Trigger Warning

EPISODE 16: THE TRIGGER, PART 1

Paul: Episode 16: The Trigger, part 1

Paul: If this triggers me you're going to college jail.

Paul: First scene: snowy mountains, clearly Antarctica. Taigatron looks at the scenery and says, SCIENCE IS WHAT MAKES MAN POWERFUL. YET IT IS THAT ARROGANCE WHICH LED TO THE THE DISASTER OF FIFTEEN YEARS AGO. TRULY CAN THE CHAMBER OF GUFF EVER OPEN?

Paul: Preds randomly appear as always.

Paul: Waspinator accidentally emphasizes how worthless he is at everything, as always.

Paul: Then Rhinobot discovers that one of the moons is hollow!

Paul: Is this the BLACK MOON OF ADAM or the WHITE MOON OF LILITH

Paul: Okay the PRADS blow up the comms array.

Paul: When the fuck did the Manimals build a comms array in Antarctica anyways?

Paul: Instead of moving out of the way, Blackwhite screams at the comms array as it crushes him.

Paul: Nice work bro.

Paul: Optimus turns on his jets indoors and blasts through the ceiling in panic.

Paul: They've been building new shit this whole time it would seem.

Paul: Then it turns out all that tension was meaningless and arbitrary because Taigatron just pushes the thing off of himself and keeps fighting.

Paul: Then um

Paul: Dinobird shoots a very (circumcised) phallic missile

Paul: which breaks and becomes smoke.

Paul: Okay.

Paul: There is also a cloud wandering around?

Paul: Are we going to fight an anti-machine cloud?

Paul: Ahahaha Jesus Waspinator is dumb.

Paul: Okay so Tiger falls into a cloud

Paul: and then Waspinator says "Waspinator wants his head."

Paul: Which is funny unless you, like me, have a great-uncle from the branch of your family in central Ohio who brought back a human skull from Iwo Jima

Paul: and even though you've asked them in a super non-threatening, I'm-not-judging-anybody manner whether anyone might know where it is so we can repatriate it according to a program the Japanese government has, they remain totally silent on this fact.

Paul: Meanwhile the hawk robot TURNS ITS PUPIL INTO A TERRIFYING SPHINCTER LENS.

Paul: Cool I guess.

Paul: Okay it's a flying island with a laser.

Paul: I liked that tension while it lasted.

Paul: Idk this is pretty cartoon, did the Japanese really ruin it that much?

Paul: Okay so um everybody is going to the flying island and Taigatron is there and a CG butterfly is clicked and dragged around him and he says autistically "Truly this is a land of wonder."

Paul: I love flying islands. Laputa, Vain in Lunar, Zeal in Chrono Trigger, I really dig them. I hope there's some civilization or whatever.

Paul: Like entombed or chillaxing on this flying island.

Paul: Awesome it's full of killer booby traps!!! This is great.

Paul: So anyways the island blows half of itself up trying to kill Taigatron.

Paul: Then he gets it and decides to sneak around.

Paul: Um Scorpiman scans the island: CYBERBEE LAUNCH

Paul: BLACK ARACHNIA, TERRORIZE killer guitar riff

Paul: I hate Scorponok's Spying Cyberbess!

Paul: Black Arachnia is pretty ambitious. What you said about all the Preds being morons checks out -- whenever they Predify a Maximal, the Maximal is super competent at taking over power.

Paul: Okay um I wish Taigatron's message would have told the Maximals not to shoot on the island.

Paul: After lunch, it's time for the second half! Which I already had spoiled for me by the preview!!

 

EPISODE 17: THE TRIGGER, PART 2

Me: It's like the Garden of Eden all over again, man! Would robots, too, risk paradise for power?

Paul: Ah yes icic these are the themes.

Paul: Oooh hmm.

Paul: The planet is clearly artificial.

Paul: Created as a garden world?

Me: Omg they're in a dollhouse!

Me:

Paul: I love Ibsen!

Paul: Especially his play Stop-over in a Quiet Town.

Paul: Okay is the Predacon ship in the volcano over a cracked semi-cooled lava dome a visual metaphor for their tenuous grasp over their own rage and danger of falling too fall?

Paul: And is the Maximal ship's balancing over a canyon a visual metaphor for the balance necessary to WARrior for peace? They must straddle both sides of the divide.

Paul: And is Dinobot's tail a visual metaphor for his angry barbed DINOCOCK?

