Walking with Cavemen

EPISODE 47: GO WITH THE FLOW

Paul: Episode 47: Go with the Flow

Paul: A mountain's butthole is illuminated at night.

Paul: Then a spooky panther monster wanders around!!

Paul: Oh it's Cheetor.

Paul: The tiny ape kids are cool with Cheetor haha.

Paul: Then there are spiderbots everywhere.

Paul: And then...Cheetor teaches simple machines.

Paul: wut.
 

Paul: Megatron has become a mad scientist as of late and is building his Nth superweapon.

Paul: He used to be a more ACTIVE husband

Paul: 2 me

Paul: His laser fucks up.

Paul: Oops.

Paul: "Aaah, yessss...my destructor ray will destroy them."

Paul: Then...the destructor ray destroys them.

Paul: Comedy gold as all the characters bounce around from ENERGON lightning.

Paul: Then the Maximals crash, and the strangest smoke effect I've ever seen shows up. It's completely incongruous with the animation style.

Paul: hehe

Paul: Hahahaha Megatron trying to direct the cave girl.

Paul: How long do I have to watch this cave girl fall in slow motion?

Paul: hahaha

Paul: FALLING OBJECTS ONCE AGAIN PROVEN THE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS ON EARTH.

Paul: Rattrap saves the day!

Paul: hahahahhahahaha

Paul: Una uses a lever to move a tuna!

Paul: OBLIGATORY DANGEROUS WATERFALL!

Paul: hahaha

Paul: She had pocketed the STABILIZER crystal.

Paul: Cool.

Paul: Yeah that's pretty good.

Me: Megatron’s most ingenious plan yet until his mind-control ray later this season.

Paul: He’s going downhill.

HOW IS ROBOT FORMED

EPISODE 46: PROVING GROUNDS

Paul: The episode begins with an ultrasound of Black Arachnia.

Paul: Yes why not.

Me: She pragnent.

Paul: She got a tiny fetus in her lol.

Paul: Dinobot the Embarrassment is randomly there to stalk her.

Paul: The fact that Bullshit Dinobot is a real character is endlessly disappointing to me.

Paul: haha

Paul: Rattrap is playing an N64.

Paul: Dinobot 2 has a dinosaur egg that shoots lasers. Yes.

Me: They already cloned him once before. The real Dinobot ate him.

Paul: A tree falls toward Dinobot. He steps out of the way.

Paul: Black Arachnia, realizing he can dodge falling objects, the deadliest thing by far in this series: “Uh-oh.”

Paul: Rattrap plays Doom !!

Paul: Emotions are had.

Paul: The end.

Paul: SHE DIDNT TRANSMETSL

Me: Transmetals are so season 2, it’s all about Transmetal 2s now.

Cheetor Stood Stone-Like at Midnight, Suspended in His Masquerade

EPISODE 45: FERAL SCREAM, PART 2

Me: Are you sad to be nearing the end of this great series?

Paul: Why would I be? I have so many other related great series to watch next -- Beast Machines, the live-action Animorphs...

Paul: O.

Paul: O shit.

Paul:

 

Paul: LAST TIME ON BEAST WARS

Paul: Everything I already saw.

Me: Is this FERAL SCREAM PART 2?

Paul: Yes.

Paul: Uuummmm.

Paul: Yet again Cheetor is having the shittiest dream.

Paul: Then morons into a spooky monster.

Paul: Morons = morphd.

Me: I Was a Teenage Were-Transformer

Paul: Haha

Paul: Hahahaha It got Cheetor.

Paul: Optimus Plane is so dumb looking.

Paul: Like comically large.

Me: Hahahaha

Me: Him having four transformations was a big selling point for the toy.

Paul: He’s twenty times bigger than Rattrap.

Paul: Oh shit.

Me: He was mutated by the power of Optimus Prime’s spark!

Paul: Relationship drama.

Paul: Ha yes.

Paul: Um.

Paul: Where the FUCK are Airrazor and Tigertron?!

Me: SPACE.

Paul: It’s been 20 episodes?

Paul: Oh did that happen? They went to space?

