Sounds of Beast Wars

EPISODE 32: OTHER VISITS, PART 1

 

Paul: Somehow I now feel honor-bound to watch Beast Wars.

Paul: Tangled web we weave.

Paul: Air Razor and Tiger Tron hold hands.

Paul: Then a crazy plant sends them into space!

Paul: !!

Paul: BLACK ARACHNIA WANTS TO FKK SILVERBOLT

Paul: Hahahahaha if the weird goth babes were really into the painfully sincere nerds, high school would have been so much different.

Paul: Man that is shoehorned in.

Paul: Then, finally, the plant farts on them.

Paul: The end.

EPISODE 33: OTHER VISITS, PART 2

Paul: NEXT EPISODE

Paul: You know, at this point I really dig the ridiculous opening.

Paul: Okay so um immediate retcon.

Paul: Everybody who got blowd up is fine.

Paul: Ah so the transgender forms are alien tech altering them, and now they’re invisible.

Paul: To the alien scanners.

Paul: That’s actually a cool way to integrate whimsical corporate decisions into the story.

Paul: Okay so this disk has these symbols on it.

Paul:

Paul: The lower-left one is a dude planting corn or w/e.

Paul: Right-hand side, golf?

Paul: Bottom, menstruation?

Paul: Idk how Dinobot got the future out of this.

Paul: Yes okay Megatran is flying the flower mothership.

Paul: It blows up.

Paul: Many things blow up.

Paul: And then there are two stars above everybody. The sparks of those two goofy robots.

Paul: That's the end.

Paul: Its purpose is...it controls a bigboom flower spaceship?

Paul: A bombad general.

Paul: Idk that's okay.

Paul: I was hoping for scary alien reveals.

Paul: WHICH ANGEL IS ADAM?

Me: Yeah it's just a key.

Paul: A key...to pee.

Me: THE VOYAGER DISK IS THE IMPORTANT ONE.

Me: The Voyager Golden Record contains 116 images plus a calibration image and a variety of natural sounds, such as those made by surf, wind, and thunder, and animal sounds, including the songs of birds, whales and dolphins. The record, which is carried on both the Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 spacecraft, additionally features musical selections from different cultures and eras, spoken greetings in fifty-nine languages, other human sounds, like footsteps and laughter (Carl Sagan's), and printed messages from President Jimmy Carter and U.N. Secretary-General Kurt Waldheim.

Me: Record of the future! Ultimate power!

Paul: Ooooh Dinobot kept the important disk?

Paul: Which tells the future?

Me: No he gave it back to Megatron.

Me: That was the one he hid under the rock and gave to Megatron when he turned evil again.

Paul: Oh right.

Paul: The Predacons stole the key-disk at the beginning of the episode.

Me: I guess it was just a coincidence that it looked like the Voyager disk lol.

Paul: Are my interpretations of the symbols correct?

Me: I'm sure.

Me: The aliens love golf.

Paul unsent a message

Paul: I guess that disk was the key to Mar-a-Lago!

Me: Lol you self-censoring antifite.

Me: Did you delete that message or do the French Facebook police not allow jokes about their President?

Paul: CIA: "I will destroy you!"

Fan Theory

EPISODE 31: MAXIMAL, NO MORE

 

Paul: Maximal, No More.

Paul: OMG is Dinobot going to the other side?

Paul: This isn’t Great War III!

Paul: Waspinator takes out two guys at once ahaha.

Me: Did you skip an episode?

Paul: I don’t think so.

Paul: Lol idk did I?

Me: I think Spider's Game comes before Maximal No More.

Paul: Hahahahaha

Paul: Hahahahaha

Paul: Why do you know this

Me: I rememberrrrrrr.

Paul: Also yes I did, oops. Does it matter that much if I watch them out of order?

Me: Muh continuity.

Me: For these two specific ones I don't think it matters but afterwards it will.

Paul: Okay the Maximals just accept him back it’s cool.

Paul: Can we finally find out what the disks do?

Paul: Nope.

Me: They have the Sounds of Earth!

Paul: https://youtu.be/1puYprEvB4U

Me: They stole the Voyager disk because it contained the location of Earth which was rich in the Energon they needed to conquer Cybertron but there was another secret reason they wanted it that is revealed later this season.

