Mem-o-rees

Me: You got the taste in u boy, that evil got in and it aint never a comin' out.

Ben: Did you enjoy Keyboard Ron? 

Me: Sometimes I wake up in the night and I can't move and I just see him sitting on my chest. 

Ben: Playing your face with his stick arms. 

Ben: Staring into you with those dead eyes. 

Me: Why did you have Christmas a month late? 

Ben: Uh because I had to hold off for Chinese New Year. 

Ben: Respect my heritage, you sack of shit. 

Me: China is the most evil country in the world right now. 

Me: Anyone decent is boycotting that shit. 

Ben: Lol good luck with that strategy. 

Ben: When the invasion comes I'll be sure to show them this chat log. 

Me: I've been preparing for Red Dawn all my life.
 
Ben: Oh speaking of the Dark Tower. 

Ben: J/K how about that Insomnia review. 

Me: That book was fucking boring. 

Me: I would have liked it if it was 50% shorter. 

Me: The last half was good, most of the first half was just old people and abortion.

Ben: God damn you.

Ben: The first half was the good half, the second half was just the typical Stephen King bullshit buffet. 

Me: Hahahaha. 

Me: I'm a catfish in your mother's nightgown. 

Ben: Man I hope when we finally meet the Crimson King he hasn't yet changed out of that disguise. 

Ben: I mean, the... Something King. 

Ben: Sadly I can't misremember his name anymore because I've been listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlNantlznCA&list=FLjxlsFYLqndkgqdPKVq95DQ a lot lately. 

Me: Good fucking song. 

Ben: Do you think there's some kind of connection between this song and Stephen King? 

Ben: Anwaya 

Ben: Playa 

Ben: == Spanish for beach. 

Ben: Where was I? 

Ben: There's a theme lurking in here. 

Ben: Which is 

Ben: that Stephen King likes to imagine really interesting premises and then drowns them in stupidity. 

Ben: But gradually. 

Ben: It sneaks up on you. 

Ben: You don't realize how stupid it is until you're all the way through. 

Ben: I really wish it took more cues from the movie. 

Me: Did you skip the chapter where Robin Williams jumps over a pile of logs? 

Ben: That's like my favorite scene. 

Ben: I think. 

Ben: It's honestly the only scene that I remember. 

Ben: So it must be my favorite. 

Me: What was the interesting premise and what was the stupidity? 

Ben: Just this old guy slowly going insane from the insomnia. 

Ben: And the potential ambiguity of whether or not all these events are just the mad, fevered dreams of a wasting mind. 

Ben: But no it was little space aliens from another dimension. 

Ben:  Sorry. 

Ben: An upper floor. 

Ben: Would have been better if it was a spider. 

Ben: There better not be a spider at the end of this series. 

Ben: I will set your books on fire. 

Me: But they needed to save the magic kid to defeat the Bulldozer King. 

Ben: I'll give you this. 

Ben: It was the best book yet written that has actually involved the Dark Tower. 

Me: This was your favorite book so far?? 

Ben: No. 

Ben: It was the only book yet written that has actually involved the Dark Tower. 

Ben: Listen you can't just call the series "The Dark Tower" and then see the Tower three times in the exact same rose dream. 

Ben: It's like if you never actually ever met Harry Potter until The Order of the Phoenix. 

Ben: Sirius falls through the mirror and then Harry walks around from behind and is like "Hi I’m Harry Potter, what did I miss?" 

Ben: "You missed the entire fucking series, you asshole." 

Ben: So in short Stephen King is like the writers of Lost in that he likes to think of potentially interesting premises and then overextend and fail to deliver. 

Ben: Except unlike the writers of Lost he never wrote the character of Daniel. 

Ben: Or Dingo. 

Ben: Or Charlie's baby. 

Ben: Anyway. 

Ben: When is DARTOWER IIX coming out? 

Me: Didn't Stephen King die yet? 

Me: What are your impressions of the Crimson Catfish as the incarnate evil of the Stephen King mythos? 

Me: How can Roland defeat him if he doesn't bring a fishhook?

Ben: "Didn't Stephen King die yet?" 

Ben: I want this on my tombstone. 

Ben: How can Roland beat him when he doesn't bring magical space aliens and unexplained old men and deus ex machina emerald golems? 

Me: Roland was in this book. 

Ben: I hope he was the unexplained old man. 

Ben: Living out his life after his quest was complete. 

Me: No the story cut to him in the desert during the first Dartower book at one point. 

Me: Do you need to reread it? 

Ben: ... 

Ben: FUCK. 

Ben: Maybe I caught that reference. 

Me: It's towards the end after Ed Deepthroat and the Caterpillar King have been vanquished. 

Ben: I guess not. 

Ben: Give me a page number. 

Me: You have the book you asshole. 

Ben: Right you dumbass how would I look up the page without the book. 

Me: 617 right before subchapter 6. 

Ben: That's a pretty shitty cameo. 

Ben: Like, omg do we really need another reminder that this book makes absolutely no sense to anyone who hasn't read the previous shoebox? 

Me: Hahahaha. 

Me: Work on your reading comprehension. 

Me: This series is all about the connections! 

Ben: Where the fuck are you, Callahan? 

Ben: WHRARYOU 

Me: Did you see BATMAN 3: DARKNIGHTER yet? 

Ben: Yeah 

Me: It was okay. 

Me: Kinda lame that Batman's career lasted like a year and a half though. 

Ben: Uh like 10 years. 

Ben: He was just a cripple for 9 of them. 

Me: He was sad for 8 years. 

Ben: He's been sad his entire life, you asshole. 

Ben: MY PARENTS ARE DEEEAAAAAAD

Ben: Remember that time I came up to you and put my gum in your hair? 

Ben: Good times. 

Me: Then spat water in my face in subzero temperatures. 

Ben: Then broke all your fingers. 

Me: Then broke Tim's spine. 

Ben: Then made sweet love to your brother. 

Ben: That's why he always so quiet around me. 

Me: Why would you lie with him? 

Ben: So that I could stew in my own... concoctions.

Me: SO BEN HOW MANY STARS DO YOU GIVE INSOMNIA? 

Ben: Ummmm. 

Ben: Eight stars. 

Ben: There is no upper end of this scale. 

Me: The sky's the limit. 

Ben: All paths lead to the Dark Tower. 

Me: Hurry and start WEREWOLVES OF THE CALLIOPE. 

Me: You have dallied too long. 

Ben: Hold on first I need to reread THE STAND to make sure that I didn't miss any crucial Dartower connexions. 

Me: Yeah Randall Munroe is going to come back with his army of Bronze-Age Ethiopians any time now. 

Ben: He's playing the long game. 

Ben: He's going to evolve those tribesmen into the master race. 

Me: Spoiler alert they will never be mentioned again.