Paul: I forget.

Me: The alien flower shot them into space.

Paul: Wut.

Paul: In episode 10.

Paul: They’ve just been in space this whole time.

Me: Tigatron and Airazor are patrolling when, to their delight and surprise, they see a hint of plant life in the form of a drifting seed. They continue to Grid Zeiram, where they discover a clearing full of plant life, an area of natural beauty that wasn't destroyed by the alien attack. Airazor is intrigued by the unique forms of vegetation, so she transforms to get a scan. BIG MISTAKE. Tigatron also transforms. BIG MISTAKE. They both seem to be overcome by it all, and share a brief romantic moment. But as the pair cuddle up, tendrils begin to snake up behind them, and suddenly, the two Maximals are entangled. Amidst their screams, they link hands, telling each other that their sparks will always find each other. As they are abducted, Cheetor flies up and tries to rescue them, but to no avail. He screams in protest as he realises he has lost them.

Paul: The end.

Paul: Dinobot 2 is an embarrassment to the original.

Me: Airazor was made male for the Japanese dub of Beast Wars, but his relationship with Tigatron, up until now, was played platonically. Tigatron was dubbed as a comedic "samurai ronin" stereotype with Airazor being his young "ward" and the two shared a close bond that could be described as brotherly. Completely out of the blue at the beginning of this episode, with absolutely no build-up whatsoever in any of the previous episodes, Airazor begins amorously flirting with Tigatron, calling him petnames like "Ti-chan" and basically acting really, really gay. Tigatron responds to these flirtations with startled and embarrassed admonishments for Airazor to "knock it off" and "be quiet". Eventually, when they're both attacked by the vines, they share pretty much the same romantic dialogue as in the English version, expressing their love for one another. With their romantic relationship having not been established in any way prior to this episode, the "coming out" scene is incredibly random, awkward and bewildering.

Paul: Hahahahaha

Paul: Fuck Japan.

Paul: So D2 cuts Waspinator into ribbons.

Paul: Then O. P. turns into a gorilla again.

Paul: Cool.

Paul: Actually looks good.

Me: Doesn’t he eat a banana
 

Paul: And now Waspinator is just

Paul: just fine again.

Paul: Haha

Paul: Cheetor is now a burly twenty-something!

Paul: Hahaha

Paul: But still ridiculous.

Paul: He’s sooo cool.

Me: He has an edgy goatee now.

Paul: Um.

Paul: Speaking of last-minute gay.

Paul: Optimus the father figure commingles his spark with Cheetor’s to set him free from his breast self.

Paul: Beast.

Paul: And now Cheetor is embarrassed haha.

Paul: Also my phone now has Cheetor in its spellcheck dictionary...

Me:

 

 
Paul: I can’t wait for Black Arachnia’s new bod.

Me: Next episode is about her I think.

Paul: omg yes

Gods and Monsters

EPISODE 44: FERAL SCREAM, PART 1

Paul: Okay so

Paul: um

Paul: Megatron is quoting the Tempest??

Paul: Idk it sounded like Billy Shakes.

Paul: And he's going to Frankenstein clone Dinobot!!

Paul: haha

Paul: k.

Me: Waspinator is Fritz/Igor for no reason.

Paul: Yes!!

Paul: That's pretty funny.

Paul: I like the classic 30' lightning rod as well.

Me: Transmetal 2 Dinobot is so cool.

Me: I had the toy of him.

Paul: He seems to be a mindless brute.

Paul: Man, this might be an even nastier thing to do to a character than dropping them in lava and never speaking of them again.

Me: Hahaha

Me: He has a laser monocle!

Paul: Um Cheetor was knocked into the science machine and died.

Paul: Died the way he lived: being a dumbass.

Paul: More likely he has a new Transmetal form haha.

Me: Look hotheaded teens make bad decisions.

Me: Fact of life no matter what planet you’re from.

Paul: Even Aximili Esgarroth Isthil.

Paul: Black Spidernia caught the magic beach ball before it fell into the volcano!!

Paul: I LIKE having a dubious schemer with the Maximals.

