The White Witch

 

The White Witch

Writer: Peter Sauder

Medium: Television

Air Date: September 7, 1985 

Timeline Placement: 15 BBY

The first episode of the animated series Droids: The Adventures of R2-D2 and C-3PO begins with our intrepid robotic heroes marooned on the salt flats of the planet Ingo, having been dumped by their most recent master along with his illicit cargo when he was arrested by the authorities. In a familiar turn of events, they wander the desolate wastes until they're come upon by two landspeeder racers, best friends Thall Joben and Jord Dusat. Threepio attempts to give his usual used-car salesman speech about how useful he is but the racers ignore him, showing much more interest in Artoo's astromech abilities to help them soup up their speeder.

 

On the way back to their repair shop, the gang accidentally strays into the territory of the notorious Fromm Gang. Tig Fromm, son of the feared gang boss Sise Fromm, has built a secret base out here in no man's land where he is constructing a massive weapons satellite called the Trigon One. Spherical seeker droids are dispatched to dispatch the interlopers, but a young girl wearing Rey's scavenger costume from The Force Awakens thirty years early helps them escape.

 

Later, the girl, one Kea Moll, visits Thall and Jord's shop seeking repairs for her ship, which she calls the Star Runner but was later retconned to be a Starrunner-class vessel called the The Sand Sloth, for... some reason. However, she only arrives in time to see Jord Dusat being abducted by "muscle droids" sent by the Fromm Gang to silence the trespassers, who saw and know nothing of Tig Fromm's evil plans. Kea meets up with Thall and the droids and they make a daring escape from more muscle droids, then set out to rescue Jord in Thall's hot rod landspeeder, the White Witch. 

The gang is able to infiltrate the Fromms' hideout using Artoo's technical skills and a lightsaber that a previous client of Thall's left behind. You would expect this to have been retconned at some point to be the lightsaber of some obscure Jedi character from the Star Wars RPG who no one has ever heard of but no, I don't think the identity of this mysterious lightsaber-owner was ever revealed. It hearkens back to the 1976 Star Wars novelization where Obi-Wan tells Luke that lightsabers are still used as tools in some parts of the galaxy; in this early era of the franchise, they weren't yet seen as belonging exclusively to the Jedi.

 

But maybe Thall Joben had a Jedi customer come into his shop and never knew it!

 

Artoo procures schematics of the base, then goes with Thall in the White Witch through the base's service tubes to reach the detention area where Jord is being held. Meanwhile, Threepio and Kea have to play an '80s arcade game to clear obstacles out of their path. Threepio is uncharacteristically useful and clever in this scene, as he quickly outwits a security droid that catches them in the act and causes it to violently explode by gently bumping into another droid.

 

Jord is in a random hallway in the custody of two security droids when the Witch comes blasting out of an elevator shaft. He climbs aboard and they make for the exit, stopping only to pick up Kea while Threepio chases frantically after them. They find their escape blocked by an army of droid cruisers, but Threepio again comes to the rescue by activating the Fromms' dormant Tower Droids, and the two groups of automata destroy one another.

 

The gang makes it to Kea's starship and blast off for the planet Boonta, where Thall and Jord plan to enter the White Witch in the annual Boonta Speeder Race. Threepio tries to act like he's super cool for how he saved the day, then awkwardly falls over.

 

Very fun and charming if you're in the right mindset to watch a low-budget '80s children's cartoon. Anthony Daniels's voicework as C-3PO is on point and the opening theme slaps hard. Love everything about it except Thall Joben's Skrillex haircut.

 

The White Witch: A Droid Adventure

Author: Emily James

Illustrator: Bunny Carter

Medium: Picture book

Publication Date: December 1986

Timeline Placement: 15 BBY

 

This is an adaptation of the first episode of the 1985 animated series Droids: The Adventures of R2-D2 and C-3PO. As such, it's not an original story, but I'm including it in this reading list anyway because it adapts EU-exclusive material.

Our story begins with R2-D2 and C-3PO already in the service of Thall Joben and his friend Jord Dusat. Thall and Jord are speeder racers whose landspeeder, the White Witch, may be the fastest ever built, or at least the fastest directly involved with this specific story. The only problem is, the duo have no way transporting the speeder from their homeworld of Ingo to the big speeder race on Boonta!

But while piloting the White Witch one day, the gang is attacked by a seeker drone. They manage to evade it, but don't evade the attention of a seventeen-year-old girl named Kea Moll. Later, after leaving Jord to work on the Witch, Thall and the droids are approached by Kea, who warns them that they blundered into the territory of the infamous Fromm Gang, and local gang boss Tig Fromm will be coming after them. They race back to the garage in time to see Jord being taken by Fromm thugs.

 

Thall wants to immediately give chase in the White Witch, but Kea suggests they wait until morning so they have better light. Thall rejects this idea, not because he's worried about Jord being tortured or killed in the intervening hours, but because the big race is tomorrow and he needs Jord ready to pilot the speeder by then.

They make their way to the Fromms' secret base and find Jord whining about being locked in a prison cell. Artoo cuts through the bars with his welding laser and they make their escape. Tig Fromm orders all his security droids deployed to stop the interlopers, but apparently the Fromm Tower Droids are programmed to attack anything they see. They open fire on the droid cruisers and all the Fromm droids destroy each other while the White Witch and her passengers get away.

Kea gives Thall and Jord a ride to Boonta on her spaceship, and all's well that ends well as Tig Fromm is taken into custody by the "space police." Threepio says something cowardly and everyone laughs at him, freeze frame, roll credits.

Cute book and very short, but I'd just watch the episode instead.

I ship them.