Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Why NBC's 'Community' Deserves a Second Chance

 
Real talk: season four of Community was not very good. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather watch Abed Nadir hallucinate Muppet Babies parodies or Jeff Winger hit on Caprica Six by impersonating a praying mantis creature than catch even the end credits of most of today's multi-camera comedies, but the first two seasons of Community are nearer and dearer to my heart than perhaps any show I have ever watched.

Obviously new showrunners David Guarascio and Moses Port had some big shoes to fill.

And here’s the thing: I’m willing to let them have this one. Community was one of those rare shows that put its best foot forward directly out of the gate. It’s faltered since, and it will never be that good again, but by all rights it never should have been that good to begin with. Fellow Comedy-Night-Done-Right shows The Office, 30 Rock, and Parks and Recreation debuted with weak, forgettable first seasons, only to increase their quality a thousandfold their sophomore year. From a production standpoint, season four of Community was in many ways a massive reset button being hit on the show. Dan Harmon had steered his ship into rough waters, and instead of trusting their talented but eccentric captain to bring them safely home, his investors turned on him, throwing him overboard and replacing him with two new co-captains who had never before set foot on this bridge.

For the first half of the season, they floundered, and May 9’s season finale was a disappointment on almost every level it’s still possible to be disappointed by this show. But during the five episodes in between, from “Herstory of Dance” to “Heroic Origins,” Community 2.0 started to come into its own, to recapture some of that old spark that had burned so brightly in seasons one and two. Guarascio and Port will never be Dan Harmon; their biggest mistake was trying to be. They know that now, and their ability to right their sinking ship mid-season speaks only good of what they could accomplish a year out from Harmon’s formidable umbra.

Do I suspect some miraculous turnaround, an unprecedented rise in quality to match or exceed the Harmon Era? Of course not. The show has gone on too long and lost too much to behind-the-scenes drama and politics to ever again become its ideal self. But nor am I ready to throw in the towel and be satisfied with the adventures of the Greendale 7 ending on an image of two evil doppelgangers from a parallel reality. That’s just silly. So I’m going to call a mulligan on season four; I think the new showrunners have earned that, if nothing else. After all, the first season of even Seinfeld is almost unwatchable compared to what it would eventually become.

Obviously, not everyone is going to be in favor of granting amnesty. Before Community’s renewal for a fifth season was announced, Maureen Ryan of The Huffington Post wrote an article called “‘Community’ Season Finale Should Be Its Series Finale: Why Some Shows Need To Die.” Supposedly, this was an argument in favor of Community’s cancellation due to its declining quality, but the article itself offers very little specific reasoning for this beyond the author's dislike of the season finale. Mostly it just serves as a sounding board for Ryan’s belief that some shows deserve to be forcibly euthanized. A fine topic for an opinion piece, perhaps. But why pick on Community specifically if you’re not going to make a specific argument?

The one line in particular that jumped out at me was when Ryan admits, “I was a ‘Community’ doubter until Season 3’s ‘Remedial Chaos Theory’ turned me into a full-fledged fan.” Now, “Remedial Chaos Theory” is a great episode. But if a show takes 53 episodes to catch your interest, how interested in it can you really be? Community fans are uniquely possessive of their show, a survival mechanism honed by years of schedule tampering and dwindling viewership, and my gut reaction was to dismiss Ryan as not a “true fan.” That attitude, however, is both unfair and unworthy. It’s up to the individual to define the qualifications for his or her fandom, and I would no sooner deny Maureen Ryan’s claim to be a fan of Community than I would refuse someone who only likes Return of the Jedi the right to call herself a Star Wars fan.

That said, I don’t understand the rationale of someone who appears to be a fan of only one quarter of the show at best (and a single episode at worst) deciding that the show should end because it no longer meets her personal niche of standards. There are levels of fandom, and while there’s nothing wrong with the casual fan who watches infrequently, didn’t really care about the show until season three, and even then didn’t care about it enough to go back and watch the episodes she’d missed, this is not the type of fan who is qualified to say what Community should be and when it is no longer capable of living up to that ideal.

