Part Two

 

Me: you have sex with a guy from onlien b4?

Ben: Only once.

Ben: I wouldn't recommend it.

Ben: I finished PART TWO of 'SALEM'S LOT.

Me: Jesus how many parts are there?

Ben: Just one more, then the epilogue.

Ben: I'm kind of sad at the abruptness with which the female lead was dispatched, but I'm not sure I expected any better fate for her.

Ben: I guess I'm also a little disappointed that the event should be seen from the point of view of this child who we have invested so little time in.

Ben: I'm still sort of baffled as to why he even included a child in the story

Ben: since he is not in fact a child at all, but a hyper-rational Buddhist monk Mary Sue.

Me: He brought a better stake than that dumb girl did.

Ben: Fat lot of good it did him.

Ben: How the fuck did he expect to get in the window without her being there?

Me: What has happened so far in the story?

Me: How long is part 3?

Ben: It left off with the first chapter from Callahan's point of view, where he visits the schoolteacher in the hospital and agrees to some unknown contract.

Ben: Immediately prior was the scene where the child pulls a Houdini and is tragically just seconds too late to save Susan from suffering an off-screen undeath.

Me: Oh so there's still a ways to go yet.

Ben: Looks like 170 pages or so to go.

Me: Is the doctor's throat still ripped out?

Ben: I think he was fine.

Ben: Somehow.

Ben: They waited around for the sheriff to arrive and interrogate them without suffering any difficulty due to the doctor's wound.

Me: Ben sucked out the poison.

Ben: I think that might have actually happened.

Ben: Was that a joke?

Me: I don't remember.

Me: I think he did something to get the toxins out.

Ben: Maybe he just injected him with holy water.

Ben: Or said a prayer or something.

Me: Yeah I think.

Me: Is the action kicking into high-gear yet?

Ben: The last real action was the child beating Straker with a pipe

Ben: and then running home.

Ben: And then there's a spooky scene where he's being visited by Susan

Ben: who for whatever reason does not just go to his parents' window and use vampire persuasion on them to get into the house.

Ben: But no it is not relentless knuckle-whitening testicle-exploding action at the moment.

Me: Hurry up and get back to the Dark Tower.

Ben: FIRST I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK ABOUT VAMPIRES.

Ben: It will give me unparalleled insight into the journey for the Dartower.

Me: That's true.

Ben: The man in black is actually Straker.

Me: You don't need to spend three months analyzing it though.

Me: The back cover gives away the connection.

Ben: Every Stephen King book that is tangential to the Dark Tower series ends with the man in black being mutilated.

Me: Hahaha.

Ben: Calling it right now.

Ben: He's the hotel chef from THE SHINING.

Ben: And the spider from IT.

Ben: And the author from MISERY.

Me: THIS IS BATTERY ACID, YOU SLIME.