Me: The alien disk's purpose is revealed in the two-part episode Other Visits.

Paul: Have you listened to that song?

Me: Mariachi!

Paul: Is it not the best song ever??

Paul: I love Mexicans!!

Paul: Is this ancient Earth or like current Earth?

Paul: Oh right.

Me: Aliens probably have not contacted Earth because they found the disk and think that song is constantly playing here.

Paul: This was the plot of the original too. Earth is Energon-rich.

Paul: Sounds cool.

Me: I don't remember if it's still supposed to be a secret what time in Earth's history they're in.

Paul: It is.

Me: Well in a few episodes Silverbolt gets attacked by a sabertooth tiger.

Paul: Like. Okay.

Paul: But they already know the location of Earth in that case?

Me: I think after the Great War the location of Earth was lost or erased from the Jedi Archives or something.

Paul: But they’re there!

EPISODE 30: TANGLED WEB

 

Paul: Silverbolt is so corny haha.

Me: MILADY

Paul: Is Black Arachnia in an abusive relationship with Tyranus?

Me: Him being inside her head and controlling her actions feels like a metaphor for something.

Paul: Like....

Paul: .....rape?

Me: Don't bring your fanfic ideas into this.

Paul: Can't wait to search fanfiction.net for such fics.

Paul: Um I’m on Tangled Web.

Paul: Did BA finally break free?

Me: Oh shit Spider's Game was a season 1 episode.

Me: Spider's Game, Tangled Web, The Web.

Me: Too much.

Me: Tangled Web resolves the mind control plot I think.

Paul: Technically accurate.

Paul: Yessss.

Paul: I think so.

Paul: Good, they weren’t doing much with it anyways.

Paul: Silverbolt: IT IS NOT RIGHT TO STRIKE A FEMALE. NOT EVEN A FEMALE PREDACON.

Me: Lmao

Paul: That’s rape culture.

Me: Silverbolt has a "This Is What A Feminist Looks Like" shirt.

Paul: Other Voices is the next episode. Cool.

Dead Before Dawn

 EPISODE 29: COMING OF THE FUZORS, PART 2

 

Paul: I can understand your liking this show based on these episodes. They’re pretty sweet.

Paul: And your being willing to sit through the dumber parts of season one for them.

Paul: Like, sometimes in American animation you get a wonderful and classy goofiness

Paul: where there are references all over the place.

Paul: Like the western Sergio Leone moment.

Paul: Anyhow that’s over now, and in the first five seconds of episode 30 all the tension evaporates as the entire Maximal party gets their asses comically kicked.

Paul: Hey so Tarantino called Black Betty a bitch AGAIN.

Paul: When will the violence against women cease?

Paul: The rubber ducky appears!

Me: Yeah season 2 is the highlight when they had the most creative freedom.

Me: 3 is still good but had more meddling from corporate.

Paul: At least it was better than Mass Effect 3!

Me: At least it was better than the Transmetals fighting game for the N64!

Paul: The stakes are honestly pretty high.

Paul: It’s like

Paul: Ifk

Paul: with Rhinox in Purple Space and Optimus inside the moon, they seem outnumbered.

Me: Tigatron and Airazor, everyone's favorite characters, will save the day.

Paul: Nah they fuckin.

Paul: lol Rhinox just wakes up haha.

Paul: Okay well, crisis averted I guess.

Paul: Oh no the shield broke!! And unlike in Star Trek it didn’t flicker off like a bitch but rather TURNED INTO INNUMERABLE SHEETS OF GLASS AND SHATTERED.

Paul: That was cool I thought.

Paul: OMG

Paul: the daen

Paul: Dawn

Paul: The Dawn!

Paul: And the western music returned.

Paul: Um.

Paul: Ummmmm.

Paul: A gorilla on a surfboard.....?

Paul: Okay.

Me:

 

 

Me: Scorponok and Terrorsaur are permanently dead btw.

Me: They will never be mentioned again.

Paul: What?!

Paul: um...??

Paul: Terrorsaur is a small loss, he was like Tyrantulous Lite

Paul: but Scorponok was a loyal man.

Paul: Literally the only one.