Ryan even admits that, if Community is renewed (which it since has been), she can just stop watching it. This line of thought should have been the end of the matter. In a 2011 article where she asks fans to recommend the best episodes because she doesn’t have time to watch them all, Ryan confesses that the shows she favors “aren’t usually obsessed with meta-commentary and often aim for emotional immediacy and aesthetic realism.” She classified Community as “Has its merits but just not for me” and stopped watching halfway through the second season. She wrote a letter to NBC Chairman Robert Greenblatt protesting Community’s midseason removal from the 2011-2012 schedule not because she loved the show, but because she admired how much other people loved it. And now that she has again lost interest in a show that was never really to her tastes in the first place, she’s calling for it to be canceled without even the dignity of a real finale. She can always stop watching; why should the fans who loved the show for years before it caught her interest be forced to do the same?

I say all this not to attack Ryan’s credentials as a fan or as a TV critic, but to point out the untenability of her position on Community. I don’t deny that she is, or was, a fan of the show, but it’s clear that it was never special to her. She may have enjoyed it, even loved it on occasion, but it was never hers. If it was, she wouldn’t have been so reluctant to embrace it, and so quick to cast it aside. Community fans are possessive; they support their show with such ferocity not because it’s their underdog cause of the week, but because it’s their show, just as surely as it was Dan Harmon’s. Like the Greendale 7, Community and its fans are a group of oddballs who found one another fumbling in the void, and, against all odds, came together to create something special, and to recognize something special inside each other. Fan is short for fanatic, after all. From what she’s written about the show, it seems that the strongest feeling Maureen Ryan ever had about it was that it needs to die.

In an episode from early season two, an episode which Ryan must have seen but found unremarkable, Pierce’s mother admonishes him, in a message from beyond the grave, “Life is only worth a damn because it’s short. It’s designed to be consumed, used, spent, lived, felt. We’re supposed to fill it with every mistake and miracle we can manage, and then we’re supposed to let go. I can’t force you to do that for yourself, Pierce, but you can’t force me to stay.” I don’t want Community to last forever. Despite the occasional moments of brilliance it still musters, it will never again be as special or meaningful as it once was; the magic of the Harmon Era is irrecoverable. But I want all those miracles and mistakes, and to watch the study group experience them in that special place where they found each other and invited us to become part of their community. Guarascio and Port deserve a second chance, and Community deserves more than to be shot in the back of the head, pushed into a shallow grave, and forgotten. It deserves an ending.

Six seasons and a movie sounds about right.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Its Emptiness was Absolute

Ben: Who the fuck is this Callahan guy, is this a reference to something?

Me: I think the darman poured poison sand in his ear one time.

Ben: In all honesty I've forgotten absolutely everything about this character, including why he got on that bus in the first place.

Me: Don't worry, Stephen King recaps 'Salem's Lot later in the book.

Ben: Why the fuck did I read the book then?!?

Me: Summaries can't compare to the full story!

Me: I guess you could have skipped the first four books and just read the recap at the beginning of Wolves though.

Ben: No, because then I would never have begun to nurture this burning hatred of Susannah.

Me: You fucking racist.

Ben: I don't hate black people, I just hate Stephen King's black people.

Me: What about Stephen King's black women?

Ben: I also happen to hate Stephen King's women. Susannah never even had a chance.

Ben: "He felt like a character in a silly festival play, saved at the last moment by some improbable supernatural intervention."

Me: Stephen King summarizes all of his books.

#02 The Visitor

Narrator: Rachel
Cover tagline: No one knows who they are.
Interior tagline: Nine lives are better than one….
“My Name Is...”: My name is Rachel.
Page count: 175
Publication date: June 1996 (first edition), May 2011 (re-release)

Publisher’s description:
If someone told you Earth was under a silent attack, there’s a good chance you’d think they were pretty strange. If that same person said Earth’s only means of defense depends on the actions and powers of five kids, you’d probably start to look for a quick exit. Guess what? It’s all true.

Rachel and her friends knew they were in for some pretty strange stuff from the very beginning. How often do you run into a dying alien who gives you the power to morph into any animal you touch? But that was before they knew what they would be up against. Now they know. And they know what they have to do. Before it’s too late . . .

* Okay so that summary gives absolutely no information about the plot of this book. Already I am intrigued.

* This time we open up with “My name is Rachel.” Like Jake, she won’t tell us her last name, or the name of her town, school, or state. In fact, whenever she does use a last name, she assures us that it’s a fake. Except I think she forgot to run a find and replace command before going to print because Chapman’s name is still Chapman when he appears in books not narrated by the Animorphs. Whoops.

* I said last time that Rachel was the least developed character. Since this entire book is from her point of view, we should hopefully learn a little more about her, like when Tobias challenges her to a flying race and she tells us that she usually doesn’t turn down a challenge. Unless the challenge is not leaving Jake to be killed by monsters in a construction site, right, Rachel?

