* I hate when subtitles caption nondiegetic music. Like who does this help.
* Murderess Mae throws a thing onto one of those sentinel robots Jabba the Hutt had, causing it to short circuit, and for some reason this opens the front door of the Jedi Temple on planet Olega.
* Mae goes inside and tries to pick a fight with some Jedi who is floating in the air meditating. He doesn't acknowledge her presence but she's unable to land a hit on him because the Force repels her every strike. Finally, a cool Jedi!
* Eventually Mae's presence is detected and she has to flee with her tail between her legs.
* Meanwhile Osha is explaining her job as a "meknek" to Squid Game's new Padawan, the little kid in Halloween makeup. Face Paint says she thought only astromech droids could repair starships. Osha replies, "I'm better company than a droid. And way more flexible." Uh, okay, groomer.
* I'm sure she is flexible, though.
* Shocked to learn that this cutie pie was that little girl who died in The Hungry Games. What asshole hair stylist gave her those awful dread-bangs she has on The Acolyte?
* In the hallway, Haircut insists to Squid Game that Osha is still guilty and is probably in cahoots with her evil twin. Oh so he's like a dumbass.
* Green Lady contacts the gang by hologram and diverts them to Olega to investigate the assassination attempt on Jedi Master Torbin Bell.
* Mae meets up with her friend Qimir Rouge and complains that she failed to murder a guy. This tweaker is like a master poisoner apparently and he prepares a concoction to kill Torbin. Mae says she still has two more Jedi to kill after him.
* Squid Game questions Osha about her new tramp stamp. I saw somebody gushing on Twitter about how it "fucks" that Star Wars characters have tattoos now. Um...
* The Squid Gang arrives at the temple on Olega at the exact same time Mae is making her second assassination attempt. What a coincidence.
* Mae tells Torbin to confess his crime to the Jedi Council or else she will poison him to death, which prompts him to come out of his meditative trance. "Forgive me," he says, and chugs the hemlock like a bitch.
* What happens next is very confusing. So Squid Game has already told the temple gatekeepers that he's an old friend of Master Torbin and asked to see him. As Torbin is talking to Mae, the gang is following the gatekeepers through the temple hallways, presumably on their way to meet with Torbin. Osha sees the de-aged ghost of her not-dead sister again and follows it off down a branching hallway. She then somehow gets to Torbin's room before the other Jedi, who then arrive to find her standing over the body and immediately blame her for the murder.
* How did she beat them there? Were they taking the scenic route? Why are they immediately suspicious of her when she was with them on a different planet when the original assassination attempt took place?
* Then Haircut comes in and vouches for her, claiming he was following her the whole time and she didn't do it. If there's one thing I love more than artificial drama it's instant conflict resolution!
* The Jedi deduce that the poison must have come from the local apothecary, but when they survey it they spy Mae's friend the poisoner. "I don't know who that guy is!" says some fat Jedi.
* Face Paint suggests that Osha pretend to be Mae and get Qimir Rouge to spill his guts, which works. The Jedi bust in to arrest him and Haircut may be a dumbass with a ridiculous haircut but I like how the actor does this cool flourish with his lightsaber every time he takes it out. I know if I were a Jedi I'd always be doing the same thing.
* Mae says she'll take down her evil twin but Squid Game says "No, I must face her alone." It's like they're in some kind of star war or something!
* Squid Game accuses Mae of being full of anger and wanting revenge. "Look what revenge has done to your sister!" he says. For some reason Mae doesn't say "Wait, revenge for what? Wasn't she the one who started the fire that killed our gay moms? Why would she want revenge on the Jedi? What aren't you telling me, Master Squid Game?"
* That night, Squid Game confronts Mae on the street when she returns to the apothecary. Maybe not the best idea to have this confrontation on a public street with civilians walking around but what do I know.
* [thrilling music playing]
* Mae starts punching at Squid Game but he effortlessly blocks all of her blows and takes her knives away because she sucks.
* Squid Game reads her mind and realizes that even she doesn't know the identity of the Sith Lord who trained her.
* "Your thoughts go to your sister," he says. "My sister is deeeeeeeeeeeaaaaddd!" she replies. Then she telekinetically throws up a big cloud of dust and escapes.
* She hover-carjacks some guy and is about to make her getaway when BAM somehow Osha is standing right there! In shock, Mae utters her sister's childhood nickname, "OshKosh B'gosh." Osha shoots at her and misses and Mae gets away.
* Comical incompetent fatass Jedi is supposed to be keeping an eye on Qimir but he looks away to check out some chick and Qimir escapes with Mae. He tells her that he knows the location of Kelnacca, the Wookiee Jedi who is next on Mae's hit list: the planet Khofar, of course!
* In the cliffhanger for this episode, we cut to Khofar and see Kelnacca walking around. Yup, he's... he's there all right.
*
I saw people saying this episode was way better than the first one, but
was it really? Neither was bad but this didn't feel like some kind of
major uptick. I guess it was slightly better in that it had a couple of
cool fight scenes (or "fight" scene in the case of the one-sided Torbin
brawl), but nothing really worth raving about.
* So having now watched the two episodes that were out when media critic Alan Sepinwall broke embargo and posted his (now mysteriously edited) Rolling Stone review of The Acolyte early, I can address his two major points of criticism that drew the Internet's ire:
1) "Charlie Barnett is Yord, a Jedi nerd with an unfortunate rooster haircut."
It's true, all of it.
2) "Lee Jung-jae, the Emmy-winning star of Squid Game, isn't fluent in English, and as a result his line readings can be halting at times."
Absolutely not true, he's the best actor on the show and his "line readings" are fine.
*
Also I really dislike the Mae character. I feel like her story will go
one of two ways: when they inevitably reveal what crime the Jedi
committed and covered up to set her on her path of revenge, it will
either justify her actions, in which case the Jedi will be shown to be
corrupted by institutional rot like a century too early, or it won't
justify her actions, in which case she'll still come across as a
violent, psychotic murderer but we'll likely be expected to sympathize
with her and root for her redemption. Only time will tell!
* 6.5/10
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