DAWN OF TIME AND I SHALL LIVE BEYOND ITS END. IN THE MEANTIME I SHALL FEED, AND THIS TIME I DO NOT NEED A KNIFE," says Redjac commiseratingly.

 

They arrive on Redjac's ship, the Blood Brother, where his pirate gang, the Red Fury Brotherhood, prepares to attack Ambassador Zell's convoy. Llez protests that this is wrong, but the brigands reveal the true nature of pirates, shattering the boy's childhood delusions. Redjac mistakes Artoo and Threepio for pirate droids on his crew and orders them to take Llez to the brig. 

 

Llez dries his tears and vows to save his father. He and the droids find the ship's control room, where Llez dropkicks the two-headed Dyclops gunner firing plasma torpedoes at the ambassador's ships. Artoo jacks into the computer console and orders the torpedoes to self-destruct, saving the convoy. Zell leads a security team aboard the Blood Brother, where Llez and the droids have already taken out most of the pirates via cartoonish antics. "I was a fool to make a hero of you, Redjac!" Llez declares.

 

Redjac puts Llez in a headlock and orders the droids to stand back. "YOU WILL ALL DIE HORRIBLY IN SEARING PAIN!" he promises, adding, "REDJAC! REDJAC! REDJAC! REDJAC! REDJAC!" Ambassador Zell arrives and beats the shit out of Redjac, revealing himself to be a former Republic Space Ranger, just like Buzz Lightyear. As Redjac is taken away by the ambassador's guards, Zell and Llez restore their father-son bond, with Zell promising that Llez will accompany him on all his diplomatic missions from now on. "That sounds super boring, Dad!" says Llez.

 

Threepio sighs dejectedly with the understanding that they are no longer needed here and have lost yet another master, but "this time.. it was worth it!" I don't think that's how property ownership works, but okay.

 

Next time, the droids babysit another green alien child! Also, time travel! Stay tuned!