* REVERSE FORESHADOWING (POSTSHADOWING?) ALERT: “Tobias was the smoothest flyer. That was partly because red-tailed hawks are natural acrobats. Partly it was because Tobias had much more practice flying than the rest of us./

“Too much practice.”

* Um why is this written like it’s a secret setting up for some reveal? We already know he’s a bird. That happened in the last book. Focus, K.A.!

* Anyway the kids are all testing out their new bird morphs that they got from Cassie’s barn. Rachel is a bald eagle, Jake is a peregrine falcon, and Marco and Cassie both morphed the same osprey. Um, why? Couldn’t one of them have been a little more original?

* They come across some teenagers drinking beer in a pickup truck who start shooting at them, as teenagers are wont to do. Rachel tells us that Tobias “has special reasons for disliking anyone who would shoot at a bird.” Can we put this dog to bed yet? SPOILER ALERT he’s a bird.

* The Animorphs decide to take revenge on these teenage creeps by circling around behind them in the forest and divebombing them out of the trees. If Rachel hits one of the trees at that speed, “[she] was Spam.” I don’t even know what kind of reference to count that as.

* They steal the teenagers’ gun and beer and Tobias almost scalps one of the kids with his talons, because if there’s anything the Animorphs hate more than alien invasions, it’s underage drinking. Chester, who you know is a creep because he has a ponytail, says, “That ain’t right. It ain’t right that no bird should take my rifle like that.” Which is possibly the greatest line in any work of young adult fiction. Despite clearly climaxing here, however, the book goes on for another 164 pages for some reason.

* Rachel dumps the rifle “about a mile out in the ocean.” Fortunately for Rachel’s attempts to disguise her location, every state in America is bordered by an ocean.

* The Animorphs return to the bell tower of an abandoned church, where they left all their clothes and shoes. “Ay, nyew donk luk so good yourself, Rachel,” Marco says, his mouth distorted by growing out of a beak. Clearly he said, “Hey, you don’t look so good yourself, Rachel,” but because we are all idiots, Rachel has to clarify this for us immediately afterward.

* Every book in the series begins with a multi-page summary of the Yeerk invasion and the Animorphs meeting Elfangor and getting the morphing power, because you never know, maybe some poor kid will want to start reading with book #54. But when Rachel gets to the part where Visser Three eats Elfangor alive, she says, “You know what? I really don’t want to talk about that. . . . You’ll have to ask Jake.” Damn you for promoting the other books in your own series, K.A. Applegate!

Star Trek references: “The steel door opened. It slid into the wall like the doors on Star Trek.”

Lord of the Rings references: “She looks like one of those solemn elves in a Tolkien book.”

’90s references: Itchy and Scratchy

Animatopoeia:
Zzzziiinnnngggg!
Zziiiinnnnngggg!

Zoom. ZOOM!
Zoom!
SAWWWAPP!
Crash!
C-R-R-R-U-N-C-H!
B-O-O-O-O-M!
Slam!

Monday, April 1, 2013

I Just Didn't Want to Be a Loser Anymore

Ben: I will give you my current page number.

Ben: OK sorry apparently they didn't bother to number the pages in the foreword.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

First Comes Smiles

Ben: What comes after AMNESIA? Is it THE TALISMAN or is it WOLVES OF THE CALLA?

Me: WOLFS. Then I think you alternate between Dartower and non-Dartower.

Ben: Why does the table of contents to WOLFS use the same goofy font as the HARRY POTTER chapter titles?

Me: You're going to find out.

Ben: It seems that Stephen King is so starved for beginning-of-chapter quotes that he has been reduced to quoting his own books.

Me: Did he say something about the hand of God?

Ben: "First comes smiles, then lies. Last is gunfire." ~Roland Deschain, of Gilead

Me: These are the most important books of all time, Ben.

Ben: They're certainly the last books I will ever read, at this rate.

Me: Have you read nothing else in the last three years?

Ben: *SOB* 

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Mem-o-rees

Me: You got the taste in u boy, that evil got in and it aint never a comin' out.

Ben: Did you enjoy Keyboard Ron?
 

Me: Sometimes I wake up in the night and I can't move and I just see him sitting on my chest. 

Ben: Playing your face with his stick arms. 

Ben: Staring into you with those dead eyes. 

Me: Why did you have Christmas a month late? 

