Colby Jack and the Prisoners of the Lost Universe

Coby and the Starhunters

Writers: Joe Johnston and Peter Sauder

Medium: Television

Air Date: November 2, 1985 

Timeline Placement: 15 BBY

 

Prince Coby, the young son of Mon Julpa's erstwhile rival Lord Toda, is leaving Tammuz-an for the Imperial Academy. I'm not sure why, since he's like ten, and also a filthy alien, but that's where we are. Jann Tosh and droids tag along to make sure the headstrong prince makes it where he's going, but during a layover on the planet Chuzalla (why are they taking public transportation?), Coby's pet lemur, I mean "tessellated arboreal binjinphant," is stolen by an outlaw gang called the Starhunters, proprietors of an illegal zoo. Coby buys a Blackhawk Destroyer from a nearby spacecraft dealership to pursue the crooks and Artoo pilots it like he's drunk, foreshadowing the great scene in Shadows of the Empire where the droids fly the Millennium Falcon. 

 

The Starhunters flee to the planet Dandelo, also known as Joe Collins, where they keep their menagerie locked in cliffside caves they eminent domained from the native Fuzzums, which are Ewoks if they were birds. Coby and the droids run out of fuel and crash in the jungle, where the displaced Fuzzums capture them and announce their intentions to turn R2-D2 into a stew pot and Coby into the stew that goes in it. But when C-3PO explains that they are on a mission to save Coby's pet, the animal-loving Fuzzums are moved to renounce cannibalism and help our heroes out.

 

Threepio hides in the woods and imitates the mating call of the rare spotted juggalo, luring the Starhunters away from their base so Coby and Artoo can save the lemur. They find him sharing an enclosure with another zoo animal, a man named Greej. Artoo picks the lock but is attacked by the Starhunters' patrol droid, but Coby's character arc has transitioned him from annoyance with his robotic babysitters to genuine fondness for them, and he picks up the patrol droid's own weapon and blasts it into the abyss. Artoo seems deceased but Greej thinks he can fix him.

 

That will have to wait, however, for a real spotted juggalo has answered Threepio's mating call and, blinded by its insatiable lust for the golden droid, inadvertently dragged all the Starhunters back to their camp in the very net they planned to use to catch it. The Starhunters get loose and manage to turn the tide against Coby, Greej, and the Fuzzums, but Jann Tosh comes to the rescue, reminding the children watching at home that he is still a character on this show. The poachers are locked up in their own cages, and are presumably eaten by the Fuzzums after the episode ends.

 

True to his word, Greej repairs R2-D2, then explains how he used to care for all the creatures in the menagerie before the Starhunters deposed him and turned his animal sanctuary into the least profitable zoo of all time. He wishes he could return all the animals to their natural habitats, but he can't afford the space-bus fare. Coby's rich so he decides to drop out of the Imperial Academy and make his way in the universe by traveling around with this old guy he just met. 

 

Jann takes this moment to announce that he has been accepted to the Imperial Academy as well, a lifelong dream that he has talked about many times before, apparently. However, droids are not permitted at the academy, which means, after five long episodes of overthrowing a crime lord, restoring a monarchy, defeating a pirate gang, and joining PETA, it's time to say goodbye. "Once we were droids and master, Threepio, Artoo. We're friends now, and forever," says Jann. He then leaves the droids stranded on Dandelo while the Fuzzums reenact the Ewok victory celebration. The droids are sad to lose their master, but Threepio promises Artoo that they'll look after each other now.

 

Dead lovers salivate, broken hearts tessellate tonight. 

Contrary to my expectations, I really enjoyed this episode. I like Jann Tosh from the early Mon Julpa episodes, but this arc was starting to overstay its welcome. Pairing the droids up with the new character of Coby, a young kid bringing a different dynamic to the table, managed to shake things up a bit before we head into the final story arc of the series. The entire sequence of Coby and the droids chasing the Starhunters across Chuzalla and into space was a lot of fun.

 

But since no one can ever leave well enough alone, the story doesn't end here, but with The Droids Re-Animated revealing that Jann was shot in the back by Rebel terrorists one week after graduating from the academy, leaving him paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a hoverchair. Discharged from the Imperial Army, he's sent back to Tyne's Horky, where he lives with Uncle Gundy until the latter's death ten years later. Plus he never even got to bang Jessica Meade. 

 

So really he would have been better off never leaving home and having this whole adventure to begin with. 

 

Jesus Christ.