Me: RIP

Me: Both of those characters had Transmetal toys too so 10-year-old me was waiting for them to return for the whole show.

Me: But they never did.

Paul: I’d imagine that Scorponok was supposed to be Quickstrike. No?

Paul: Like they’re both scorpions?

Me:



Paul: This isn’t the REAL toy, is it???

Paul: That’s the cheapest shit I’ve ever seen.

Paul: It looks like the Indian knock-off of a Happy Meal toy.

Me: Scorponok, Dinobot, and Blackarachnia only got Transmetal versions as Happy Meal toys lol.

Paul: Scorponok was great!

Paul: What a shame that corporate kills off characters in sacrifice to greater toy sales, and what a shame that it does the same for most of its workers lol.

Paul: ITS COMENTARY ON CAPTILM. that’s Ttabsformers

Me: Corporate wanted them to kill Waspinator but they argued that he was a fan favorite so he was allowed to be spared

Me: https://www.theverge.com/21327442/brave-new-world-review-peacock-nbc

Me: Brave New World has nothing to prove

Me: Orgy porgy!

Paul: Hum so what, was it not that good?

Me: I will never know!

It's the Final Showdown!

EPISODE 28: COMING OF THE FUZORS, PART 1

 

Paul: Episode 29: Coming of the Fuzors.

Paul: This will be good.

Paul: I cannot fucking deal with the T-Rex's jump-jets and roller blades.

Paul: A stasis pod has landed near a tree with a spider in it.

Paul: I call Predacon otherwise you couldn't have a spider.

Paul: Um okay so it IS earth.

Paul: Dinobot is stealing the golden disks.

Paul: Waspinator gets crushed into a tiny cube over like twenty minutes of vicious cartoon violence.

Paul: Spiderman is still possessing Black Widow, I forgot about that.

Paul: They find a protoform without a spark.

Paul: WILL OPTIMUS'S SOUL RETURN TO INHBIT THIS BODY???

Me: They're going to put Picard in it.

Paul: More importantly, Tigertron calls Airasor "My lady."

Paul: Finally, a reference to the show I definitely need to know exists.

Paul: Even RLM couldn't make Picard enjoyable.

Paul: They were just like tired.

Me: Stop hating women!

Paul: Never while there is breath in this body.

Paul: ummmmmmmmmmmm

Paul: ummmmmmmmm the new robots are a redneck scorpion with a cobra for a tail and a peaceful coyote griffon??

Paul: why

Paul: hahaha

Me: THE FUZORS HAVE CUM

Paul: Kwikstrike and Silverbolt have the most D&D-character-esque intros.

Paul: Like "I am fast...and strong...and good. I think I'm called...SILVERBOLT."

Me: Now they're one big happy family.

Paul: ummmmm yes??

Paul: Like Megatron and them pose for a fucking family portrait just before the commercials??

Paul: hahaha this fucking show

Me: This episode (part 1) and the previous one where they become Transmetals were the first I ever saw because they were on a VHS tape that came with a repainted figure of a character who never even appeared on the show.

Paul: FUZORS...do they eventually become both Pred and Maximal? They both seem divided over their identities. That would be a twist.

Paul: Who was this character?

Me: Razorclaw, a Predacon crab.

Paul: Omg Dinobot's vaguely Shakespearean soliloquy.

Me: To be or not to be, that is the question. And these disks I hold, are they a record of what will be or only of what may?

Paul: Meanwhile Rhinox is like astral projecting.

Paul: And then he astral projects too hard.

Paul: Haha and it ends with a 4-minute cowboy music montage.

Paul: That was pretty cool actually

New Packaging, Same Product

Paul: Oh Megatron tricked him so he blew up like six times.

EPISODE 27: AFTERMATH

 

Paul: Ep 27

Paul: The remarkably shitty opening credits have been replaced with a "last time" montage.

Paul: And the remarkably shitty 3d models have been replaced with better ones! yuppie.

Paul: Hahah Trannatus is in Black Widow's brain yo.

Paul: Daaang.

Paul: Freaky.

Paul: Omg like can they get some seat belts?

Paul: Like 3 Maximals have been thrown from their seats

Paul: And now everybody is melting into white light.