Ben: Uh because I had to hold off for Chinese New Year. 

Ben: Respect my heritage, you sack of shit. 

Me: China is the most evil country in the world right now. 

Me: Anyone decent is boycotting that shit. 

Ben: Lol good luck with that strategy. 

Ben: When the invasion comes I'll be sure to show them this chat log. 

Me: I've been preparing for Red Dawn all my life.
 
Ben: Oh speaking of the Dark Tower. 

Ben: J/K how about that Insomnia review. 

Me: That book was fucking boring. 

Me: I would have liked it if it was 50% shorter. 

Me: The last half was good, most of the first half was just old people and abortion.

Ben: God damn you.

Ben: The first half was the good half, the second half was just the typical Stephen King bullshit buffet. 

Me: Hahahaha. 

Me: I'm a catfish in your mother's nightgown. 

Ben: Man I hope when we finally meet the Crimson King he hasn't yet changed out of that disguise. 

Ben: I mean, the... Something King. 

Ben: Sadly I can't misremember his name anymore because I've been listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlNantlznCA&list=FLjxlsFYLqndkgqdPKVq95DQ a lot lately. 

Me: Good fucking song. 

Ben: Do you think there's some kind of connection between this song and Stephen King? 

Ben: Anwaya 

Ben: Playa 

Ben: == Spanish for beach. 

Ben: Where was I? 

Ben: There's a theme lurking in here. 

Ben: Which is 

Ben: that Stephen King likes to imagine really interesting premises and then drowns them in stupidity. 

Ben: But gradually. 

Ben: It sneaks up on you. 

Ben: You don't realize how stupid it is until you're all the way through. 

Ben: I really wish it took more cues from the movie. 

Me: Did you skip the chapter where Robin Williams jumps over a pile of logs? 

Ben: That's like my favorite scene. 

Ben: I think. 

Ben: It's honestly the only scene that I remember. 

Ben: So it must be my favorite. 

Me: What was the interesting premise and what was the stupidity? 

Ben: Just this old guy slowly going insane from the insomnia. 

Ben: And the potential ambiguity of whether or not all these events are just the mad, fevered dreams of a wasting mind. 

Ben: But no it was little space aliens from another dimension. 

Ben:  Sorry. 

Ben: An upper floor. 

Ben: Would have been better if it was a spider. 

Ben: There better not be a spider at the end of this series. 

Ben: I will set your books on fire. 

Me: But they needed to save the magic kid to defeat the Bulldozer King. 

Ben: I'll give you this. 

Ben: It was the best book yet written that has actually involved the Dark Tower. 

Me: This was your favorite book so far?? 

Ben: No. 

Ben: It was the only book yet written that has actually involved the Dark Tower. 

Ben: Listen you can't just call the series "The Dark Tower" and then see the Tower three times in the exact same rose dream. 

Ben: It's like if you never actually ever met Harry Potter until The Order of the Phoenix. 

Ben: Sirius falls through the mirror and then Harry walks around from behind and is like "Hi I’m Harry Potter, what did I miss?" 

Ben: "You missed the entire fucking series, you asshole." 

Ben: So in short Stephen King is like the writers of Lost in that he likes to think of potentially interesting premises and then overextend and fail to deliver. 

Ben: Except unlike the writers of Lost he never wrote the character of Daniel. 

Ben: Or Dingo. 

Ben: Or Charlie's baby. 

Ben: Anyway. 

Ben: When is DARTOWER IIX coming out? 

Me: Didn't Stephen King die yet? 

Me: What are your impressions of the Crimson Catfish as the incarnate evil of the Stephen King mythos? 

Me: How can Roland defeat him if he doesn't bring a fishhook?

Ben: "Didn't Stephen King die yet?" 

Ben: I want this on my tombstone. 

Ben: How can Roland beat him when he doesn't bring magical space aliens and unexplained old men and deus ex machina emerald golems? 

Me: Roland was in this book. 

Ben: I hope he was the unexplained old man. 

Ben: Living out his life after his quest was complete. 

Me: No the story cut to him in the desert during the first Dartower book at one point. 

Me: Do you need to reread it? 

Ben: ... 

Ben: FUCK. 

Ben: Maybe I caught that reference. 

Me: It's towards the end after Ed Deepthroat and the Caterpillar King have been vanquished. 

Ben: I guess not. 

Ben: Give me a page number. 

Me: You have the book you asshole. 