Paul: Hahaha now Cheeotr is the Black Panther!

Paul: Daang.

Paul: And he's SUPER STRONG.

Paul: Except Cheetor then shows up at the end.

Me: No that’s an unrelated monster that happened to show up after Cheetor disappears.

Paul: what.

Paul: Dang it, I wanted Cheetor to get badass.

Paul: It's Cheetor DARK HALF.

Me: Cheetor must overcome his Jungian shadow-self.

There He Is, My Little Guy

EPISODE 43: CUTTING EDGE

Paul: Episode 43

Paul: CUTTING EDGE

Paul: haha

Paul: hahahahahahaha

Paul: Holy shit.

Paul: Where do I start?

Paul: Okay so in the first 3 minutes

Paul: early man is as ugly as fuck and picking flowers, then is ATTACKED by a ROBOT DINOSAUR.

Paul: Then the dinosaur has LASER EYE-BEAMS.

Paul: Then it tries to EAT THE KIDS and the little girl screams for a solid hour.

Paul: And they it is defeated by the Maximals and also the ancient Beastwarian custom of a comical rock comically falling on somebody.

Paul: I never knew ancient Earth had so many structurally unsound rock formations!

Paul: jesus chriiiiiiiist

Me: There he is my little guy

Me: Isn’t he cute

Paul: The new dinobots?

Paul: Sexual harassment lol

Paul: Fucking Cheetor haha.

Me: It’s ok they’re robots, they don’t really have gender.

Paul: Cheetor wants to get her to cheaaattt.

Paul: Also he's goony af.

Paul: As flan.

Paul: Um also the only woman got the childcare job, hahaha.
 

Paul: I love Megatron's fucking voice.

Paul: Did that actor do anything else?

Me: He’s read Star Trek audiobooks!

Paul: ?!

Paul: Cry 'Havoc!,' and let slip the dogs of war!

Paul: Hahahaha!

Paul: Jesus crhsit this guy

Paul: Was he a Shakespearean actor?

Me: He and Optimus Primal also did the voices for Megatron and Optimus Prime in the three follow-up unrelated Transformers anime dubs.

Me: Idk I think he just does general voiceover work.

Paul: Lol Megatron uses the distraction created by the exterior attack to draw ppl away from the base and take it.

Paul: I have wondered why he hasn't done this...only every episode.

Paul: Quickstrike is an awful character.

Paul: Well really, at this point the designs are all equally hideous.

Paul: Okay he is punched by a comically large metal fist booby trap.

Paul: Then stars float around his head...

Paul: I viscerally hate America.

Paul: The stars are ANIMATED in 3D.

Paul: God.

Me: It’s a cartoon!

Paul: There he is my little guy

Paul: Isn't he cute

Paul: What is that?

Paul: haha

Paul: Cartoons are satanic.

Me: I have no idea

Paul: That's awesome though.

Paul: What a fucking random thing to say.

Paul: All the random for being so boring.

Paul: And then...ATTACK THE CYBER CONTROLS.

Paul: THAT'S WHERE THEY'RE VULNERABLE.

Paul: Of course.

Paul: ha

Paul: The Cheetor love thing is physcially painful to me.

Me: Bruh have you seen her polygons.

Me: Dammmmmmn.

Me: Dinobot was Piccolo on DBZ.

Paul: Hahahahahaha

Paul: Who else could he have been?

Sphere

EPISODE 42: CHANGING OF THE GUARD

Paul: Watching this show and realizing this whole half-assed creepy chintzy toy line was a Japanese invention, I find a new appreciation for Blade Runner.

Paul: They really were terrifying.

Me: The original car/plane Transformers were Japanese. Not sure but I think Beast Wars was an “Xtreme 90s” American invention.

Me: At the very least it was the only time they had animal Transformers headlining the franchise, then they went back to cars/planes and the cartoons were all terrible animes.

Paul: Idk man Optimus Primal is now simply a jet.

Paul: He went from gorilla to gorilla with jets to simply a jet.

Paul: Yeah I watched a tiny bit of the original TF and it sucked.