Paul: Arachnia falls in a trap hole.

Paul: Have a nice....trip? Hahahahahahahahahaha!!

Paul: (I have counted the ha's in order to assure the accuracy of the above transcription.)

Paul: Sometimes it PAYS to be a SPIDER!

Paul: The lady shall ride a tiger! Daaamn.

Paul: And then she sits on him side-saddle?? Um can your chicken thighs keep you in place honey?

Paul: Rattrap is on OP's back; his crotch area is directly over OPs superheated jet.

Paul: Talk about heatplay!

Paul: Satrap, Price of Persia, is falling!!

Paul: Then he fucks over Pdactyl so good that Satrap is now riding him yes.

Paul: A lot of people are riding each other at this point.

Paul: No wonder this wasn't aired in Japan.

Paul: Fly, you featherless freak, our I'll toast your tachyons.

Paul: Rattrap's running animation looks like somebody's folding him in half.

Paul: Trannyauntula betrayed the everybody!!

Paul: She gets all the lasers and now there are lasers everywhere!

Paul: She has a countdown to destroy the Maximal base like in Star War!

Paul: Evacuating, Rhino grabs his potted plant. He's the Jet Black character.

Paul: Okay they blow up the flying island and um it crashes in Spectacular 3D Fashion! into a bunch of sand.

Paul: In French they call a bunch of sand a désert but idk what that is in English.

Paul: And then hahaha all the Manimals are just 3D-staring at the island and Rhinox asks, in the least hamfisted way to introduce to moral of the episode possible, WOW. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT BEAM WAS ABOUT?

Paul: I DON'T KNOW...A SIGNAL?

Paul: Spelling that out is sooo goofy.

Paul: Then Tigertron is like "We had Eden and ruined it."

Paul: Which is fine, I'm glad they spelled that out, it works. And Rattrap shows up and makes fun of them for a little,

Paul: aaaand everybody stares at the moon for five minutes straight while ominous music plays.

Paul: There seems to be a sizable section of the Boomer generation which is really upset at the "development" (read: destruction) of America's vast wildernesses from the 60's through the 90's.

Paul: George Carlin has that thing about ruining the whole country with gas stations and whatnot.

Paul: Cool to see this explored through the medium of children's toys' advertisements.

Paul: So okay.

Paul: The planet where they are stranded is either: (1) Heaven, sent them by robot space god and they need to treat it right but WAR so they can't.

Paul: Or the Garden of Eden, rather.

Paul: (2) Less religious/moral possibility: some space alien species' secret megacache of Energon and dinosaur bones which they really don't want fucked with. But I doubt it, the series seems to be hinting at something less sci-fi, less concrete

Paul: (3) a big metaphor for Americans who, upon rising to power in 1945, have horribly abused said power ever since while still really really wanting to be Good People.

Paul: And the Megatrons are the lust for power and its all-consuming corruption are contrasted with the Maximals' beleaguered noble intentions.

Paul: I'm honestly enjoying it, it's light so far.

Paul: I'm having FUN.

Paul: So is the planet the American soul?

Paul: Was is purgatory the whole time?

Me: It's a science fiction!

CONGRATULATIONS!

 

* The Netflix descriptions of the last two episodes sound like some epistemological acid trip. 

 

* It seems impossible to comprehend the mythology as it has been laid out to this point because half the characters don't even know if what they're saying is true. 

 

* Humans are descended from Lillith, the lumpy white angel who everyone thought was Adam, and angels are descended from Adam, who is a Shrimp Baby in a briefcase. Is Lillith one of the angels descended from Adam or are only some angels descended from him? 

 

* "The god they were so excited about disappeared. Undeterred, they worked to resurrect their god themselves. That was Adam." 

 

* That makes it sound like Adam is distinct from the giant pink alien that blew up Antarctica. 

 

* Maybe it's just bad translation? I assume they're meant to be the same. 

 

* If everyone knew that Adam was the angel from Antarctica who caused the Second Impact, why did they later confuse him with Lillith? Where did Lillith even come from? The First Impact, which I don't think has ever even been mentioned? 

 

* So Adam blew up or something, and his soul was reincarnated as the Seventeenth Angel, who took the form of an anime boy? 

 

* But his "restored physical self has been embodied within Ganondorf"? 

 

* What the fuck does that mean? 