Paul: K

Paul: Or lava.

Paul: Haha damn the giant spider dream image though.

Paul: Remember Cheetar's dream sequence in ep like 4 or 5?

Paul: Awesome.

Paul: What.

Paul: Rat and Cheetar got BUFF.

Paul: MUST SELL MORE TOYS.

Paul: Wow um.

Paul: Neither cheetar nor Rattrap look like actual animals any more.

Paul: I guess that's fine.

Paul: Omg so dumb.

Paul: Um Optimus Prime has become a being of light.

Paul: Next he'll come back as a giant space baby

Me: I like the Transmetal redesigns a lot more.

Me: Don't have to worry about your fake-looking CGI animals when you can hide them behind something that's not supposed to look like a real animal.

Me: The first two episodes of season 2 were the first episodes I ever saw because they came on a VHS tape included with a repainted version of a crab Transformer who isn't even on the show.

Me: RIP Optimus, Scorponok, and Terrorsaur btw.

Paul: So the solution to Rattrap looking like he was folding in half when he ran was...wheels.

Paul: Hahaha whatever I’m fucking sure Optimus and Scorp are coming back.

Me: He's a rat with wheels! Cool.

Paul: From the fifth moon of the seventh planet of a dying star.

Paul: Do ONLY these characters get transmetals? laam

Me: SPOILERSSSSS: no.

Paul: Thank god.

Paul: It looks so uneven currently.

Paul: Lol Megatron has roller blades and jets.

Paul: A T-rex with roller blades and jets.

Paul: God.

Me: I love the 90s!!!

Paul: Hahaha

Paul: JetCheetar flies into WheelsTrap and they collapse. Megatron: "New packaging, same product!"

Paul: HE KNOWS.

Me: LOSERS.

Me: What a sick burn.

Paul: WheelsTrap: "The Beast Wars just got a whole bunch weirder!"

Paul: Yes.

Me: Now another two-parter!

Me: You're more than 50% through the series so might as well knock out the rest of the season right now.

Paul: I am an aristocrat. I binge nothing.

Paul: Beast Wars must be savored like a fine wine.

THE SPAC LASER MAKES U GAY

EPISODE 25: OTHER VOICES, PART 1

 

Paul: Episode whatever: TWO-PART TIME
 

Paul: WASPINATOR ALWAYS GETS SLAG ASSIGNMENTS

Paul: WASPINATOR TEAR HIM A NEW WASTE DISPOSAL UNIT

Paul: Um this is a swearing show.

Paul: Keep it from ya boy.

Paul: Okay so the alien jellyfish from the first episode of TNG is back and is again trapped as a building.

Paul: Omg WASPINATOR and Rat's Trap are fighting.

Paul: Rat turned into a rat mid-jump, and then spun around in a cartwheel of doom.

Paul: It was magnificent.

Paul: Balls kick humor.

Paul: Remember how funny that was in the 90's?

Paul: I can scarcely remember a film where people didn't laugh at men having their testicles tortured. It was a simpler time.

Paul: This truce is such bullshit.

Paul: Like.

Paul: Normally don't truces last a specified amount of time?

Paul: And like, don't you have the right to check and see if the other side has weapons?

Paul: Whatever. Optimus is now glowing green so all's well.

Paul: Um awesome okay, giant golden giant viking is mad because The (Human Self-Extinction?) Project has been contaminated.

Paul: Then the moon becomes a Death Star, and they segments into oranges like in Arrival.

Paul: And then fucking Trannytulus says AH THE BEGINNING OF THE END like he's Gendo fucking Ikari.

Paul: Um if you know what's happening, share it you fucker.

EPISODE 26: OTHER VOICES, PART 2

 

Paul: EPISODE 25: THE SPAC LASER MAKES U GAY

Paul: Inferno and Rattrap are easily the most bad-ass motherfuckers.

Paul: Okay my ranking will eventually come.

Paul: This fight between Black Widow and Antman is fucking awesome.

Paul: DON'T COUNT ON IT...ANT BREATH!

Paul: Dang okay, Optimus is going to do what Kirk did in the Doomsday Machine episode.

Paul: And Black Widow is helping!

Paul: I wonder if she'll, like, become cool or whatever. idk.