Me: He still has a gorilla form there’s just no practical reason for him to ever use it so I think you only see it once.

Me: 80s TF cartoon is my favorite toy commercial.

Me: Like 40 characters on each side and the only interesting ones are Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream, Soundwave, and the Dinobots.

Paul: Oh were there Dinobots in the original?

Me: They were robotic dinosaurs, not realistic looking like BW Dinobot.

Paul: Haha

Paul: Did they SAVE MAN?

Me: They were also [exceptional individuals] because the Autobots designed them based on real dinosaurs.

Paul: Hahahahaha

Paul: Hahahahahaha

Paul: As attack-dogs?

Me: They saved the Autobots multiple times because they were the biggest and strongest even though Optimus Prime wanted to euthanize them for being too stupid and violent.

Me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-aTbHsZJ9g

Paul: rattrap go in ball

Paul: find spaceship!

Paul: I was hoping for a sea monster instead of Rampage.

Paul: I have thalassophobia and was nervous throughout the whole underwater sequence.

Paul: I love/hate deep sea stuff.

Paul: Dude, have you played Subnautica?

Paul: Holy fucking shit.

Me: I played BIOSHOCK.

Me: But I haven’t seen THE ABYSS.

Paul: Bioshock was good.

Paul: Abyss was meh.

Me: Dude maybe Rampage is the monsters.

Me: “Water: it’s fucking scary!” — Mr. Plinkett

Paul: DEPTH CHARGE has a LASER KNIFE!

Paul: WOOw

Paul: Poor Waspinator lol.

Paul: He just wants a vacation.

Paul: Dude if I were writing this show

Paul: I'd have Optimus Primal be nice to Waspinator, and Waspinator decide the outcome of the final battle by switching sides.

Paul: I still cannot FUCKING believe that they killed Terrorsaur and Scorponok without a WORD.

Paul: Whaaaaaaaat?!

Paul: Just, so weird.

Paul: Inferno goes the macguffin using the secret power of all ants: a tree.

Paul: HAHA??E

Paul: Rattrap uses a fucking CYBER FISHING ROD to save the day.

Paul: Oh it was his tail.

Paul: Apparently.

Paul: So 90's.

Paul: Well now Depth Charge is on the team.

Paul: Him and his fucking gun shaped like a shark.

Paul: I would've preferred a shark who talked like a pirate and was named "Loose Cannon."

Me: Depth Charge is a loner who has to learn to work as part of a team.

The Abyss

EPISODE 31: DEEP METAL

Paul: Ep. 41 DEEP METAL

Paul: They will go underwater?

Paul: Awesome.

Paul: I love underwater shit.

Paul: Also dinosaurs will fight humans.

Paul: Aka ape-bros.

Me: Depth Charge is a cool character but not sure he listens to enough thrash metal.

Paul: A wasp-looking guy shows up

Paul: and falls into a Sario Rip.

Paul: What is Depth Charge?

Paul: Some kind of bad-ass fish??

Paul: His spaceship has taken like an hour to crash.

Paul: Meanwhile Inferno is commically hit w/ rokk!!

Paul: It crashes in the sea.

Paul: So a crab and a fish can fight!

Paul: Hardcore.

Paul: Oh it's a BAD-ASS MANTA RAY!!

Paul: Hahahaha

Paul: It can LAUNCH A SHARK.

Paul: Also it can fly.

Paul: Is Depth Charge the new edgy Maximal, now that Dinobot is dead?

Paul: Bahaha

Paul: His fucking backstory oh god.

Paul: Rattrap: "Who is this herring?"

Paul: Yessss.

Paul: Rattrap: "Soooo he's got a lot of angst."

Paul: Hahahaha!!

Paul: "What's with him?" Rattrap: "Eh, probably rushed."

Paul: The best!

Paul: Then spaceship blow up.

Paul: What WILL DEATH CARRIAGE DO

Paul: Will he KILL RAMPAPE?

Paul: Will he DIE?

Paul: Or will he fight to a draw as always and then stick around to sell toyz?

Paul: These damn Japanese have ruined America.