 

* I thought his physical self was a Shrimp Baby. 

 

* Did Ganon and Shrimp Baby merge? 

 

* Also one time Kaje said that he retrieved a piece or a part of Adam for Ganondorf. 

 

* Did Adam become multiple Shrimp Babies? 

 

* Is that why they thought he could be in a briefcase and also crucified in a broom closet in the basement? 

 

* Are there more Shrimp Baby Adams out there? 

 

* AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING THESE FUCKING QUESTIONS 

 

* Anime Angel was working with Seele. Did they lie to him about Lillith or did they themselves not know who it was? Also I guess they want the Third Impact to happen now since they helped an angel get inside NERV HQ? Were they also responsible for the sabotage that let the computer virus angel take over the Magi several episodes ago? 

 

* If they want the Third Impact to happen then why the fuck did they create an organization dedicated to preventing it? Is NERV killing angels only because Ganondorf went rogue and co-opted the program? If that's the case why did they wait so long to move against him? Did they just want the angels stopped until they'd achieved some nebulous goal in their obscure master plan? 

 

 * AM I EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE ASKING TH 

 

* Shinji is still having an existential crisis over killing this fucking angel. 

 

* This would be much more interesting if they hadn't made him gay for Kaworu. 

 

* Now his emotional reaction doesn't seem genuine. 

 

* They already had him questioning the necessity of fighting the angels. 

 

* Did they think people wouldn't buy his hesitation to kill these things unless he wanted to fuck one of them? 

 

* So I guess Rei isn't a clone of anyone in particular, she was just grown in Ganon's lab. 

 

* The Human Instrumentality Project is like a high school play. 

 

* I don't understand what's happening. Is all this happening in Shinji's head or are all the characters really experiencing it? Is this happening because Koowuwu Nagasaki got into the basement? He never touched the lumpy angel tho. 

 

* In the final episode this will all be revealed to be the coma dream of Ash Ketchum's wasting mind after he was attacked by the flock of Spearow. 

 

 

Paul: Hahahaha

Paul: That’s not too far off.

Paul: Yes Ganondorf fucked Risotto for years, right after fucking Risotto’s mom for years.

Paul: That’s all self-explanatory, Evas are giant clone homonculi made in the image of the second angel Adam. They fight the angels. All the Evas have had human souls inside. Except for Rei’s.

Paul: As for the chamber of Guff, I’ve been researching this stupid bullshit for years and I still don’t know what that means.

Paul: Just the Eva equivalent of Star Trek’s phase-warp variance idk.

Me: The Chamber of Scruff McGuff.

Paul: Same I initially wanted to shoot Asuka but when I saw her burn out and go mad with jealousy and failure I started to root for her.

Me: Oh they literally have human souls? I thought the reason they needed pilots was the human in the piss tube acts as their soul and animates their lifeless bodies.

Paul: Oh idk.

Paul: Human souls, or human minds? Anyway everybody’s mom is a robot!

Paul: Japan so wacky.

Me: When an Eva comes online there is great rejoicing.

Paul: Yup.

Paul: Okay I think you’re right about the souls of the Eva. Makes sense to me anyways.

Paul: So Lilith is fundamentally different from Adam.

Paul: This entire show has been a war, Lilith’s offspring (humanity and its Eva clones) versus Adam’s (the angels). The black moon is the Geofront. It had been lying under Japan for like hundreds of thousands of years. A perfect sphere - the decayed remains of a spaceship, or like a great earthen womb? Idk. Lilith was just hanging out in there.

Paul: Idk what she was doing, fishing in that lake maybe.

Paul: Lying around.

Paul: At some point in the past she birthed us or fucked with monkeys a la 2001 or whatever.

Paul: Adam, the poor fuck, was in the black moon. He tried to do the same thing as Lilith but bad luck got him stuck under Antarctica and it’s hard to grow creepy sentient rings and cocksucking ribbon-dancers in that environment.

Paul: The third is interminable scene! Congrats you have collected all three and are an Eva master.

Paul: Adam was def the giant pink alien in the Antarctic.

Paul: Yes that’s why Gendo has eyeball hands.

Me: Look I once saw a horror movie on the Sci Fi Channel where they said that Lilith was the first wife of Adam before Eve and she was so pissed about being dumped that she became a horrible gargoyle or something.

Paul: She fucked demons.

Paul: That’s in the Bible, Adam’s ex fucked demons.

