Hoist the Flag

 

Writer: Jesse Wittenrich

Publication date: June 19, 2014

Hoist the Flag is a one-shot set in the so-called Wings Universe, an alternate G1 continuity developed in BotCon comics by Fun Publications from 2009 to 2015. I haven't read any of those and don't know anything about them; the reason this story is on our list is because where's there's an alternate G1, there's the potential for an alternate Beast Wars.

Hoist the Flag sees the Transformers pirates known as the Star Seekers traveling into the far future after a malfunction with their transwarp engines. Captain Cannonball decides that they'll perform the greatest heist of all time: using Unicron's disembodied head, still in orbit around Cybertron, to suck up all the Energon on the planet. They'll then escape back to their own time and live like kings, leaving their planet's depleted natural resources for future generations to deal with. It's like a metaphor for climate change!

The Star Seekers are a motley crew, and I have no idea if any of them are established characters from other Wings stories or if they're being introduced here for the first time. But besides Cannonball, other notable members of the crew include the G1 Scorponok and his Headmaster, Zarak; a purple troll guy named Squirm, who is not even a Transformer; and a giant dude named Hunter who communicates only in guttural roars and growls and bears a striking resemblance to the Beast Wars Predacon Rampage. 

 

They travel first to the Galadria Space Bridge Outpost in the Delta Prysmos Sector to use the space bridge there to transport themselves into Unicron's head. However, they find that the outpost has already been infiltrated by wanted criminal Flamewar, who we previously met in multiple G1-era stories but is apparently native to the post-Beast Machines era in this universe. She's also drawn a lot, hm, differently.

Hel-LO nursebot.

Captain Cannonball hires her and she joins the crew.

Meanwhile, on Cyberion, the fourth moon of Cybertron, we're introduced to two members of the Cybertronian Knights: Apelinq, a version of whom we've met before, and Flare-Up, who—

Oh, come on now.

Who's drawing this issue, the guy who did that manga with the female Autobots in fetish outfits? Oh it is.

Sigh... Ctrl+D

Anyway, Apelinq receives a call from Ginrai, known as God Ginrai in the Super-God Masterforce anime. Here, though, he's second in command to the supreme leader of the Cybertronian Knights, the venerable Alpha Trizer. Ginrai is irate because Knight Devcon's final transmission from the Galadria Space Bridge Outpost was cut off and he hasn't been in contact since. Alpha Trizer counsels patience, but the four Knights of Cyberion end up farcasting to the Delta Prysmos Sector anyway.

Devcon has tracked the Star Seekers to Unicron's head, but he's attacked by the nonverbal Hunter, who tackles him to the ground before being distracted by something and wandering away. Scorponok is going to finish Devcon off, but at that moment Alpha Trizer, Ginrai, Apelinq, and Flare-Up arrive and a huge battle ensues, complete with lesbian-bait robot flirtation.

Captain Cannonball fights the elderly Alpha Trizer, who, in a genuinely cool and surprising twist, reveals that he was once Cheetor! After the death of Optimus Primal, he plumbed the depths of the Oracle, eventually absorbing the wisdom of Alpha Trion and becoming Alpha Trizer, the leader of Cybertron in its era of ultimate peace. See, writers of The Wreckers, that's a good use of Cheetor in a post-Beast Machines story.

Captain Cannonball is like "stfu old man, Imma stab you now," but Alpha Trizer is like "turn around." Captain Cannonball looks over at his crew, who report in confusion that their plan isn't working. Unicron's head is not absorbing any Energon from Cybertron! Alpha Trizer explains that it's the year 2984, an even thousand years after the beginning of the G1 cartoon, and Cybertron is made out of techno-organic matter now; the pirates' scheme was doomed to failure from the beginning. Ginrai asks why he didn't mention this earlier, why they even bothered getting involved at all if the planet was never in any danger. "Are you kidding me?" asks Alpha Cheetor. "I couldn't miss that look on [Cannonball's] face."

Meanwhile we're treated to a few panels where Devcon has Flamewar tied up and slung ass-up over his shoulder and hoo boy, I've gotta stop reading this comic book. 

EPILOGUE:

The same time, the same place. The Hunter wanders alone through the skull of a dead god. Speechless, mindless, purposeless, he is drawn on by some invisible force he cannot identify: some part of himself that has been missing his whole life, some forgotten memory of who he was supposed to be. Before him, a portal appears, a doorway shimmering in midair. He stumbles through it into a cave; from inside, he hears a voice, promising him all the dark desires of his embittered heart.

 

"Shokaract..." he says, filled with divine light and terrible purpose. "Omega Point..."

He lifts the Matrix of Conquest high over his head, and he remembers.