Ben: Right you dumbass how would I look up the page without the book. 

Me: 617 right before subchapter 6. 

Ben: That's a pretty shitty cameo. 

Ben: Like, omg do we really need another reminder that this book makes absolutely no sense to anyone who hasn't read the previous shoebox? 

Me: Hahahaha. 

Me: Work on your reading comprehension. 

Me: This series is all about the connections! 

Ben: Where the fuck are you, Callahan? 

Ben: WHRARYOU 

Me: Did you see BATMAN 3: DARKNIGHTER yet? 

Ben: Yeah 

Me: It was okay. 

Me: Kinda lame that Batman's career lasted like a year and a half though. 

Ben: Uh like 10 years. 

Ben: He was just a cripple for 9 of them. 

Me: He was sad for 8 years. 

Ben: He's been sad his entire life, you asshole. 

Ben: MY PARENTS ARE DEEEAAAAAAD

Ben: Remember that time I came up to you and put my gum in your hair? 

Ben: Good times. 

Me: Then spat water in my face in subzero temperatures. 

Ben: Then broke all your fingers. 

Me: Then broke Tim's spine. 

Ben: Then made sweet love to your brother. 

Ben: That's why he always so quiet around me. 

Me: Why would you lie with him? 

Ben: So that I could stew in my own... concoctions.

Me: SO BEN HOW MANY STARS DO YOU GIVE INSOMNIA? 

Ben: Ummmm. 

Ben: Eight stars. 

Ben: There is no upper end of this scale. 

Me: The sky's the limit. 

Ben: All paths lead to the Dark Tower. 

Me: Hurry and start WEREWOLVES OF THE CALLIOPE. 

Me: You have dallied too long. 

Ben: Hold on first I need to reread THE STAND to make sure that I didn't miss any crucial Dartower connexions. 

Me: Yeah Randall Munroe is going to come back with his army of Bronze-Age Ethiopians any time now. 

Ben: He's playing the long game. 

Ben: He's going to evolve those tribesmen into the master race. 

Me: Spoiler alert they will never be mentioned again.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I Hope I Won't Forget You

Me: Isn't People's Choice Awards where Rosie O'Donnell gives someone an orange blimp and then they get slime dumped on them?

Ben: No you're thinking of the Kids' Choice Awards. Kids aren't people.

Me: Rpatz/Kstew Best Kiss 5 years running.

Ben: TRAMPIRE.

Ben: How was the final installment?

Ben: Did it change the feel of the movie at all knowing that the actors really hate each other in real life?

Me: It was a transcendent theater experience, being simultaneously the best and the worst film in the series.

Ben: I heard that Lucille Ball and the lady who played Ethel actually hated each other irl.

Ben: Totally changed the feel of the show.

Me: OH MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO ME!

Ben: I know right?

Ben: Can't even bring myself to watch Lucy any more.

Me: You shit.

Me: Ask your mom if she wants 11 seasons of I Love Lucy on DVD.

Ben: I'm refusing in her absence.

Ben: Anyway you'll have to ask me about INSOMNIA after I get back from exchanging Christmas gifts.

Ben: Don't forget this time.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Oh So We're Still Talking About This Book Are We

 

Ben: Oh also I finished INSOMNIA so you should get online so you can receive my synopsis  

Me: Hurry up, bitch

Ben: Yes, heaven forbid I tarry wrt INSOMNIA

Monday, December 24, 2012

Gondor Needs No King

Ben: I’ve gotten about 70 pages further into INSOMNIA tonight. it is my go-to distraction from familial interaction  

Me: Did the plot start happening yet?  

Ben: Not sure but I’m finding it rather enjoyable  

Me: Explain  

Ben: I feel like stephen is actually doing a good job with the supernatural bullshit in this one. Doing a good job of portraying a suffering character who can’t ever be sure that what’s happening to him isn’t just a slow descent into insanity  

Me: But they’re so old  

Ben: Also notable for the fact that this is the first old main character in the history of literature  

Me: Aragorn in lotr is like 600 years old  

Ben: Aragorn isn’t the main character you fuck

Friday, December 7, 2012

HELP OMG PORN

Ben: 1) There is a nerd gift-giving party happening right now oh my god and 2) my dad is a republican.

Me: Omg are you there right now?  

Ben: No but I will probably swing by in a bit. I am reading INSOMNIA  

Me: Keep an eye out for gay porn (as you are wont to do)  

Ben: Oh don't worry.