Me: I think the Inferno/Tarantulas/Black Arachnia fight was one of the scenes that got edited when the show ran on Fox Kids.

Me: Edited for Xtreme Violins!!!

Me: Most truces apply exclusively to the use of firearms but allow the participants to otherwise injure each other as much as they want.

Paul: I ran out of time. Will finisj next five minutes tomorroe.

Queering CGI: The Transformers Beast Wars Story

EPISODE 24: BEFORE THE STORM

 

Paul: EPISODE 24: BEFORE THE STORM

Paul: Mount Fuji shows up and glows blue.

Paul: Megatron Tigertron are excited.

Paul: Only the 'trons....will this mountain lead them all to the land of Tron??

Paul: Ant-man is a hard-ass...for EVIL. And he pries the Voyager disk off the spinning obelisk.

Paul: Not sure why it had to spin, I guess more dramatic that way.

Paul: Also calls Megatron "my queen," haha.

Paul: QUEERING CGI: THE transFORMERS BEAST WARS STORY

Paul: Um okay everybody wants to leave the planet.

Paul: So suspense, very tension.

 

Paul:

 

Paul: The mix of fluid CG motion with slapstick tropes out of Looney Tunes animation history is so jarring. Wasp ask Spider what he's doing; spider swiftly removes his eyeball and throws it at wasp b/c it's a smoke grenade!! Fluid, fast, smooth. Then spider pops up behind wasp with a slidewhistle sound effect and it's like wtf

Paul: why is this here

Paul: THEN SPIDERBOT CASUALLY TOSSES WASPINATOR A BUNDLE OF TNT

Paul: Where the FUCK did you get that, you cartoon CUNT?

Paul: How about a fucking energon-based explosive at least?

Paul: Fucking TNT??

Paul: Do any of these super futuristic robots fighting over incomprehensible energy sources on a artificially engineered planet ever get smacked with an anvil?

Me: I feel like something roughly equivalent happens to Terrorsaur in this episode.

Paul: Hahahahaha Megatron is watching things unfold from a fucking hot-tub?

Paul: I love this show.

Paul: Really???

Me: Does he have his rubber ducky?

Me: Maybe that's a different time he's in the hot tub.

Paul: Hahaha

Paul: Okay instead of Rattrap they send a Tiger to sneak around, much sneakier animal good job.

Paul: Hahha they're going to roll over the bad guys with a big boulder.

Paul: ??

Paul: And a GIANT SHEET OF METAL.

Paul: Makes more sense in-universe than TNT.

Paul: ALSO A MATADOR SEQUENCE.

Paul: jesus CHRIIIST

Paul: Rhinox grinds on terrotdactil.

Paul: ALIENS ARE COMING.

Paul: Unless that's a RUSE.

Me: No sir things are kicking into high gear.

Me: Next, the two-part season finale!!!

Paul: Yeaah !

Splash Mountain is a great ride that shouldn't be replaced by The Princess and the Frog

I'm not going to stan Song of the South but 1) despite Disney's efforts to bury it for the sake of brand sanitization it remains historically significant for its early integration of live action and animation and James Baskett's Academy Award-winning performance as Uncle Remus, and 2) the problematic aspects of the movie are completely absent from the ride, which only features animatronics of the movie's anthropomorphic cartoon animals.

The Princess and the Frog deserves the credit it gets as Disney's first (and only) animated movie with a black lead, but the accolades stop there. Not only is it a mediocre film, it's also about as progressive as the 2017 Beauty and the Beast's blink-and-you'll-miss-it gay romance.

The "first black Disney princess" spends most of the film hiding her skin color beneath the transfigured green flesh of a cartoon frog, and whatever themes of racial inequality the movie possesses are predictably minimized and sanitized, to the extent that you'd think the greatest adversity facing a black woman in 1920s Louisiana is lacking the venture capital to start a business. I'm not asking for a Spike Lee story credit here but why even set the movie in that era if your poor black characters are best friends with your rich white characters and the only prejudice your protagonist encounters is being turned down for an investment loan? The cumulative result is so tepid and soft-edged that, for the time it was made, it feels almost as racially tone-deaf as Song of the South's carefree sharecropping freedmen happily coexisting with white plantation-owners in the post-war South.