Paul: Metal.

Paul: Canonically all ancient Judaism and associated semitic religions are mangled rememberings of humanity’s true origins. Idk why some fuckers in the Middle East are the only people who remember something that happened in Japan and Antarctica but okay.

Paul: Yeah I liked Kawuwu and the whole gay angle. AT LEAST SHINJI WON’T DIE A VIRGIN.

Me: Misato said in the previous episode that Shinji was afraid of women so canonically confirmed for gay.

Paul: But would it have been better to have Shinji upset over a friend instead of a random gay lover? Hmmm maybe. Still handled the 11th-hour gay better than Korra, though.

Paul: I mean

Paul: not like dyed-in-the-whole gay. Just opportunistically gay because women are terrifying.

Paul: There are no more Adams.
 

Paul: Just shrimp baby who has been surgically embedded in Gendo.

Paul: Talk about 11th-hour gay!

Me: Gendo more like Gay-do!

Paul: So third impact is: something born from Adam touches Lilith. Matter and antimatter. And all of humanity, sprung from Lilith, is “reset” according to the wishes and desires of the being who initiates contact.

Me: Maybe Kaje meant a piece of ADAM like from the sea slugs.

Paul: Like “last fragment” maybe.

Paul: Third impact is like Adam’s “Hey fuck you I get to make life too, bitch” switch.

Paul: If an angel had touched Lilith presumably all humanity would did and then a race of shitty eye-bleeding spiders would inherit the Earth.

Paul: So yeah it looks like ppl gonna try to do that third impact I guess, omg what'll happen!

Paul: She's grown along Yui's DNA I think, I think it IS his wife just...lots of clones.

Paul: At this point nobody's really explained what 3rd impact would be.

Paul: Except apparently they hinted that it was like a high school play.

Paul: Was that the next episode preview?

Paul: Man.

Paul: If you though the episodes up til now were weird...

Paul: It's resolved much better than LOST but still.

Me: They showed like stage lights and curtains and shit but I meant how it's just people sitting on a stool on a lighted stage delivering deep-sounding dialogue

Me: All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten!

Paul: 91% of users liked that book.

Me: It could be good!

Paul: Is it?

Paul: Or is it, like, Jonathan Livingston Seagull?

Me: I didn't read that either.

Me: But I somehow have two copies of it.

Paul: Make them fight for supremacy.

Paul: A Japanese man once gave that book to his mother before running off to joing the Aum Shin Rikyu death cult.

Me: It must be good then.

Me: Just like Catcher in the Rye inspired Mark David Chapman to shoot John Lennon.

Paul: John Lennon spoiled the plot of Evangelion.

Paul: He deserved to die.

Me: ONE EPISODE AND THE MOVIE TO GO.

Paul: Oh shit you watched ep 25?

Paul: Ep 26 is the same thing.

Me: Lmao

Paul: Yes it's all in his head.

Me: So Ganondorf did not really shoot Misato and Risotto off-screen?

Paul: Oh wait is that a thing in ep 25? It's been a while.

Paul: Like they show up shot?

Paul: Originally, the show was aired on children's time slots, but as the show became darker and more psychological, it was moved to a more mature time slot. Anno had insisted that there were no problems with his show, and that showing it on children’s time slots was fine. “I want to convey to children the information that there are frightening things in the world."

Me: Yes in episode 25 the subtitles say something and then Ganon appears and contradicts whatever the subtitles said and it shows them lying on the floor shot.

Paul: Well then you shall see in the Batshit Ending!

Me: I still have no idea how the last two episodes connect to anything that happened in the rest of the show but Episode 26 is my favorite episode of the series.

Me: I liked the early episodes where each new Angel felt like a real threat that Shinji had to struggle to overcome, then it started to drag in the middle when they got more into the mythology and the angel fights felt more perfunctory, then the conclusion was rad even though it was totally disconnected from the rest of the plot except in the vaguest thematic sense.

Me: Structurally in that sense it felt almost like Twin Peaks.

Me: I'm excited to watch the movie next but the Netflix summary says that Seele is trying to stop Ganondorf from creating the Third Impact.

Me: Oh teh noes lol.

Paul: Really?? You like the ending? That's awesome.

Paul: All the otaku in Japan sent Anno death threats for that ending.

Paul: Dang man you finished Eva the Depression Anime, congrats!