The Pirates of Tarnoonga: A Droid Adventure

The Pirates of Tarnoonga

Author: Ellen Weiss

Illustrator: Carter Concepts, Inc.

Medium: Picture book

Publication Date: June 1986

Timeline Placement: 15 BBY

 

An adaptation of the seventh episode of Droids, "The Pirates of Tarnoonga," the third part of a five-episode story arc. Picking up after Mon Julpa has reclaimed his throne, we find Jann Tosh and his droids aiding the new king of Tammuz-an with a space fuel delivery. Roving pirates have repeatedly intercepted all shipments of fuel to Tammuz-an, creating a crisis on the planet where they apparently cannot power a single spacecraft to defend their world. To trick the pirates, the latest fuel shipment has been hidden aboard "an innocent-looking skybus" while Jann flies cover in an A-wing. The droids are stationed aboard an empty decoy fuel transporter piloted by Jessica Meade, a badass tramp freighter captain who, as the female lead of these episodes, suffers the unfortunate fate of being repeatedly kidnapped and gooned over by various ne'er-do-wells throughout this arc.

 

Jessica Meade (left), alias "Old Iron Pants" because of her fat ass.

I know what you're thinking: how can Jann be flying an A-wing if, according to West End Games' Rebel Alliance Sourcebook, they weren't invented until after the Battle of Yavin??? Fear not, all is well, for Jann is actually flying an R-22 Spearhead, a starfighter identical to and colloquially known as the A-wing. Whenever you see what appears to be an RZ-1 A-wing in a story that takes place earlier than that vehicle should have existed, it's actually an R-22 Spearhead. Protip.

It isn't long before the decoy transport comes under attack by the fleet of the most notorious pirate captain of all: Kylo Ren! Jann proves utterly useless in his A-wing, I mean Spearhead, and he immediately surrenders when the pirates board the fuel transporter and Kylo Ren threatens his friends.

The gang is taken aboard pirates' flagship, the Dianoga, and brought back to their hidden base on the desolate ocean world of Tarnoonga. There, Kylo Ren ties Jess to a chair and forces her to sit next to him as he sentences Jann to be executed by sea monster. The next day, Jann and the droids are taken out to sea on a skiff, where Jann is thrown into the watery depths to be eaten by the dreaded miridon. "Artoo, do something!" cries Threepio, so Artoo headbutts him into the water as well then jumps overboard himself.

Artoo supplies Jann with a breathing mask and they manage to evade the miridon for a while before tricking it into getting its head stuck in the wreck of a sunken ship. Jann and the droids sneak back into the pirate base to rescue Jess, but she manages to outsmart Kylo Ren's mouth-breathing first mate, Jyn Obah, and escape on her own. Jann takes the droids and reclaims his Spearhead, distracting the pirates so Jess can get away in the fuel transporter and bring back help from Mon Julpa and Tammuz-an, provided the real fuel shipment arrived in time.

The diversion works, but the Dianoga quickly recaptures Jann's fighter in its tractor beam. Kylo Ren orders Jann to watch as he and his fleet attack Tammuz-an, while the droids are put to work in the ship's torpedo bay. Artoo sneakily loads one of the torpedoes into the launch tube backwards, which Threepio observes will backfire and destroy the entire ship when it's launched. The droids outwit their droid overseer and escape. They run into Jann, who has also escaped due to the confusion caused by the sudden appearance of a fleet of Tammuz-anian A-wings, I mean R-22 Spearheads. The fuel arrived, Jess is safe, and Mon Julpa has come to save the day!

The Dianoga starts to explode as its torpedoes backfire, causing C-3PO's leg to fall off. Jann and the droids take off in their Spearhead, where they radio their friends and everyone congratulates each other on a job well done. Threepio says something condescending, then his leg falls off again.

"Let the past die. Kill it if you have to."

Not as enjoyable as The Lost Prince thanks to the more simplistic and cartoony art style (Carter Concepts ain't no Amador, that's for sure!), and the various false starts and foiled getaways make it feel a little overlong. Carter Concepts also drew Sollag Den instead of Mon Julpa, which is an unforgivable error in my eyes. Do all Tammuz-anians look the same to him? I do appreciate the art design of the pirate crew, though. The Dianoga is an original ship design, but it fields a squadron of Imperial TIE fighters with the dreaded "wampa skull" insignia emblazoned on their wings. The massive Jyn Obah wears what is clearly standard-sized stormtrooper armor that looks like a crop top on him, with the helmet perched on top of his head as a stylish hat. Clearly Kylo Ren's crew has scavenged materiel from the Empire. This is never directly commented on in the text, but it's a cool bit of silent worldbuilding to see standardized military equipment repurposed by this ragtag gang of irregulars. All of that is lifted directly from the cartoon though so I can't give the book any credit for it. All around, pretty skippable. I only wish I had.