I feel bad for The Princess and the Frog. First Disney scapegoats it for the shitcanning of their 2D animation department, now it's their excuse for axing one of the most beloved rides in their parks. Fuck Disney and fuck applauding their craven business calculations masquerading as progressivism.

"I'm glad [innocuous apolitical thing you care about] is being ruined for you because an infinitesimal number of racists will also be upset about it."

"I have no emotional attachment to or personal interest in [innocuous apolitical thing] but by God it feels good to look down my nose at people who do so I can score vacuous ideology points. XD"

Fuck off with that shit.

To be clear, The Princess and the Frog, while not great, is a better movie than Song of the South, which is boring and sucks. I'd welcome a good Princess and the Frog ride. But Splash Mountain was already a wonderful ride, irrespective of its obscure source material.

Memory-holing problematic past media is done not to protect the consumer, but to absolve the creators and license-holders of their behavior. Disney doesn't want you to believe that they've grown past Song of the South; Disney wants you to forget that they made Song of the South.

But reality doesn't care if you believe it.

 

Robot Rankings 1

Paul: Do I still have to rank to robots?

Paul: hol don

Paul: Do they end up blowing up one of the moons?

Paul: Oh that's right in that one episode at least one moon was hollow.

Paul: Or artificial.

Paul: Is this ancient Earth, and it's an experiment to create organic life, and because the MINIMALS and the FARTICONS are fighting the resulting life, hyoo-mans, will have the deranged violent elements of the FARTS and the calmer violent elements of the MINS?

Me: The Predacons are from the Black Moon and the Maximals are from the White Moon.

Paul: When the moons combine, I AM CAPTAIN PLANET!!

War Never Changes

EPISODE 23: LAW OF THE JUNGLE

Paul: "Three hundred years have passed since the Great War between the Autobots and Decepticons." Umm in the first episode of Transmorons like 65 million passed. Is that how long the Cyber-war lasted?

 

Me: I guess.

Me: They crashed on Earth in dinosaur times but were unconscious until 1984.

Me: I guess the ones who stayed on Cybertron kept fighting in the meantime.

Paul: For millions of years.

Me: Robots can live forever.

Me: The Great War was officially ended by the forming of the Pax Cybertronia with the Autobots the victors and the Decepticons placed under heavy restrictions. A number of Decepticons were granted amnesty and retired. Many records were restricted and most of the Ark crew are legendary figures, indicating they had died or disappeared by the time of the Beast Wars. A period of uneasy peace followed with the Predacons biding their time in preparation for their chance to challenge the supremacy of the Maximals and start the Great War again, something that Optimus Primal couldn't understand. It was three hundred years after Pax Cybertronia when Primal was drawn into one such challenge.

Paul: Pax Cybertronia YESSSSSSSSSSSSSs

Paul: Yeah but 65 million years is a lot of war.

Paul: Wouldn't they run out of cyberfucks to give?

Me: Look Beast Wars only follows a general G1 continuity, it's not a sequel to the cartoon explicitly, so you can headcanon the back story if you're going to be a NERD.

Paul: Do you think that these immortal robots have perfect memories like the Chee? Are the Decepticons locked in an eternal internal struggle?

Paul: EPISODE 23: LAW OF THE JUNGLE. To demonstrate the LAW OF THE JUNGLE, a CG frog eats a CG dragonfly.

Paul: Then a CG snake eats the CG frog!

Paul: Then a CG birdie eats the CG snake.

Paul: Will the entire episode continue like this?

Me: Guest director Hideako Anno.

Paul: Finally, reading the wiki, we learn that the frog was a hooker.

Paul: Dude Dinobot used his stupid shield to deflect Inferno's laser blasts and get up close.

Paul: That was actually a little bad-ass.

Me: They finally found a use for it.

Paul: IKR??

Paul: Also the Preds randomly attacking made sense for once because then Pterobot shows up and says Hey you didn't wait for the signal.

Paul: Also when people are shot they do funny cartoon rabbit booms and fly into funny cartoons objects.

Paul: Just like in real life!

Paul: Inferno, cackling, turns on his flamethrower.

Paul: jfc this guy

Me: I love Inferno!!!!

