The Clone Wars: Journey Through Hyperspace

Journey Through Hyperspace

Author: James Evans*

Illustrator: Uncredited

Medium: Picture book

Publication Date: July 2009

Timeline Placement: 22 BBY

 

I'm writing this brief intro paragraph prior to reading this book in order to confess my sins as an alleged fan of Star Wars. Despite her overwhelming prominence in Star Wars media over the last 16 years, Ahsoka Tano has only appeared three times in the Star Wars media I have consumed: the 2008 theatrical animated Clone Wars movie, where she was insufferable, and her guest appearances in The Mandalorian and The Book of Boba Fett, where she was completely one-note and unmemorable. Let's see if this book gives me a more favorable opinion of her character.

Oh it didn't.

It's Clone Wars time and the Republic fleet receives a "Rebel SOS signal from Tatooine," presumably broadcast backward in time from a decade where the Rebellion actually existed. Ahsoka, Anakin Skywalker's exotic teenage alien apprentice who doesn't exist, steals an "armoured attack shuttle" and "soars into hyperspace at great speed!" When she arrives on Tatooine, she's pictured wearing what appears to be a black bodysuit that fully covers her arms, legs, and torso, but her gauntlets and that dangly bit of ornate cloth that hangs in front of her crotch are overlaid on top of it, along with what seems to be the belt from one of the show's clone trooper character models, and the whole ensemble looks like some kind of bizarre animation error. Then for the rest of the book she's just in her usual tube top. Ladybird Books Ltd. spared no expense with this one!

Stupid Ahsoka immediately blunders into a trap set by the Separatists and gets attacked by battle droids. She's able to contact Anakin for help, apparently with just the use of a portable personal communicator, which I didn't realize was capable of instantaneous communications through hyperspace. Anakin and Obi-Wan travel to Tatooine and fight their way through the Separatist fleet in orbit and then fight all the droids down on the planet and rescue Ahsoka all in like 30 seconds. Anakin explains that all this was "engineered by the evil Count Dooku." Hey, how do you know that?

 

What was even the plan here? Dooku pulled this scheme straight from the bottom of the barrel.

Ahsoka apologizes for her foolishness and learns her lesson, the lesson to not be an idiot. What a great book: annoying made-up teen sidekick gets humbled, it's shorter than an informational pamphlet about STDs, and I didn't even have to punch out the included MagnaGuard 3-D Vision Mask™ because who cares about these shit graphics? Five stars, what a winner!

 

*I should clarify that the name “James Evans” appears nowhere on or in this book, nor in fact does the name of any individual human associated with its creation or publication. James is identified as the author on the Amazon.com listing for this book, but I don’t know where they got their information.