Paul: Holy fucking shit.

Paul: That was a twist.

Paul: Um Tigertron killed his tigerbro

Paul: by accident

Paul: and by enjoying shooting things a bit too much

Paul: and builds him a grave.

Me: RIP Snowstalker.

Me: He was a casualty of war.

Paul: Then there's a good part about war!!

Paul: And the destruction of war!

Paul: And like, not doing the war. And then Dinobot says war is good. Yes.

Paul: Then um Inferno was there the entire time apparently. They didn't even finish him off.

Paul: Small wonder our entire country is stupid.

Paul: Man this episode rocks.

Paul: Tigertron's inner struggle is real.

Me: This is just like the time Cassie quit the team after murdering an incapacitated Hork-Bajir.

Paul: Fucking Inferno is insane.

Paul: I can't both like the Maximals + their struggle and at the same time take his cackling twitchy nonsense seriously.

Paul: Like, do you remember the live action Death Note? The part with the murderer who climbed a tree? He is in one shot where he cackles and licks his lips?

Paul: That is Inferno.

Paul: I'm just like Wut every time.

Me: The Japanese one or the Netflix one?

Paul: The best one.

Paul: The Japanese, you fool!

Me: THERE ARE CAMER-UHS

Me: I forget, is there a reason he's crazy?

Me: Maybe he has PTSD from Tigatron blowing up his anthill.

Paul: If an anthill makes you go crazy, you were already a retard.

Paul: #sendinfernotothehague

Paul: Oh okay he's lashing out?

Paul: Oh that's right he really did like that anthill.

Paul: Hmm interesting.

Me: Congratulations this is the last filler episode until season 3, where they had to write a replacement for the episode they had planned because Hasbro said it was too dark.

Me: Assuming you consider Tigatron's character development filler.

Paul: Nah he's cool.

Paul: No I thought this was a good episode.

Paul: I liked the ambiguity of fighting for peace.

Paul: Which has honestly never made any sense.

Paul: I really like that, instead of actually finding an ANSWER to his question, Tigertron's hand (paw?) is forced.

Paul: As so often happens.

Paul: I mean, it's interesting what you say about Inferno being crazy because his reason for being was destroyed. That actually makes a lot of sense.

Paul: I wonder if they'll actually play that up.

Paul: Ah right, I remember his introductory episode now.

Me: YES MY QUEEN

Paul: Idk where these queens are coming from.

Paul: He just says "royalty" a lot.

Me: Ok I remember now.

Me: The reason the Autobots and Decepticons crashed on Earth in the first place was because their planet was depleted of Energon and they were looking for more so they could continue their war.

Me: I guess everyone who stayed on Cybertron just put themselves in power-save mode for 65 million years.

The Famous Fart Episode

EPISODE 22: THE LOW ROAD

 

Paul: BEST CARS!! Episode 22: The Low Road.

Paul: CG vines are growing everywhere.

Paul: Comic robot battle between Rattrap & Dinot in beans.

Paul: Beans fight good.

Paul: Predacons appear.

Paul: And Inferno is just constantly screaming his fucking head off??

Paul: Does he do this throughout the show?

Paul: Tarantino shoots a facehugger on to Rhinox and it puts its dick in his mouth.

Paul: um

Paul: Okay so now whenever Rhinox sneezes lasers come out.

Paul: Is this the famous fart episode?

Paul: Buddy cop drama!!

Paul: wtf so why were there BEANS at the beginning of this episode?

Paul: Like, We need a buddy cop drama between Rattrap and Dinobot. How do we start it off?

Paul: ....Beans!

Paul: So many fucking cartoons comedy moments.

Paul: I hated those as a children.

Paul: Playground's closed, MINIMALS.

Me: Civilization is a constant battle against the encroachment of wild bean vines.

Paul: Rat and Dino are arguing, Tranny Tullus wakes up.

Paul: And instead of running he point his bowcaster at them from like a foot away and says DDIIIIIIIIEE, MAXIMALS.

Paul: Comical music plays as Rhinox eats beans for like 10 minutes straight.

Paul: THEN FART

Paul: FART HAPPEN

Paul: Welp.

Paul: That happened.

Me: Best episode by far.